If the Father is not in the picture do I have to list him on B.C?

[deleted account] ( 145 moms have responded )

I am expecting my first child. The father is no longer in the picture. He decided smoking weed and drinking were more important than getting a job to help support his child. Him and his mother have been harassing me and one night he called (wasted) and said that the kid isn't his. My question is, Do i have to put him on the Birth Certificate and if I do does that mean he will get visitations. I don't trust him because of the drugs and drinking. Also I plan on giving my child my last name does he have any say in that either? He also will not be at the hospital. Any suggestions or any information on this subject? I live in IN.

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Firebird - posted on 01/30/2013

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Honestly, there isn't really any point in leaving his name off the birth certificate. He still has rights to visitation/joint custody either way and in the long run it could cost you more. He could easily take you to court to have the birth certificate amended to include his name, which you will likely have to pay for. And he could also petition the courts to have the baby's last name changed to his... which you might also have to pay for. Talk to a lawyer and find out what the laws in IN are.

Aimee - posted on 01/31/2013

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If you give the child the fathers last name you will be required to get his permission when getting passports and other legal documents. This could seriously compromise your ability to parent if he chooses to be difficult. Something to consider. It can always be changed later just never removed without his permission and court documents. I'd always be honest with your child about who their father is but I see no need to list him on the birth certificate unless you or he wants it documented that way.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/30/2013

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I would put him as the father. You may need to read into IN laws to find out the legal side of it. But, either way, you can give your child whatever last name you choose.

I would not ever want to hide the identity of the bio father from my children.

Stacey - posted on 02/03/2013

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Hey Little Miss Can't be Wrong ... CHILL OUT!!! Indigo is simply asking for advice. Not to be lectured and made to feel guilty about something that hasnt happened yet! Weather she puts the guys down as dad or not makes no real difference. And the kid will know eventually when he makes friends that he's missing a dad, and ask questions then, at which point they should be answered an honestly as possibly. No one is saying that shes going to lie to him. You cant make a deadbeat be a parent. My sons father screwed off when I was 17 and never laid eyes on him. He's 12 now, and my son has only asked about him once. I put him down as 'unknown'. Doing that doesnt mean I am lying to my child or that Indigo will lie to hers. It's simply a way of protecting ourselves a parents with deadbeat jerks as our kids fathers. If I had put his bio-dad down, I would have had to eventually dragged him to court for custody. Who needs that headache???

Indigo, perhaps seek some legal advice is your concerned. I live in Ontario, Canada. If i had put my sons bio-dad down on the birth certificate, i would have had to take him to court and get sole custody just to put him in school. And would need his consent to travel etc. By not putting him down, it's saved me stress, major headaches, time, money, and upset to my son. And yes, MY son. Not that deadbeat jerks.

Find out what all the laws and stipulations are. Maybe go for a free consult with a lawyer to get advice. But after my husband and i spent 4 years going through a legal battle with his ex over their daughter, I gotta tell you to be smart and protect yourself and your child. You cant make somone want to be a parent. Find out that if by omitting him from the birth certificate if that gives you sole custody. Protect your baby. I am speaking from years of experience!!!!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/30/2013

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How will he know to ask if you LIE to him his whole life??? Listen, my father (bio father) was awful. I mean..you think your ex is bad? He doesn't hold a candle to my bio dad. my mother NEVER lied to us. I am better for that. If you lie, and your son finds out later in life, he may never forgive you, and possible resent you for lying to him.

