Shannon - posted on 06/02/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )
Hello moms! My husband and I have two children. His son from a previous marriage is 15 - he's a great kid, but doesn't feel like mine as he only lives with us half time and he was almost 10 when I came on to the scene. Plus we both disagree with the way his mother raises him so there's always the external influence that makes things difficult. Our son together is almost 4. We tried for 3 years to have another child after our son was born, but I have PCOS and it just never worked out. I have tried to be okay with having just one, and I do see some advantages from a personal standpoint. Truth be told, I don't want to go through the baby-toddler stage again. But I really feel like our family is incomplete and both of us agree that we want our young son to have a sibling close to his age. So, I've been thinking it would be great to adopt a child that's 3 or 4 years old, but my husband is totally against it. His can't seem to express his reasoning - "I just don't want to," he says. But he did want to have another of our own, so it's not about the number of kids, it's about adoption. I can guess that maybe he feels like he wouldn't love someone else's child as much, and I've alluded to that hoping he would feel comfortable enough to say so to me, but he hasn't.
I guess I would like to hear if anyone has had a similar experience or has advice on how to adjust to adoption. I feel like the only way to move forward is to do some research and present him with some ideas about what it would be like. Hopefully his concerns will come out so that we can at least deal with it. I feel like without a real reason, I can't let this go, and *hopefully*, he would change his mind.