I want a survey YES 0r NO -- do you spank your children?

Melissa - posted on 08/01/2012 ( 348 moms have responded )

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I am surprised at how many people are YES on this issue. I will not judge you if you say YES but I really wanted to see the over all result.

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Kirsten - posted on 08/07/2012

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No. Time outs have worked beautifully since my son was around 2 years old. He's very active, so making him sit still for a few minutes is a HUGE punishment as far as he is concerned!

Pancy - posted on 08/06/2012

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my son knows what is dirty and what is not ,if he found something on the floor he pick it up and bring to us and say dirty but he say it in my language.he dont eat .he also love to throw his diaper after changing him.and if i put his diaper for second time he knows and tell me dirty.even i tell him only one pee is their he keep saying dirty so i just let him put in the garbage.and i like that when his dad come home from work he quickly go to the door and say waaaa..... to his dad.

Pancy - posted on 08/06/2012

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hi my son is 13 months old now and he is very clever to show things around him or or in the posters,he is like a teacher pointing things on the posters and on the book,and he do it very fast so me and his dad have to be very alert to see what he point.we are like his student saying what he pointed.with his first finger.and as soon as he suck my breast he started singing .he is a baby that he can do 2 things at a time.when he is infront of the poster with a different things on it he can still think of something not in the poster and just point it quick.our house has many things that he knows.he is so cute when he stand and start being a teacher foe us.me and his dad are sitting on the sofa and he keep pointing.as if he is challenging us.he just started walking last July 27.and he already know to do potty in his potty thing.he is never afraid of the water if you put shower on his head he just open his eyes as if noting .he love water so much.

**Jackie** - posted on 08/06/2012

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I love how Carol said that disciplinary actions, other than hitting your child, are more work. You are so right, Carol! It's so easy to hit/spank/swat/smack your child and show them that you can hurt them and that you are bigger than them but what are you teaching them? When your child has a problem they should use violence? When your child hits you...you hit them back and tell them not to hit? lol good story but I'm not buying it.

I was never ever hit and I have NEVER even had a detention in school before. I have never done drugs and I have never been in trouble with the law. What do I do when someone hits me? Easy answer...it doesn't happen. I don't put myself in situations where I am with people that are so toxic and behavioral time bombs that would just go and fight someone. No thank you. I was raised better and you can bet your a$$ my daughter will be, too.

Pancy - posted on 08/06/2012

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dont spank your kids if you want them to be quite,because the more they will cry ,try to entertain them with something.for instance,ooohhhh look at the plane....and he or she will get distructed,and when he is about to start again you show him or her another one.

Merry - posted on 08/06/2012

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Sarah said -"unfortunately you don't always have time for the slow process. The minute they start moving is when they find things you didn't even know were dangerous and I would rather they feel a little sting from my hand than somthing much worse. Time outs at that point, they don't get it all they hear is blah blah blah why am i sitting here? then they see something else that has their attention and they think huh? Are you still talking to me? and it has nothing to do with brawn or violence I do not hurt them I sting them so that they get the picture really fast. I don't make them sit in a corner for time out until they actually comprehend what that means they don't get why they are sitting there and certainly do not learn from it. The attention span of a toddler is so minimal that if you time them out they are likely to find something else that has taken their attention away from what they were doing or why they are sitting there and have already turned to the next thing that they will do once you let go of them. Try this take your 15mth old from any activity mid activity and put them infront of a different thing. See if they care that you have taken them away. They will be so intrigued by the next activity that they have already completely forgoten what they were doing. that is how fast their attention spam is. an immediate correction of behaviour they get and when they are older and understand or even care that they have been taken away from an activity is when you eliminate the tap. Don't forget this is not about anger you shouldn't be angry when your child is exploring their world I am deffinately not ever angry when I tap, I am simply teaching my children at an early age that no means somthing potentially dangerous is near me and they must stop listen and re evaluate the situation before continuing and until they understand no don't or stop a time out means crap all."