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Shelbie - posted on 12/13/2013

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Hey I'm going through this as we speak I have a 2yr old a 1yr old and I'm 22 weeks pregnant my ex was all about his kids till we split up now he says my 1yr old isn't his and my unborn isn't his I'm going through the att general and you DO NOT HAVE TO PUT HIM ON BC NOR GIVE UR SON HIS LAST NAME but if u want child support u have have to if not then y'all will go through court and DNA to prove the bBy is his the your sons last name will be changed Nd he will be on the bc that is exactly what they hAve told me because I don't want him any where in my 1yr olds or in orbs life denying them cause he is with another girl it's not right or even for the kids

Georgetta - posted on 05/14/2013

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Hi Indigo, I should think if he is not in the picture, you don't have to put him on the Birth Certificate. SOMETIMES YOU ARE DAMNED IF YOU DO AND DAMNED IF YOU DON'T. If you put a man on the Certificate He Cries, and If you don't He Cries. If one day he decides to contest it and take it to Court, then he can Petition the Court to have a Paternity Test Done. If anything happens make sure you get a Lawyer, and tell him about the Drugs and anything else that need to be told. Just start taking care of YOURSELF and YOUR BABY. GOD will take care of you. HUG YOURSELF. Good Riddance To Him. SassyMama

Holly - posted on 02/28/2013

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also dorothy, there is no way YOU know that he thought drugs and loose women were more important that his baby, just because the OP is a bitter woman

Holly - posted on 02/28/2013

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dorothy, as soon as the father decides he wants to be a father to the baby all he has to do is file with the courts and explain that she is trying to keep the baby from him... she could end up with the baby taken away and minimal rights as she is a "flight risk"

Dorothy - posted on 02/28/2013

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Hey he walked out on his child and took with him any say he had. that thing he is with now never did have a say in what you did. There is no reason why any woman should put the father on the Birth certificate unless you are married or still in a relationship.
But since he thought drugs and crap and loose woman were more importan then he desers nothing in return.

Dorothy - posted on 02/28/2013

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No you do not have to put his name on the birth certificate and him and his new thing have nothing to say in what you do with you and the baby.

JAMES - posted on 02/20/2013

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NO
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GIVE HIM ANYTHING, IF IS NOT CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR
CHILD,
FROM JAMES

Anne - posted on 02/20/2013

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It really doesn't matter whether he's on the BC or not. It's likely you won't even have that option if he's not at the hospital when you deliver your baby. The mystery is why you are more concerned about the birth certificate than you are about child support. It's your responsibility to make the father contribute to the support of your child. It doesn't matter if it's just "$8" or whatever - that's not your decision to make; that's your child's money.

Nicole - posted on 02/14/2013

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first check your state law and see what they require. every state is different. you dont have to be hrarassed by anyone thats why they have restraining orders. give him and his mother a warning and if they dont stop go to the police. you are pregnant and dont need any extra stress.

Dionne - posted on 02/08/2013

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You need to find out if you can even have his name added to the birth certificate without his signature or a court document staring he is in fact the father. When my son was born I put his fathers name down but because they didn't have his signature stating he admitted to bring the father, his name could not be put on the birth certificate (he wasn't there for pregnancy or 1st 18 months). I live in KY.

Ali - posted on 02/07/2013

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If you put unknown you will not have the ability to get child support from him. This can be an issue if you ever apply for public assistance as they make you pursue child support.
However, putting unknown means that it would be harder for him to get visitation with your child or any type of custody through the court system. He would need to prove paternity (if he ever does get his crap together enough to file for rights in court its a mouth swab not a blood test so no need to worry about hurting baby) and take you to court for rights to his child.
Either way, an unmarried mom has sole legal and physical custody unless the court orders otherwise. Good luck! and congratulations on your little one!

