i need help... badly!!!!

Ashley - posted on 07/19/2010

i have four kids with all 4 iv made there routine from birth were military so it would get out of wack when we moved but id go right back 2 it. and crying cant harm ur child u bein unhappy all the time can. it will take about a week but u can make ur babies routine he needs 2 learn 2 be alone as well he is so use 2 u at his beck and call he doesnt no wut 2 do with out u butttt he will figure it out he is old enough 2 play with his toy and even put his self 2 bed... iv given this advise 2 many of my friends when they have said 2 me ur baby goes 2 sleep on her own at (2 weeks) and slept for 5 hours straight i new when she needed 2 be fed and even when she was goin 2 poop i do play for max 30 min at time (a couple times a day) with her so she can learn 2 play by her self and i also have 4 kids total so if they all had me runing 2 there every cry id be crazy by now ....

Anonoymous - posted on 07/18/2010

My daughter would not sleep in her bed to save a soul when she was younger...I would put her in there and she would cry so I would go and get her and lay her next to me in my bed...BAD IDEA, I was so tired because I could not sleep for being scared I would roll over on her SO I asked the doctor, and she told me to let her cry and so I did and then she started climbing out of her crib and again I asked the doctor and she told me to keep putting her back so I did...we went on with this for about a week and finally she stopped crying and wasn't even getting a bottle in the middle of the night..She is now four and I have taught her how to tell time and when 8:30 aproaches she comes and gives me and her daddy a kiss and turns off her television and asks one if us to tuck her in and she goes to sleep on her own!!!!! Lol...be patient and you will find something (P.S, all those times she cried in her room when I kept putting her back so did I...but now I know those were tears of joy)!!! Lol.. :)

Lisa - posted on 07/18/2010

There is a book "Save our Sleep". Read this it is great.

Kandyce - posted on 07/18/2010

Honey I have been their. My first daughter was like that. OMG I thought I would loose my mind!
I had a neighbor that worked me through it. She came over and spent the nite with us for 3 nites. This is what she did.
Every time she woke up during the nite she went in picked her up and comforted her and laid her back down. She made about 15 trips back and forth the first nite. The second nite she did the same thing. That nite it took only about 5 times. And the third nite she slept all night long. My daughter was about 15 months old at the time. One the fourth nite all alonee and by my self I made one trip in their and she then slept thru the rest of the nite. One my fifth nite alone with her, I never heard a peep. With me more rested I could then begin reversing the bad day time behavior.A toddler should sleep at least 2 hours in the afternoon. So I set a particular nap time and did the same thing that we did at nite. It worked and then I felt better and so did she.
You son has a bluff in on you. He knows that daddy won't put up with it.

Bethany - posted on 07/17/2010

it's ok to let your baby cry. have your husband take a turn in the night time. i let my baby cry for 40 mins and if she doesn't calm down after that i get her and calm her down....hope this helps

Kim - posted on 07/17/2010

I had a bad sleeper too and honestly if not for my husband keeping me from getting up with him I would have caved in... but I was so happy after 1 week of letting him cry when I finally got to sleep through the night. There is no right answer, as my dr said to me... it is what you want for you. My son would cry over an hour and the dr said, well what did you do, I picked him up.. dr said well now he knows if he cries a long time mommy will come.. hard for me to swallow, but it was the truth.
Good luck and know you are not alone and don't beat yourself up... all children are different and don't come with instructions so we can only do our best.

Sally - posted on 07/17/2010

Hey Anna-Marie,



I have 2 boys now 9 years and 12 years. Good news it gets easier :)



I can clearer remember my youngest at 8 months, he had been sleeping really well, then suddenly he started waking in the night! I like you starting asking advice and someone said do you feed him main course and pudding every meal, I was only really giving him a main course. I started feeding him pudding and he started to sleep more. So basically my advice is he might just need a bit more food some good ole' fashion fresh air and exercise. He will settle down. :-)



The crying and grumpiness (you and him) is just plain exhaustion you both are short on sleep.



*big energy hug*



Sally

Melanie - posted on 07/17/2010

Hi there I have 6 kids and I have been where you are. Try giving him more solid food during the day so he does not wake up in the night. Can he walk yet? If not get him outside so that he uses up all that extra engery that he has. And for a child to cry a little wont hurt him. It sounds like he needs more to eat during the day and that will stop him waking up at night, Have you tried teething tablets? they always worked for my kids. Laying him down in the afternoon even if he does not sleep is still rest that you and him need. Put some safe toys in his crib and dont give him the choice rather he lays down or not.

