If spanking is working why do we continue?

Katherine - posted on 06/03/2011 ( 227 moms have responded )

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If it works why do we have to do it over and over to get the "point" across?

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TealRose - posted on 06/04/2011

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Some of us .. don't ever START. I am a 56 yr old granny who never spanked / hit her children. Is isn't right .. why should a defenceless child be hit when an adult, an animal or even a criminal cannot be? There is nothing gentle or kind about it, and it doesn't teach good things either. I know from my experience that it only teaches fear, pain, anger, hate and resentment. That my parents didn't love me - no the post spanking 'pep talk' of ' oh we love you' ... meant nothing to me as they had just HIT me! I lost my love, respect and trust for my parents. I don't love, respect or trust anyone who hits another.

There is no need for hitting a child ever. If you have a hot stove - use a guard. Or use the playpen / high chair when using it. If the go for the sockets, cover them - and if you use good ones, they won't be able to remove them. When I wanted to remove mine, it took my husband and myself together to get each one out. If a child runs for the road when a toddler - you as the adult are responsible for their actions. If the run when older, then don't let them walk to a friends or school etc without you present for a while until you are sure they can do it when you aren't there. No hitting necessary.
No matter how you couch it.. spanking isn't loving. You can't 'spank your wife and love her' so you cannot spank your child and love her either. Totally not on.

If you want a child's attention, then as most parents tell toddlers 'Use your words' !!! Not .. your hands. Hand are for loving and being kind. Spanking isn't .. anad it isn't respectful either. IF you the adult want respect you have to earn it too - it goes both ways.

My children are now adults and are kind, gentle people. My daughter has two children of her own whom are not hit either and they are great too. There is always a gentle way to parent. Discipline means to teach .. not to hit. And if you don't know what to do .. then there are a LOT of gentle parenting /discipline sites online to help you !! Good luck !

Alexandria - posted on 06/07/2011

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because children are the most stubborn of God's creations! We have to teach them that we (the parents) are not going to give in just because something doesn't work the first time. We have to be consistent and repetitive for them to know we mean what we say and do. We have to be consistent and repetitive with other forms of discipline, spanking is no different. Speaking from experience, my husband and I have 4 children and we have to discipline them all different. With one of our daughters we tried every thing in the book but nothing worked until we spanked her and with the other one taking things away from her gets the point across. You have to figure out what works with each child.

Jenni - posted on 06/04/2011

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@Alecia I'm sure you've heard this before and I don't mean to sound like a broken record but at 20 months she does not have the ability to understand that your smacking her hand to show her how it feels. She just can't process that concept in her 20 month old brain. Also at that age children lack self-control. Even if she could understand that lesson you are trying to teach her she wouldn't have the self-control yet to stop herself.

Also empathy is innate but you can help toddlers to pay attention to others' emotions and give them the tools of language to express their own emotions which encourages them to understand theirs and others emotions through communication. The smack is just unnecessary and only teaches that it's ok to hit by you modeling the behaviour. Skip the hit and bring her straight to timeout (and timeout is not meant to be a punishment) to:
a) stop the behaviour immediately
b) ignore the behaviour
c) teach her to calm herself down
d) once she is calm be receptive to the simple lesson you are teaching

I never give a warning for being physical. I have a zero tolerance policy.

And my son is probably one of the most stubborn (bless him), emotional, strong-willed toddlers I have seen. ;)

I do understand that not all discipline methods work on all children. My SD virtually never even needs a TO. All I have to do is chat with her about a forbidden behaviour and she never repeats the behaviour again. My son is her polar opposite but I've never had to hit him. He's just slower to learn to control himself.

I just think the smacking is completely unnecessary when there are soo many other forms of discipline that can be used.

Jenni - posted on 06/04/2011

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Exactly Mel. Keep it simple (depending on the age). But I really encourage everyone to try passive discipline because 'punishments' unless directly linked to the behaviour are ineffective.



I'll use my son's hitting as an example.



First I had to understand why he hits. For a toddler it is usually lack of language to express emotions. Knowing that helps us to realize it is behaviourally normal development. That helps us to address the behaviour and as Dana point out in another thread (loved how she put it so I'm going to steal it) helps us to realize it is not about the child being 'bad' or the parent not being a good parent it is simply normal childhood development.