Kirsten - posted on 02/07/2013

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You don't have to have the father on the birth certificate. Know the sittuation all to well... The question is what are you willing to do for your child. You need to put your owen issues and problems with the sittuation aside and lean to friends and family for help because you won't get much help from him obviously. And I would put your last name instead of the fathers on the birth certificate. He's not at a point in his life to take care of things a father would. Obviously you dont want your child around him while he's screwing his life up cause he's being selfish and is useing drugs and being with his friends or anyone else that does it. he's just trying to run away from issues and not faceing his problems. he's scared and doesnt know what to do or how to deal with his issues so he turns to drugs for help to cope with whatever issues he is haveing ( And he will tell you other excuses too). He needs help and your smart to keep the child away from him until he gets the help he needs. I would let him be apart of the childs life sober and give visitation rights but supervised to be sure nothing drug oriented is going on. Your child needs to know there father but if the farther does more harm than good then stay away.... If he wants to be a part of the childs life he will order a paternity test and find out if the child is his and claim himself as the father and take steps needed to take care of the child.
You can still claim him as the father once he has a job and get pt test and have the state take out child sapport. When that is done. He will pay child sapport and back child sapport when he works at any job and you will get the money. Yes claiming him as the father when he gets a job and start working gives him rights to his child but lets face it as long as he's on drugs and not doing the right things he wont be able to hold a job and can not have rights to see the child until he does because his names not on the certificate. One day he will wake up and change his life and you will reap the benefits of it. The child will be far better off with your love and sapport from family and friends until then. I was told to always talk positive about the father around the child because the child when they get older relate themselfs to there father always want to know who ther father really is etc. if your like me and have horible feelings towards the father because of what he put you and your child through. Talk to a councler about it to help you deal with your problem and issues around your child properly so your child comes out of this mess with a wonderful mom and the happiest kid you'll ever see because you didnt make your child apart of the problem. Best Wishes and Good Luck!!! :)

P.S. Not haveing the father on the birth certificate makes it so you can do whatever you want and need to for your child without the fathers sayso until the pt test.

Louise - posted on 02/07/2013

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Iv been reading peoples comments u need to do wht u thk is right for ur child iv had no support frm my 6yrs bilogical dad but I had to go through solictors for my son I tried eveything for his dad to see him en I wanted him to see his granparents but they made it difficult en so did his dad but my life en my sons life is now complete en couldn't be more perfect iv been wiv my partner 6yrs he's always treated my son like his own en now where planing to get married my 6yr old now has 3 brothers en he is happy he no's bout his biological dad but hardly asks bout him some times mentions him but calls my partner dad and has got brilliant grandparents frm my side en my partners en brilliant great granparents good luck en u do what u think is best for your child they will undersatnd en love u no matter what ur choices are wht u choose to do in life they can make there own choices later in life en if your child goes to find his/her biological dad just b there support en comfort en respect there choices good luck c

Glenna - posted on 02/07/2013

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I have read 40 of these posts and just wanted to speak out for the grandmother. I would put the fathers names on the BC if I could but give the baby my last name. How well do you know the grandmother of this child? Is she harrassing you because she doesn't think the child belongs to her son or because she does not want to be excluded from her grandchild's life? If the mother is into things like her son, I can understand not wanting the baby in their lives. However, decent, loving grandparents can have children who drink and are on drugs. If you think she would be a good grandparent, you should not exclude her from the baby's life because of the father's lifestyle. I had a grandchild whose mother took him and moved away to get away from the father (my stepson). We missed out on so much of his childhood, thankfully when he became an adult, he came back into our lives, but those lost years cannot be recovered. Just remember, it is not just you and the baby's father involved in this. There is just something special about the love and relationship grandparents have with their grandchildren. You should not deprive your child of this relationship with his/her grandmother as long as you feel secure that she would be a good influence on the baby.

Louise - posted on 02/07/2013

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My eldest doesn't see his biological dad en he's not on his birth certificate my son also has my last name en no he doesn't get a say in it I gave birth to my son wiv out his dad I registered him wiv out tellin his dad en I had to do dna test to prove he was his at 6months old en my son is now 6yrs en I can count on one hand how many times he has seen my son in 6yrs so dnt worrie ur self it will work out for the best u do wht u thk is right for u en ur baby x

Crista - posted on 02/06/2013

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I live in Ohio as well my bio dads name is on my original bc and he was not present.

