I'm in a scary situation. Just found out I am 14 weeks and have been drinking.

[deleted account] ( 43 moms have responded )

I was having light periods monthly and also on the pill so I had NO CLUE I was pregnant. I had no symptoms at all. I only found out because I went to the ER because I was having a lot of pain. I am 24 and been carrying on with a normal social life going out with the girls, weddings, parties drinking pretty heavily. I'm so upset and feel like I am on the brink of a nervous break down. I've searched the internet 10 million times and have found nothing but very discouraging news. All that I read about it the outcome will not be good and I destroyed my baby for life. I have an appt. to have an abortion next tuesday and I am scared to death and don't want to do it, but every one is telling me I should because of all the damage I already caused. Either way it sucks! I either hurt my baby for life, or I'll have to live with getting an abortion for life. Has anyone been in this situation and their babies turned out fine? Thanks.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

First of all, BREATHE! I know you're stressed and it's understandable. Second, don't listen to your friends or pay attention to anything on the internet, even here, when trying to decide to abort or not. I recently went through a cancer scare and had to stop reading anything from the web because it was freaking me out even more than I already was. So stop clicking! Sit down with your doctor and discuss your fears. Be honest with him/her about the amount of alcohol you've been drinking and let your doctor help you make this decision. And just to let you know, I drank pretty heavily before finding out I was pregnant also. I now have a perfectly healthy, active and intelligent 3.5 year old. So just breathe and know that it CAN all be ok, ok? ((((HUGS))))

I also think everyone needs to lay off the "oh please please please don't have an abortion" stuff. Not your body. Not your decision. Just because it's an option for Dawn doesn't mean it's a bad decision. She's already scared and feels guilty and doesn't need more guilt piled on.

JuLeah - posted on 05/26/2011

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Waaait. Who said you have caused damage? The net? Your friend who searched the net?

Why don't you get the opinion of one qualified to have an opinion?

You see that drinking is a problem,and you stopped. So, that problem is solved. Now, wait and see if you actually have another problem before attempting to fix it.

Now, if you don't want the baby, abortion is an option as is adoption. Both are okay choices in my book, but make sure your reasons are sound and it is something you can live with.

The reality is, one drink, if drunk at the just the right time can cuase problems. The word here is CAN not WILL. How many women have had a few drinks before they knew they were with child? Most, is my guess. Are most kids disabled for life as a result? No

Some women that have never taken a drink in their lives have kids with disabilities. Is it their fault? No.

People are born who are meant to be born, and withever their gifts or challenges, the are not an accident and the world needs them.

So, take a deep breath, let go of the black and white thinking, and look at what is actually in front of you. Don't create drama where no drama is needed. Let us know what happens.

Melissa - posted on 06/03/2011

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Just because you drank heavily for the first 14 weeks does not mean that your baby is doomed. I have quite a few friends who are coke/weed/alcohol babies and are doing just fine. One of my family members even had a mother who did heroin, speedballs, and booze throughout her entire pregnancy and she ended up perfectly normal. Please don't get an abortion if you feel deep down that you will regret it, even the slightest bit. I know of a lady personally who had to deal with almost 10 years of psychological pain because of an abortion. She had a small glimmer of doubt and shoved it down because her family and friends told her it would be the "right" thing to do. Well, 2 suicide attempts later she is doing alright but still has problems now and again. She will live, but she will never be the same. So, please don't get it if you have doubts.

Cheyenne - posted on 06/03/2011

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just because you did all that stuff doesnt mean your baby will have something wrong. sometimes babies are fine as long as you stop right away when you find out. theres a show called" i didnt know i was pregnant" and these women go 9 months without knowing they are pregnant and still drink and smoke and their babies turn out fine. now im not saying all babies will be fine but i want you to know that it does happen. doctors also do some blood work called "genetic testing" im not excatly sure what it intales but ask about it. also you could get an ultrasound to see if anything has happened so far.

Mystique - posted on 08/08/2012

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Ok this too I'm afraid is late. I saw what "Sharon" said and just HAD to comment.