Then I used a combo of disciplinary measures-



time outs to:

a) immediately nip the behaviour in the bud.

b) removal from the situation to learn to calm himself down

(just like we as adults sometimes need to walk off to gain a cool head before we can think rationally and not react on our emotions)

c) A simple explanation of why the behaviour is forbidden when he has a chance to calm down and be receptive to the lesson I am giving him



Passive discipline: giving him the tool of language to express his feelings by identifying his feelings out loud to him, my feelings, others feelings. Repeating over and over and over: "It's ok to be mad. But we don't hit when were mad, it hurts. We say: "I'm really mad right now."



Positive encouragement: My son hit multiple times a day at 18 months. At approximately 2.5 years, one day... he used his words instead of hitting and told me he was really mad. I told him how proud I was of him and we had a chat about why he was mad and what I could do to help him feel better. With that... the hitting stopped in its tracks. He's now been hit-free for 5 months.



I continue to encourage him to use his words. When he says he's mad, I hug him, sit him on my knee and we chat about his feelings and how he can feel better or solve the problem that's frustrating him.

Melodie - posted on 06/06/2011

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Dianne, you are so right. Kids will test the boundries, a lot. My boys are 10 and 12. Yes I have one that is about to be a teenager, but he knows his limits, now that doesn't mean he doesn't test them. But the rules and the consequences are the same, they do not change. It took forever for them to figure out some and no time to figure out others. You can not back down. Do I spank my boys yes I do, but I can't remember the last time I did. We choose to do other things that are more effective. For instance when my boys are grounded they don't get anything. No tv, no PS3 no cell phone, no computer, no toys, nothing. They get to sit in their room and read a book. When they are grounded their lives consist of homework, chores, bath and bed. That is it and any free time is spent reading. In my house this works great, there is no need to spank. But the trick is to be consistent with it. I can't back down even if it has been six months or a year since they last needed to be punished. Sure there are times that this is not necessary and there are other things to do. We make them write letter of apology to whom ever they disrespected even if it is their brother. I have made them write letters to teachers and grandparents and if they misbehave in church they would have to write a letter to the preacher. Yes there are tons of ways to teach a child just be consistent with it. IMO I think the child should be held responsible for their actions in some way. After all as adults that is what we have to do when we mess up. Our job as parents is to teach our children to be responsible adults so they can live wonderful lives. Learn what works for your child and works for you. If you don't want to spank don't, but don't judge the people that do spank their kids. Thess kids didn't come with a book for us to follow. We can read every book out there about kids but in the end it is our job as parents to raise them, and we will make mistakes. But we as adults must learn from them so we can be better for our kids.

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Jodi - posted on 06/08/2011

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Nope, not anymore....it's over 200 posts. Locking it :P But thank you everyone for you wonderful contribution to the discussion!!

Jana - posted on 06/08/2011

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I think it's because kids have the attention spans about the length of a gnat's brain.... Course, I could be wrong.

Also, it's just like learning anything else. Repetition and re-enforcement are key, and so is - what's that word??? - erm, the one that means reacting the same way each time? Constancy! Consistency? It's one of those.

Prudence - posted on 06/08/2011

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Its like anything for a child ...everything is repetitive. My 13 year old still puts her shoes on inside the house and walks through the house with them on, no matter how many times i remind her she still does it....not all the time but alot. Children need repetition in every aspect of their life and then somehow it kicks in for them as they get older.

Charlie - posted on 06/08/2011

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" Too all you moms out there who are saying spanking teaches children its ok too hit...forgive me but you are being idiotic. I was spanked, and I did not think it is ok to hit other children "

And yet here you are saying you think it is ok to spank children ...hmmm .

If you were spanked and continue to spank you DO think it is ok to hit , period.

The rest of that post was laughable really , not spanking does not equal no discipline , Jails are full of inmates because a myriad of reasons including enviroment , upbringing and socio economic status ; and if we are going to talk about spanking as a factor over 80% of inmates come from a home where coporal punishment was used but the fact is nowhere in the psychology of criminal behavior is “lack of punishment” listed. In fact, if you read the causes of violent crime, “The desire for control, revenge, or power” IS listed., next time you feel like calling people idiots you better refute your stance a little better.

