i want another baby

Cynthia - posted on 04/16/2010 ( 62 moms have responded )

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ok so i just turned 41 and i have been thinking alot about having another baby....my youngest is 3 1/2 and my oldest is 23.....5 of my own and 2 step children.....any thoughts or similar stories?

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Gail - posted on 04/24/2010

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There are any number of ways to look at this. I would have to start with the financial part: no matter how economical you are, kids cost money. How will you handle the basics of shelter, food, and education? Are your finances strong enough to deal with problems that your current children might have? I would check with a financial advisor. Seriously, a professional can anticipate problems that you can not.
Secondly, I would ask about the health of your family. At your age, it is certainly an option, but there are more risks to consider. Here again, ask a professional if anyone is at risk for health problems, and make sure that your insurance will cover you. What happens if the primary breadwinner loses a job and insurance coverage?
Thirdly, consider your children - do you really have enough time for each individual? My five are out of the house, but still need nurturing. And now that we have started to have grandchildren, I want/need to be with them, too. How do they feel about more siblings? How about your extended family - can you count on them for help - be it emotional, respite or an occasional casserole?
How about you and your husband - do you have dreams for after parenting?
Would you consider fostering or adopting? When we adopted our younger three boys, there were roughly 250,000 children between the ages of 2 and 16 in need of a home.
If you have room in your heart and home, and the emotional and financial wherewithal to try it, I would suggest you consider fostering. I have 5 children - two grew in my womb, but all five grew in my heart.
There are so many ways to nurture children... find your best way to share the love.

[deleted account]

Who is going to pay for them to attend University if you have another? Is it fair on the other kids to share the resources, including the risks? Do you ever worry about the overcrowding of the world? Many of us stop after two. You have a great family already. Maybe just make the best of what you already have? Having one at your age is harder on the body. Lots to think about in the long term. Of course new babies are appealing, but why not put more time into the many you have?

[deleted account]

I am 44 and have a 21 yr old boy, a 19 yr old boy and a 10 yeard old daughter with the same man. I'm not so much "against" having more children as I am "FOR" having a return to time where it it just my husband and I in the house again. I want to have more lifetime with my husband before one of us dies and my current situation will put me in my mid fifties as best and him at least 60 before we can "return to each other" wholly before one of us passes on. I don't want to do anything that prohibits that chance right now. I also don't want to be a really old set of parents for any more children - they need us well beyond the milestone age markers of adulthood...

Penny - posted on 04/20/2010

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You just have baby=itis. You'll get over it. I went through the same thing when I started putting away my last child's tiny baby clothes for good. (I was 41). Even talked to my doc about having my tubes untied. A week later, I was passed it and at age 52 am so I glad I did not try for that 3rd one!

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Margaret - posted on 04/24/2010

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I had my first child at 41 and the second a week before my 45th birthday. I turned 50 2 months ago. I would have had a lot more if I'd started young like you, so I say Go For It!

Rasha - posted on 04/24/2010

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Well I am only 23 and I hav two myself a 3yr old son and a 5yr old daughter. I really want another baby myself but I'm scared that my son won't to that to good. WHAT SHOULD I DO

Melanie - posted on 04/24/2010

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In my family we believe one should only have as many children as it takes to replace another human-being ie. it takes 2 people to make a baby therefore a child to replace mom one day and the same for dad. We feel it's only fair on our own children and for the future generation in general not to overpopulate the earth and consume every possible resource as fast as we can. By doing this we feel we are also setting an example for our own children to follow and so the protection of future generations should continue to be protected. We know this is a very small and unrecognised way of trying to do our bit, but it allows us peace of mind knowing we've done our best to protect. We feel that what is fair for one family, should be fair for the next and if one family is happily creating 14 children just because they love kids so much, then why shouldn't every family in the world be free to do so ..... imagine if every family actually did just continue to breed without concern for the future?

Anyways, THIS IS OUR FAMILY'S OPINION.

Jennifer - posted on 04/23/2010

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If you've been thinking of having another baby alot lately, then you haven't finished your family, just do it, you only have once chance in life, I'm in the same boat, I want another one but my husband doesn't, I only have 2 boys and I'm 33, in 20 years time I might regret not having another one, so why the hell not, there not baby's for long, I say go for it.

