Sherilee - posted on 05/21/2012 ( 18 moms have responded )
im at a loss for words or answers to my situation...
i lay awake evey night just crying about how much ive gone through.
I keep hoping for a brighter day and life with him.. im tired of his sorys and promises.
he has done everything.. physical...emotional cheating, i dont know if he ever got around to cheating physically, he has stole my money , pawned our wedding presents and his wedding rings for his drug habit... which he went to rehab for and that person loved me and wanted to do great things for me... then he came out and it started all over again.
He is now at a point where everything i do is wrong.. he gets violent and gressive and screams infront of our 11 month old boy... i always tell him to leave our baby and calm down... he gets into this mode where by he doesnt care about anything or anyone... he is so self centred... he tells me how pathetic i am... how stupid i am.. he hates everything about me... he has taken a knife out for me and his mother once.. but she is still in denial of his behaviour... he tells me he is going to kill me and how he is unhappy and tells me things to hurt me like he loves someone else.... he manipulates me to and says hurtful things to get a reaction out of me... the one time he moved he took everything.. including the kettle so i couldnt make bottles for our son... even when i asked him to pls not.
he looks at me with resentment and hate. I support the house financially, i pay his debts and help him get what ever he needs eg petrol and ciagrettes.. what ever he brings i use towards the rent.
i do so much for him... im always there when he needs me... i support him through his isuues and insecurities... why does he hurt me and our baby like this ? can he really love us and treat us like this ? why does he use me... sex when he wants, money when he wants... its all about him.. im so depressed and suicidal... i cry at work and at home.. my family beg me to leave but i cant cope at this point as i have put myself into debt for him....i will have no way of gettign to work ( distance ), he will loose interest in our child who loves him so much.... ive left him a number if times.. what can i do to depend on myself to make my leaving him permanent... i cant keep going back to this hurtful, hateful life... i have to have an abortion because i cant bring another baby into this mess... i dont know what to do... he will never change right ?