Tamogene - posted on 06/08/2011

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no it only encourages the child to hit, time out, taking toys away is the best this I have done and I have raise 4 children

Charity - posted on 06/07/2011

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I don't do it over and over. I give her one or two swats and she usually gets the point right away. But I'm consistent. The few times I didn't follow through I learned that she doesn't take me seriously the next time I say "if you don't stop I'll spank you." So I always follow through now and I haven't had to spank her multiple times because she knows I'm not playing around. But every kid is different.

Lotte - posted on 06/07/2011

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you know I realized that spanking can too easily be out of anger and it ends up being more of a release for a parent than a lesson for the child with less than satisfying or beneficial results for either one. you result in a loss of trust from the child, tears on both sides and feelings of miserable parental failure. I put too much effort into building and maintaining a relationship with my babies while they're young, My two year old smacks her dolly and basically abuses it for fun. of course she loves it to death but point being they'll eventually see it as just a game and it'll just end up backfiring anyway. it's absolutely pointless and honestly I just don't have the energy to fight with my kids.
I've been having major bed time issues with kids goofing off after bedtime. yes i did spank, but I also noticed it was out of frustration. so I stopped. I ended up separating them until I realized I was giving up my room. i just recently started letting them play themselves out and end up only interfering if it sounded like someone was getting hurt or frustrated, as the last thing i want is for them to hurt each other ( they're two and four and at this age it can very well go either way.) anyways, it totally worked out some may not agree, or think it's too passive of a way to deal with it but it's sure as hell better than yelling at my kids for two hours and end up worrying they dont think i love them at the end of the night. worst feeling ever. anyways after an hr they were each tucked into bed and sleeping. that was all i wanted and the best part was they were happy and not sore or sad.

Xiaoling - posted on 06/07/2011

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To my opinion spanking is bad for the child 's growing up emotion,i think the best way to make them remember is to tell them nicely that if they do it again they will not get whatever they wishes for like a"gift" which they wanted ,my 2 kids grown up with this promises, and they did fine.spanking will make the child hate parents next time and they will also follow up with their kids because they think that's the only way their parents teach them how to teach their kids

Alecia - posted on 06/07/2011

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and i always tell my daughter i love her and give her a big hug and kiss and she gives em back. even at 20 mnths she understands that i love her and thats why she is disciplined when she misbehaves (and yes, she will misbehave bcuz she lacks self-control at this age...i understand that)

Alecia - posted on 06/07/2011

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no, i know this is a long thread but i have stated a few times that every kid and parent are different. u have to be flexible with discipline because kids need different things. some kids can just take a talking to and thats all they need. some need time outs, things taken, etc. and my daughter is a kid that once in awhile needs a spank on her bottom so i can have her full attention when i am telling her something very important (if timeout isnt working). but 99% of the time she gets time outs, or things taken, etc. and whatever method i use i always explain why she is getting disciplined. not every parent should spank and not all kids need to be. but i firmly believe that it does work for some kids.

Bethany - posted on 06/07/2011

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You know us adults make mistakes and we dont always learn on the first time so how do we expect our children to learn after the 1st or even the 2nd time....it will take years to train our children and dicipline will happen alot over the years I'm sure...no matter the form of dicipline we use....its gonna take more than a few times for them to learn.

Jacquie - posted on 06/07/2011

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I will remove "spanking" from my tool box when the United States government removes jailing children from their "tool box"!!! ALL children under 18 would be better served in residential treatment centers.

Jacquie - posted on 06/07/2011

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I have a "tool box" of techniques I use for discipline. I am very well read, including "Parenting with Love and Logic"; "When Love is Not Enough" and "Parenting the Hurt Child". I am WILLING to use all the tools and techniques I have accrued, including what we call "zatsentukis". At some point when all other techniques have failed and a child has WILLFULLY disobeyed, it might be necessary to demonstrate to the child that you will use all your resources to assert your authority.

If spanking is your only tool children cannot appreciate the difference in the severity of their actions. Only YOU can determine your childs currency. If you are filling their love cup; cherishing them with your attention and making natural consequences a part of your everyday life "spanking" should be unnecessary. Seek help if this applies to you.

Carolyn - posted on 06/07/2011

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Time outs work...hitting a child is not neccesary!

The only thing i learnt as a child being spanked was to fear my parents and NOT GET CAUGHT! I think you'd rather have a child that is honest and not SCARED of you! Watch Supernanny, she is VERY good at teaching without physical abuse!