N'Keesia - posted on 04/22/2010

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I just turned 40 and gave birth to my third child, a beautiful baby girl, when I was 39. My oldest children are 21 and 17. Unlike yourself, I did not want any more children at this stage of my life, but she has been a source of endless joy. My advice to you, would be to go for it, if you can handle it physically, emotionally and financially. Good luck

Christine - posted on 04/20/2010

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It is hard to comment on someone else's circumstances. It took me 9 years to have my daughter at 38years old and I have had two miscarriages since then. I am about to turn 41 and am going in for a laparoscopy in a last ditch attempt to get pregnant again! If I had my way none of this would have happened this way, but I didn't...of course I am aware of the age issues both for now and later but I have the energy and the desire. Go for broke if that is what you want!

Brandi - posted on 04/20/2010

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My aunt and uncle waited to start a family until he was almost 50 and she was 40. They seem perfectly happy doing it. As long as you are both in agreement, go for it! I know that some people would be worried about the risks for women over 35, but any child is a gift from God, so embrace it if you are blessed.

Luyanda - posted on 04/20/2010

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Go for it! I have 4 children and a step son I will have more when and if I choose. Often times we are made to feel that having more than 2 children in weird and not the norm. You want another child have one and bless your desires.

Kathryn - posted on 04/20/2010

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Cynthia, I am 48 and have a 7 year old son that I gave birth to at age 41. I have a 29 year old, a 27 year old and a 17 year old. If you and your husband really do want another baby, I would say go for it!! Teh doctors and other people will tell you that it is a risk at your age etc. You know what? My son is healthy, vibrant and highly intelligent with no special needs or birth problems! My husband and I would like another one too, but God hasn't seemed willing to agree to it!!

Rene - posted on 04/20/2010

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I was 41 when I had my last child and he is almost 6 months old. My other child is 3 1/2 years old. I only have 2 kids, so I can't identify with having grown children. I felt great throughout my pregnancy and feel so fortunate to have my children. If your health is good, your husband supportive, and you have the time and energy, go for it!

[deleted account]

I would say go for it. A friend of mine kept feeling the "urge" until she had 8! I have four. There are 7 years between my last two. When she was born the other 3 were 7, 9 and 12. I was 35 when she was born but my other 3 kids were and still are a huge help. My husband's family had 6 kids with even greater spaces. The oldest and youngest are the closest. If your husband and other kids are for it I say GO FOR IT and enjoy your new baby!
H

Cathlene - posted on 04/19/2010

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I am 39 and I have a five month old. I have three stepchildren. I love them all and yes I already know I want another one. I heard all of those risk when I was pregnant and you know what I had all the test done and everything was fine. I did not have a amineo (spelling) lol Anyway my husband is really freaked out and that I would even think about it but, I know what is right for me and what I can handle. As far as being financially fit as everyone says? I really don't think they are that expensive but then again mine is only five months, ten, thirteen and sixteen. You will make it fine and you will give them all the love they need and want! I say go for it.

Virginia - posted on 04/19/2010

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Dear Cynthia:

Hello I am 40. I have a 5 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. Plus I have three older step children (ages 30, 26, and 25). I think you should go with your heart. So later you won't live with regrets. If you really want another. Have one. I was thinking about this as subject as well, but have been discouraged by my children's older sibling who have children themselves. I wouldn't let anyones opinion stop me as long as I am comfortable with the decision I have made. You shouldn't either. Hope this helps.

Connie - posted on 04/19/2010

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I am 39 and just had a baby. My oldest is 18, then 9, & 7. I saw a maternal fetal specialist during my entire pregnancy and had monthly ultrasounds to check the growth & look for any potential problems. The biggest concern at our age is down syndrome and there are a lot of false positives on the test. My first test came back positive, but after the extensive ultrasounds there was no sign of downs. When they actually explain to you the percentage over the number the blood test spits out, our likely hood is not as high as they make it sound. I had a 2% chance of having a baby with downs and he turned out to be very healthy & normal.

Lynnette - posted on 04/19/2010

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I haven't done it, but my mom did. She was 42 when she had my youngest brother, my oldest brother was 21, 8 kids total. My youngest brother was 6 years difference and she always said she doesn't regret having him, she just wished she had him earlier. She said she never got her energy back after having him. Up until then she always bounced right back and just couldn't that time. It's a personal decision. It may not be the same for you. Many women have babies in their 40's now so I wouldn't worry about your age so much, just weigh all the other stuff