Sarah ice successfully taught my son to obey my NO already without spanking so I can't be convinced its impossible. He did learn to listen without me having to hit smack spank tap slap him ever. and my daughter is 15 months right now ànd I KNOW she is capable of understanding my word no, she just sometimes chooses to not obey and tries to play a game of chase. This doesn't mean she has to be hit, it just means I have to be glad I'm faster then her" I can use gimmicks to make her come to me if she wanders off like saying look at this! And pointing to something imaginary. Or by saying gimme high five! Or by saying come here Fierna let's go this way! But if she doesn't want to come she won't and then I just have to catch her and say no' don't run from mommy. I seeno benefit in smacking her. She would only be learning that if mommy catches you she is going to hurt you.

And that wouldn't do me any good at all!
And if I'm close enough to smack her before she runs off I'm close enough to simply grab her and stop her.

I just don't see how spanking does any good for babies who run around and don't come when their called. I didnt spnak my dog when she didn't come when I called, that would be illegal ;-)

Carol - posted on 08/06/2012

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Barbara my four are grown, college educated, three with post graduate degrees, wonderful people and they were never spanked. They were disciplined which is much more work. The "experts" say that almost 100% of domestic violence perpetrators were spanked as children, almost 100% of violent criminals were spanked as children. We have learned since everyone spanked thier children that there are som many better, kinder ways to teach behavior than hurting children and teaching them that if you are big you are going to win.

Barbara - posted on 08/06/2012

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Yes, I did. They are all grown now and are wonderful, caring, hard working, fantastic adults. Funny how the "experts" say how damaging it is and how awful kids are becoming the less it's accepted!

Carol - posted on 08/06/2012

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No, never! Spanking teaches that the biggest wins and teaches through fear, always a bad teacher. It is quicker than conversations and consequences so it works for the lazy. It helps get rid of your own frustration while teaching your kid to hide their own. Wrong wrong wrong.

Kansas - posted on 08/06/2012

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No. I am very emotional so my boys can hear that in my voice and understand when they are in trouble. When I say no it means no and when they test that they go to bed. If they don't keep their rooms clean or pick up their toys then they get thrown away and they have to earn them back. We are a Military family so I am mom and dad most of the time because my husband is deployed 7 months out of the year. They understand more than most 4 and 6 year olds do I think. They have to be the "men of the house" so to speak. I take care of them and they take care of me. Its respect! I am their mom and they are my children. They know that.

Christian - posted on 08/06/2012

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@Valerie!!! Thank you!!! I keep reading these spanking posts and people act like kids who don't get spanked end up being spoiled brats. I know it isn't true (former school teacher), but I'm glad your post serves as proof.

Danielle - posted on 08/06/2012

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I also wanted to mention, that one of the main reasons why I chose not to spank my kids in the first place, was because they were adopted, because of severe child abuse. As a former foster parent, I have seen time and time again, parents UNINTENTIONALLY taking things too far when disciplining their child. Spanking IS indeed done out of anger, it is NOT done with gentleness and guidance. Whether parents like to admit it or not, striking is violence, and we need LESS violence in our children's lives. Trust me, there are days when I feel like walloping one of my kids on the butt, he had oppositional defiance disorder and can be very difficult to handle, but I also need to understand that he comes from a birthmother who has a conduct and behavioural disorder, he is autistic and has ODD and ADHD. And yet, I can still discipline him without spanking him. It's a whole hell of a lot more work, mind you, but it can be done, and it is so much more efficient in teaching him that there are consequences for all behaviours. Kids NEED to be able to anticipate the consequences of their actions, and spaking does NOT do that. When they get out into the real world, no one is going to bust them on the butt because they did not cooperate or made a mistake. My older preteen daughters can also be a handful at times, but they have quickly learned that if I say the words "I am about to turn your world upside down", they better be prepared for a life of nothing but the basics until they earn everything back. In our home, when you have no respect, you have no priviledges. It's as simple as that.

Christian - posted on 08/06/2012

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No. My son hasn't done anything spank worthy yet. When I say "NO" really loudly, he falls to peices.

Valerie - posted on 08/06/2012

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No, never have, never will. Yes, I grew up with it. I do not believe it has a place in the home. I have a very well adjusted, very respectful 21 year old. Have fostered two children and am adopting one now. There are so many other ways to teach a child and redirect than to spank.

