I really need your advice on dad asking to claim one of our kids on his tax return

Angela - posted on 02/01/2010

I think the answer to this one is definitely not black and white. How much child support does he pay? Who makes more money, (does he really need to claim one? Does he have a similar income to you? or does he make a lot more or less?) I kinda think you should just claim both though because you do look after them the most. At least he seems to be trying to be fair in his eyes, he's not asking to claim both. Who knows maybe there is a set law for that.

Erica - posted on 02/01/2010

If he pays child support he can claim the money he pays out (you on the other hand do not claim it as income). If he can't deal with that tough luck. My three oldest lived with their dad for awhile and I never once asked if I could claim them, it was his right not mine.

Kristina - posted on 02/01/2010

I had joint of my kids and I would not allow my ex to so he took me to court over it, (he loved doing that) and because the kids actually lived with me more than 4 days a week he was not allowed to claim them per court order... If I was you I would not allow it..

Pat - posted on 02/01/2010

He gets to claim alimony and child support so you need to claim your sons as they live with you more than with their dad. You could always verify this by looking on line but i think if the kids live with you then you should claim them.. My thoughts...

Iysha - posted on 02/01/2010

I could see if he had them half the time than he should be able to claim one and you claim one but not if he just has them weekends. Of course he's upset, he gets less money that way. lol.



I live with my fiance and I am the one that worked more this year so I claimed our daughter...he wanted to but I still said no. I had to take him to H&R Block to just be able to explain to him that it would be more benificial to us that way. lol. Guys....

Katie - posted on 02/01/2010

My daughter's father gets her everyother weekend and for 2 hours on Wednesday nights and I claim her on my taxes. He has never asked me to claim her, but I would tell him no. Even though he pays child support, it isn't a lot and I still have to pay for the day to day. I do know some people who worked it into their custody agreements to alternate years but most of them have 50/50 custody. I think you should keep doing what you are doing and not let him get the tax write off. They (fathers) do not have any idea how much it costs to raise a child and they need to stop looking at it as a luxury.

Pat - posted on 02/01/2010

i would let him do so...i was in that same position as u and my ex-husband i did do that he took one and i took one...it was ok for me because the check ended up coming to me anyway because of back child support that was unpaid...

April - posted on 02/01/2010

My ex did the same thing and then he tried to tell me that he had to sign a form for me to claim them. I had to explain that according to the IRS, I had to sign a form for him to claim them because they live with me. You provide most of the support, not just money but emotional and so on....you should claim them.

S - posted on 02/01/2010

I think if he is 50/50 with you then its a call off whether or not you do it. But here's the thing, check your returns and if you need him for a higher retrun rate , I would not let him use him. I can undterstand that he is upset, but he didnt offer to give you some of the extra cash back for him right , to be able to use him?? If he does can you trust him in getthat that to you? Lots of questions to be answered. I have abf that wants to use my daughter to get money back this year. I paid 95% of all finaincial issues as he was out of work. The obly way I would let him use her is if he contributed more, or if he was planning on recooping me for my contributions across the year.

Olivia - posted on 02/01/2010

WHY does he want to claim one of them? Seems like something fishy to me.

Mary - posted on 02/01/2010

I would talk to an accountant to make sure that he legally can't claim one of them. He may try to do it anyway which could cause you trouble in the future, audits, etc. I would also document every exchange you have with him in a diary of sorts, dates, times, what was discussed, etc. Does he pay support? I paid child support for my daughter, I am the mom, and I wasn't able to claim her because he was the primary caregiver.

Laura - posted on 02/01/2010

Check with the IRS. I believe if you come back with solid documentation stating the percentage of time they live with you vs. the time they live with him it will show that he has no legal rights to claim either of the children on his tax returns regardless of the fact he may pay child support. He certainly doesn't handle the care of the children which is quite a bit of work and should not go without recognition to you. If the IRS states that the children are required they live with a guardian for a required percentage of time in order to be able to claim them on their taxes he won't have a leg to stand on and he can't place blame you. It simply is a legal problem for him. But be careful and keep your guard up because if he wants it bad enough then he may fight for custody in the future.