Wendy - posted on 06/07/2011

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Every child is different. I had 4 sons. The eldest got taps on the bottom regularly. The youngest didn't need it until he was 2 and only the once even then. But at the age of 4 I tried to spank for soiling pants and that did not work at all for number 3 child. He just did not want to stop playing to come in to do a poo! You will work out what is best for your own child. Just make sure you hug him afterwards when the spanking and talking through is over!

Jenni - posted on 06/07/2011

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@Alecia I don't entirely agree that teens 'nowadays' are any more or less disrepectful than teens in the past. Sure there are some bad eggs... but i have met plenty of respectful teens as well. Just like there would have been in the past. But besides that point....

Does discipline have to = corporal punishment? What I mean is; do you consider parents who don't spank but use other methods are not disciplining and the root of disrespectful teens?

Just asking for clarification.

Susan - posted on 06/07/2011

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this is just my opinion of course but you have to be consistent with disipline no matter if its time out or spanking...I believe spankings should be reserved for things that are serious that can hurt the child or someone else or when other discplines have failed...but when giving a spanking it has to be uncomfortable to the child it can't be a love tap that is not something that the child wishes not to have happen again..punishment has to be "unfun" a spanking must be firm enuff that it gets the childs attention and acctually makes them cry...then you have to sit down with the child and explain why they got spanked and then tell them you love them and that you didn't want to do that but that they have to mind and not do whatever it was they did bad ... and of course this is common sense to me but just as a point...NEVER EVER SPANK A CHILD WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY....put the child and yourself in timeout untill you are able to control yourself and then disipline and again just my opinion but never use any object to spank a child other than your hand...you can tell how hard you are spanking using your hand you can't with an inanimate object...idk if this was helpful I hope it was but I have raised 2 very well behaved girls and am working on my grandbaby so I am just giving you the benefit of you experience... :) Good Luck!!!!

Alecia - posted on 06/07/2011

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there is a big difference btwn a spank and just hauling off and whacking someone. when i do spank my daughter i dnt put her over my knee, take her pants down or swatt her repeatedly. she gets a tap on the bottom to get her attention so she will listen to what i have to say. thats it. its not done to inflict pain or scare her, just grab her attention and sometimes that what my daughter needs. i do not beat or abuse her...that is wrong. i think more teenagers now-a-days would be more respectful if parents werent afraid of disciplining their kids

Kathy - posted on 06/07/2011

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it doesnt really work. it just shows the child that its ok to get frustrated and smack somebody.

Julie - posted on 06/07/2011

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Any type of punishment is going to be repetitive. Being consistent is what a child needs. There aren't very many people that learn from there own mistakes the first time. If you use time outs than be consistent. My 2 year old when he throws a tantrum, I tell him to go to his room. Seconds later he just says, Sorry, and he's all done.

Celtic - posted on 06/07/2011

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I don't believe in spanking as there are so many alternatives to this type of punishment. I teach groups of parent effective corrections without spanking. I began teaching this due to the amount of families in trouble with Children Services for hitting and losing control themselves, hence either working toward getting their children back from Children's Services or from losing them to C.S. My children are vastly different from each other, and yet time outs worked well for a time, then I had to move on to taking outside time away, bikes, etc for a time. I found that most parents in my program give back positive feedback with using reward/positives than negatives. I am stern mom, fun mom, respected mom, loved mom, and I am a single mom. I have a 17 year old to this day who won't talk back to me but will have discussions on differences of opinions, and a 7 year old adhd child who tries to push the limites but feels better knowing he will get a punishment for things he does and yet rewards for positive behaviors and he has turned his attitude around almost 360 degrees in the past few years. Above all I am the compassionate mom who gives and shows love without corporal punishment.
I run positive parenting for my counseling practice as well.
As for why it continues, my belief is because its been done to them growing up or an uncontrolled response to behavior. Hitting is when the parent or child feels frustrated and has no other alternative way to handle the situation. They don't have a skill set to know alternatives or they are deeply rooted in the belief that if words aren't working, then take control over another person by whose the biggest and who can hurt the other one into submission. This is when C.S. gets involved, the police, and the downward spiral happens. I have yet to hear a positive story about the outcome of hitting a child, let alone an adult.

