I need some guidance on leaving my abuser?

Raina Liane - posted on 01/27/2013 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Im 18, and im 13 weeks pregnant. and my body beat me up when i was about 8 or 9 weeks. and has done it before. he blacked two of my eyes. and put mulitple knots on my head. Im really getting tired of him. and his attitude and i just wanna relax some days and enjoy being pregnant. he is so controlling like when my family come over...he wants to stay huddled up in my room with the door shut. and gets mad when i come lay down in there and leaves the door open. when im cold somedays...he'll turn my portable heater off. When i wanna watch certin stuff on tv...he likes to turn wat im watchin off for what he wants to watch. Im kinda scared of him and i just want to be alone for a little while and just focus on getting everything ready for my baby and me. so we can be stable. does anyone have any advise.

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Jodi - posted on 01/27/2013

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Sorry, I assumed if you were asking for help on guidance that you may not have anywhere to go. These resources can also help you with legal advice, which you will probably need.

Jodi - posted on 01/27/2013

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Hi Riana, I don't know where you live, but there are resources available to you to help you get out. You do NOT have to stay in this situation, and neither should you.

We have some resources listed here:
http://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-to-c...

Have a look through them and make contact with one of the organisations listed, they will be able to help you.

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Shawnteria - posted on 01/29/2013

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I completely agree with Onetraeh the judicial system sucks when it comes to domestic violence but raina you must get out of that relationship because you dont want to drag the relationship on then you have your child and now not only is he beating you hes beating your child and god forbid something happens to your baby and believe me if he beats on you he will turn on your child and i know from experience with my mom and her boyfriend first it was her then it was all of us. So please if your family is supportive and you say you have alot try staying at an aunts somewhere he doesnt know the location to(after you kick him out) just for awhile so things can cool down. And even though the system sucks i still suggest you put a restraining order on him so that way when he returns you still can call the cops and he'll get arrested because hes violating the order and i know your going to get tired but stay strong and keep fighting everytime he shows up call no matter what and please dont give up or give in no matter what he says to you he hasnt changed. You have to protect yourself and your child. You were smart enough to seek help so i know youll stay strong.

Best of luck Raina

Onetraeh - posted on 01/29/2013

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ya the reason I had said she should tell her mum is becuz her mum must be old enough to know better (usually once us ladies hit 30 or so we don't gaf ) so I really hope she does raina but @ the end of the day it's your decision to stay or walk from your relationship.we're all the masters of our own destiny but I just worry tht you're so young & don't fully understand the dangers & I'm NOT saying you're stupid I've just been there myself.u might be @ an age where u think everybody is good people but they're not.so I hope your mum knows wht she's doing!also a disclaimer for why I didn't just say call 911 is becuz another unfortunate reality is tht rarely does the legal system work in favor of domestic violence victims & people say well she had a restraining order!so why is she dead?so we have to be proactive;u can't leave it up to the cops to save u they ain't gonna be there & the judge ain't going to be there for u either even if the guy was convicted.anyway raina I'm glad u @ least told your mum & best of luck to u!& be easy have a great day!

Raina Liane - posted on 01/28/2013

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My mom is a minister..and she prayed and we all went to church. we're a spiritual family and my mom said God showed her some things and our pastor gave us advice and placed hands on him..he really changed but there just somethings i dont like that he does.

Dove - posted on 01/28/2013

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If you live with your mom I'm surprised she hasn't had anyone kill him yet.

And no, I'm not advocating illegal activity. I just know if my child were living under my roof and her boyfriend had hit her.... he wouldn't be coming anywhere near my home again or he'd be in jail.

Onetraeh - posted on 01/28/2013

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hey raina hope this post finds u well;I understand if u want to hear an unbiased opinion for sure.wht I want to tell u is if u r going to break up with him be verrry careful about how u go about it ok?very dangerous to tell an abusive man to his face so do not breath a word to him!act like everything is ok;I'm assuming he lives with u & not vice versa since u said your room.so here is wht I would do;u said u have a lot of family?does tht per chance include any big & burly men who would be down for your cause?call them over whn your dude is out of the house for a while,change the locks!immediately!then proceed to throw all his stuff over the balcony or out the windows whichever works better.then call him & tell him to come get his shit & make sure!tht u r not by yourself in the house!I would suggest moving after tht but you've said tht u live with your mom & I can't tell how dangerous he is not knowing the entire situation.now if u did have any thoughts of staying with him let me tell u tht I know a girl whose man beat her so badly while she was pregnant tht her baby is now brain damaged for life & she is care taker to a special needs child tht could have been prevented.also read the news & look around!you're so young & sometimes we think oh it's just a love tap & he's not tht bad but sometimes you'll end up killed;especially statistically speaking pregnant women r @ a very high risk from their s/o.I'm not trying to scare u but plz believe those risks r real & talk to your mum about it!talk to your fam so they can help u!anyway just be cautious the way u go about this ok & I'll check back for updates & hope you're doing well;take care of yourself ya hear & be safe.bless

Raina Liane - posted on 01/27/2013

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I have a very supportive family, plus I live with my mom. I wouldnt need any outside help. I have alot of family.

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