Debbie - posted on 02/01/2010

You should not let him claim one of the boys unless your divorce states that he can. It will be up to you, but if you do it once, then he is going to expect it every year. I wouldn't do it. You need to keep that security close, men have a way of manipulated the generous hearts we women have and they know how to abuse it. So my answer is NO. I have go through that when my boys were small, and let me tell you, the men will get over it and move on. He is just testing the waters to see if you sink.

Diane - posted on 02/01/2010

Unless it is in the custody agreement he does not have the right to claim any of the children, especially since they are with you full time.

Brenda - posted on 01/31/2010

It is a no brainer. He doesn't even have them half of the time.

Betty - posted on 01/31/2010

This should have been worked out with the divorce, as to who claims who. As long as you both don't claim them I don't think the IRS cares who does. I would think the child support, and how much, + the time who lives with who, would be a part of who claims them. I agreed to let my husband claim our daughter even though she lived with me almost 100 %, which I regretted after the agreement was made. I actually contributed more $$$$ than he did when I sat down and added it all up not to mention I had total responsibility for her care. If you can work out something get it in writing and keep it in case you need to prove to the IRS that you have the right to claim them as dependents. Otherwise, you need to get your attorney's involved.

Stacy - posted on 01/31/2010

One question first is this your only child? And if so then do you have income that will benfit you to claim your child your self then yes claim her.If not does he have any other children with someone else then tell him no.I know some paren tyou have a good relationship that the mother doesnot have income worth claiming therer children they let the other parent claim them and have the other paren tdivide them return between both for amount thats for the children.If your kids have no relationship with this father my answer would be no!

Rita - posted on 01/31/2010

just one more "food for thought" comment.

The one who recieves child support doesn't have to claim the money as income but the one who pays the child support must still claim it as income...

There is a little unfairness in that isn't there?

Rita - posted on 01/31/2010

It's too bad that ex-husbands are always painted as the bad guy out to get more than he deserves. Many of them would like to be the one to take care of their children, but fighting for that right would have been a loooong drawn out battle (and would benefit only the lawyers). Please don't think that because they are not with the kids that they don't have the same worries. Please don't think that they ALL don't care about the kids and are just out for the money. That wouldn't be fair.

In my opinion, if the ex pays child support (ex wife or ex husband), then they should be entitled to some tax break.

If it's all about the money...it works both ways . It kind of sounds like everybody's worried about the money.

Danielle - posted on 01/30/2010

Thanks KariAnn. You raised good points. I provided medical for the kids and paid extra for kids' activities. Tried to spend more time with them, but he limited it. Guess that's taken care of now that the kids are with me :)

While one might immediately want to say screw the ex, one also needs to keep in mind he/she might be on the other side at some point in the future (say the kids decide to live with other parent).

KariAnn - posted on 01/30/2010

Well its' really hard to give you an educated answer with out all of the information. Does he pay child support? Does he hold medical insurance for them? Does he contribute financially any other way to them (paying for anything at school, extra activities, etc)?
My ex boyfriend and I went to court over this. We were never married, and I have full custody of our daughter. He only has visitation. The amount of time the child spends with the non custodial parent has no bearing on claiming the child. They go by financials only. If each parent spends an equal amount on the child on a monthly basis, then both parents have a right to claim the child. He pays me child support and is court ordered to hold medical insurance on her. So as long as he is current on her child support and carries her medical insurance, then he claims her every other year.

Michelle - posted on 01/30/2010

I would definitely not let him claim one of your children. I'm sure that what you do for your children and what you pay to keep your household running is worth more than the check he's agreed to give you monthly and more than the 2 days a week that he's seeing them.

Hannah - posted on 01/30/2010

One more thing... if he gets behind in his support, it'll do him no good to claim the kids on his taxes, because the CSEA will take his refund and send it you anyway!