Betty - posted on 04/19/2010

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Hi Cynthia, I know you have had a lot of replies already, but I wanted to add a point of view of the child. I am the youngest of 5 children. I am now 33 with kids of my own. My parents are in their mid 70's and not healthy. I am dealing with aging/declining parents at the age of 33,and meanwhile my older siblings are just having to deal with it now as they are in their late 40's and 50s. Their kids are grown,and mine are very young and still need me constantly.
But I have to admit, the flip side of that, (if I'm being perfectly honest),it sucks to be dealing with this while I am still young, and while I still feel that I need them. They can't be involved in my kids lives at this point. They are too sick. My kids dont have young and healthy grandparents.They have never been at their grandparents house for a sleepover,or gone out for ice cream with them.They have never built a relationship with them. They have been grandparents for almost 30 years already.I feel that my kids got the raw end of the deal.
And I am dealing with the thought of them dying. My friends all have parents who are in their 50's,and are vibrant and youthful.
I remember when I was in public school, everytime my mom would pick me up from school, my friends would ask if that was my grandma. I wonder,also, how she felt at school,and the park,etc, with all the other young moms around her. Did it bother her ? Some things to consider.
I dont want to discourage you,but just to consider things from all angles, including your childs' .
I would also really like to have another baby, so I fully understand the desire. However, I think my desire for another baby doesnt come from the right place, and so I don't think it fair for me to bring another child into the world at this stage just because I want one. Of course, they don't stay babies, they do become teenagers eventually,and yours would have a 60 yr old mother. Please do think of the longer term consequences of this desire. The energy and effort has to last for another 20 years... Some days I barely think I have enough NOW ! Haha :)
All the best to you and your husband in your decision. And may you be healthy for many years to come !!

Manuelita - posted on 04/19/2010

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I'm 38 and have a 21 and an 18yr old. I would love to have another child but afraid because of the age difference. In your case, you have a 31/2 which is all more of a good reason to have another. I wish I could of had 1 more then! Do it while you still can!!!

Diane - posted on 04/19/2010

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well i just turne 40 . would like another one but well 40 iis a bit hard for me to grasp havign a small one .. My son will be 6 and well been kinda trying sence then for one more .. been told i cant again .. i was told that before my son was concieved . If you can and you want to at 41 hun all i have to say is yes go for it .. that is one regret i have in my life is not having one more .. i did it once why not again . but welll ... good luck ..

[deleted account]

Go for it... I don't believe you would regret having them, but you may regret not having another.

[deleted account]

if you're looking for advice, what i would do is get a pen and paper and write down the reasons and consequences - and examine them carefully. of course i personally never got pregnant on purpose, so i'm not the most experienced advice-giver for this topic. best wishes to you and your family - whatever you decide! :)

Blackwood - posted on 04/19/2010

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I think as long as you get the go ahead from your doc, then go for it. I was told once that you will never regret having a baby, but may regret not having a baby. If you feel strong about it and your doc says it's okay and you don't have any unmanagable health issues then I think you should have another one. Best luck.

Maria - posted on 04/19/2010

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There is a time for everything. That's why God has created menopause, because women after a certain age are not meant to bear children. Their body, physical condition and stamina cannot cope with bringing up young children who need and deserve a healthy and fit mother. In your case, as you already have children of your own, you are feeling the need to nurture another baby to fill a gap in your emotional life. As soon as your baby will turn 4 or 5, you'll crave for another baby again until you figure out the void you are trying to fill up. That's my personal opinion but then, I may be completely wrong.

Jamie - posted on 04/19/2010

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I have a friend with 10 kids and she had her last one at 42. They range in age from 3 to 23 now. I am 38 and have a 2 and 4 yr old. Not sure if I'm done or not, but I don't believe we need to let our age determine whether or not we have any more children.

Missy - posted on 04/19/2010

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hi! I am 44 yrs old and am holding my 5 mo old while I type this! Go for it! I have a 10 yr old son and 6 yr old daughter too. we wanted one more, got pregnant with her at 43, had this angel at 44. all is well. downs risk is high though so that was scary. Had a cvs done at 11 weeks to check for this, nice to be able to do it early on. good luck!

Aly - posted on 04/19/2010

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HI. I'll be 43 in June and i've just had my 6th chils 4 weeks ago. My eldest is also 23. I have an 18 and 16 year old, and also 5 and 3 year old. If you think you got the time and energy then go for it. My 4 youngest are boys, i'd dearly love a little girl. If it was 100% guarentee for a girl i'd have another one. Good luck. XX

Susanna - posted on 04/19/2010

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I'm turning 40 this year, and expecting my second child in a bit over a month. My firstborn will turn 2 next month. I couldn't be happier!! Sure it would have been nice to have had kids at a younger age, and sometimes I feel sad about those "lost years" with my lovely daughter. But things don't always work out the way we want. I feel that I have been so very blessed to be able have children, no matter at what age. So good luck with your family, nobody else can say what is best for you.

