I think i've spoiled my baby!!

Suzanne - posted on 08/06/2010

I have done the exact same thing with my second child and he's such a momma's boy. I don't think we've done anything wrong! Here's my intake: When you just had one, you spoiled him/her. The only reason he/she didn't get clingy was because there wasn't anyone around to play with and they had to entertain themselves. With the second child, I think you should be alright, as long as you don't carry the "spoiling" into their teenage years. As long as they know what's right and wrong, you should be okay. She'll grow out of it and love you more because of all the coddling!

Krista - posted on 08/06/2010

Babies go through clingy phases regardless of what you do. And they will also go through phases where they'll wake through the night. At this age, it could very well be teething. I know my son becomes clingy and sleepless when he is in discomfort. Comforting your baby is not spoiling her -- it's reassuring to her. There will be plenty of time for independence as she gets a bit older -- don't worry, she'll let you know.

Sharron - posted on 08/06/2010

Hi
I have two children one 4 years and one 2 years old.
Both spend their first year in our bed and moved to their own bed without a problem. I slept like a baby.

Laura - posted on 08/06/2010

my two who are almost 14 months started to wake again during the night...i upped their food intake during the day and they started to sleep back through...is it possible maybe shes hungry?

Jonnie - posted on 06/03/2009

You can't spoil a baby. You holding her and picking her up assures her that you are there and you will take care of her. This will deepen her attachment to you, which is what you want. When she is a little older she will be secure in knowing that you will always be there when she needs you, and she wont be a clingy elementary school aged child, afraid of trying new things. She spent 9 months developing inside you and she still wants to feel safe like that. This wont last forever, have hope. I have 4 kids and some days I wonder where the time has gone. My baby is planning his senior trip right now, but they are always our little ones. :0)

Wendi - posted on 06/02/2009

Not possible...love that baby will all your heart and all your might, they grow fast and you will soon find out that you will wish one day they were a baby once more to just hold their little selves in your arms...enjoy while you can:)

Corene - posted on 06/02/2009

my daughter is also 7 months and is still a breastfed baby (only at night) and she's never slept an entire night thro. I dont think that the fact that u jump to her every cry has anything to do with it. Some babies take longer to sleep throughout the night than others. Just hang in there, nap when possible and ask for help when available. Believe me i know how it is.. my daughter usually wakes up 4-5 times a night.

Sarah - posted on 06/02/2009

Quoting Esther:

Quoting Sarah:

[ ] Unfortuantely though in my experience with other mums I know who have had clingy babies - its been more of a developmental thing and growing out of it than the mother being able to "detach" the child from her. IYKWIM?!  [ ]

Sarah - I just have to know - what on earth is IYKWIM? It's driving me crazy trying to figure it out.now

 

IYKWIM = If you know what I mean?

Cathy - posted on 06/02/2009

My 5 month old slept through last night for the first time .... I'd forgotton what it was like to have energy from an uninterrupted nights sleep!!! I don't think picking them up a lot and spoiling them with affection makes too much difference at this stage. My first had total one on one attention and he was sleeping through very early. My second baby regularly has to cry it out because I have other people to think about. He's clingy when he gets the chance.
I guess my advice would be, do whatever you have to around the house during the day. If she cries and its purely for attention then let her until your free to give her your undivided attention. Maybe if she learns during the day that crying doesn't get her what she wants, she'll be too exhausted by night to bother. Sounds a bit cruel but atleast if you can hear her crying while your doing things, you know she's still alive!

Cathy - posted on 06/02/2009

My 5 month old slept through last night for the first time .... I'd forgotton what it was like to have energy from an uninterrupted nights sleep!!! I don't think picking them up a lot and spoiling them with affection makes too much difference at this stage. My first had total one on one attention and he was sleeping through very early. My second baby regularly has to cry it out because I have other people to think about. He's clingy when he gets the chance.
I guess my advice would be, do whatever you have to around the house during the day. If she cries and its purely for attention then let her until your free to give her your undivided attention. Maybe if she learns during the day that crying doesn't get her what she wants, she'll be too exhausted by night to bother. Sounds a bit cruel but atleast if you can hear her crying while your doing things, you know she's still alive!