Shauna - posted on 02/06/2013

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Ok I totally understand where youare coming from. My first childs father walked out on me when I was 6 months pregnant because he had another girl pregnant at the same time. Which really wasn't a big deal because he was very abusive to me. Anyways NO you do not have to list him on the b.c. I did not list my daughters father on her b.c when she was born. His name is now on the birth certificate because I get child support and they had to prove he was the father and he just admitted that she was his and his name went on there. If you want child support then eventually his name will have to go on there because DFS will take care of all that and he will have to do a DNA test but that does not mean that he gets visitation. If he was that then he will have to take you to court because you are her mother and you pretty much have sole custody and you can choose who you let your daughter go with and where you let your child go. And you can also speak with a lawyer about the drugs and drinking and you can also speak with DFS and child support enforcement about it. I too have went through all that. If you need anything else go ahead and send me a message.

Hannah - posted on 02/06/2013

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also, all these people posting about lying to your child ... that's ridiculous. You're not lying to your child by not putting the fathers name on the birth certificate. You'd be lying to your child by telling him a different story about what happened when he's old enough to understand.

My daughters bio father has almost never been in her life, his name might as well not be on the birth certificate ... and once my husband adopts her, his name with be on the birth certificate instead of her bio fathers. My husband and I actually sat her down about a month ago and explained about her biological father. As long as your son or daughter grows up knowing the truth, you aren't lying.

Hannah - posted on 02/06/2013

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you do not have to put him on the birth certificate. The father of my first daughter is on her birth certificate (my dad told me i should do that so i could get child support) ... here i am 5 1/2 years later, i've survived without any child support or money from him what-so-ever, and am now married and expecting my 3rd child ... the only reason we have not filed for my husband to adopt our oldest as a step parent is because her birth father's name is on the birth certificate which means we have to find him and get his permission to take away his paternal rights. I guess all I'm saying is, no you don't HAVE to put his name on ... if you are anticipating wanting child support, then you should. If you are anticipating not wanting or needing his support then leave it off.

Ericka - posted on 02/06/2013

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another thing if you need to put a restraining order do it. it will protect you and your baby. and will not be able to see him.

Ericka - posted on 02/06/2013

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no you don't have to put him on the birth certificate. and he can only get visitation or joint custody if he goes through the court and don't mention that to him. if he does document all the times he calls you drunk. as well as wat is said. and if he takes you to court tell the judge that he drinks alot and smokes. if they give him the right to see the baby have them test him for drugs and alcohol. give him your last name. If he shows up at the birth you can have the nurses and security at the hospital escort him out. oh if you take him for child support tell them he keeps denying your baby and they'll make him do a DNA Test. you can also go to your local court house and find out or other resources like Child Support Offices. you can also speak to an attorney or lawyer and ask them questions about the ones you have asked on here. i'm speaking from experience. its better that you don't tell or mention you had the baby because it causes stress in your life and your baby doesn't need to see you go through stress and drama nor a bad role model in your guys life. being a single mom you are also the father. eventually, you can tell your baby when older who the birth father is.

Anna - posted on 02/06/2013

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Also, FYI, I was in a similiar situation as you with my oldest child...only her father.did desire to be in her life (just not mine) and I allowed her to have his last name...though at the time I think I believed we would work out, but we did not...and her father has always been a good guy to her & in regards to financially and otherwise supporting her, as does his family. But, I did marry when she was 7 yrs old, and have 2 more children with my husband of 8 yrs, and he IS her father, on a daily basis, but never oversteps her bio father's "territory"...He is the type who would have legally adopted her, had the option been available, but he's always respected that its not; the only part that was or maybe us still hard on her is that she has a different last name than me, and her siblings...but I think she understands its not worth rocking the boat and fighting in court to have her name changed (or hyphenated, as she suggested years ago; she would not want to be disrespectful to him or his family by fighting to no longer carry his name, since though he & I did not work out, he's always been very, VERY, involved in her life.) But I wish you luck, I would consult an attorney or two locally and go from there.