Debbie - posted on 04/19/2010

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I was 41 when i had my last baby a girl. If you want one have one now before you get too old. Im over babies now. Im now 44 and my baby is 2 1/2. I keep thinking how old i will be when she starts school etc. I wished I had my last 2 kids younger. I have big gaps between all my kids, i didnt plan it that way it just happened. I have 4yrs between shan and brad, 6yrs between brad and tori, 8yrs between tori and sam, back to 4yrs between sam and layla. so my oldest is 25 and youngest is 2 1/2. Debbie

Lizelle - posted on 04/19/2010

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I have 4 kids age 14,11,21/2 (all boys) and girl who just turned 1!!!!! I was sterilized with the last ceasar, so no more for us!!!! But ooooohhhhhhh I still get soooooo broody - if only my little girl can stay small forever. Having all the kids still in the house, can make outing and transport quite "interesting" - so I am sure you must be driving a combi or something :-) I would say, you have done your bit........ just think you might even be a granny soom - I mean you have a 23 year old, it's not all that far fetched. soooooooooo, I would say, enjoy your 7 kids, you are very blessed!!!!!!!!!

Michelle - posted on 04/18/2010

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hi cynthia

I am going to be 40 , i want another child. we have 5 girls from 18-8 my husband is a bit optimistic,i have my tubes tied. but yes i know how you feel i am the same.

Karen - posted on 04/18/2010

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My mom had me when she was 42. I'm now 37 and she is 80. The only difference between having when your young or old is if your body is willing. I say if you want another one, make sure your body can handle having another baby.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/18/2010

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I am sorry to hear that you don't see your grandchildren, I am glad I never had kids with my ex. I think if you and your husband sit down and weigh out all your options, worries, and fears and decide to try, I am sure it will work out the way it is intended to. I wish you the best in whatever you and your family decide!!

Caroline - posted on 04/18/2010

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That's awesome! I think you should if that's what you and your husband really want. We had our daughter when I was 46 and my husband was 50. There are 26 years between her and our older daughter. I am now 49 and our children are 3 years, 29 years and 30 years! We didn't plan it that way, but we have been truly blessed and I wouldn't change a thing!

Kathleen - posted on 04/18/2010

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It's so nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling like this! All of my friends think I'm crazy for wanting another. I'm also 41 and my oldest is 7 and my youngest is 5. I'm sad to think about my youngest starting Kindergarten and being without one at home. Maybe I should just be thankful that my children are so healthy and happy and leave it at that?!?

Debbie - posted on 04/18/2010

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i am 43 with 7 kids (23, 20, 13, 11, 8 ,6, 3 3/4) 5 girls 2 boys, i long for another one but no luck yet. you do what you want and let your body decide if it is to be or not, as i have also suffered 5 miscarriages as well

Carrie - posted on 04/18/2010

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This is purely a decision between you and your husband and God. If you feel your family is incomplete, then maybe it is. You will get many comments from people, both positive and negative. You have to do what you feel is right for you and your family and go forth with peace.

Susan - posted on 04/18/2010

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The ex seems to be a big issue in terms of child relationships; another child couldn't fill that, but would be a blessing to your curent marriage. I wish you the best. Good luck with whatever you decide.

MaryLou - posted on 04/18/2010

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what brought this on? How does your hubby feel? What is your life like? In deciding to have another child these are the factors. Taking these factors into consideration, is it really a good idea? Is there something missing in your life another child would fill?

Cynthia - posted on 04/18/2010

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this has been the topic of conversation with my family lately....my husband is all for having another baby. he would love to have me pregnant all the time..lol...honestly have not thought of adoption...but a wonderful idea.....there is some distance between myself and my older children for reasons i wont go into ( ex husband). i do have grandchildren already that are not a part of my life and never will be. ( ex husband again). thank you all for some wonderful thoughts and i look forward to every response.

Susan - posted on 04/18/2010

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Everyone here has valid points. It would be nice to have one that brings everyone together. That is, his little one would create a genetic link betewen both families. I understand the thought process to having another one. Have you talked to your husband about it? What does your husband think? Does he want another one? You need to have a heart-to heart talk with him and discuss this. He might be thinking about the same thing.