LeAnn - posted on 06/02/2009

It is hard to hear your baby cry. I have a 4 month old, and some days are just crabby days for her. I read "Becoming BabyWise" before she was born, and that helped me a lot! She's my first one and the book gave me a lot more confidence about parenting and how to help my baby establish a healthy sleep pattern. She does not sleep with us, but her room is right next to ours. Is your daughter waking up at about the same time every night? Maybe she is waking up out of habit rather than need. Try to keep the middle of the night happenings as low-key as possible, turn on as few lights as you can. And now comes the hard part--the crying. If you want your baby to sleep in a crib, you need to get her in the practice of doing that whether it be in your room or in her own. The first few days will probably not be fun because she will cry. Just remember that you are teaching her to associate her room & crib with sleep. Try to look at the clock when she is crying. It is probably not for as long as you think, even though, believe me, it does seem like forever. As long as she's been fed, changed, and has been able to play for a little while, she shouldn't need much else than just to take a nap. Give her about 10 minutes to try to go to sleep without responding to her. If she continues to cry, go in and check that she doesn't need anything else. If she has other needs, respond to those and put her back to bed. She will get the hang of this in a few days. Use this for her bedtime routine too. I would really recommend "Becoming BabyWise" for you to read! It's great!
I would leave the spoiling up to Grandma & Grandpa. You'll get to do it someday too, hopefully!!

Esther - posted on 06/02/2009

Quoting Sarah:

[ ] Unfortuantely though in my experience with other mums I know who have had clingy babies - its been more of a developmental thing and growing out of it than the mother being able to "detach" the child from her. IYKWIM?!  [ ]

Sarah - I just have to know - what on earth is IYKWIM? It's driving me crazy trying to figure it out.

Michele - posted on 06/02/2009

Along with everyone else - you can't spoil a baby. Having said that I too understand the feeling of delusion from lack of sleep. My kids ( 6 months and 2yrs) have different personalities and therefore I modified how I dealt with each of them. The oldest girl is more cautious and just naturally compliant- we did No Cry Sleep Solution with her and attachment parenting. We even took naps with her and let her sleep with us until she was just moving so much in her sleep that it was keeping us awake - she was already sleeping through the night with us and moving her to the crib was no issue at all. Everyone told me she was going to be too attached and demanding but I am very pleased with the result she is a well adjusted independent little girl. The youngest (and a boy) has been very different from birth - much more independent, determined - I might even say stubborn - if a 6 month old could be stubborn. He has so much energy that even with me holding him he sometimes needs to squirm and fuss to get all the energy out before he can sleep - so we do the No Cry Sleep Solution but let him cry a little at a time - never taking him out of the crib(he happens to like his crib) but patting him and letting him know we are there - and never more crying than his body weight in minutes (11lbs=11 minutes). We have a nap routine and bedtime routine we have to be very consistent with so he now starts winding down during the routine and lots of times will go to sleep in his crib without me even being there - and now without crying. I can explain the No Cry Sleep Solution to you if you want more info. It definetly works - it just takes some effort at first.

Vanessa - posted on 06/02/2009

I was the same way with my daughter who is now 18 months old. Family warned me that it could possibly cause an issue, but it has not. My daughter is now a pretty independent little girl. She sleeps through the night in her own bed and most of the time will lay down on her child-sized couch and take her nap when she is tired.

Like many of the other posters have said, you should enjoy all the cuddling now because the time really does fly.

If you really do think that it's becoming problematic, try letting her cry for 5 minutes or so. It's heartbreaking, but if she doesn't stop after 5 minutes then go in and check on her. Sometimes my daughter just needs a quick Mommy hug and then will go right back into the crib and fall asleep. I've also tried leaving one of my shirts in the crib with my daughter and that worked well too.

Esther - posted on 06/02/2009

Erinn - I am all the way with Tamara. I don't believe you can spoil a child with love and attention, especially when they are that young. They grow up so darn fast that I would say just enjoy all the cuddles you can get while you can! I am a firm believer in that you shape who they are and how confident and secure they are in life in the early months. I also think kids sleep through the night when THEY are ready, not when WE are ready. I know it can be really really rough (believe me, I walk the talk) but I think it's worth it. You just have to try to find the best way to deal with it for you and your family. I got up at least once a night (sometimes for hours) for about 16 months. It was tough. But I'm so glad I did it. At around 15 months I was able to train him to fall asleep on his own in his crib and it has made a huge difference. He sleeps through the night most nights now and no longer requires me to stay in the room with him. And I managed to do it without having to let him cry. He's a very happy, secure, independent little boy and when he wakes up in the morning he usually just sits in his crib and plays for about 10 minutes before getting up and calling me (never crying, just calling "mama?").

