I put my husbands name on my babys birth certificate. How much right does the actual sperm donor get?
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Ashley - posted on 12/26/2012
he is the father, so he has rights. all he has to do is request a dna test and take you to court to prove he is the father, then he will be added to the birth certificate, and you can be in trouble for putting your husband on the birth certificate knowing he was not the father, since you were not married at the time. as for being raped...does he know about the child? did you ever turn him in for raping you? do you still have any contact with him? do you even know him? i would say since you were raped, you could use that against him, but only if you reported it when it happened, otherwise they will not be able to prove it. and if he raped you, i would think chances are, he has no idea about the baby, unless you have contacted him and told him so, which i dont think a rape victim would do. if he is not in your life, and you have no contact or have not had any contact with him since you were raped, then i would say leave it alone, because if he finds out about the baby, he might want something to do with it, and i know i would not let my kids be around someone who has raped somebody, even if he is there father. i think you should just leave it all be unless he has hired an attorney and is seeking dna. im sorry that happened to you. just keep your baby safe.
Dove - posted on 12/19/2012
I already read your other post on this subject. If he takes you to court and gets paternity established... you could potentially get in a world of trouble w/ the court (depending on specific state laws).
Calling him a sperm donor is disrespectful to REAL sperm donors and is a lame attempt to absolve you of the blame of choosing to have sex w/ this guy... so please stop.
Shawnn - posted on 12/19/2012
Why are you calling him a sperm donor? If you had sex with him, then he was obviously someone that you wanted to hook up with. Why are you denying his rights now?
Sperm donors are anonymous. The person that you had sex with is the biological father to your child, and of course he has rights! Whether you like it or not, he does have rights! And the more that you try to circumvent those rights, the more likely you are to lose custody all together, or as Holly suggests, you'll be labeled the "egg donor"...
Oh and as far as how much, that will be determined by the courts. The more you try to deny the relationship, the more likely he is to get more rights, rather than less. It's better to be an adult about this, and meet him halfway.
Holly - posted on 12/19/2012
well if he was a true sperm donor, he doesn't get rights.... he shouldn't even KNOW that his sperm was used..... do you mean you went to the facility and were implanted with sperm? because if you were talking about a man that you slept with and conceived his chld.... that is not a sperm donor... that is the father of your child... and he has rights to your child... and depending on what state you are in, you could end up in jail for falsifying documents.. and then you would be fighting for rights to your child when you come out.
eta, you may then be labeled the EGG donor
The ladies who replied to you are awesome and helpful ladies, but they're not psychic and can't know information that you don't supply. They are most definitely not asses.
I too am interested to know whether you reported the rape, whether there was a criminal conviction and if you've had no contact with the rapist since? If all of those are the case, then you're probably not going to get found out.
If you didn't report the rape when it happened and nothing has been done since to prosecute the matter, then you might have a hard time proving it, especially if the rapist is someone that you know and whom you've seen in social situations. In that situation, the father of your baby would most likely have paternal rights.
Peyton~~I read the posts here and these ladies did not know about the circumstances behind your question. It did not make them look like they were judging you because they did not have that piece of information. But their answers are justified for other situations. I would have to say that since this is the case for you, that the father in this instance should not have rights to the child because of what happened. Has this person been convicted of the crime?
Lacye - posted on 12/19/2012
Few questions here so bear with me:
1. Why do you call the father of your child a "sperm donor"? Is it because he doesn't want to be involved with his child in any way, or is it because you just don't like him any more?
2. You are married, yet your husband is not the father. So you either cheated on your husband (ew) or you were separated from him and got together with the actual father of your child (still ew) OR you just recently got married to this guy after becoming pregnant with this other man's child. Which is it? Curious because I like to know the type of people I'm giving advice to.
Either way around it, you have obviously made some mistakes (after all, you are just human); however, the FATHER of your child has every right to get to know his own child, just as the child has every right to get to know his/her father. Just because you are resentful towards the father does not give you the right to take this baby away from him. That is what we call Parental Alienation and yes you can get into trouble for it in the court of law (possibly losing custody of your child). It would be better in the long run to have your husband's name removed from the birth certificate and have the FATHER'S name put on there.
OH and by not reporting to the court system that your husband is not the actual father, you can get into trouble for that as well. It's this little thing called fraud. That's a federal offense the last time I checked.
Shawnn - posted on 12/19/2012
Excellent point, Dove. People need to take responsibility for their actions. Calling someone that you've had sex with a "sperm donor" is belittling, demeaning, and selfish, IMO.
If you liked him enough to have sex with him, then grow up and give him the opportunity to know the child that he created.
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