Anna - posted on 02/06/2013

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I don't know the laws in your state, but in mine, you can put whatever name you choose as the last name, and I respect your choice to use yours if the father does not desire to be in the picture; its much harder to wish one day you had given the child your last name, as in the case the child * may be* legally adopted by another father in your life one day, then when you change your name, if you desire, you can change your child's. I can't speak on the legal implications of not putting his name on there...in my state, I don't think it means a thing except either you truly do not know or you don't want it known. That's a moral decision for you, I believe, to have to make. If the father one day does decide he wants visitation, etc, the judge will order a paternity test, and go from there...in my state, HE would be responsible for that, and likely for any court costs you had to pay due to it all. If he truly does NOT want anything to do with the child, look into your states laws; I would FOR SURE ask about what to do as far as he is NOT paying any support; therefore, to legally be "off the hook" he would, at some point, have to sign away his parental rights; which means you do not expect anything from him and he wants no contact with the child. If he does not have a change of heart & you two are not together, I would strongly encourage you for the bases and have him legally sign off; and I don't think him being on the birth certificate or not would affect that (* but DO find out what your state says.) On the plus, if you truly don't want to force support/visitation; having him sign away those rights leaves the door open for you to hopefully one day down the road find a good husband & father, and this man could then easily legally "adopt" him and become his father, for all intents & purposes...but that places all the burden on you; just carefully think this over and decide if you are ready to take on everything, as you never know what the future may bring. But, if the father truly has no intentions of even financially supporting the child, then you would have to fight in court to get likely minimal child support, and also, should hge pay it, he can nargue fo rights. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 02/06/2013

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In Indiana, you will not be allowed to just put him on the birth certificate. He has to voluntarily sign a Paternity Affidavit or you will have to go to court. If the court determines that he is the father they will also determine visitation and child support. This may require a DNA test.

Sarahkaye - posted on 02/06/2013

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He doesn't have any right to tell you anything if he doesn't want to be apart of the baby's life. If you don't want him to have rights, I wouldn't do it. Some states won't even let you put the father on there unless he is present (like here in Arizona). Do what you think is best for your child. I didn't put my exs name on my daughters, but then I sued for child support and the state did it anyway. Biggest mistake of my life. After a really nasty fight, that did in fact hurt my child mentally, he is finally off the birth certificate again and has no rights. Not to mention, the only reason he fought me for her was because his MOTHER made him do it. If you know he has no interest, keep his name off the bc. Good luck!

Ursula - posted on 02/06/2013

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Nice one. There is the nagging thought in our minds that make us want to hang on and we think what if he wants to come back in the future...? Perhaps instead we need to think, I must just get on with it without him. As you said, in this case he wants to deny he is father so it is evidently better to really move on instead of hanging on endlessly waiting for the beam of light to fill his mind and heart.
The mother is free. If the beam of light does happen, it is on the father to find her door, to knock on it, make amends & prove himself. It is not her responsibility to leave her door open for him. She is free to not just move on but to find another man.
Is this loss & the moving on pain part of the the reasons we are asked to save sex for after a wise marriage?

Tammi - posted on 02/06/2013

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My situation is (was - a while ago now) almost the same. There is no reason you can't put unknown on the B.C. because for one thing, no one but you knows for certain who HE is, it's not like you would be the first one to 'not know' who the father is, and YOU will have more rights over your child this way, and just make sure that you always give the same 'unknown' answer to most people, such as, any social service person, government, nurse, doctor, etc. You can still tell your child who his bio-dad is, I think you can change the birth certificate at a later date if you feel the need to, and you are doing this to protect YOUR child. No matter what no one can make you put otherwise. The downside to this if there is one is that the bio-dad won't be paying child support, but even though it can be a struggle at times, I would take less money over protecting my child! It's funny because I have had so many single moms tell me how lucky I am to not have the drama of a bio-dad in and out of the childs life. Don't get me wrong though if he was a great person I would do anything for my child to have her dad in her life, but having him out was a better choice for us! Not alot of people will understand that but until you've walked in my shoes and know what I know I really wouldn't expect it to be understood. I made a huge mistake in the choice of guy at the time but was ultimately blessed with an amazing gift and because of that gift I can never choose someone like that again, thankfully!!!!! SHE deserves better!!! I hope everything goes great for you!! You have to think of your precious lil one and you. This doesn't mean that certain people can't be in your baby's life if you choose it just means you have more control!