Sharon - Seriously??? Did you even read the freaking post? She was on THE PILL (birth control) and didn't even KNOW she was pregnant! For one thing, how many women expect to get pregnant while they are taking precautions to keep from getting pregnant?? Women that don't know aren't going to stop smoking and drinking, because of the fact that they DON'T KNOW! You are trying to make it sound like she knew she was pregnant but yet drank anyway, NO she didn't know. And then you comment about her "taking pills"... yeah BIRTH CONTROL!!!!!! Which was to KEEP FROM GETTING PREGNANT.





That seriously upset me. Birth control doesn't always work, but the fact that you are taking the precautions you need to be taking in order to prevent pregnancy is a good thing. Of course nothing but not having sex is 100%. But, Dawn, you did a good job at taking some preventative measures. There is usually just a small chance of getting pregnant on the pill (depending on which kind you take), so it's not at all your fault that you got pregnant and didn't know. It actually happens more than what people think it does. I really hope that everything turned out okay for you.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

43 Comments

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Yvonne - posted on 03/30/2012

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Sorry am probly too late in answering but please for the love of god Sharon Grey stop giving advise. I pray you get this message. Your not helping any one with all your cynicism. If you cant say anything positive or nice dont say anything at all. The poor thing was already worrying and you probly made it worse. keep those kind of opinions to yourself as your views I would imagine arnt helping anyone. Sorry to be so frank but there you go.

Cheyenne - posted on 06/03/2011

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i cant belive what some of you are saying. its horrible that some of you think just because this baby might have a disabilty it doesnt deserve to live. i know plenty of people who would adopt any type of child and not just because they are "normal", theres people who adopt kids with disabilities all the time. it just amazes me how cruel people can be.

Mel - posted on 06/02/2011

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nice to see you didnt end it Dawn, you can do this!! If you ever have any trouble come on here you have alot of support. PM me if you need. Take care of that beautiful baby your carrying. You know most doctors say that drinking done before finding out your pregnant is unlikely to harm the baby? Honestly only a smal amount of children are affected by this which is those mothers who choose to continue drinking heavy through out a pregnancy. My cousin has 2 amphetamines babies, she didnt know she was pregnant til 5.5 months (didnt really care to find out either.) but Anyway she does what she wants while pregnant and has 6 beautiful kids. For something to happen hun would be so rare do the right thing now take your vitamins, good diet, rest and relax. Theres never any 100% guarantees but its unlikely your bub will suffer. Take care

Mary - posted on 06/02/2011

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When there is a life growing unside of you and you decide to go in there and kill it...yes that is murder. I don't care if you sound all politically correct. this girl is asking for advice and we have our right to tell her our views on it. plain and simple. you can try and justify killing a baby that is your choice. I just dont want someone to make that decision and regret it later. Everything happens for a reason and there is a reason that baby is inside her or any woman. It is unfair to kill an unborn child. plain and simple... Bad things happen to people but things that may seem bad have a reason why it happened. yes it is sad and God is not at fault but if you choose to have sex you are at risk of getting pregnant. I am just stating my opinion. please don't attack my belief.

Sharon - posted on 06/02/2011

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God will not protect an unborn baby because the mother made the choice to get stinking drunk a couple of times a week while taking pills.

If god were protecting unborn babies, then FAS wouldn't be an issue! Babies wouldn't be born addicted heroin. Babies wouldn't be born with serious defects.

It really pisses me off seeing people trying to talk someone into something could and will probably lead to a deformed and tortured child.

That is just sick. Why bring a life into this world to suffer just because "you" can't handle it?

Expectations (prognosis)
The outcome for infants with fetal alcohol syndrome varies depending on the extent of symptoms, but almost none have normal brain development.

Infants and children with fetal alcohol syndrome have many different problems, which can be difficult to manage. Children do best if diagnosed early and referred to a team of providers who can work with their families on educational and behavioral strategies that best fit the individual child’s needs.

