I'm worried about what my ex husband is showing my children online.

Vicky - posted on 10/05/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )

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My husband was having an affair for 10 months before I found out. Eventually it came to light that not only had he had this affair but he had also made my son party to the affair and forced my son to keep it a secret from me between August 2010 and January 2011. On top of all this he had also abandoned my son in a tent at the bottom of a field whilst he conducted his sordid affair. He left my son alone between 9pm and 1am.

On top of all this whilst my children were staying with my ex-husband he persueded my son to get into bed with him whilst he was naked and showed him video clips of "men and women naked sitting on each other" as my son put it. This gave my son nightmares for a long while. I know there have been other incidences because now my son is scared to death of seeing any pictures of semi clad people ie- women in bikinis and men in trunks. He runs a mile when the shower gel ads come on TV as well. He now even struggles to cope with me in my underwear.

My ex went off with someone 15yrs older than me and a lot less well looking. I don't really know what to do with all this information and where to take it next. Does anyone have any advice for me please? I'm getting desperate. Thanks!

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Christy - posted on 10/05/2011

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I am not sure where you live, but regardless legal action needs to happen against your EX. This needs to be reported and ONLY supervised visits allowed with your EX, if any visits should occur at all. You have to protect your son. Get him to a therapist if you can to get more information from him. As the saying goes, for every rat you see, there are 10 more you don't. Good luck.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/05/2011

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If there is a woman's shelter or counseling in your area call and talk to someone from there. They more than likely have a victems advocate who would be able to walk you through the steps you need to take to protect your son and not get into trouble legally. They will also be able to help with counseling.

Nikki - posted on 10/05/2011

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Call a lawyer, call the police and call CPS. Get a judge to sign you protective custody until this is investigated. Don't let him anywhere near your children. And document everything.

Krista - posted on 10/05/2011

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Call your lawyer rightfreakingnow. This absolutely needs to be investigated. Tell your lawyer everything, and say that you do not want your son to have any more unsupervised visits with your ex. I don't know if what he did legally counts as molestation, but it's pretty damned close.

And I'm pretty sure that no matter WHERE you live, it's illegal to show pornography to a minor.

Tinker1987 - posted on 10/05/2011

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ok first things first you take your kids completly away from that creep. sounds to me like he could very easily Molest your children.but definetly take some legal action.

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Celeste - posted on 10/20/2011

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Seek legal help now. Mandated reporters connected to you IE: clergy, teachers etc will be required to report this if it is brought to them. supervised visits only until you have legal direction. seek counseling for the little one but make sure you have documented and handled the situation first because they will have to call child services depending on what is told to them. DON"T GIVE UP! your child is worth this fight!

Leanna - posted on 10/08/2011

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SEEK FULL CUSTODY AND SUPERVISED VISITS! My sister had issuses with her ex and was able to get both of those things. He had/has drug problems. You shouldn't have problems getting that granted too.

Carmen - posted on 10/07/2011

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Take legal again speak with your son and get him some professional help that the two of you can take together. Make visit supervised.

Vicky - posted on 10/06/2011

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Thanks so very much for your comments everybody. I have had a long chat to my son and he is still unsure about his father. I am currently looking for some counselling for him and his sister. I will also be talking to my solicitor asap to see what else can be done. I have suspected for a long while that my ex has a porn addiction and when confronted with it he didn't deny it at all. As regards staying access the children stay with him at his parents house at the moment and they refuse to stay when their grandparents are not there. My ex just thought it was funny that my son had seen these things on his laptop and Ipod. I'm so lucky that I can communicate with my children well enough for them to feel happy to tell me about these things. So thanks once again ladies and God bless you and your families! xx

Kenny-Vanity - posted on 10/06/2011

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I agree with everyone else. You do need to report it to the authorities. If I were you, I'd be asking for full custody of my child with supervised/no visitation. Definitely take your son to a counselor/therapist. Hope that everything works out for you and your son.

Stacy - posted on 10/06/2011

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I have a guy friend who's abuser started introducing porn before telling him to try 'things' "like guys do in college"...absolutely abuse. My concern is how upset he is that minor images are greatly affecting him and has more happened than you know about. Get a protective order like yesterday,have this investigated and look to have all rights stripped completely along with jail time. Push hard and comply as they will check you out because your an ex. Standard, as some parents lie for sole custody. Therapy for sure and when its all over, foot the bastard with the bill! Good luck and prayers for you.

Miranda - posted on 10/06/2011

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Run to CPS now. I just heard of my moms friend knowing about her daughter being molested by her husband. She didnt say anything and they are still married. Well it finally came out. Not only is he being arrested so was the mom. She knew for a long time. They children are being taken away and they will not see them for a very long time. If you are privy to any info you are liable too. TELL SOMEONE PLEASE!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 10/06/2011

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You need to contact the authorities. What your husband is doing constitutes abuse. I don't know how old your son is, but he's obviously upset about what his father is doing. Contact family services to start with. They can help you, and your son, with counseling to help cope with the situation, and can intervene legally if needed.

Laura - posted on 10/06/2011

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What he is doing is wrong. It is sexual abuse. I should know. That is how it sometimes starts. Showing the kid porn and then it usually gets worse. You do need to contact Child Protection Service and get them involved. You do not need to bring up about how you feel about his affair. What concerns me most is the sexual abuse. Get your son into counseling immediately because he needs a safe place that he can discuss what he saw and what emotions he has bottled up. It is a long recovery and something that will be with him forever.

Cate - posted on 10/06/2011

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Tell the police sweetie. what he did is sexual abuse. All he needs is to get a few therapy lessons on how to deal with what happened. The police should be able to help you find a good therapist. They have to deal with this type of stuff all the time. You also have to keep him away from your babies. He does seem to have the behavour of a pedifile so be EXTRA careful. & I should know. I hung around one for 14yrs of my life. His 2 victims are my best friends & he had been abusing them for 7 years. I am so close to them that I had to be taken away for questioning just to make sure that he hadnt done anything to me. I always knew there was something off about him, just not that. What happened is no ones fault but that creeps. No FATHER should put their child/ren in that situation and No HUSBAND should put their wife in that position. You are all victims. E-mail me if you want to talk. I can just listen if needs be.

Stifler's - posted on 10/05/2011

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Wow that's disturbing I agree with the others, do everything possible to prevent him seeing the kids again.

Gloria - posted on 10/05/2011

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the first thing I would have done is talked to DHR or wet to th police dept. and atleast filed a report. sometimes nothing is done but sometimes they atleast limi the visitation with the father. Also they may be able to getyour son help it sounds to me like he needs counciling to help him through this and maybe if your able to get him counciling more of what happened may come out and you can use that to limit visitation.

Elfrieda - posted on 10/05/2011

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This is not okay at all. I think it might be best, when you talk to the authorities, to focus on your ex being naked and showing your son porn. Never mind all that other scumbag behaviour, I think it just clouds the issue. And please don't let him take your kids alone again, no matter what the custody arrangement is.

Erin - posted on 10/05/2011

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This is the second thread this week about guys showing kids porn. It is clearly a common tactic for desensitizing and grooming potential victims.

I agree with the others. Do not let your son be alone with your ex. Report it to the appropriate authorities and start legal proceedings to protect your children from visiting. Do it NOW!

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Ditto the other ladies. Take legal action asap and get your son into counseling w/ someone who, preferrably, specializes in situations like this.

JuLeah - posted on 10/05/2011

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This is sexual abuse. Document. Call the authorities. Get your kid professional help. Never allow your ex unsupervised contact again

Some of this is easier saud then done

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