Melissa - posted on 06/02/2009

You are not spoiling her! She is behaving in a developementally appropriate way and it won't last forever. I certainly understand exhaustion....been there, done that!! My advice would be to love her up while you can, realize that it will pass (one day you'll wonder where your little baby went!) and let your husband or other family member or friend help you out as needed....even if it's just so you can take a walk around the block to clear your head or a much needed nap!! :)

Denise - posted on 06/02/2009

According to my pediatrician you can't spoil a baby. There is nothing wrong with being there for her as soon as she requests it, you should enjoy every moment of their young lives. Time flies and kids grow up too fast, so take advantage of having her need you. (even though some times it's exhausting) Likely she will sleep better in her own bed so you may want to try moving the 3yr old. I understand your fears of him "getting out", but he may surprise you. He may just rise to the challenge and take it on as a new "big boy/big brother" thing that he gets to do. It's all about the presentation. My two children (girl and boy 2 years apart) shared a room and I waited on moving the baby into the toddlers room, thinking he would wake her. To my surprise the baby slept 100% better and he never woke my daughter. The baby needed his space to stretch out and sleep, while my daughter thrived on being the "big kid". Good luck and you may you all sleep better. :)

Jodie - posted on 06/02/2009

i think you need to kinda start again! When she cries don't immediately jump up as long as you know she's not in danger she will be fine for a few minutes and it will teach her that you're not at her side every time she makes a fuss! I know it's heart breaking but she won't resent you for it!! My twins were put in their own room at 7 months as one would wake and if she saw me assumed it must be time to play and would cry and fuss for hours but when i moved her to her own room she stopped and would only maybe cry for her blanket but settled much quicker when i went in to deal with her! hope this is some help and good luck with it!

Erinn - posted on 06/02/2009

Oh ya, she definitely knows that both me and daddy are right there... I just wish this would end soon, i'm getting sooo exhausted sometimes I feel delusional!!

Teri - posted on 06/02/2009

she's going through seperation anxiety, an age appropriate response.. the fact that you pick her up quickly when she is crying will make the actual seperation anxiety phase be shorter and less intense. but it's always intense, so go with the flow. I'l point you to the book Becoming Attached -- which details how babies attach to their caregivers and how you CANNOT spoil a baby.

Tamara - posted on 06/02/2009

Quoting Erinn:

Right now we have her sleeping in the room with us... my 3 year old has his own room and sleeps in his crib... we have yet to get him a "big boy" bed cuz he still hasn't figured out how to get out of his crib and I KNOW that once we do that he won't stay in it so we're holding that off for now.

Ok.  Have you tried sidecarring your crib to the bed so she can sense your presence?

Erinn - posted on 06/02/2009

Right now we have her sleeping in the room with us... my 3 year old has his own room and sleeps in his crib... we have yet to get him a "big boy" bed cuz he still hasn't figured out how to get out of his crib and I KNOW that once we do that he won't stay in it so we're holding that off for now.

Tamara - posted on 06/02/2009

Repeat after me, "you can NOT spoil a baby" For something to spoil, it means its going bad. Babies do not "go bad." There is nothing wrong with responding to her cries and fulfilling her needs.

Babies do not sleep through the night as we adults define it. This doesn't actually happen until after 24 months. Nightwaking requires parental involvement is quite common until the 24 month mark. What does your sleeping arrangement look like? Is she sleeping in another room entirely? Are you cosleeping?

Sarah - posted on 06/02/2009

My second DS was like this. It was driving me insane. He wouldn't nap during the day even as he needed me to be attached to him whilst he slept - which was impossible with a 2yr old also in the house. I struggled on until one day he seemed to "get over it". He is now 12mths and is a dream child. I think he just out grew it. I did start to pick him up less and less when he cried and also learnt to go to him only when it was a distressed cry rather than an attention cry. When he did nap in his cot I would leave him for 5min and then stretch out this until he now sits in his cot and plays for a good 30min in the morning before I get him up. This might seem mean but he plays wonderfully well by himself now and I am so much more happier.



I guess the main thing is to be consistent. If you going to only pick her up when she is upset or when you want to then you need to stick to this. She will soon learn that screaming doesn't get her anywhere and she has to play by herself.



Unfortuantely though in my experience with other mums I know who have had clingy babies - its been more of a developmental thing and growing out of it than the mother being able to "detach" the child from her. IYKWIM?!



As exhausted as you are just try and remember that one day she wont want to depend on you for anything so make the most of it whilst she is soooooo needy and loving. I try and remind myself this on a daily basis - lol!



Good luck. Keep us posted.