Complications
Drinking alcohol during pregnancy may result in:

•Miscarriage or stillbirth

•Premature delivery

Complications seen in the infant may include:

•Abnormal heart structure

•Behavior problems

•Infant death

•Mental retardation

•Problems in the structure of the head, eyes, nose, or mouth

•Poor growth before birth

•Slow growth and poor coordination after birth

My guess is, if the child is born, then dies, all you "godly" people will claim it was gods will the mother loses her child. If the state steps in and takes the baby from her because its born with FAS (It has happened) you'll nod your heads sagely and claim that the mother was worthless and negligent. Keep reading this forum, you'll see that is true.

Mary - posted on 06/02/2011

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please! DO NOT GET AN ABORTION! my little sister had an abortion a couple years ago and that decision has scard her ever since. she said she thinks about it every day. God will protect over your precious baby dont worry! God brings people into the world for hid purpose and it is not our decision to terminate an unborn child. you will be so happy if you make the right decision.

[deleted account]

The net is a wonderful place to search for information, as long as you take it with a 'grain of salt'. You are talking about a life changing decision. TALK TO YOUR OB/GYN !!! THey will know!

Sharon - posted on 06/02/2011

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Drinking heavily and on the pill and doing what else?

Yeah, have the abortion and live with fact that you saved a child from a lifetime of pain and seizures, etc.

You're doing the right thing.

[deleted account]

Thank you all for all the kind words and support. I have been and still am very upset and so worried! I never went through with it Tuesday. Something happened and they rescheduled me for Saturday. I am taking that as a sign from God and not going through with it. Please pray for me and my sweet baby. I have been praying like crazy! I did drink A LOT and I am extremely worried and had my fair share of liquor. Prayers would be very appreciated :)♥

Gemma - posted on 05/28/2011

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I know of a person who drank heavily throughout her pregnancy and although my friends and I told her to not drink she made a knowing choice to drink...fact is you didn't even know that you were pregnant and now you do you have a chance to make a difference. The person I know who drank has a very healthy and gorgeous little boy, who she now takes absolute pride in. I think to answer your question is that no one can tell you to have an abortion or not to have one. Ask yourself if you are ready to be a mum? Being a mum, by the way doesn't necessarily mean the end of having a social life either I have 4 children and still manage to see my friends and even go out for a drink. Remember to have a look about what happens during an abortion as there are a few different ways, def talk to a professional, even a family planning clinic can give you some good advice.
Whatever you decide, do what is right for you and your baby.
Best of luck

Karen - posted on 05/27/2011

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I had the same thing happen to me with my 3rd. I had no idea until 12 weeks along. I was drinking 1 every night for a week and she turned out ok. Of course i stopped the second I found out I was pregnant. But she turned out ok. Don't just get an abortion because everyone else tells you too. Please talk to the doctor about it and make sure that you really want to first. i was supposed to be a boy,have severe mental/physical abnormalities, and be autistic. My parents didn't care and told the doctors no to an abortion. I was born a very healthy, chubby, 9 lbs baby. Doctors say I'm completley normal (not sure everyone agrees lol). i'm not even overweight from being chubby at birth. Follow your heart though.

Amanda - posted on 05/27/2011

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its ok! I did not know i was pregnant with both of my kids and i was drinking (i stopped as soon as i found out.) and they are beautiful smart little kids. I would definitely recommend to STOP drinking but im sure you have. I actually went out for my 21st birthday and had no idea i was pregnant....so you can imagine how that was. don't worry im not trying to down play it, but it happens. just make sure you go to the doctor and get on pre-natal vitamins and make sure you start taking care of your body from now on out!

Mel - posted on 05/27/2011

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I woudlnt terminate on the off chance something could be wrong! Honestly you just dont know you can drink throughout a whole pregnancy and be fine or you can have one drink and end up wth an FAS baby. Look when I fell pregnant i never knew with my first it was a shock I thought I coudlnt have a baby so when I was late I never thought anything of it I continued to drink heavily like normal work and party life even down at the pub shooting sambooka, smoking too and tones of redbull. People said do a test I said I was sick that weekend Id wait til later (sick was morning sickness) did one faint line, still thought it was wrong waited another week did a test - positive major shock and happiness. I spent the whole pregnancy asking doctors and stressing at every scan abd every little thing and even asked them if it was possibly my baby could have issues due to drinking. My baby was born with no alcohol related problems (feeding issues but they are now gone shes a happy healthy gorgeous 3 year old). Honestly so so many people drink heavily in pregnancy before knowing and thier babies are fine. Ive got friends who took pills before finding out, friends who smoked weed the whole time etc. If you want the abortion fine, but if your doing it just for this reason please dont

