I'm 21 engaged college student, 8 weeks pregnant. How do I tell my parents?

Yaya - posted on 12/04/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My fiancé & I have been together for 2 years and got engaged 3 months ago. We are in the last year of College and living with my mother. We planned to get married after college but now my fiancé & I found out I'm 1 month & half pregnant.



fiancé and I think it's better to find our own place to stay before telling my parents. Since my mother was never fond of the idea of us living together or being engaged.



I told my older sister about it and she said my fiancé needs to leave and that I can't go with him because we are not married yet, ever since I told her she keeps treating me like a 15 year old, (I'm 21) telling me when to eat, what we are going to do, when to sleep, and that I can't get married by the state because I owe my mom a church wedding. She is actually stressing me out more than I already am.

We want to tell my parents that we want to get married sooner and want to be on our own. We aren't asking my parents for financial support just moral support, but my sister keeps on saying that they aren't going to allow it, that I owe my mom too much and that she is going to be hurt, disappointed heart broken because she always dreamt that I would graduate college 1st then get married in all white! She is going to kick your fiancé out All this shit I already thought of.we still plan to finish school.



I just want to know how do you get your family to respect and accept your decision even if they feel your making a mistake? I'm not scared of having a baby and still being in school or even us being on our own I accept the responsibility. It's just getting them to understand that and accept our decision.

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Ashley - posted on 12/05/2012

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by the way, i was 16 when i first got pregnant, and we didnt get married til 10 years later, which was friday. and we didnt have a big wedding. we got married in his moms hospital room, with close family and friends there. i still wore a white dress, and him in a suit. it is about what you want and what you and your baby need and deserve. make it your dream, not your moms.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/05/2012

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I am not going to read responces first. I am going to just answer.



First of all, yes....move out. You can wait until your 3 month mark to tell anyone. It is recommended to do that anyway to make sure you make it past the first trimester.



Secondly, move out.



Thirdly, you are a 21 yr old women. You are engaged to the man you love, and are pregnant. It sounds like your family has a lot of control over you. It is time to break that. Especially since you will be a mom yourself.



Fourth. YOu don't owe ANYONE a wedding that you don't want. This is between you and your fiance, and is NOT for your family. Seriously I hope you understand that. The wedding is about the bride and groom uniting and celebrating that comittment to eachother. Who you invite, or how many people is up to you. Quite honestly, weddings are expensive and if you are going to pay yourselves, do what you can afford with money left over for what you need.



Fifth. Finish college. Finish college. Finish college. If you stop now and plan on finishing once the baby is born....it will never happen. Do as much as you can now to graduate while you are in the beginning of your pregnancy.



Sixth. You can still wear white to your wedding, even if it is at the court house. I think your sister is very rude, and needs to shut her mouth. Sounds like she is jealous of you.



Don't let your family tell you what you can or cannot do, or should or should not do. You are your own women. Soon to be a wife. Soon to be a mom. Soon to have your very own family. Good luck.



Lastly, if it is your moms dream to have you in a big ass wedding wearing white...well good for her. That is HER dream. Doesn't mean it is yours, or what is right for you. She wants it so bad, she can get married herself and fullfill her dream. And what about your sister? Is she married? If not, she can have all your moms attention on her.

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Angela - posted on 12/05/2012

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I imagine your sister doesn't have any children and this baby you're expecting will be your parents' first grandchild? She's jealous and is trying to make you feel guilty. Especially as you are younger than her.



I really would act fast though because there's every chance that your parents will ask your partner to leave their house when they find out. Better that you PREPARE to get a place together as soon as possible - or rather try and save the money to get a place together. You don't need to be telling anyone you're pregnant until you're 12 weeks.



And no matter what, PLEASE FINISH COLLEGE.

Yaya - posted on 12/05/2012

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Thanks you all for the advice, I actually feel a lot more confident and secure about our decision. Now we are looking for a place and the right time to tell them without my sister being around to influence my parents reaction. :)

Ashley - posted on 12/05/2012

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get your own place. get married, finish school, do what you want to do, and what you think is best for you and your baby. this is your life, not theres. my brother disowned me because i got back with my kids' father, he hasnt even spoke to me in over a year, and we just got married friday. would have love to have my brother there, but this is my life, and this is what makes me happy and is what is best for my children. it might hurt them, but one day they will realize you did what you felt was best and they will get over it. if you do all of this and it turns out to be a mistake, it is your mistake, not thiers, but if you do all of this and it turns out to be the best decisions you ever made, then you will be happy with or without them. your a grown woman, and almost done with college, these days, your parents should be happy you even went to college and that you didnt get pregnant as a teenager. follow your heart.

Kelsey - posted on 12/05/2012

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No its not...if it helps any I had to try and tell my mom I was preggers at 16....I hid in my room like a scared little kid for days...and I still couldn't tell her I had to get my mom's best friend to do it for me :(

Yaya - posted on 12/04/2012

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Thanks you very, I've been worrying about this and I know it's not good for the baby. So we are trying our best to resolve this a soon as possible. I appreciate the advice :)

Kelsey - posted on 12/04/2012

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Just tell them...even though you are 21..the longer you wait the harder it may be.

Lacye - posted on 12/04/2012

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Sometimes you just have to get it out. Tell your parents. If they can't accept that things are going a little faster than what you first planned, then that is their problem. You can still graduate school before the baby gets here if this is your last year. You can still have the wedding. I don't see where any of this would be a problem. I would suggest you and your fiance go ahead and move out and start getting things in order to have your baby.



As for your sister, it sounds like she needs to butt out a little bit. She doesn't know how your parents are going to react. She is just pulling a guilt trip on you. It's best to tell your parents now before you start showing.

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