Marille - posted on 02/06/2013

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Count your blessings my sister. He has to be at the hospital in order to sign the birth certificate for the child to bear his last name. Your focus right now should be to be healthy mentally and physically to bring a healthy baby into the world. Trust me I have raised 5 with God's grace by myself it is not going to be easy but believe me it's going to be worth it. After the child is born you can decide about child support

Crista - posted on 02/05/2013

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I live in ohio and here if you know who the father is you have to try to get a hold of the father either by address or through the local paper for x amount of time before another man can adopt or even give the child his last name. That is what they had to do with my bio dad.

JoAnne - posted on 02/05/2013

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You should check the laws of your state about what is needed. My daughters father is not listed on her BC because he left before she was born and he never signed & according to MD he has to sign it to be on it since we weren't married. He always kept saying we could do it later now she's 12 and he still isn't on it.
If it is a bad thing for him to have her make him take you to you to court so you can get supervised visitation if they feel the need to give him anything.
Although I believe no matter what a child should have the chance to grow up with both parents and they can make a decision of their own when they're old enough to understand the situation without the parents putting ideas in their heads .

Amber - posted on 02/05/2013

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The father needs to be with at the hospital to sign the birth certificate. Doing that gives him a step in to his parental rights. That ads his name auto.

If on MA, then just your information. And yes he/she can be given your last name, even if he does sign the papers. Must be married to give him his on the dot. MA will do a DNA test for child support.

If he has to pay child support then he will have to establish is parental rights to get custody, most is yours but is listed as joint.

Grandparents have the right to see their grand children. Look up or talk to a lawyer and in some states it can be all your say, just dont deny them or they can come after you. Holidays dont count.

As for him, after 2 years as long as he has nothing to do with the child you can do a TPR. But look up your state laws.

And you told him you are prego, expect him to grow up bc you had too, guys need time. He may be making a mistake by not being ready at this exact moment but before you pop may be ready. Also you are prego, take things to heart. Chill girl.

Falon - posted on 02/05/2013

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I left my oldests father when i was 2 mo preg & he did come for her birth and I put him on her certificate and that was about All he did ... Now 10 years later he is still absent & i am married & having to pay fees to get him off her certificate & go to court to file abandonment on him so my hubs can adopt her.

Leaving him off doesnt change that he is the father but in most states does change rights so look into tem for your state. In mine it gave him rights.

You can leave him off & if he contests it he will have to pay for it all. If he wants visitation let him take you to court for it. If he chooses to not be there now it prob wont change soon & if it does let him make the effort to change the certificate. Aside from all that. Congrats on your baby.

Angela - posted on 02/05/2013

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You can't list him on the birth certificate unless he and you both sign a voluntary paternity acknowledgement and have it notarized and filed with the courts.
Or unless child support and/or you establish him as father by DNA testing to confirm he is the father, then his name can be put on the birth certificate.
You can't just list it on (it's not that easy because whomever is listed on the birth certificate is financially responsible for the child).
You can't just list anyone, so they make it hard to put him on if you aren't married.
(I went through this recently)

You can give the baby your last name if you want.

Listing him on the birth certificate then also gives him the right to pursue custody and visitation if he would like.

My child's father didn't want our baby when I was pregnant - we were broken up.
He wanted me to have an abortion/adoption.

