I'm nervous about taking my son's father off child support.

Jenni - posted on 04/17/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I will try to keep this short. lol.

I had my son in 2008; his father and I were not in a relationship, we've known each other and had been very close friends since middle school. So when our night of drinking turned into a "slip up" I wasn't worried at all that he would deny our child. The first 2 and a half years of my sons life his father was very in and out; he would go anywhere from 2 weeks to 6-7 months without seeing our son. He also didn't work. So I made a wise decision years ago to file for child support. Because he didn't show up to court the 3 times he had a chance to, the judge ordered $460 a month to me, and $40 to the state for our sons medicaid.

WELL... My son's father has shaped up in the past, almost, 2 years. He started taking our son when I needed him to, and his wife takes wonderful care of our son as well. He started working last year, but still ignored his child support obligations until tax time came around. Now the FOC knows of his employment status and took into account that he now owes me $19,000 they started deducting from his paychecks and I received his taxes.

SO THIS IS WHAT I NEED ADVICE ON NOW THAT I EXPLAINED ---SOME--- OF THE BACKGROUND STORY.

Now that he is pretty much a 50/50 parent he wants me to take him off child support and file for joint custody. BUT... Once my son starts school in September, he will be with me 5 afternoons a week, and with his father on the weekends ONLY so I am unsure if I want to stop support altogether or just get it lowered.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:
I work full time making --ok-- money (depends on how you look at $10.15 an hour), my live-in boyfriend of 3 years also works full time making about the same, and also works a second part- time job on the weekends... Our cost of living (mortgage, bills, cable/internet) is 1/3 of our income after taxes.

The money I received from my sons father so far was in the amount of roughly $1400 and I took my son shopping for new clothes, shoes, ect. All of the money was spent on my son. So do I keep my sons father on a lowered amount because of his absence in the past when I was paying for everything myself as a reimbursement from when I had to struggle and didn't have anyone to help me, or do I take him off because I really don't need it because I'm finally comfortable financially?

I'm sorry. I tried to keep it short. If you made it through my book, I would really appreciate some advice on this matter!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dove - posted on 04/17/2013

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The best option is to work together (with a mediator if need be) to figure out a custody and visitation agreement that works best for both of you and your child.... and let the courts determine child support based off of that agreement and both of your incomes.

The second, more costly option (if he isn't interested in working together) is to tell him to take it to court if he wants anything changed and you can both be stuck with whatever the judge decides.

I'm sure there are slight variations between my two suggestions, but those are the main ones. Your son deserves equal support from both parents... physically, emotionally, and financially. In a split home it's usually impossible to split EVERYTHING 50/50, but it's still your child's right. If you don't NEED the child support.... you can always set up a college fund for your son out of it.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/17/2013

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He is his son also, and he should be helping support him. Don't be a sucker. Keep the child support coming. Kids just get more expensive, and it is his son also.

Jenni - posted on 04/17/2013

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So... I discussed my concern's with my son's father and we came up with a solution that doesn't only protect our son, but ourselves as well. We decided to create a bank account under our son's name, take 10% of our disposed income every month and put it into the account.

So I calculated monthly income after taxes, subtracted out the portions of the household payments (me 1/3 because I share a home with my bf, and my brother lives with us and pays his share... My sons father 1/2 because he only shares a home with his wife), and times it by 10%... I have to pay $67 a month in Child support, and he pays $54 a month in Child support into this account. It will all be agreed upon in court and the stipulations will be set out... Both of us will have access to the account, but no money can be withdrawn unless agreed upon by both parties. Anything extra for our son has to come out of our own pocket... The account is only to be touched in either emergency situations, out of pocket medical costs, or college!

Now THAT is what we call 50/50!!! Both custodial parents paying child support!!! AND GUESS WHAT... It is actually ALL going to the child.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/17/2013

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I like that idea, but be very careful. I would not have it automatically deposited into a college fund, because emergencies come up. You can not withdraw from a college fund. I would still get the checks, and deposit them your self. Seriously, don't be foolish.

Jenni - posted on 04/17/2013

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I never thought about setting up a college fund. That might be something we both can agree on. Whatever he pays me in support I will match that. Great idea.

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Jenni - posted on 04/17/2013

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So... I discussed my concern's with my son's father and we came up with a solution that doesn't only protect our son, but ourselves as well. We decided to create a bank account under our son's name, take 10% of our disposed income every month and put it into the account.

So I calculated monthly income after taxes, subtracted out the portions of the household payments (me 1/3 because I share a home with my bf, and my brother lives with us and pays his share... My sons father 1/2 because he only shares a home with his wife), and times it by 10%... I have to pay $67 a month in Child support, and he pays $54 a month in Child support into this account. It will all be agreed upon in court and the stipulations will be set out... Both of us will have access to the account, but no money can be withdrawn unless agreed upon by both parties. Anything extra for our son has to come out of our own pocket... The account is only to be touched in either emergency situations, out of pocket medical costs, or college!

Now THAT is what we call 50/50!!! Both custodial parents paying child support!!! AND GUESS WHAT... It is actually ALL going to the child.

Jodi - posted on 04/17/2013

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You never know what the future may bring and when you may need it. Life takes twists and turns along the way. I would suggest you continue with child support, but find a way to invest it or save it for a rainy day (or for a college fund as suggested, or even a bit in both).

Jenni - posted on 04/17/2013

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I never thought about setting up a college fund. That might be something we both can agree on. Whatever he pays me in support I will match that. Great idea.

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