Winter - posted on 05/27/2011

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Well yeah I am pro life and I will repectfully tell her that an abortion is wrong and normally i would never put such strong views out there because i am the type of person that some things are no one else's business. But when i read her post it really seems like she only wants the abortion because she thinks she messed up the baby's life already. I am trying to stress that just because you were drinking and smoking doesn't mean anything! Quit now obviously because she knows she is pregnant. But more then likely this baby will be normal and healthy. She did all this in the beginning the risk aren't until you are in the last trimester. I don't think she should terminate the baby because of this reason. It sounded like she really wants to have the baby i am just letting her know that she still can have a normal and healthy baby even under these circumstances. Much love and support!

[deleted account]

I guess I should have been more clear when I first posted. I wasn't saying no one should help her reconsider. I was only saying that by a few people starting off their posts by immediately jumping on the anti-abortion aspect....that's not helping, IMO. That's a guilt trip that she doesn't need. Sorry for offending anyone. It wasn't my intent and wasn't said with any bitchiness behind it. I just have a lot of compassion for anyone who is in the position where they feel they have this choice to make and guilting someone into deciding one way or another isn't productive.

Jackie - posted on 05/27/2011

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I don't think anyone asking her to reconsider a choice that will likely haunt her for the rest of her life is at all inappropriate.



I'm not asking her to reconsider because I have a personal agenda. I am pro choice. I'm asking her to reconsider because of her statement in the OP.



"I have an appt. to have an abortion next tuesday and I am scared to death and don't want to do it, but every one is telling me I should because of all the damage I already caused."



She is saying, "Hey, I made a mistake and now I feel like my ONLY option is to terminate but it isn't what I really want to do."

It's a recipe for a lifetime of quilt and wondering. IMO

[deleted account]

Exactly Winter...she's scared and needs support. Support doesn't mean telling her what to do. It means being compassionate and understanding. It also means that we (the people who she came to for support) have to be open minded enough to understand that abortion IS an option for her, but one she should think about first. I think more than preaching about anti-abortion stuff, she probably needs to hear some good outcome stories instead. I honestly just think that would be more helpful, and isn't that what we're all ultimately trying to do here? Help someone?

Christy - posted on 05/27/2011

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NO ABORTION. If you are not ready to be a mom, give the baby up for adoption. Also, an ultrasound or sonogram would allow the doctors to check the baby's growth progress to see if everything is normal.

Prayer works! Change your habits and carry that baby to full term. I honestly believe it's not too late. That baby has a fighting chance.

Winter - posted on 05/27/2011

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No I will not lay off! Killing a child because you feel you made a mistake is not right! I understand how she feels I have been there with both pregnancies but never did killing my child come across my mind. I mean come on! She is just scared and needs support but I know for a fact that if she kills her child in the end the guilt will be far much more to handle esp. since there is a good chance the baby is perfectly fine do you know how many women I knew in this situation a lot and they all have normal children.

Katherine - posted on 05/27/2011

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I agree with Joy. Although I am pro-life I am not going to sway you either way. And I think the posters here feel for you but need to lay off of the please don't have an abortion stuff.

Winter - posted on 05/27/2011

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Please please please don't terminate the baby. I have two kids my son Chayse who is 18 months and my daughter Kenzleigh who is 6 months. With my son i didn't know i was pregnant till i was 5 months along I also drank and smoked with him. Now i have a healthy baby boy who is happy. I was also smoking and drinking when i found out I was pregnant with my daughter of course i quit when i found out but needless to say she is also a healthy happy baby. its not to late! you didn't ruin his life but you be if you terminate it. The best thing you can do is give him a chance he may surprise you in the in have faith in your baby. I am confindent that everything will turn out fine but you have to give it a chance. Trust me the gulit of killing your own child will be far more greater! please think about it do you really want to kill your child?