To a certain extent I agree that time outs may not work. When my daughter was younger, I realized that when I wanted to spank, it was ME who was losing control. When that happened, I told her she had to go play in her room while I PUT MYSELF in time out until I could control my feelings. She hated that, as it took away her audience for her bad behavior. She felt safe, but learned the lesson. Only had to use that one a couple times (which was too bad as I loved my time outs!)

Ralphaelina - posted on 08/06/2012

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Of course, I do spank my kids. I was spanked as a child and it groomed me into becoming what am today. I time out sometimes but if I have to spank them, they get exactly that.

Kelly - posted on 08/06/2012

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Yes, I spank my step-daughter (5 yrs) when it's necessary. Her mother doesn't spank her and my husband "can't bring himself to do it", but appreciates that I will. It has not in any way adversely affected our relationship.

Her father and I have been living together since she was three, and I have never been unclear with him or with her about my position on spanking. I was spanked as a child, as was my husband.

I have spanked her a handful of times, generally when other behavior modifications have been ineffective.

What's interesting is that her mother reports all kinds of behavioral issues she's had while SD is with her. I've not had any of these problems. She seems to mind me better than she does my husband. I believe this is because if I tell her to do (or not to do) something and she fails to listen, she knows there will be consequences beyond being sent to her room, which doesn't really affect her all that much.

That being said, spanking works for *me* and *my family*. It may not work for you and your child. A dear friend of mine has tried just about everything with her daughter including spanking and is still having behavioral/attitude issues.

I think it's important to remember that every child and every parent is different. You have to decide what works for you and your family.

Nichole - posted on 08/06/2012

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I am definitely pro spanking, however my daughter is 8 and I haven't had to spank her in about two years. Not because she's the perfect child, but because I spent more time talking with her about rules, and standards, whats right and wrong and the consequences of wrong behavior. I don't think spanking is the end all be all in discipline, however there were times in which I had to pop her hands, her legs, and her hiny! I am a believer in the Bible and the Word of God in which it permits spanking. I think as parents we definitely need to exercise patience and grace with our children, but also not be afraid to spank if needed. I also feel that spanking should not be the first form of discipline. Every child is different and every household is different. I am not perfect as a parent, but my intention is to raise her in a Godly atmosphere where there is love, peace, grace, respect and understanding and I can only do this with God's help of course!

Angela - posted on 08/06/2012

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Yep, I spanked both of my children who are now 19 and 13. Of course the oldest says the younger had it easier which is true. Oldest children tend to not get away with as much. I never BEAT them, I spanked, and they knew it was coming and I never did it in anger. I am afraid too many children these days are getting by too easy, I know many kids in my cul de sac who if they had their fanny spanked might be more respectful, but then again maybe not. My kids are respectful, honor roll students and know how to behave in public. Might be the spankings, might not, but I am one proud mom of both of my kids.

Lynn - posted on 08/06/2012

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My husband and I used to be against spanking because we both have a lot of experience with behavior modification; however, this has changed. Our son was and is extremely well behaved and we never had to spank him or even discipline him more than once for doing the same thing wrong (i.e. drawing on table). Our daughters are a different story!! They are very intrinsically motived and I believe truly don't care if they get in trouble. We have tried positive reinforcement w/ marbles, praise, rewards, etc (my husband and I both have experience working with children with autism), natural consequences to behavior, time outs, loss of privileges, you name it! Those things work at times; however, the times they do not, we spank.

I am still not a huge fan of spanking because it isn't a long-term solution and it doesn't teach the child how to change the behavior, so if anyone has advice on other discipline/punishment I haven't mentioned above, I am more than willing to hear it (from those who spank and those who don't).

Dove - posted on 08/06/2012

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I've only caught up to page 10 since I've been avoiding this pointless post and I'm not going to read anymore, but do have to say a few things that really bug me in this post as a Christian mother who is not a 'spanker', but not 'anti-spanking' either...

1) Spare the rod, spoil the child... is NOT in the Bible. There is a verse (sorry, forget the exact wording and location, but I saw it properly quoted here somewhere) that does mention the rod, but that does NOT mean a parent has to spank their child. It means a parent has to discipline their child. There is a difference... which brings me to point #2.

