I need name change advice please!!!

Ann - posted on 08/14/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

3

0

0

children's last name to my husbands but they don't seem pleased by the idea. They love my husband, to them he is dad. Should I change their names anyway and hope they adjust, or do I risk hurting my husband. Also, I would like it if we all had the same last name.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

8 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

i understand the idea behind everyone having the same name strengthening the sense of family unity. my children changed their surnames to my husband's after we got married, but only because they were the ones that asked for it. in fact they'd been asking for over a year, but i chose to make them wait until we were married 1) to make sure they werent going to change their minds 2) to give them time to learn to spell it and get used to using it. If the kids had not pushed us for it i would have left it. of course my husband was honoured that the children wanted to take his name on but he wouldnt have been hurt if they hadve wanted to keep their original name. in your case my concern would be that your boys dont like the idea. all i'm saying is it should be up to them, and if they dont want to do it, dont force it. you wouldnt want them resenting you for it - that would be a slippery slope that could lead into lots of other dramas in your family unit. if you are that keen to do it, maybe talk to the kids about why they dont want to do it and see where that leads you. OR, try leaving it a few months and raise the suggestion again.

Jodi - posted on 08/15/2012

26,640

36

3891

Um, no, I'm not attacking you, I am disagreeing that you should do this against your children's wishes. You are the one who said you risk hurting him, so obviously you have reason for believing it would.

[deleted account]

Wow. I may need to leave this forum. While I appreciate the advice being attacked because I voiced my opinion is over the line. I said I wanted to make my husband feel appreciated and that I didnt want to hurt him. I never said that he was demanding it or that he wouldn't understand the boys feelings.

Jodi - posted on 08/15/2012

26,640

36

3891

Doesn't matter. My son has his bio dad's name, my youngest has my husband's name, my stepdaughter has her mother's name. Listen to them. If they don't want it, leave it alone. They will be okay with the different names.

If the only way your husband can know you all appreciate him is to go against your children's wishes and change their name, then I'd suggest there are other issues you need to deal with. But your husband shouldn't feel offended by the children wanting to keep the only name they have had all their lives.

[deleted account]

Well, of my husband and I have another child later then the baby, my step daughter, my husband and myself will all have the same last name and I am afraid my boys will feel left out. Also, I think part of the reason the boys are not into it is because they don't want to take the time or make the effort to write a longer more difficult name lol. And for the record, I would NEVER hurt my sons. It took me years to find a worthy father for them. I want to make sure he knows we appreciate him.

[deleted account]

i totally agree with jodi. It should be the kid's choice whether to change their names or not. depending on circumstances you may very well need bio dad's signature as well. If the kids aren't keen on it, i'd leave it be.

Jodi - posted on 08/15/2012

26,640

36

3891

If they don't want to change their names, then leave it alone. Why would you hurt your KIDS for you husband? He's an adult. He can get over it. Just remember that to your children, their last name is a part of who they are. What you are suggesting is taking that away from them.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms