I think he hates me or regrets being married... he is psycotic.

Sherilee - posted on 05/21/2012 ( 18 moms have responded )

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hi

im at a loss for words or answers to my situation...
i lay awake evey night just crying about how much ive gone through.
I keep hoping for a brighter day and life with him.. im tired of his sorys and promises.

he has done everything.. physical...emotional cheating, i dont know if he ever got around to cheating physically, he has stole my money , pawned our wedding presents and his wedding rings for his drug habit... which he went to rehab for and that person loved me and wanted to do great things for me... then he came out and it started all over again.

He is now at a point where everything i do is wrong.. he gets violent and gressive and screams infront of our 11 month old boy... i always tell him to leave our baby and calm down... he gets into this mode where by he doesnt care about anything or anyone... he is so self centred... he tells me how pathetic i am... how stupid i am.. he hates everything about me... he has taken a knife out for me and his mother once.. but she is still in denial of his behaviour... he tells me he is going to kill me and how he is unhappy and tells me things to hurt me like he loves someone else.... he manipulates me to and says hurtful things to get a reaction out of me... the one time he moved he took everything.. including the kettle so i couldnt make bottles for our son... even when i asked him to pls not.

he looks at me with resentment and hate. I support the house financially, i pay his debts and help him get what ever he needs eg petrol and ciagrettes.. what ever he brings i use towards the rent.
i do so much for him... im always there when he needs me... i support him through his isuues and insecurities... why does he hurt me and our baby like this ? can he really love us and treat us like this ? why does he use me... sex when he wants, money when he wants... its all about him.. im so depressed and suicidal... i cry at work and at home.. my family beg me to leave but i cant cope at this point as i have put myself into debt for him....i will have no way of gettign to work ( distance ), he will loose interest in our child who loves him so much.... ive left him a number if times.. what can i do to depend on myself to make my leaving him permanent... i cant keep going back to this hurtful, hateful life... i have to have an abortion because i cant bring another baby into this mess... i dont know what to do... he will never change right ?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Louise - posted on 05/21/2012

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This relationship is going nowhere. Pack your stuff and leave when he is out the house. You need to be safe and living like this is not good for the baby. If he comes to find you then you lay the law down and tell him he either proves to you that he can come off the drugs and change forever or he gets out of your life. DO NOT GO BACK until he is either clean or you are 100% sure that things have changed. I dont beleive things will ever be right. You have wasted enough of your life with this man, it is time to find a man to love and respect you.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/21/2012

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Sherilee "im just scared of facing the hard times"

I am sorry, but you are smack dead in the MIDDLE of hard times. He will NEVER change. Do not allow your child to grow up thinking this is the way women are treated, or he will behave the same way. Please leave this man. I agree with everything Krista said, but have one more thing to add.

By you paying his bills, sticking around, or running back to him, allowing him to have sex with you when HE wants (if you don't want it, that is called rape) paying for gas, cigarettes, and most likely his drugs, you are enabling him to act this way. The best thing you can do for yourself, your son, and your husband is to leave.

There are many womens shelters able to help women in your situation. There is WIC, food stamps, chapter 8 housing, you just need to work at getting it in place. Please get out. If he has already threatened to kill you, it may not be long before he does. Then what will happen to your son? You have to put aside your worries and make things happen to lead a normal happy life for your son at least.

Stifler's - posted on 05/22/2012

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Nope kick him out! I agree with Marina these ARE the hard times with someone abusing you and setting a bad example for your baby. What could actually BE any worse? You're the one making money now anyway go and stay with family for a bit.

[deleted account]

From what you've said, you've already given him a chance. It is now time to give him a chance to do it on his own. I know it's hard, I know that you are probably terrified and scared. At the end of the day your son will thank you for making the right decision. That decision is not to have his Dad in your life or his until he can prove that he can clean up his act, grow up and stay clean. Also that he can respect the people in his life.

It took me a while to realise that the right decision was to separate from and divorce my ex husband. Did I make the right decision - yes as he was verbally and emotionally abusive to me and my two eldest. My girls are happy and together we have moved on with our lives without my ex in it. Yes my ex does pop up occasionally in our lives, but not for long as I get the impression that its too much like hard work making the effort to be in my girls lives.

Sarah - posted on 05/21/2012

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Do you want your son growing up thinking that this is an acceptable way to treat women?

Get out while you still can.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

18 Comments

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Cinda - posted on 10/11/2012

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No men like him never change,get Away before you or your son get hurt or worse.been there leaving is scary but leave stay gone.It will get better once u committ to leaving

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/21/2012

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You did try, and your child will thank you for not subjecting him to witness his mother being abused or himself being abused. You think your husband yelling and being mean, doing drugs is not effecting your child? Your child will have respect for you leaving a terrible situation.

Sherilee - posted on 05/21/2012

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Thank you all... :) i will keep you updated.. ive been working on my budget and making arrangements for transport... i just need to sort one more thing out... and in this time.. if God isnt doesnt show me a sign or create a miracle in our lives... il know its over and done.... :( i just also dont want my child asking me one day , why didnt i try if i loved....

Jamie - posted on 05/21/2012

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No. Do what's best for yourself and the baby before one of you gets hurst or worse.

Krista - posted on 05/21/2012

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Sherilee, your son may miss him. But it is better for your son to miss him, then for him to grow up around this violent man. Would you be able to live with yourself if, in his rage, your husband hurt your son? No? Then don't risk it.

He needs help, but it's not help that you or anybody else can give. He has to want it. And until he does, then NOTHING will change. And you can't MAKE him want to change. You can't fix him, you can't control the situation. All you can do is control your OWN actions and protect your baby and yourself.

It's going to be hard times, absolutely. But think of it this way: you're not going to be any worse off. You support him right now. Without him, your money will go farther. And even if times are tough, think of this...you will not be living in fear of him anymore. You will not have him tearing you down and hurting you. You have the chance at a peaceful life.

Sherilee - posted on 05/21/2012

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thank you all so much..
i really appreciate it.

im just scared of facing the hard times... no transport .. money for food and rent... my son will miss him sorely ... that hurts me so much. he is so close to his daddy... I cant believe what i have gotten myself into... i shouldve never married him... now i dont know whether im coming or going... i need to tell our counselor what a devious and false person he is ... he always seems so willing to do anything.... he hurts me so much... i get so angry thinking about everything he has put me through... i love him but i loathe the person he has become... i just wish he could look back and think about his wedding speech and everything he promised and what he felt at that moment.
he has come so far in life from the crap he came from because i believed in him when no one else did... and this is what i get from him...
as much as i want him to hurt ... i want him to prosper because he is my childs father...
i have to have an abortion... i wasnt happy about it at all.. and financially i cant do it... let alone with or without the father.

[deleted account]

I have to agree with the other women. It is now time to end this relationship. You have tried your best to help him get back on the straight and narrow. He either can't or won't deal with his drug issues. Until he decides to turn his life around there is nothing you can do about it. As for his Mum - it is her decision as an adult to either ignore or accept what her son is doing to himself.

Get legal advice about separating and getting divorced from him, then that means that your also financially/legally separated from his as well as physically/emotionally. Also by getting legal advice means that you can get into place what you need to for the safety of you and your child.

As for an abortion - regardless of whether or not you decide to have it or not, please make sure that you can live with your decision. The only person who can make the decision is yourself and it does have to be the right decision for yourself and one that you have to live with for the rest of your life.

What to do - time to end the relationship. He has been abusive to you and your child and that includes the threat to kill you. He is not safe to be around.

Thinking positive - start working on your future, surround yourself with friends and family who you can trust and rely on. Remain positive, the main focus is on you and your child now. With time both of you will be happier and feel better.

Michelle - posted on 05/21/2012

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I agree with the other ladies, get out now. You need to think of your child and his safety first and foremost.

Jodi - posted on 05/21/2012

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I agree, get the hell out. Not tomorrow, not next week, NOW. You are in an abusive relationship and he WILL NOT CHANGE!

If you have family who can help you, go to them. Tell them exactly what you told us. If not, find a battered woman's shelter that can help you. If you are not sure where to turn, there are some resources here that can help you: http://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-to-c...

Amanda - posted on 05/21/2012

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Get out and get out now.

Move in with family who are willing to help and support you and your son.

If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your little boy

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