I need help with my out of control 12 year old son?

Pamela - posted on 09/02/2012

My son got out of line and grabbed him up the shirt collar and screamed in his face are you talking to me..I hope not because I will, then I stopped let go and walked away. I scared him, I know because he stopped the back talk. My kids do chores. I have a girl 11 and boy who just turned 13. They complained that one had more chores than the other, I pay them 10.00 a week by the way. I have a list of chores, not very many, clean the kitchen, one clears, cleans the table and sweeps. The other does the dishes, wipes the counters and washes the pots and pans and puts everything away. I swich them off each day. One clears, then the next day they wash. I do the same with weekly chores on Sundays one dust and the other cleans the bathroom, the next week they do the other one's job.



Useing money is the best thing to take away. If they don't do what they are told they lose a dollar of the ten dollars I give them. I they leave a there mess in the front room I take another dollar. If I have to clean the bathroom I charge 4 dollars. Boy do they move if they here me say I'm gonna make some money today someone did'nt do there chores, or pick up after there self.



The home work should be done in study hall. Find out who the teacher is that heads that class and tell her what is going on. Have you had your son tested to see if he's at his grade level, maybe he's having a problem reading and comprehension, I took that in my own hands and bought book that were of interest to him and sat with him and I'd read then he would read. His first book was about the history of dogs and how they came to be 7000bc I believe it said, my son was amazed buy the book because he loves dogs. My son was having a problem in school a few years back and he had ADHD. He couldn't and still can't pay attention for long periods of time. He's on medication now and is much happier with school, Before he got D's and F's because he could not concentrate, now he is pulling A, B, and C's and he's proud to bring his report card home. He is alway afraid to show me and F of course, but I just say oh no why did this teacher give you an F will have to work on that together and get your grade up huh? He alway pulls the grade up because he know I'm suporting him in doing so and wants to do well and make me happy. I also hang the report cards on the refrigerator until the next report comes out. This way if it's good they are proud when friends comment on how well they are doing in school. If it's bad it's a reminder of what they need to improve upon, and friends say "What You Got an F in ________ How Do You Get An F in that. They get a little embarassed but that's to bad, and it makes them work harder.



My son lately is lazy and wants to play video games all day. I just walk up and take his controller and head phones out of his hand and off his head and walk to my room and lock them up. I say when you can do what I asked of you, you will get those back. He usually jumps on it because he's in the middle of the game, I do press pause, so he's thinking it might reset or something so he hurrys along with I request. Another thing I do is ask a close friend of mine to swagger out to the garage and give him a round about pep talk, he says stuff like hey the yard looks good, but man you should get on it about cleaning up the garage, it usually looks great but man you gotta stay on top of it. It makes your mom happy too.



He response to this guy because he respects his opion and want to look like the man of the house, which he is. His father has been gone since he was 3 years old. He doesn't even remember him living with us. So we make sure he know he the man.



You have to make them proud of themselves, do the right thing, respect people who deserve respect, and think about the future.



Pam

Dove - posted on 04/11/2012

If he's not too bad at home and his friends parents say he's great.... it seems like this behavior is mainly at school. Something could be going on there... bullying, maybe? Does he have an uncle or other adult male role model that he might be willing to talk to if he won't open up to you? Maybe trying to find a male counselor might be a good idea.



Do you pay him anything for watching his brother? Not necessarily money, but something....



Good luck!

Katherine - posted on 04/11/2012

Have you tried counseling? MAybe he is going through a rough time with something.

Candice - posted on 04/11/2012

Yes, i have at school and at home. Julian is 12.

Katherine - posted on 04/11/2012

How old is he? What about trying a rewards chart?