Hannah - posted on 01/30/2010

If I understand it correctly (as explained to me by a friend who was an accountant), federal tax law as the IRS holds it has specific criteria for claiming a dependent as a tax write-off. I believe the dependent must live with you at least 50% of the time, and you must be responsible for at least 50% of the dependent's financial welfare. If parents agree to switch off years and stick to that agreement, the IRS doesn't usually go after anyone for writing off a dependent illegally, but the primary residential parent can get the non-residential parent into trouble if both parents try to claim the same kid in the same year. As I understand it, regardless of any agreement, the dependent must meet BOTH criteria (residence and financial responsibility) in order to qualify for claim on a provider's federal taxes. That is why my husband hasn't claimed or attempted to claim his daughters as dependents for tax purposes since his divorce from his ex even though the divorce specifies that he can do so on alternate years; we figure that if, later on, she gets vindictive, we don't want to give her a gun to shoot us with. An accounting professional would be able to tell you if I am right or wrong in this.

Tamisha - posted on 01/30/2010

i completetly agree with you. They feel like since they buy things for them then they need to claim them on their taxes. That is how my son's father is he dont understand that he doesnt do for him 12 months out of the year. i have to tell him to buy milk and diapers so i understand let him get mad u did the right thing

Teresa - posted on 01/30/2010

I have a comment to whoever it was way up above that said you can only get credit for up to 2 children.... it has now changed to 3. :)



My ex wanted to claim my girls for 2008 even though he had only seen them a few times and had only paid a total of $300 in child support. Yeah, no way! I have full physical and full legal custody. IF he were to pay child support (over $1000/month) I might consider it, but since he hasn't even paid a dime in 2009.... I don't see that happening.



The crummiest part is since we are still on welfare.... I don't get to claim them either, but I do have to file taxes on the income that I've made (from my job, not the welfare money). Which means I'm probably going to owe this year. I'm fine w/ not getting anything back, but I REALLY can't afford to owe.... I have GOT to get us off of welfare. Wouldn't even have to BE on it if he paid support. Sorry, I think I went a little off topic there. ;)

Danielle - posted on 01/30/2010

I wrote up our 2006 divorce decree splitting the kids for tax write-offs even tho I agreed to let my ex have primary physical custody. We shared joint custody, and I choose being able to claim my son as he's younger and therefore I'd have more years of a tax exemption. Even now that I have primary physical of both kids (/dance), I'm still allowing the ex to claim our daughter for tax purposes. However, if he falls into arrears for a year then I'll probably see about changing that so thanks for the replies to give me more food for thought.

Amanda - posted on 01/30/2010

Being that they do live with you, it is for you to claim them as dependands on your tax return. You are there primary caregiver. for him to claim one they would have to live with him at least 50% of the time and at that point it comes back to the lower income parent is the one to claim dependants.

Casey - posted on 01/30/2010

There have been a lot of responses on this, so I'm not sure if this has been said, but when you are filing, and you are at the point to claim dependents, it ask if you have supplied 1/2 or more of their support. I don't know your situation, but from what I have seen (with my own father, with my sister-in-law, and several others I know who are single parents), child support does not come close to meeting half of a child's support. If it is the same with you, I would say since you pay more than 1/2 of their support, you have the right to claim them. However, if your ex happens to be one of those very rare exceptions(and from what you have said it does not sound like it) that go above and beyond what the court order states and they really take care of their child, then I see nothing wrong with each of you claiming one. Which, if your owed any back-child support, then anything he gets should be sent to you anyway. There are some things that are nice about the tax system.

TONI - posted on 01/30/2010

let him get upset then he is the one trying to get a quick get out of debt card and using the kids is a piss poor excuse. and its also tax fraud! so good job girl. if he pays child support then he is still a dad but if not then he is just another man. i am glad that he is ur EX. IDK U AND U DONT KNOW ME BUT GIRL GOOD GOING WITH THE SITUATION.