Keri - posted on 06/07/2011

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Too all you moms out there who are saying spanking teaches children its ok too hit...forgive me but you are being idiotic. I was spanked, and I did not think it is ok to hit other children, it doesnt work that way. You associate discomfort and pain with the behavior. Time out? HA! I played during time outs, I had my imagination to keep me entertained. Barbaric? Barbaric is letting your child loose into the world with no sense of right or wrong because you chose not to correct them in a fashion that worked. Each child is different a time out may work for one, and like myself not for another. I spank my children, and they learn from it. It is not losing control if done correctly. You do not spank out of anger, you spank because you love them, and if some of the kids today got spanked more often our society wouldnt be so bad, and juvenile hall wouldnt be filled to the brim!

Mommy - posted on 06/06/2011

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And the reason you have to spank more than once is the same as why you have to say "no" ten thousand times, or put kids in time out more than once. Because kids need repitition and structure, and they don't learn the firs time around. Should we stop telling kids no, taking toys away, doing time outs because they don't work the first time?

Linda - posted on 06/06/2011

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We are born selfish, feed me, change me, hold me, mine It's all about me and on it go's. Our job is to teach the little one's that the world is bigger than just what they want, feel and think, there are other people. Discomfort gets attention. When we spank and do it in love, it creates security. When mom says she will do this or that - she will keep her word. Please remember to always hold and love your little one after correction - that is very important. Life is repetitive what makes correction any different? If I correct my grandson, I can then love him, if I yell and worn and threaten him, I loose all that love time and possibly damage the relationship. If I don't follow through with what I say good or bad, he won't trust me.



Linda Burton

Melissa - posted on 06/06/2011

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in response to Debbie K.: Spanking from a parent is different than one child hitting another or one adult hitting another adult. This difference is that the adult is an authority figure to a child. A child will look to a parent much differently than any other adult. It is by design! Adults have had their own childhood learning experience and form their actions based on that upbringing. Children are still in the midst of learning their boundaries. Parents are responsible for showing their children the freedom within those boundaries and the consequences of going outside them. Discipline should be chosen by the best effective method for each child individually based on their personality.

Edith - posted on 06/06/2011

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Raising children is om going too many give up and would rather give up than do what they have them doing time out..Children arent silly they know how to push buttons to weakend Mum, When dads not around or a child will blame the other and so on ...Been there had five children they are all married and have children of their own,Well and happy enjoying their childrens doing things with them as well taking time out to have fun and so on..You got to make it happend they look up to you..

Edith - posted on 06/06/2011

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try time out in their bedroom according to their agea children hate being in theit bedroom. We did this to our granson.Hes now seven and a happy bright child who isnt disrepectful or rude..

Natasha - posted on 06/06/2011

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`If spanking is your method, it is like anything else. It has to be repeated and consistent. I know i have to stop sienna from doing the same thing at least 10 times a day. Some days she listens some days she doesn't.No matter what method you use, I'm sure you're going to have to do it over & over to get your point across.

[deleted account]

How can we teach children not to hit each other if we hit them? Why is okay to hit someone smaller and weaker than yourself, but if you hit an adult you could go to jail?

Discipline does not mean "punishment." Discipline means training. Train your child to do right. Teach then with words, not by hitting them. It's barbaric!

Georgia - posted on 06/06/2011

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I realize this is a very controversial subject. I'm a little older than some of you are. I'm 53 and the children I'm raising now are my new husband stepchildren. The youngest of them is 12. My own kids are grown. My son is 30 and my daughter is 25. Because of my own experiences, I would characterize myself as a believer in spanking as a form of discipline. By the same token, I would never try to tell any other mother how to discipline her children unless she asked my advice.

I was divorced for about ten years between the time I was 30 and 40 years old. My daughter was ok, but my son gave me a rough time. I started trying to discipline him with time outs, grounding, and the loss of privileges. I went through a period between ages 8-12 with him when he was a holy terror though. Looking back on it, my biggest regret isn't I didn't get tough sooner. I was a mess following my divorce and I blamed myself for much of it (unfairly too). However, it left me feeling at the beginning as though I had no right to seriously discipline my kids because of the divorce. That may make no sense to some of you. You'd have to be in my shoes to understand. Fortunately, a counselor held me see how wrong my thinking was.