Katrina - posted on 07/16/2010

My best advice, buy Nigel Latta's before your children drive you crazy read this! You will laugh and cry and feel like a weight has lifted as he is so down to earth and has great ideas for every tricky situation that are practical!!!! Best of luck to you and hang in there!

Sarah - posted on 07/16/2010

He's bang on the age for developing separation anxiety, which is why he'll cry and fuss if you leave him alone. The best way to deal with this is to be with him as much as possible, attend to him straight away and try to spend time doing fun stuff together.

Also try to change the idea that you are in some kind of fight with your baby that you have to win. That is certainly not how he sees the situation.

Christine - posted on 07/16/2010

WOW You have received a lot of great advice so I definately wish you the best of luck! I can tell you that from my experience with my own son, that when he was 8 months old he was already walking! He switched it up on me a few different times & one reason was due to teething... another was I think he felt a little more independent because he was already walking so at that point he didn't want to be held or fussed with. I however put my foot down and everytime he would cry in his crib, I wouldn't pick him up right away... each time I would wait a little bit longer and it may not work for everyone, but it worked for me! He wouldn't sit there and cry anymore, he started playing with his toys instead and hey every child is different though! Keep in mind my son is 6 yrs old now and the only time I deal with infants now is at work. I manage a portrait studio and I constantly see first time mother's coming in to photograph their children's milestones and I have seen a number of mothers that have no patience, I have seen them yell at 6 month olds, I have seen the stress that they go through and I can say that anything that you feel, definately rubs off on the child. (not saying you yell at yours) Most of the time I am quick to take that child and speak softly to them or bounce a little and the parents usually say something along the line of "OMG HOW DO YOU DO THAT CAN I TAKE YOU HOME YADA YADA" and I just speak the honest truth cause that is how I am.. if you want a relaxed mellow child, don't stress over the little things, enjoy this time and all the "flaws" you think your child may be going through cause in a flash it's gone and there is no way to press rewind. Be patient, love every second of it and enjoy it.... dont forget to document it with portraits! I wish you the best of luck and at all ages they go through there is always a road bump to overcome. I really enjoyed the book "What to Expect the First Year" i am not sure of the author but I read what to expect when expecting when i was pregnant and that was the next book and it contains a lot of information! :)

Cheryl - posted on 07/16/2010

One thing I forgot to ask and was wondering if there is any indication that his milk/foods are not agreeing wi him?/ Are his bowel movements normal and in his whining does he seem to have a tummy ache?? Just wondering.. boys like this have a high metabolism and eat lots, more than we would imagine is enough for them.. mine started bananas and brown rice cereal at 4 months which was way too early but I was desparate to get him to sleep longer, he just spit it out and I let it go til 6 months then he took it ok.. I wonder what the foods are that you are feeding him?? Is his weight normal?/ If he is not too chubby, you might give him more bottles.. you didn't say how many bottles he gets during the day.. is there any chance the type of milk you are giving him is not agreeing with him?.. does he have a lot of gas?? 2 last things.. make sure he gets burped part way thru the bottle then again after the bottle.. if he might have gas my dad would lay my siblings over his knees on their tummies and bounce up and down a bit with his knees.. they would calm right down and go to sleep mostly.. just wondering about these things.. some foods are too hard for babies this age to digest.. I would postpone any wheat products til later and stick to rice or brown rice cereals and maybe potatoes and sweet potatoes for his starches.. and light proteinn, like a bit of chicken no beef for his protein, or none at all while he is taking so much milk.. hi acid fruit juices are not good either.. just a small amount of apple juice if any.. the whole fruits pureeed are better, bananas applesauce, peaches, pears with cereal.. it is better to keep the diet simple in the beginning so as not to get allergies.. It was only bananas and brown rice cereal for him for a good long time and then I would only add one new food at a time for a week or so so he could get used to it and I could see if he had any problems with it.. peas baby food and corn can be hard to digest.. skip those for now.. fruits first, for a couple months then veggies later and chicken protein.. well I hope this helps some more.. God Bless, Hang in there!!( Is there anything at day care that may be upsetting to him??)