Katherine - posted on 05/27/2011

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Yes, Dawn. I am in recovery. I drank A LOT before I found out I was pregnant and as long as you stop now, it will be fine. Don't beat yourself up!

I was afraid of the same things, but my daughter is fine. Why don't you talk to your OB about it?





Sorry didn't read the other posts.

Krista - posted on 05/27/2011

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Definitely do not rely on Doctor Internet for such a momentous decision as this. Go talk to an obstetrician, and tell him/her your concerns. Perhaps you can be scheduled for an early ultrasound, so that they can check to see if the baby appears to be developing normally.

Like the other women said, there is no guarantee that you have harmed your baby. It very well could turn out all right. Just breathe, hon.

Jackie - posted on 05/27/2011

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The chances of your baby being perfectly healthy are FAR more likely than something being wrong with her/him. Please reconsider and speak to a professional before you do something that you'll regret for the rest of your life. And you will because you're already doubting the choice. You're young. Don't do it unless it's what you REALLY want to do.

Laura - posted on 05/27/2011

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JuLeah makes some good points! You're scared, and that is totally understandable but do NOT take actions based on your fears/emotions! Stop...take a deep, cleansing breath...and think! First of all, as several posts have pointed out already (and I will repeat!) nothing is certain about the damage caused by your drinking! Drinking during early pregnancy raises the risk factors for certain developmental problems, but it is still a matter of probablity, not certainty. You have, I assume, stopped drinking since finding out you are pregnant and that is a good first choice.



Next, go talk to a qualified doctor! No decisions about abortion need to be made just yet. Make a list of your concerns, fears, questions and bring them to the doctor. After you have had a physical and a chance to speak with the doctor you will be much better informed about the risks and better able to make your next decision: To remain pregnant or abort. That decision should only be made after an informed conversation with a doctor.



The final decision, to remain pregnant or abort, is entirely up to you! I have made both: I had an abortion when I was younger and much too immature to raise a baby (let alone remain pregnant!) and I have had a baby that is now 13 years old. I do NOT regret either decision! I made the best choice for myself AT THAT TIME IN MY LIFE! Both were the right choices. You need to weigh your circumstances, maturity level, physical health, religious beliefs (if any), etc all together in this. For some the choice is easy (that goes both ways), for others the decision is one of the most difficult (again, it goes both ways). As others have also pointed out, if you are physically able, you may choose to remain pregnant and give your baby up for adoption. There are many couples (and singles) that would love to raise a child. Ultimately only you know what you can handle and what is right for you. Hope this helps and best of luck to you!

Rachelle - posted on 05/27/2011

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Or your baby could be perfectly normal and have no damage due to the drinking. Talk to your Dr the internet is a great tool for research but not always accurate and also seems to only post worst case senarios. Also if you don`t want to get an abortion than why are you getting one. I think you will love the baby no matter what .

Jayne - posted on 05/27/2011

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Plse plse dont go for an abortion i was once told by a gyno that not all things we take reach the baby in fact i had to take drugs through out my pregnancy because of some complications i had so i even thought my baby would not be normal but i gave birth to a very healthy child so this might not affect your baby.

Bri - posted on 05/26/2011

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just stop those habits now that you know..and con't on with being the best mommy you can be!

Tara - posted on 05/26/2011

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I know a lot of women who were in this situation (my sister was one and her daughter is 17 now). I honestly wouldn't get an abortion based on the fact that you drank until you found out you were pregnant. Now that you know, you've stopped drinking, so it's entirely likely that your baby will be fine. I was on painkillers that are supposed to be damaging to babies before I found out I was pregnant with both of my daughters and they are both healthy happy little girls (3 and 19 months).
My brother-in-law is adopted and his mother drank very heavily right until the end of the pregnancy - he has mild FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome), but all it basically has done for him is cause him some problems with impulse-control and time management (he's 39 by the way).
If you want this baby, please, please, please, don't let a "friend" or the internet frighten you into an abortion - you have still have every chance of having a healthy baby.