Cyndi - posted on 01/30/2010

I think it does depend on how much time he spends with the children and how much child support he pays. I read somewhere that one thinks you can claim child support paid. This is not so. Child support is never claimed on anyones return either way. Wheather you are recieving it or giving it. I think if you get along, it may be smart to see which one of you would actually get more back by claiming the child (As long as the one getting it is willing to spend it on the child). Also you can have it split into 2 accounts when filing. I would allow my x husband every other year as long as he is up to date on child support. As far as the rule that they live with you, that does not hold bearing in divorce or separated parents. This is common and a lot of Dads and Moms who are not the custodial parents claim the children. Although legally you have the choice. If you do not want him to claim the child then you do not have to let him unless there is a divorce paper stating it. If you choose to allow him to, the 8332 is the form for you to sign to let him. Even if you do not sign it he can unless you both claim the child then you would win that legally. I see it all the time...2 parents trying to beat eachother to the punch. If he does it before you (which can happen) then your electronic filed return will be kicked back. You would still get your dependency you would just have to mail it in. Hope this helps...

Jennifaye - posted on 01/30/2010

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING IF HE WAANTS TO FILL ONE HE NEED HIM TO STAY AT LEAST HALF OF THE TIME DON'T BE A PART TIME DADDY

Myrna - posted on 01/30/2010

First of all...there is the question of whether or not he pays child support or financially supports them in anyway during the year. Second question is has there been any formal custody given to either or. If he does support them financially in any way and there is no formal custody the either parent can and/or has the right claim them on alternate years. You both have to agree on this.

In any case...it is upto you to make the decision on whether you would allow this to happen. If you and your ex talk and there is no intense animosity between you...you may consider doing this. You may each claim a child. As I said before...ultimately, it is your choice and it breeds amical separation.

Melissa - posted on 01/30/2010

I would stick with it the way you have it and know you are doing the right thing! Unless he cares for them half the time, they should be your dependents. My ex and I share half and half and I claim one, he the other - but different circumstances. Good luck to you!

Dee - posted on 01/30/2010

I do not agree with some of the posts here. They live with you and you should be the one to claim BOTH of the children. Just because he pays child support does not give him the right to claim one or both of the children. Now if he has them 50% of the time then yes he has the right other wise no. You made a good call on this one!!

Rachel - posted on 01/30/2010

I agree with Judy's post above - if he is paying child support, he is already getting that amount deducted from his taxable income. There is no need to let him take any other credit. You are the one with all the responsibility and the bulk of the burden for raising the children. He should grow up and stop trying to take advantage of you.

Danielle - posted on 01/30/2010

He only has him one day on the weekend and one day a week? Does he pay child support? Does he pay HALF of all of his needs?
If you can honestly answer that he does his part I would CONSIDER letting him claim him. If he is a "weekend warrior" so to speak NO he should not be able to claim him... I have a cout order for shared parenting and my son is with both parents equally so every other year we claim him. it is also written out in the court order..

Tracy - posted on 01/30/2010

Well obviously he wants the tax break- which if he pays you child support is the sneaky way of getting some or most of it back. According to the IRS, if you do not have a court order stating who is the rightful claimant, then they take the parent who has the majority of the time with the child(ren) as the parent with the legal right to claim them. I have had my ex claim my son every year even with my court order and every year I have to write a letter to the IRS with my court order and a copy of the parenting plan and child support paid to prove I am the rightful claimant and they agree. Good luck and stand your ground.

Lori - posted on 01/30/2010

I have two children and went through a horrible divorce over ten years ago. My kids live with me full time and see there dad on weekends; similar to your situation. From the beginning, I claim the youngest on my taxes and he claims the oldest. I just thought that after everything else we were fighting about, that this was trivial. It just brought even more stress and tension into the house and we had had enough. It just wasn't worth losing sleep over and I wanted to get our lives back on track. Goodluck sorting it out but I might suggest "picking you battles". In the long run of raising children you're going to have a lot of challenges to spend your energy on. You might ask yourself, "is this one of them?". Technically, your right about the question that the IRS asks you, but if he pays child support, maybe he's entitled to claim one? Best wishes

Sharon - posted on 01/30/2010

Depends if you are American or Canadian as the laws are very different. Generally if he is paying child support he would be entitled to claiming one of the boys if you are Canadian. Its not based on who has them the most if its joint custody it should be split. Not sure how it work in the States.