Marcella - posted on 07/16/2010

do you have any friends or neighbours who could take him out for a walk? that would give you the hour you wanted, also granma is usually good for an hour to babysit, or a walk.

There must be some one who can do that for you, maybe a local teenager who wants to earn a fiver.

Or if you cant afford that next time a young person stops to chat when you are out just ask them if they want to come back to yours and play with him, do your shopping when school turns out, you will meet some one that way it will stimulate him too and you can oversee whoever.

sorry I keep refering to your baby as him but there is no name

Jessica - posted on 07/16/2010

Ok, breathe!!! First step is for you, mom, to calm down and relax. Despite all the mixed up advice you are getting, you are the mom and you are in control. Baby boy is fussy for several reasons, he misses his mom, mom will pick him up every time he whines, at 8 months he's probably hit a growth spurt and is hungry more often, and as you said he can pick up on your stress level. Here's a few suggestions....if your son is in a safe place, his crib or playpen for example, it's ok if he cries a little, while you finish your shower, get supper on the table, warm a bottle, or switch out the laundry...whatever you may be doing because my guess is, when mom is busy during the day that's when he acts up the most. Now I'm not saying to ignore the "something is really wrong with me" cry, but a whiny fussy cry can be put off for a little while. Find some time during the day to take a few minutes for you, you aren't going to feel comfortable at first asking a neighbor to listen for him while you take a bubble bath or call your own mom on the telephone for an uninterupted conversation, but honey you need it. It's ok, it's not selfish... if you can't take care of you, there's no way you'll be in the kind of shape to take care of your son the way you want to. Also, you can try taking a t-shirt that you have worn either to sleep in or through out the day and slip it over one end of the crib mattress, tuck sleeves in so that there's no loose material for him to grab ahold of or to bunch up around his face....make sure you have a tight fit just like his sheet. Your baby boy knows your smell momma, you were the first person he recognized after being born because of it, just the smell of you will offer him comfort and hopefully let you get some rest. Most importantly, we all do the best we can so stop belittling yourself and just keep telling yourself, you are a good mom, you are a good mom, you are a good mom!

Asiah - posted on 07/16/2010

Hi there. Seems like you are pulling your hair out! Are you breastfeeding or is he on formula ? I have a 11mo old. He's been an angel most of the time. But boy when he is teething hes a little devil baby! Constant crying, not happy about anything. If you have some baby orajel you should rub quite a bit on his gums. Seems to help my little man go to sleep better. Its not a big deal to give your baby a bottle before bed. Thats usually what my son passes out on. Then he gets his binky in the middle of the night, but granted he should be weaned of this but hes my son so hes spoiled. He sleeps through the night every night now. Its SO nice! You should allow him one nap a day. If hes not taking one thats fine too. But if you are breastfeeding this could be a bit more difficult. Before bed, give him a bath, let him play in the water & ware himself out. Then make him a thick RICE cereal bottle with some formula(if using) or some very warm 2% milk. It will fill his little belly up and should go right to sleep. Babies need full bellies before bed otherwise yes they will wake up in the middle of the night wanting more food. Hopefully this will work for you, insured me sleeping in =) Good Luck!

Anneliese - posted on 07/16/2010

I would suggest parenting classes. Also, read Dr Spocks books on child rearing. I had to slowly teach my son at night when he was a baby that I was not leaving for ever.
I did this by sitting in the room each night with the light very dim. Starting with 20 mins, then moving the chair
further away each night until he finally would fall asleep
with out stressing. I would also wean him off of night time feedings in the middle of the night.Sometimes we need to teach our kids about being deprived for short periods. I want to add that some parents sleep with their
babies in the family bed if they have a child who is extremely fearful or who nurses in the middle of the night. I didnt do this, but have heard that it works well too. Have you considered doing that?

