i need help (not to be judged)

Savannah - posted on 08/09/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Im 16 ; I lost my baby after carrying my baby girl for 5 1/2 months.
No one knew I was pregnant except for my baby's father. My mother is way to judgmental I was to scared . And I was definatly to scared to tell her I hadlost it. Its been three months now and my mom found out two months ago . She made me lose co tact with the babys father but I soon realized he was the only one who cared about our child other than me . My mom has not asked me once if I was okay and honestly im not . I feel like im falling apart . I dont think there has been one day that I haven't cried . I miss my baby and even though no one loves or loved our baby I do and always will she was apart of me and im not sure how much longer im going to make it . No one in my household knows the thoughts that have rn through my mind lately. Someone please send me some advice on what to do . Please im in need .

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Dove - posted on 08/10/2012

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I am SOOOO sorry for your loss!!! No one should have to go through the loss of a child regardless of how young of a mother they are. :( If you can not talk to your mother (the person who SHOULD be able to be there for you no matter what) then I highly advise seeking some grief counseling. Do you have an aunt or other close female family member (or mom of a friend) that you can turn to?

I've never had a loss as late as yours, but as someone who had two early miscarriages I can say that you never really 'get over it'.. But you DO find a way to keep going and heal in your own time. Autumn will always be in your heart, but eventually the pain that you feel when you think about her will not be quite as severe. It takes time... sometimes a LOT of time, but you find a way to go on and you do it to honor the memory of your daughter. ♥

Savannah - posted on 08/10/2012

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This website saved my life . I have been so afraid of being judged and not taken seriously so thank you so much .

Mary - posted on 08/10/2012

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You may be 16 but you are still person that has feelings. I am sorry for what you are going threw. I know how hard this is for you especially when you have no one to talk to. Well you have me. You have to take day to day to overcome losing your baby girl. and that will take time no one knows how much time except you. If you can approach your mom and truly talk to her in how you feel maybe there will be a good outcome. take one step at a time and one breath at a time in the end it will be ok I promise.

Determined - posted on 08/10/2012

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Autum Grace a beautiful name. Use Autum as your source of strength to get through this. Now that you will see her again someday and that even though she was with you for a short amount of time she knew how much you loved her. She'd want you to be strong sweetie and I know that you can be. Hang in there and find someone to talk to.

Savannah - posted on 08/09/2012

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I am currently speaking to her father (my mother doesn't know) thank you so much for caring I never knew strangers would care more than family , you all have brought me to tears (like rain) . I have plans to be with my baby's father . He named her Autumn and we gave her my middle name 'Grace' . I know im young and I knew what could happen when i decided to have sex . I've never once since i found out i was pregnant not taken the blame because i mean hey that's the only way it happens . I just cant go one second honestly without thinking of her , everything reminds me or makes me wish she was here . I've been a a&b student im a junior and have a very strict goal for my future that I sat for myself , when i found out about her i never once thought I'd give up my goals bc i was pregnant i knew I'd me strong enough to make it through it . But im not sure im strong enough to make it through this , i miss waking up to my stomach feeling like it was tightening . I really really really miss that

Jennifer - posted on 08/09/2012

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Savannah, sweetie, I'm with Sarah and Amber. My heart goes out to you and grieves for your loss. I lost a baby very early in my pregnancy and I know how much it hurt. I can't imagine how much more you are feeling. I wish I could just wrap you in a big hug and tell you that you and your sweet girl ARE loved. Please, seek a counselor or a trusted friend. You need support and love to get through this. Talking makes a big difference. Seek out someone who is able to listen to your experience over and over while you work it out. It is better to have someone in person, in my opinion, but know I am here too if you need.
Also, Sweetie, it sounds to me like you are in a pretty dark place. Certainly understandable. Please, please, please reach out and get help. Talk to your doctor, seek a counselor - even the one at school can help you find more help, just know there are folks who care about you. If you find yourself with scary thoughts, like the ones I suspect you are afraid to admit, running through your mind lately - go to the hospital. Seriously. They CAN help. Along with your grief, your hormones are way out of whack. They will help you get through this. Don't be afraid to seek help.
Please let us know how you are doing. Sending lots of love, prayers, healing thoughts, and hugs.

Chaya - posted on 08/09/2012

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I"ve lost three children and have had many miscarriages, my advice is to get help from outside the home, if you're in the US, cheap or free help is available at the county health department. You will want to avoid a counciler who is an evangelical christian. I'm a christian myself, I can't believe how many people who profess to be Christians who went ballistic on me because I had a baby when I was 16, even though I was married. You don't need them to be that judgemental.
If you wish to be a part of the dad's life, find a way, you probably have his email and phone number. Contact him when you're away from home. You need him, and he probably needs you. I clearly can't speak for him. If all else fails, each of you should get email addy's that nobody else knows, use it only for each other. Your mom doesn't need to know. If she asks, make up a feminine name to code the man's name. I'm not big on going against your parents, but your mom doesn't seem to be a nice person. My daughter is your age, if she were to get pregnant, I'd tell her she has to get a job, which means she can't be in honors. I'll babysit while she's at work or school, she takes care of the baby the rest of time. It sounds mean, but I need my daughter to go to university, if I have to take care of her baby, I'll do it.

Determined - posted on 08/09/2012

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Hun I'm sorry for your loss and I can only imagine the pain that you are going through. Age aside....no one should have to go through the pain of losing a child. I can understand your mom being upset about you getting pregnant so young and being angry that you did not tell her you were pregnant BUT now it is time for her to be a mom. She should be putting her personal feelings aside and supporting and comforting you now more than ever. Is there a best friend that you can confide in? A school counselor, some other female relative? You shouldn't be going through this alone, it's not healthy. Find someone to talk to sweetie if it helps I'm here you can message me and just let everything out believe me talking actually does help but you have to talk to someone. :( Keep your head up you'll make it through this and things will get better

Sarah - posted on 08/09/2012

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Right off the bat, I want to say I am truly sorry for your loss. I also want to add you are well loved never forget how loved you are.

The baby though not here, felt the love you gave.

I don't know what it's like to lose a baby, and I hope you never have to have that feeling again. I wish I could say how to make it better. But I am here for you if you want to chat.

Lots of love Sweetie.

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