2) Spanking is NOT discipline. I know this is semantics and a wording issue which may go over many people's heads here, but.... Discipline is teaching. Period. Discipline can and often does include punishment, but not always and it doesn't automatically have to include punishment. Spanking is punishment. Therefore, you CAN use spanking as a part of your discipline technique (the punishment part), but depending on your child, family, and situation.... You CAN have the most disciplined child you've ever met who has never once been spanked.

Jen - posted on 08/06/2012

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Some of these posts are funny. I was spanked as a child, only a few times, because after that I learned respect. It did not teach me to be a violent or to learn that it is the only way to solve problems. I never felt that I wasn't loved and safe with my parents. That said, I do not like to spank my children, but I have on occasion for things that are dangerous, or when I've told them a thousand times not to do something and they keep doing it. It's been very effective, but time -outs have been effective as well. I don't agree with hitting children for every little thing, absolutely not. But once in awhile they need to learn who's in charge, and that what is expected of them is non-negotiable. I think the reason that there are so many brats and disrespectful kids in this generation are a direct result of parents being push-overs, afraid of making their children not love them if they punish them. From my experience, when I've had to spank my kids, and as I've said, it has been seldom, they have NEVER have repeated the action that prompted it again.

Markita - posted on 08/06/2012

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I have in the past with my oldest son. It didn't really do anything except hurt his feeling and my hand so I stopped.

[deleted account]

do not spank after 5 years. Behaviour can be easily corrected by other means that they understand taking a toy away, no desert, no whatever the kid wants. Let them fall and do the silly things on their own that are not potentially dangerous but don't say no stop don't unless it is serious. I don't use no and don't and stop unless it is serious. I prefer to redirect kids to other activities if they want to do something I don't want them to do, but some kids insist at a young age and that is when you have to start forcing the importance of no. You can say I don't think that is a good idea when undesireable things occure ask questions like why do you think that is not a good idea? to see if they are self regulating and understanding consequences and what not but they need the appropriate language and reasoning skills that don't develop until the age of 4 or 5 and somtime not until they are 30.

[deleted account]

unfortunately you don't always have time for the slow process. The minute they start moving is when they find things you didn't even know were dangerous and I would rather they feel a little sting from my hand than somthing much worse. Time outs at that point, they don't get it all they hear is blah blah blah why am i sitting here? then they see something else that has their attention and they think huh? Are you still talking to me? and it has nothing to do with brawn or violence I do not hurt them I sting them so that they get the picture really fast. I don't make them sit in a corner for time out until they actually comprehend what that means they don't get why they are sitting there and certainly do not learn from it. The attention span of a toddler is so minimal that if you time them out they are likely to find something else that has taken their attention away from what they were doing or why they are sitting there and have already turned to the next thing that they will do once you let go of them. Try this take your 15mth old from any activity mid activity and put them infront of a different thing. See if they care that you have taken them away. They will be so intrigued by the next activity that they have already completely forgoten what they were doing. that is how fast their attention spam is. an immediate correction of behaviour they get and when they are older and understand or even care that they have been taken away from an activity is when you eliminate the tap. Don't forget this is not about anger you shouldn't be angry when your child is exploring their world I am deffinately not ever angry when I tap, I am simply teaching my children at an early age that no means somthing potentially dangerous is near me and they must stop listen and re evaluate the situation before continuing and until they understand no don't or stop a time out means crap all.

Jenn - posted on 08/06/2012

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http://www.time.com/time/magazine/articl...,9171,1983895,00.html


Even without a study, I have seen for myself that the children I know are spanked continue at age 8 and 9 to have behavioral issues, unnecessary aggressiveness and a lack of respect for adults in general. The kids I know who are not spanked but still firmly disciplined (there is such a thing!) are calmer, well-mannered and obedient. So those who have well-behaved spanked children maybe you don't give your other methods of discipline enough credit. Spanking is reactionary and instant but guidance and communication with creative consequences make lasting impressions.

Fay - posted on 08/06/2012

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Hi Jodie there are many quotes in the bible but none say how to bring up you'r children were not born parent,s we have choices and we should use the ones we think are best i,m not saying the bible is wrong or right i do know it doe,snt say spare the rod and spoil the child it also say,s love thy neighbour so let,s do that.....