He is very good to his baby now (she is 5 months old).
It took him 3 months after she was born, and me teaching him how to care for her, before he started really enjoying playing with her and caring for her.
He was not at the hospital at her birth either.

Some men take time to get in the role.
It's up to you if you want to pursue that.

Hugs and kisses (it is a very hard road to travel - I'm going through it too).
It is hard to have a baby by yourself and care for him/her by yourself.
Make sure you have lots of family and friends around to support you if he won't be.
I needed support the first 3 months especially.

Yvonne - posted on 02/05/2013

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Many women have said that you should put his name on the birth certificate so your child will know who his/her father is. The downside of that is being on the birth certificate gives him a legal right to contact with your child, possibly even weekend visits. Although you can request he has a drugs test before the child stays overnight etc, he may refuse and you have to find out if the the court can order him to do it. The bottom line is, do you trust him to look after the child properly? These are the things you need to discuss with a lawyer

Stephanie - posted on 02/05/2013

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I was in that same position with my son 17 years ago when I was 17 (yes young mom). I didn’t even see his father through the whole pregnancy, but we talked from miles away and broke up when I was 5 months along. I gave my son my last name and put him on the certificate. He did at least plan on making the trip for the induced birth and showed up. After the birth he made an effort to help and his mother loved her grandson. When I moved closer we did joint custody and he gave me court ordered child support. We have now been married for 12 years and have a second son who is 7. People can change. Good luck!

Susan - posted on 02/05/2013

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make sure get a test that says he's the father; then he can't say its not his, he will have to pay child support. also my son has my last name, you can put him on the birth certificate, and still have your last name, make sure it says that on the certificate. child name and your last name. if you don't want any thing to do with him. he can withdrawal from being a parent. if he does that he will not have to pay child support and he will have no rights at all to the child. if he wants any thing to do with this child . I would get supervised visits. drinking and doing drugs and children don't mix! by the way my son is 24 and just got his first apartment!! I'm very happy for me. with all . he turned put great
any other questions feel free to email me at kingfamily11@new.rr.com. good luck"!!! Susan

Camille - posted on 02/05/2013

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Just wondering why you decided to have a child with this guy in the first place?

Megan - posted on 02/05/2013

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I say leave it off. Its easier to have the name added later on if need be, but you can't take it off once its on there. As long as you are open and honest with your child. If the sperm doner decides down the road to become a daddy ya'll will have to go to court. And if I remember correctly sperm doner has to be present and willing to sign the birth cert anyway.

Chelsea - posted on 02/05/2013

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Little Miss Can't Be Wrong is an idiot. Don't listen to her. My daughter's "father" has nothing to do with her. He is not on the birth certificate, nor does she have his last name. She will know about it when she is old enough to understand. There is nothing for a child to be angry about in that situation. Your kid is not going to be pissed that you didn't put his/her biological father on the birth certificate.

Chelsea - posted on 02/05/2013

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You absolutely do not have to put him on the birth certificate or give your baby his last name.

Frances - posted on 02/05/2013

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Whether or not you put his name in the birth certificate, he's the father and will have rights. Period. Now if he wants to exercise those rights or not is the question. Sure doesn't sound Like it and that's his issue. Your child will resent you if you Tri and "keep them away from each other" (so yo speak)
Being in your shoes, myself, before, my advice is this: put his name on it (doesnt mean he gets custody or even visitation. Thats up to the courts) let his actions speak for themselves. (He doesn't come around, your child will know that is by his choice not yours. ) make sure that whomever you date/marry lives your son as his own and there will be no need to worry.

My kids know who their father is but love respect and appreciate my (current) husband because they know (by HIS actions) that he's always been there for them and would do anything for them. They realize that they don't see their dad, not because we won't allow it, but because that's his choice. Let him be mad at his "father " not you.