Mandy - posted on 05/26/2011

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Hello there how are you? I know what you are going through! I can not have kids and we had been looking into adoption for a while and we just had something fall into our laps by the grace of God=)) The mom was set up to have an abortion and I talked to her the night before she was gonna have it. She had drank very heavy and was still drinking till she went to jail. I was so worried that there would be something wrong with the baby but no matter what I was still gonna take it. We brought the baby home from the hosp at two days old and girl she is fine. We have had no trouble at all and she is very healthy=) Even if there is something wrong with your baby just think wouldn't you rather raise them instead of not giving them no chance at all to live life. There are people out there like me that are not able to have any kids at all and would love to take them in and raise them. I am going to praying for you dailey and hope you make the right choice.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2011

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My son is fine. I know for sure I had gotten pretty plastered at least 1 time while I was early in my stages of pregnancy with him.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2011

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Right before I took my pregnancy test for my son, I had my last beer,....then peed on the stick.

Marcela - posted on 05/26/2011

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Please do not get an abortion. There are so many factors that can affect a pregnancy besides drinking. Your little angel needs you. You have 26 more weeks to not drink. Your baby will be just fine. Just take your vitamins and go to all your checkups. Congratulations on your pregnancy. it's time to celebrate and stop worrying! Stop listening to all the nay-sayers and reading all that stuff on the web. The web is filled with all kinds of crap. You don't want an abortion. Listen to your heart. Listen to your child. Go out and get some cute maternity clothes. Think about the holiday season with a cute little newborn to put on Santa's lap. Think about pushing your baby on a swing on a nice, sunny day. Think of that moment when you hold your baby for the very first time. There is nothing like that feeling. I have given birth to 4 children and I still remember each moment with goosebumps. It's so magical and wonderful. Don't give up. It's going to be great. BTW, I too drank pretty heavily before I was pregnant with my second child. He is 4 now and just perfect - smart, kind, funny. Couldn't imagine life without him.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2011

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Before you go and do something that you cannot reverse, talk to your ob. The abortion can wait. It sounds like you do not want one, so take a breath, stop self diagnosing, and go talk to a professional that knows a hell of a lot more than this than your friends or ANY of us do.

Tara - posted on 05/26/2011

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I'm not a pro-lifer, but I agree you should talk to a dr first. Many women have no idea their expecting, till the second trimester, they drink, smoke, take medication, and the kids come out just fine. A friend of mine was convinced she had a tumor, finally went to the Dr. she was 6 mos preg. (she never quit having periods). Point being, see a dr first, before you make such a huge decsion.

Christy - posted on 05/26/2011

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I have been there. Your baby will be OK. Don't get an abortion based on this reason. No I am not preaching to you and am Pro Choice so I don't want to start a political debate (FYI to other moms on here).

Since you are 14 weeks along, have you had an unltrasound ? I imagine if you stop drinking NOW and don't do so the rest of the pregnancy, he/she should be fine. Yes you drank. Yes you are 14 weeks along. I was 11 weeks when I found out and stopped drinking, my baby is OK now. And as you were, I was doing it pretty heavily!

Don't beat yourself up and give it a whirl. I think you will be in a better place if you have the baby instead of an abortion. Love to you and don't stress.

Lindsay - posted on 05/26/2011

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I think you need to sit down with your obstetrician. He/She will be able to alleviate all your fears. While it can be harmful to drink during your first trimester, it is a lot more common than most people think. Many women don't know they are pregnant until after 8-12 weeks. I am not against abortion but it doesn't sound like you really want one and that you're only getting it because you're afraid you've harmed your baby. You need to speak to a medical professional NOW before you do something you'll regret forever.

Medic - posted on 05/26/2011

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Please do not get an abortion. I found out I was pregnant with my first when I was already 12 weeks, I stopped everything when I found out and now I have a very healthy normal 4.5 year old son. He has no side effects from his early beginings. Everyone told me he would have ADHD and this that and the other and he has none of the above. PLEASE think of your options before you go through with the abortion.

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