Merry - posted on 08/06/2012

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Joan wicks, I'm reading through that definition you posted and I can't seem to find where it says spanking is discipline!

Rebecca wilson, I have no statistics to prove my theory. I doubt anyone has taken the time to study spanking as it related to being abused or abusing.
But it does make very logical sense to me that if you raise a child to think that there's times where physical force is justifiable then it's up to them for the rest of their lives to decide if each and every situation could call for physical force.

Mom taught me not to lie by spanking me, so I should teach my girlfriend not to lie by spanking her.
Outright disrepect called for me to be slapped as a kid so what would they think to do if someone outrightly disrespected them?

And lastly, I don't want to make my kids behave because they fear the consequences if they misbehave. I want them to behave because they know it's the rit thing to do and they want to do right. I don't want them to obey me because they know if they don't I'll punnish them, I want them to agree with me that certain things are wrong and I want them to have a personal compass that matches mine so they know WHY I say no sometimes and so they AGREE with me.
Of course sometimes they wont agree and then they must obey because they know there will be consequences but I try to make the consequences teaching times and fitting to the wrong doing.
Now you might think if the child hits someone that you should hit them back but that's the wrong message to send to them, what if they then believe that if theyre hurt they should hurt back? That's a great way to get into big trouble!

Violence isn't the answer in my house.

Merry - posted on 08/06/2012

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Thanksjodi, I agree! The bible says to discipline promptly. Outdoes not say to strike a child.

Sarah bickford, my daughter is 15 months old and she does nt understand no all the time. Sometimes she listens ànd stops, sometimes she laughs and runs faster. I see where some moms would spank her for laughing and running away faster when I say no but I feel its best to teach her with my brain not with my brawn so I run and catch her, and then make her sit by me while I repeat, no, mommy said no, you must listen to mommy. It's a slower process then just scaring her into submission but I feel it's far worth it long term.

[deleted account]

I am very educated in the subject so please don't suggest that I am not. All I have said is that kids need to see the consequences before they commit an action and as I said before children do not. (most adults still do not) when teaching a young child not to do something you teach them "no" if they don't listen you teach them no means a bad thing will happen. soooo when you come out of the bathroom and see your child reaching into the fire palce from across the room and say no they need to know that if they don't listen something bad will happen. I am not just talking about the fire place, the stove or the road but something totally unexpected that you don't see coming and the only thing that you can do to prevent a serious accident is say no. It happens all the time read the news child does this child does this kids in hospital. My kids hear no or don't they know to freeze until I can get there to explain. And no I don't tap them when they listen. My kids are now 5 and know the meaning of no really well even my miss know it all who will freeze turn around tell me off and why she thinks she should do what she was doing and then when I tell her why I said no she finally says oh I didn't know that". I have taought my kids to think for themselves with the occasional prompting of "no"they see the consequences before they happen.

Melanie - posted on 08/06/2012

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YES. I have given my 5 year old boy a single, tough swat on the rear on only two occasions. Both times he ran away from me in public and I was in a total panic! Both times he apologized within a few minutes knowing exactly how his behavior was both dangerous and worrisome. I use time outs the rest of the time, but I never judge a parent for spankings when necessary.

Charné - posted on 08/06/2012

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Jodi I did not say anyone is wrong I just quoted that verse, I hit my child but not coz of that verse, I hit her when nothing else works. All kids are different and if my child listened to me i wouldnt have to do it. My rule is 3 times and thats it after that you get a spanking, she is 8 and does very well in school so I dont think its too hard for her to understand.

Joan - posted on 08/06/2012

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I just wanted to double check because I always thought that spanking was a form of discipline and according to the definition of the word it is.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/d...

dis·ci·pline -   /ˈdɪsəplɪn/ Show Spelled [dis-uh-plin] Show IPA noun, verb, dis·ci·plined, dis·ci·plin·ing.
noun
1. training to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline.
2. activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.
3. punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.
4. the rigor or training effect of experience, adversity, etc.: the harsh discipline of poverty.
5. behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control: good discipline in an army.

