I'm 17 years old and 39 weeks with my baby girl.

Jessie - posted on 06/12/2013 ( 108 moms have responded )

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I'm 17 years old and 39 weeks with my baby girl. Its really hard right now because I should be happy but I'm not. My boyfriend who I thought would be there has basically left me and threatening me, telling me that if I don't name the baby's last name his that he is going I court and making her last name his. I haven't done anything to deserve this an I still love h so much and just wish that we could be a family. I don't really know what to do and he told me that if he isn't in the room that he will never forgive me. I'm really considering him being in the room and giving her his last name but I'm just so confused because I know we won't be together. I just need to know if I'm making the right decision by doing this...and should I even consider being with him again if he does come back?

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Bonnie - posted on 06/13/2013

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I don't know of too many 17 yr old boys who make good responsible fathers, they're just not emotionally mature enough to be a parent. Not too many 17 yr old girls are either but the girls don't have much choice if they keep their babies. This is an age old dilemma....the boys don't have to stick around and usually don't. You just have to be strong and make your decisions based of the best interest of your child. It probably would be less confusing for her growing up if she has the same last name as you. She always has the choice later in life to take her father's name if she so chooses. When you are giving birth, you will want/need someone with you who is going to be loving and supportive as you will need some hand holding. If you guys are broke up, he may not be the best choice to have there as it will cause you some added emotional stress. Try to be rational while making decisions right now as you are most likely going to do the bulk of this on your own and need to be strong for your little girl. Good luck hun.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 06/13/2013

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You don't have to use His last name and legally there is nothing he can do about it. Just make sure your making these choices for the right reasons. If your ex wishes to be a part of your child's life but not in a relationship then that's the first parenting lesson you will learn: you must put your child's best interests over your own feelings. Your daughter deserves a father and if he is willing to be that father then let your daughter have that. Now if your bf is totally unsupportive and not going to actually be a dad that's a different story. It sounds like watching his child being born is important to him and only you know if he wants to be there for the right reasons or not. I personally would allow him to be present at the birth if he wanted to be a father even if he didn't want to be in a relationship with me. That stuff is important to kids and might hurt your daughter if she knows her dad wasn't there to see her born. Just make sure your thinking of your child's well being before how hurt you are that you might not have the family you envisioned. Good luck and I hope it all works out

Michelle - posted on 06/13/2013

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Don't give ur baby his last name. That is a privilege for a dad who man's up and marries the baby's mom. Make sure u finish school and use a really great birth control in the future such as an iud. You r giving birth not him, only let him in the room if u want him there.

Lori - posted on 06/13/2013

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Giving birth is difficult enough, u don't need him in there causing u stress. Which I suspect he wants to be in there just to pressure u into naming her what he wants. Do not let him. U can tell the hospital who u want in there with u n they will keep him out if he tries. Stand ur ground n be strong. He may try to use ur emotions n feelings for him to weasel in but he has already shown u his true self. Believe me I've been there n I'm there now. I'm 37 22 weeks n my baby's father disappeared n u best believe that if he isn't going to be here for my kid, my kid's name will have nothing to do with him. Ur ex needs to grow up n u need to move on n do what is best for u n ur baby girl. U will be happier in the long run.

Leonor - posted on 06/13/2013

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I'm so sorry for your heartache, especially feeling that way while pregnant. This will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, but here comes my advice. The baby is still his regardless of the status of your relationship with him. You should definitely call him when you go into labor, but don't let anyone pressure their way into your delivery room. Delivery is a very personal time. Let him in only if you feel comfortable with him being there. That part is not his decision! As far as his name goes....that's also up to you. If you feel that he is going to do his best to be a good dad, then give your baby the honor of their fathers name. If you think he will not be around for her, then why should your baby & its mother have different last names? Those are things you will have to search your mind, not your heart, for the answers. Your baby is your top priority now. You have to protect her mother also. So, if this guy used the pregnancy as an escape route for the relationship, definitely don't reconcile. If its meant to be, then you make sure he proves himself worthy of your love before letting him back in. Don't keep him from his child, but make sure you get everything legalized before hand. Custody issues will come up. Don't let him see you angry. Be calm & talk rationally to him about issues concerning your daughter. & journal everything. Every time you have asked him to buy baby supplies, or every time he has offered to. It will matter if you have to go to court. It sounds to me like this guy is trying to play the field & keep you emotionally dependant on his approval. That need is gonna be the first thing you have to rid yourself of. You're a mom now. That means you are strong beyond belief. Give it time & you'll understand what I mean. Most importantly, love yourself, remember that you are worth more than what he his currently giving you, & above all....do what is best for the child. Unfortunately being a family unit is not always what's best.

Charlotte - posted on 06/13/2013

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Oh hunny, I had to re read your post as it was as though I'd written it myself! I've been in a similar situation & my daughter who is now 4 is amazing & is a happier child than I think she'd be if I'd stayed with my ex, give her his name etc. It still hurts when I think if him & a part will always love him but I did what I had to for MY not our daughter...he doesn't deserve to have her classed as his daughter. She knows about him & if she wanted to see him I'd make it happen. Leave him & name your child with your name. For hers & your sake get away, he wouldn't take u to court as he'd get nowhere if his behaviours is as bad as I guess. You may love him but time is a healer & you aren't happy so your baby girl won't be either. You & your daughter is what is important! Good luck

Peggy - posted on 06/13/2013

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Don't give the baby his last name. It will be hard for her when she gets older for you to have one last name and her another. If you want him in the room with you dor the delivery then let him. If is going to cause a problem then I would ask that he stays out. It sounds like your pretty sure the two of you aren't going to make it for the long hall. So you have to think of yourself and your daughter! Do what's best for you.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/13/2013

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Name the baby what you want. Don't feel threatened. You are at the end of your pregnancy, and it is really awful of him to be making such threats at this time. Ignore him. Count on our family for support. Don't be bullied. Don't let him control you. Have the birth you want, and give the baby the name you want.

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