My son tested me constantly. Taking things away seemed ineffective. I'd take away his toys, bike, and even the t.v. He'd be right back doing whatever upset me within an hour or two. I might have continued on this way except his behavior got worse. He got into trouble at school. Finally, he and a friend really got into big trouble when they got into a neighbor's garage and pounded on a couple of bicycle with hammers until they were badly damaged. That was an eyeopener for me. I realized I had a kid who was probably headed to jail if he didn't change his ways. That evening, I had just had enough. After dinner, I grabbed him by the shoulder and marched him to the sofa in the living room. I took down his ten year old little pants and even though I only used my hand, I gave him about the hardest spanking I could over the seat of his jockey underpants. I think he went into shock. He just wasn't expecting me to do that. I remember he had himself a pretty good cry. When I was done, I sat him up and I lectured him about about his actions and I basically told him things would be different from than on in our home.

I won't say all the problems magically ended that day. I probably ended up spanking him two more times. However, that was the beginning of the end of his really bad behavior. Today, he is married with his own kids and works as an engineer. Who knows? Maybe there were other ways to fix his behavior? I chose the way that worked for me and worked for him. All I can to say to other mothers is you know what is best for your own kid. If spanking works for you, than do it.

Araceli - posted on 06/06/2011

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Spanking is just a parent loosing control.... and it doesn't work. It only controls the mind of the child for that moment he/she is being abused. It is being controlled by fear and making it a "normal" action in the child's eyes to hit..... anyone.

Corinne - posted on 06/06/2011

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I don't think it does work. The time out system works for my daughter. You put your child facing the corner for the number of minutes equalling their age. You explain in a normal voice why they are being put on time out and reinforce the reasoning why when they are off time out. Do not interact with them during the time out. My daughter hates it which is why it is so effective. Repeat the time out if necessary until the bad behavior is corrected. You can also put some of their toys on time out; however, I usually put them on time out for at least a day.

Melissa - posted on 06/06/2011

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All methods require repetition. Kids of a young age haven't developed the brain pathways into areas of reasoning the way adults have. Find a discipline method that gets your child's attention so that you can help their brain develop appropriately.

Kristen - posted on 06/06/2011

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IMO, it is important for parents to raise their children to be productive members of society. It is never okay (usually even illegal) to strike someone in society. So, why would we strike our own children? If a person rear ends me, I can't get out of my car and hit that person. Yes, there is a punishment for that person, but hitting isn't it. Yes, children need punishment, but hitting isn't it!

Kristen - posted on 06/06/2011

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IMO, it is important for parents to raise their children to be productive members of society. It is never okay (usually even illegal) to strike someone in society. So, why would we strike our own children? If a person rear ends me, I can't get out of my car and hit that person. Yes, there is a punishment for that person, but hitting isn't it. Yes, children need punishment, but hitting isn't it!

Charlene - posted on 06/06/2011

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If spanking is working then you don't need to continue. It should be a tool of last resort. Do I spank my children? Yes. Do I do it everyday? No. Once a week? Hardly. Spanking again & again is too much. But saying that parents are wrong for spanking their children is quite judgmental. And swatting a hand or behind (once) is not at all the same as a spank.

Char - posted on 06/06/2011

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Katherine, consistancy is truly the key. I have four children--ages 17 to 26. In addition, I helped to raise my niece and nephew who are 24 and 21. They are ALL wonderful, respectful, fun and loving people. They are gifted and intelligent and accomplished. They have never been in serious trouble , and not ONE of them ever went thru what we commonly call teenage rebellion. Every ONE of them loves Jesus with his/her whole heart and seeks ways to minister to others. And guess what? They were ALL judiciously spanked when they were little. 95% of their spankings occurred before the age of 5, and between the ages of 4 and 5 natural consequences increased significantly, but the NEED for spankings had diminished just as significantly. Spanking is just one tool in your parenting toolbelt, and should only be used where it is appropriate. You wouldn't use a saw or a wrench where a screwdriver was needed! We made sure that they understood that spankings were for disobediance/acts of defiance ONLY and that they and only they chose when they would have a spanking. We also taught them that they could request that we reconsider an instruction/direction/etc. if there was new information that we needed, but that they were not to disobey and defy us. I can truly attest that spankings, given by a parent who follows thru appropriately, establishes just and fair guidelines for using a spanking, and does not spank out of anger DO work! One of my children is working as a nanny this year, putting money away for Grad school so that she can be a licensed counselor to troubled youth, and she is regularly asked by the parents she works for for parenting advice. She is 22 years old!! Blessings to you, Katherine!