Danielle - posted on 08/06/2012

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No, I don't, and I never have. I have 5 children, and I have always used natural consequences, firm boundaries and clear expectations to get my point across. My responsibility as a parent is to teach my children to self-regulate and to take resppnsibility for their own actions. I have never for the life of me, understood the point of striking a child. If an adult angered us, and we up and hit them, we would be arrested, but it's perfectly acceptable in society to hit a defenseless child. Our society right now is filled to the rim with the horrible consequences of bullying, so why bully our children, and then strike them when they do not meet our expectations? What parents need when they become parents in the first place is EDUCATION. I'm very good at parenting, because I educated myself, and I learned along the way as well. My kids are never spanked in any way, but, they are very well disciplined, because my bark is stronger than my bite. Our responsibility as parents is to TEACH, to guide them to becoming productive adults in society, to have love for others, to have compassion, empathy and respect for themselves, for their world, and for others. Trust me, what is lacking the most in our world today is simple empathy and compassion, so if we can teach our children these traits, it can go such a long way. It frustrates me when I hear parents say "well...children who are not spanked are simply not disciplined at all and run around like wild animals." That is simply NOT true. Children who are raised with love, respect empathy and compassion , children who have these wonderful traits modelled for them will grow up to extend these traits to others. Imagine how our world would be if we put as much effort into raising our children to love as we do in making them obey. Children WILL and SHOULD misbehave, it is a crutial part of their learning and development. Use discipline as teaching moments rather than an intimidation moment, and it will go a VERY long way.

Rebecca - posted on 08/06/2012

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Wow, I'm not sure where you get your information from, but it is definitely not proven that smacking creates a cycle of abuse in adulthood. I'm not sure you could find a study that could make your assumption correct. Children who were physically, emotionallyor sexually abused are often the ones who may perpetrate in the future. Not always of course. And a child who learns about boundaries regardless of whether smacking is used as a form of discipline will learn to respect the boundaries of adults in the future. I don't believe you should smack as a result of childish irresponsibility but if a child is being willfully defiant there needs to be discipline whether a smack or time out etc. I generally choose not to smack, but I find your stance ill informed and quite dogmatic for the wrong reasons. If its wrong in your eyes, don't do it, but please don't suggest that my choice will cause my daughters to grow up to attract abusive relationships. The self esteem I ingrain in her and the example of a man by my husband will be of far more importance then whether they were occasionally smacked

Rebecca - posted on 08/06/2012

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I understand what you are saying, but history does not suggest smacking promotes violence and abuse in adulthood. I'm not choosing either side as I have smacked my children in the past and I was smacked and I am a very respectful and peaceful person. So I'm much more likely to model my parents because me and my 4 brothers and sister were smacked on occasion and we are all great people, peaceful and respectful citizens. Not perfect, but I will be happy for my children to be like me or any one of my siblings. We only smack very occasionally and my children very clearly know the boundaries and the steps we take before a smack becomes an option. They very rarely get to that point.

[deleted account]

I am not talking about hot hot hot I am talking about " don't and no" there are consequences that kids cannot predict (hell grownup often don't predict these situations) but when the situation counts your toddler needs to know no means no because there is immediate danger. I have not had to spank or tap my child since they turned 5 because they get it and they understand what a a time out actually means but I am talking about no and don't in the early years.

Rebecca - posted on 08/06/2012

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The thing I find frustrating about this debate is that usually the pro smackers give good reasons why they choose to smack, and don't put down people who choose not to. Whereas a lot of the people who are against smacking suggest that parents who do smack are promoting fear and violence and are lesser parents or even get tagged abusive. Personally I think different kids need different approaches. One of my daughters was smacked a few times and now we only need to threaten a smack and she stops the bad behavior. Our 2nd daughter does not respond to smacks at all so we use time outs when it's needed. A good parent clearly identifies boundaries and disciplines when necessary and consciously praises good behaviour when possible. Good parents are quick to say sorry and are affectionate and encourage and build up their children. There is so much more to parenting than discipline.

Jodi - posted on 08/06/2012

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"Gosh Jodi you seem to know so much!"

LOL, no, but I know that the Bible doesn't say "Spare the rod, spoil the child". And yes, it bothers me that people misquote it. That doesn't bother you?

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