As for me, it took a while to come to the point that it was time to stop. I had 3 miscarriages between my daughters and 1 after. My last daughter came shortly after my 40th birthday. I did think about another baby for quite a while. Between advancing age, increasing risks, costs of the RE, babysitters, the increasing amount of time spent on work (paperwork for school), midlife crisis and the energy level required for a new infant, it wouldn't be fair to the chid. I can't replace the angels I lost. I want to give to my daughters the gift of time and resources; watching them grow has been a gift to me. Good luck and blessings to you and your family!

Elizabeth - posted on 04/18/2010

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If you are just doing this to have another girl, have you thought about adopting? What if you have a boy? What if you have severe enough problems this time to hurt you and/or the baby? I say go for it if you have thought it through long and hard. I am 30 and have 2 kids, I think about having another, but I also think of the risk increases in the next few years. You have children old enough to have children of their own. If you just want a baby to play with, be patient for a beautiful grandbaby!!!

Judith - posted on 04/18/2010

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Do you ever wonder about life after babies. It is lovely to have our babies but when do you get you time. I have 4 sons ranging from 21 to 8. I love them all dearly but am really looking forward to my time with my husband and doing things that we want to. I will be almost 55 when my 'baby' is independent and althought that is not old I wouldnt like to be much older. Think too - will you be able to manage a willful teenager when you are nearing 60. Only my opinion mind you- best of luck

Christine - posted on 04/17/2010

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Have you talked to the rest of your family about this? I know some people would say it is none of their business, but as a 26 year old with a 44 year old mother, I would be so severely weirded out it would not even be funny. That said, think of the child. I know you say you want 40 years, but what is the likelihood. The average age of Americans who die today is higher (about 72), but that is still a child losing his/her mother at 31 which is really young. Oh and there is the factor that you are not guaranteed a girl...
If I were you I would consider adoption of an older girl. Did you know that after age 5 children in foster care have only a 25% chance of being adopted? Just some food for thought....

IRENE - posted on 04/17/2010

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I am happy for you that you have 5 beautiful children. You are so blessed. You should enjoy raising them. They grow so fast and they go through so many different changes, enjoy them. I am a single mom, had my first son at 22 and my last son by the time I was 25. I have 3 Amazing boys. 22, 21 and soon to be 20. My oldest son and wife have given me a Grandson. Wow, what an Blessing. I say enjoy your family now and look forward to the future that they will give you....

Carolee - posted on 04/17/2010

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Heck, if my dad can do it again after a 27 year gap between kids (I became a middle child last year), then you can do it. You seem to have everything worked out, and your kids won't be that far apart, either (between the youngest and this next one). Good luck, and I hope you get your girl.

Fiona - posted on 04/17/2010

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38 for the first, 41 for the second.
do what you can to make your family full and happy.

Amanda - posted on 04/17/2010

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I was 25 When I got pregnant with my son had him when I was 26..I had preclampsia to I was at High Risk to I had High Blood pressure so they had to Induce me cause I was about to have a seizure..I want another baby also my son just turned a year old..I don't think it matters how old you are as long as your body can handle it my thing about that if people has babies in there 40's or 50's are you going to be around to see that baby graduate from High School to see there babies to watch it grow period..My dad was 48 when he had his 4th baby & I've asked him that same thing he's 52 now and His youngest Daughter is only 4 years old

Shawn - posted on 04/17/2010

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wow cynthia,i think if you are happy in your relationship,and you want another baby,go for it! Ihad jenica at 38 and i sometimes wonder if i was too old,i will be 59 when she graduates high school.If i was younger and had a good relationship i would had,had more kids! your friend shawn!

Jennifer - posted on 04/16/2010

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Well it sounds like you've made up your mind, i was 24 with my first child and i was high risk because of diabetes and preclampsia does that mean i won't have another....of course i have to give my son a little brother or sister! Ive heard that no pregnancy is the same and you know better than me, if you feel secure that your body can handle it and your dr. agrees with you I wish you the best of luck. The only thing i would make sure is that getting pregnant couldn't put you at risk, it sounds like you have alot of people who really count on you, just make sure you'll be able to take care of yourself, for those precious babies you already have. Once again best wishes and good luck!

Cynthia - posted on 04/16/2010

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i anticipate another 40 healthy years if i have my way....i know about the risks involved and still want to take the chance, with my last pregnancy i was also considered high risk so i know how that goes too.....and money....my husband and i will always make it work :)

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