Lisa - posted on 01/30/2010

During my time I was a single parent I truely was a SINGLE parent, so I never actually delt with this situation, but my take (after checking with a tax advisor) is, tax claim should be the sole entitlement of the parent the children reside with, AND who provides more the 50 % of their direct care. Alot of people tend to think if he pays and oh if he spends time, he is better then someone else, well I am sorry but there is so much more to it then that. Yea if he does all that great, but I still say who makes them feel better when sick, or scared, who takes time off of work most, who potty trained and took the bottle/pacifier ect., who has to find a babysitter for their own appointmnents or just going out if plans don't fall on the fathers 2 maybe 3 days, and tell me when can a single patrent "bail" on the laundry or homework or dinner and just nap, when they are at their wits end or sick as a dog? There is expenses that the primary parent inccurs mental/emotionally/physically, and finacialy that the other does not, so no unless the law says otherwise(which always felt like it was working against me), I stand by NO!

Lauren - posted on 01/30/2010

I have experience in accounting, and also with family affairs. In my past experiences, it does not matter who the children "live with". If he is the biological father and has been awarded joint custody, then he has the option of either rotating years with you meaning one year you claim them both, then the next he claims them, and so on. OR you each claim 1 child each year. It is not fair and I understand your frustration, but if he has been legally awarded "joint custody", then he has the right unless it specifically states that he cannot claim them in the Parenting Plan awarded by the Court system. If he decides to pursue it further and take you to court, he could win...IF he has "Joint Custody". I'm really sorry, but I hope this helps. I hate seeing people get shafted in this manner, and, yes, it is a bunch of BS!

Kathryn - posted on 01/30/2010

it depends on how many kids you have, claiming more than 2 is a waste because you only get credit for 2 children. I understand that he only has them 2 days a week, but thats more than a lot of other fathers out there. If you have more than 2 kids I say give him the other, it's not gonna make or break you.

Melvina - posted on 01/30/2010

Post-2008 divorce decree or separation agreement for Children of divorced or separated parents. Beginning with 2009 tax returns a non custodial parent claiming an exemption for a child can no longer attach certain pages from a divorce decree or separation agreement instead of Form 8332 if the decree or agreement went into effect after 2008. The noncuxtodial parent must attach Form 8332 or a similar statement signed by the custodial parent and whose only purpose is to release a claim to exemption. The decree no longer matters. Instructions from IRS web site:irs.gov

Sherry - posted on 01/30/2010

well i've been a single parent for 4 years now and my ex boyfriend has his child every other week and during march break and as well and half of the summer as well. and based on me doing my income taxes for the last 4 years now he can't claim his children unless he resides with them full time and he dosen't if he had tried to do it and was successful at it and you didn't know about it and you tried to do the same they could pelize you or him for this occuring.

hope this advise helps.

Terri - posted on 01/30/2010

Hi Valerie, I agree with you. Isn't it in your divorce decree about who gets to claim them? He'll get over it.

Daimarys - posted on 01/30/2010

Definitely NOT! my best friends babys father asked the same thing and i do not agree with it. You provide a home for that child he is just a visit. Men who think this is okay are out of their mind. he is being selfish for the money. Absolutely not. sand this angers me because of course someone very close is having serious arguments because of this. Just know your the main provider.

Debra - posted on 01/30/2010

If the boys live with you then you have every right to claim them. I took turns with my ex husband, but he spent a lot of time with our son. One year I would claim our son the next he would. Sorry if this doesn't help, but every situation is so different. Good Luck!

Cindy - posted on 01/30/2010

At least he asked!! I would discuss it with your tax person to see how much of an impact it would have on your return and if it's minimal think about allowing it this one time. It could be a good bargaining tool in the long run.

Ngahina - posted on 01/30/2010

Tell him NO. If he wants to claim for one of your babies for more money, tell him to bad, go and get a second job or something.