Kylie - posted on 07/16/2010

Hi there,
My girl has just started doing the same thing. She was an awesome baby with a wonderful routine and slept through for 12 hours straight with not a noise.
Now it has all turned around! She fights me at bedtime, wakes through the night, is needy, clingy and basically drives me nuts!! Lol I know it's not funny, but it's a phase. It's the phase that makes us go gooey and nutty. It's the stage of their lives when they realise that MUM is the centre of their universe. That makes me smile a little because it shows me how much she loves me and makes me cringe when I can't go to the loo without her crying and crawling after me.
I had the worst night so far just last night. Believe me, I cooed, snuggled, cuddled, coddled, yelled and growled. It was a very hard night.
She is my third baby and they all went through a similar phase. I'm telling you this because I wanted you to know that you're not alone. There are things that you can distract them with and then there are times when nothing you do will change what they want.
I will say though that my other two are well behaved kids. They know when I say no, I mean it. We have a great relationship and play and learn from each other. They weren't spoilt and they weren't ignored.
Like many of the other mums have said, you can only do what you feel comfortable doing. I will say though that if he didn't wake for a bottle or feed before now, then the waking through the night to eat is probably not because he is hungry. He is feeding because that's what you have given him once and he is now used to it. ABSOLUTELY not judging you, just saying that if you can calm him and put him to sleep or give him a dummy or snuggle blanket or toy, it might take away that night feed again.
I hope this all makes sense, I am sleep deprived and what I'm thinking to say to you and what I'm actually trping may not be the same hahaha.
Good luck from one Aussie mum to the other :-D

Michelle - posted on 07/16/2010

If you are stressed then your son will pick up on that and feel stressed too so firstly, you need to take some time out yourself to calm down and relax - not easy I know, especially as you are feeling run down too.

It is oh so easy to pick a child up when they cry just to get them to quieten down quicker - especially at night and you're feeling tired, etc. But it really doesn't do them any harm to let them cry for a little while. If your son thinks you are going to pick him up every time he cries then he will keep doing it. It's attention seeking behaviour that is quite normal but you do need to nip it in the bud.

Is he on a bottle? If so, when he wakes for a feed in the night, leave him in his cot while you prepare it and give it to him in his cot without picking him up. Once he's finished try soothing him back to sleep with some gentle music, but again without picking him up.

If he wakes up just whinging, do the same thing - use some gentle music to sooth him, maybe gently stroke his face, but don't pick him up.

If he keeps pulling himself up then lay him down again and calmly tell him it's time to sleep. It's very important to keep yourself calm and use a quiet voice, or just whisper a "shhhh" in a gentle way.

If you find yourself getting very stressed, then walk away for a little while to calm yourself down. Do you have an MP3 player or something like it? When I got stressed I used to put my headphones in and listen to the sort of music I found calming. I could still hear my baby and obviously see what she was doing but the music helped me cope better.

It's really hard when you've got yourself in this situation to get yourself back out again but if you persist you will be surprised just how quickly you can get him into a routine.

I know i've gone on about music but calm music worked really well with both my daughters. They still have music playing quietly when they go to bed now as they find it relaxing. I didn't buy anything specific, just used music I've already got that they found calming.

Good luck.

Anna-marie - posted on 07/16/2010

thanks Cheryl, that was very helpful and informative.
The night time routine is fine, we have a bath and then he has a bottle and goes straight to sleep, not a problem, its just the waking in the night and the daytime naps, they are almost non existant.
its kind of nice to know i'm not the only one, all the other mummies i hang around with have such happy bubs, because they sleep during the day, my poor boy is just so cranky as he is soooo tired!!
he does have a dummy and a special puppy dog teddy bear which he takes everywhere...
today was better though, he goes into care on fridays, so i managed to get some rest, and re-think my routine with him.
apparently he slept for 1.5 hrs there, which is unheard of!! so that was great, so when i picked him up he was one happy baby!!
i am also now going to feed him solids before his bottle and not after, i did this with his dinner tonght and he just munched it down then still had the bottle before bed,
i only posted this, this morning and i really appreciate all your advice ladies!!
it is now night for me, here in Oz, so i will keep you posted how my night goes, afterall, today he did have a sleep, he has had 3 solid meals and i am much more calmer and focused!!