Tanasha - posted on 06/06/2011

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Well here is what I think is funny. Time outs don't work all the time either. Neither does taking things away, stopping something fun for misbehaving, etc, etc. Not right away they don't. With children, it is about repetition. Some things, to me, don't always require a spank, but some do. There is a world of difference between true disciplinary spanking, and abuse. At least to me. i was spanked sometimes. Not all the time. Most of the time, I was given time outs, or had privleges revoked, etc. I am a normal functioning part of society. I am not sociopathic, nor am I violent. But that is besides the point. Spanking, like any other form of discipline, requires consistency and repetition before the point comes across. Age of the child is also a factor and the child's ability to understand what was done wrong.

Sharrae - posted on 06/06/2011

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Normally your doing it for different reasons. But its a disciple tool just like time out. I personally think that you have to do more time outs than spankings

Jessica - posted on 06/06/2011

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You don't have to do it over and over. Those who do are not consitant. The child can't associate cause and effect if the effect is never consistant with the cause. I will spank if the need arises. My children are very happy and easy to care for. I can take them in stores with no worries that my cart will be full of items that I did not place there and I do not have to worry about tantrums and whining. My kids know that the effect of that behavior is a spanking no matter where we are or who is around. If we are in a store, they know better than to try to push it. How many parents dicipline when someone is looking? If your not doing anything wrong, what keeps you from following through? That's what I mean about consistancy. Its not about when your father gets home, or when we get in the car, or when we get home. Its when the crime is being comitted every time. Young children are not stupid. They know when they can get away with things and when they can't. if your not comfortable with a swat on the behind, then dicipline another way, just do it immediately. I guarantee you won't have to spank over and over if you follow that rule. I very rarely have to spank any of my kids, the older ones have not had one for years. The youngest may still get one occasionally as she learns what is acceptable and what is not, but it is not often at all.

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Swatting their butt might not be abusive in the sense that it leaves bruises, BUT, spanking too often is abusive. Spanking a child is also an abuse of power. As parents we tower over our children. We're all ready a threat to them without resorting to physical reprimand because of our size in relation to them.

In essence, we're bullies when we abuse our power and physically impose our will on them. It's not ok.

Amiinah - posted on 06/06/2011

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I agree wholeheartedly with Billie Evans. Everything I was going to say she said.

Billie - posted on 06/06/2011

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It's the same as timeouts, children will repeat mistakes until they learn from them just like adults and every parent has a right to discipline their children the way they see fit as long as it's not abusive and I don't see a little swat on the butt as abusive. Now if you're hitting hard enough to leave marks, I see that as abusive.

Pam - posted on 06/06/2011

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tried spanking/swatting with my oldest children, it doesn't work....after a few parenting classes offered through our local school district, went to time outs and natural consequences of actions. Does require consistency to really work, which I was not...but still worked better than hitting my child. With little ones I find diversion worked very well when they were continually getting in to things. As they got older would always ask them "How do like it when someone hits you/takes your toys/pushes you, etc?", it helped them to think through the situation and realize that other people feel the same as they do in the same kind of situations. Read a lot of different parenting style books, etc. and try the things that sound like they would work for you and your child and ignore the stuff that sounds like crap. Good luck, parenting is NOT for the faint of heart.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 06/06/2011

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Repetition! Is the reason, spanking can be affective......but kids are different and should be treated as such when it comes to discipline.

Grace - posted on 06/06/2011

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Hi Kaherine,
i believe you answer it yourself, in your question..? :)
If it would be a good method, we wouldnt have to do it over, and over..and over again! (And increasing frequence and intensity 'to make it work')
i have 2 children, both with a 'spicy' temperament..and never,ever i had to touch them! i would feel like a coward, beating them (and sorry, 'spanking' is also beating) and totally abusing the fact im bigger, stronger and 'in charge'!
Like many people said already...what kind of message do we pass to them, by spanking? How can we justify that 'you cant beat other kids'...by beating them ourselves?
And sorry (again)..but excusing it with 'its in the Bible' is even against the words of Jesus himself! He was all love for the children! I was also spanked as a kid, and altough i am totally not angry that it happened, i did keep one thing in my mind: never i would do it. it felt bad and i didnt want that for my kids. I kept my word and no regrets.

All the best to all the Mums here!

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