thankyou all so much xxx

Cheryl - posted on 07/15/2010

I can feel for you really I do.. I had a very hi demand baby boy as my first.. crawled at 5 months and walked at 8 months and early on wanted to eat every hour! Just exhausted me!! It does seem strange that he is such a light sleeper though.. mine would wake up but not that much.. I would give him a warm bath and soothing massage before bed and wind things down, quieter voices, no tv noise, music.. just low lights, low voices, soothing lullabys; make the evening routine one of winding down.... well fed and diapered before bed.. then say he goes to sleep at 7 and wakes at 10 11 or 12 for more feeding.. I would just pick him up in almost dark room.. not stimulate him at all, just feed in the dark and put him right back to bed.. no changing the diaper either.. unless poopy.. He would generally go back to sleep if I was very low key.. but he would always wake up at least once.. til he was 15 months we always had him in our bedroom then we moved to a bigger place and I put him in his own room and broke him of the habit by running a loud fan in my room so I couldn't hear him.. it took 3 nights and then he stopped fussing.. I finally after all that time got a full night's sleep.. Are you feeding him enough before he goes to bed?/ maybe a pacifier/binky would help?? Do you hold him to your heart, rock him, just relax with him in your arms so he feels you not agitated all the time?? Babies are sensitive to the moods of those around them.. be calm, be rested, take valerian root yourself to relax you.. even take baby into the bath with you maybe sometimes and enjoy one another's company.. He needs to see you laugh with him and enjoy him he needs to feel your love and closeness and care for him.. try some of these things.. I actually nursed my baby a lot and it helped him calm down because I held him close and cuddled him, played on the floor with him wi toys.. If any of these are helpful sounding to you try them, and throw away the rest.. not all these things work for all people.. God bless you!!

Anna-marie - posted on 07/15/2010

WOW!!
thanks again ladies.
Nicki: you are sooooooooo right, thankyou for your post, it was very helpful and encouraging.
I t is my fault, he has got into this pattern now that we i have made, he cries, i go to him... as far as he knows, this is now normal for him, but is driving me mad.
I am willing to change it, and yes, i am going to do what i feel is right, my mother never left me to cry, she was a single parent and i respect her so much more now, being a mother myself, i have a wonderful hubby who keeps me going, and for her not to have that... well....
fact is, i turned out fine, i was not a spoilt child, i knew right from wrong,
but i also know adults who were left to cry as kids and they are just fine too....
so you're right, its all about what ''I'' feel comfortable in doing and what works best for him.
he is such a boy already, he was sitting at 4.5 months, commando crawling at 6 months, he now pulls himself up and cruises around, i'm sure he'll be walking before he's 10 months!!
he is a very active little man for his age and needs constant stimulation.
the formula i have him on is KARICARE GOATS MILK.. he's been on it a while and just loves it.
As for PND i am sure i have it, i do have help in that area todeal with it, and its mainly as my mum isn't here, so i'm getting help on dealing with that too.

thanks for all the links too ladies, i will be sure to look them up.

all i want is a happy bub and a happy me... i want to enjoy him as he is so cute and so interested in everything, its fascinating watching my boy learn things.

thanks again ladies, i feel so much better for just writing this and getting the advice has helped me too.
i will do what i feel is right and whatever works for him, as from tomorrow, i'm going to be a new, stronger mummy!!!
xxx

Michelle - posted on 07/15/2010

geez...sorry, i didn't mean to confuse you with conflicting advice!! nicky is right though, in saying that just remember whatever anyone says is going to be from their point of view...we have co-slept with most of ours (except the last one...he doesn't want a bar of it!) so other than times of illness none of them have ever been what i would call difficult. it must be bloody hard without your mum here....and as for having seven..well its had its moments but i have always maintained...if you have one baby who wants to run circles around you it can be just as hard as having ten of them!!! another thing i really agree with nicky about is trust yourself....there are a million or so books to tell you what to do when your baby xyz's.....problem is babies can't read so unfortunately they don't know what they are supposed to be doing!!! if you parent your baby according to what your instincts tell you, you won't go far wrong. there is nothing wrong with asking for advice, but like anything...if it sits well with you and you think it might help, go for it...if not then forget it. you will know when you're on the right track because your baby will tell you.....

Annmarie - posted on 07/15/2010

Have you tried soothing bath time with candles ( away from baby of course) soft music. Sounds funny, But it works for you and the baby. I would get in a lavender bath, light the candles, have baby lay on me and hmm to the music. worked like a charm!

Julia - posted on 07/15/2010

Is he teething at all because that can cause a change in their routine. My daughter always went to bed well and for about a month was waking several times during the evening. Now that her tooth has arrived she is back to sleeping straight through.

Phyllis - posted on 07/15/2010

What does your pediatrician say? Maybe there is a problem with his formula?

Jennifer - posted on 07/15/2010

i definitely agree with nicky.

also, really helpful and trusted information can be found here...
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300...

Amanda - posted on 07/15/2010

No 8 month old controls their mother, they dont even understand this concept. I would seriously go to your doctor and tell him how you are feeling. PPD can happen anytime within the first year after birth, and I would get this ruled out right away. Depression can effect ones health as much was emotions, and how someone views reality.

It is perfectly normal for an 8 month old to behave the way he is.

Nicky - posted on 07/15/2010

Hi Anne-Marie,

Just reading the two other posts you have already ended up with conflicting advice again. One saying let him cry, the other saying don't. I think what this tells you is there is no one right answer. You obviously have reached the point where you a) recognise that the situation is not working for you and b) have enough motivation to change it (both of these things are HUGE steps so well done you!!).
As for how to change it the only thing I can say is that you are his Mum so you must be the one to decide what is best for you and him. Every child is different so what works for some doesn't work for others and it also depends very much on what you are comfortable with. Keep firmly in mind that any advice you are given by anyone comes from THEIR perspective and what THEY are comfortable with. It may or may not apply to your situation and you certainly do not have to pay any attention to any of it.

As first time Mums we spend an extraordinary amount of time worrying about whether we are 'doing the right thing' and usually end up stressing ourselves out about it. My advice is this;
Take a deep breath and trust yourself. Take a moment to think what YOU want to do. Some sort of behaviour modification is required so think about what you are comfortable with. Are you happy to let him cry? If not then forget that and go with a more hands on approach. Your end goal seems to be not having to go in to him so regularly so you somehow need to reduce the amount of time you spend in his room and get him used to the idea. Here are a few things that might help.
1. He is only 8 months old so he is not deliberately or maliciously being manipulative. He has simply gotten into a pattern of behaviour that works for him. He wants (or thinks he wants) attention, he whinges, you appear, bingo.
2. Things CAN change. What it will take is a firm decision about what you want to achieve and then consistency and perseverance.
3. Things won’t change immediately. Hence the need for perseverance and consistency. KEEP GOING. It may take a week or so but you will see results in the end.
4. There is a website we have in Australia for a sleep clinic called Ngala. www.ngala.com.au. It may have some tips for you.

Anna-marie - posted on 07/15/2010

Thanks ladies...
Michelle: yes i'm in australia, but i am english, my mother is back there, so i have no-one to call on to help out, even just to take him for an hour while i sleep or just get myself together, so that sucks...
he has been teething recently, so that has been an issue, but generally, its just him knowing how to swtich my buttons...
7 babies hey? thats amazing, i feel so overwhelmed with one!!
Cleopatra- thanks too, all the advice is greatly appreciated.
and you're both right, i am being very hard on myself, which doesn't do me any favours...

thanks again ladies.... I WILL WIN!!! xxx

Ioana - Cleopatra - posted on 07/15/2010

It sounds like he does it to you ashe knows that you will allow him to. I recently looked into ways of getting a baby into a routine, ant what I learned is that from 6 months onwards, or as soonas a baby is able to burp without help, it is fine to let them cry! It will take 3 days the most, but he will learn the lesson! You need to be firm but gentle, and keep telling yourself that yes, you do love your son, butyou love yourself too,and you need to give yourself a chanse to get better, in order to be able to raise and mind him well too.
It is possible, and Iam sure that you will success! Good Luck!

Michelle - posted on 07/15/2010

hmmm...there's no short answer for this one...lol!! okay, first of all....if your bub is playing up like this, leaving him to cry is going to do nothing to help him so ditch that idea. next.....don't put so much pressure on yourself!!!! we can really be our own worst enemies sometimes...i know...been there and done that one. i am assuming you have checked out the whole 'is he teething' thing....there's nothing wrong with how you are feeling,i think under the circumstances its pretty normal....and they do pick up on how we are going (which sux....!!). where are you...in aus?have you tried giving him some panadol or infant painkiller? i just think that if he has some and sleeps or at least stops whinging for a bit then his issue may be pain...in which case take his butt to the dr and they can sort it out. sorry if you have tried it....i'm just trying to think of what i would do in your situation...i have had seven babies so i know how much it sux when you just get run down and bloody exhausted, its hard to bounce back from it but you can do....just need to work out what bubs issue is....just please don't feel bad or like you are failing....keep that vision in your mind of how you want it to be and you will get there....sometimes bubs just want to go the long way around....!!!