Never ever talk bad about his/her birth father to where your child can hear it. Let him make the decision that he is a"bad guy" on his own. Then that way is never thrown in your face later and your child doesn't resent you for it. That's the one thing my mother never did. My dad was a JERK, I really didn't like himn but no matter what, she never said anything bad (even when I did) and later when my dad came back into my life (when I was 22) and apologized I realized how much I appreciated her never saying anything bad. (Even though i later found out she wrote him a letter, standing up for me)
Do you see what I'm saying? Be the best mom you can be, with or without him. Your child will know who was right in the end

Diana - posted on 02/05/2013

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icould not put the father in if we were not married. he had to sign it himself with a witness, someone to notarize the paperwork. I live in ohio

Monta - posted on 02/05/2013

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hiya I have been through the same situiation. My boyfriend at that time left me when I was 3 months pregnant because he was using drugs and was completely lost in his life. I brought up child by my self and never talked about dad with my daughter. I did put him on birth certificate because I didnt wanted her feel like she is coming from nowhere. Then recently weird thing happen he stopped using drugs, has changed his life style and is now ready to commit to us completely. We got married and now I am expecting twins :)) my life hasn't been easy but i thought its always better stay with child's dad if I can sort things out then start new family and thanks god it worked. Hope it helps you and hope your life will turn around to better as well x

Kimm - posted on 02/05/2013

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My son's father wasn't at all in the picture in the beginning, so I didn't put him on the birth certificate at all. So my son has my last name as well. His father has since come around and become a really great dad. Just because he isn't on a piece of paper as the father doesn't mean you're lying to your child about him. You are also protecting yourself and your child in case this guy down the road turns around and demands all these rights to his child. In my opinion if he is denying being the father, then leave him off the BC. If things change later it cam always be reversed.

User - posted on 02/05/2013

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I am in your EXACT situation. I wouldn't put that man on any of your child's info. Because if you do, he's got automatic rights to your child as the bio father. I'm not saying hide who he is. When your child gets old enough to make the choice to meet him, they can. But, for now I would leave him off. And I gave my child my last name. Her dads name is on the birth certificate, but I really regret putting it on there. He's not signing over his parental rights just to spite me. And he never sees my little girl. I live in MS, not sure how the laws differ. But, we have a wonderful man in our lives who takes care of us both. That is HER DADDY! That's what she calls him. And I'm not going to correct her or tell her differently. Hope this helps.
Really, I am in your same exact situation. So, message me on here if you need anything.

Alicemirela - posted on 02/05/2013

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Dear Indigo, I agree with Dianne's comment here. It doesn't matter what HE wants -- it matters what is good for the child and for you: you need child support. I wouldn't be worried about telling the baby who his BIO-dad is, there is plenty time to do that when he grows up - after 16? It does not benefit the child in any way to know that you two shacked-up and you got pregnant and his bio-dad did not want him.
GIve the child the name you like, but make sure the jerk pays for $upport. Too often men get away with this serious things, and too often we women allow it --- don't we have self-respect???
I would advise you to move in with your parents so that the child will have a family.
Please act in the good benefit of your child and yours no matter what. Hugs!

Tasha - posted on 02/05/2013

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Hello
I have never been in this sitution but someone close to me has a child by a man who decided to be an absent parent. You but him on the birth certificate because the child has the right to know who his or her father is. I empathis with you; I cannot imagine how hurt you are in this siution; the someone I know never spoke a single negative word about the absent parent, and he never became apart of her life.He died due to his life style at a very young age. The point is you put his name on the birth document because he is the father, push aside your anger.If doe orcdoes not decide to be a dad it's his choice. Do not live your life regreting him,carrying unforgiveness and all sorts of negative emotions. Its drainning and very unhealthy for your body and your spirit and that child. You move forward in forgiveness and God is able to help you. Are you saved,do you know Jesus as your savior? Are you a believer? If you are and your not saved then all it takes is for you to adk Jesus to come into your heart,confess your sins and you shall be saved. Its important that you prayer ad much as you can so you can establish a relationship with God and read his word he has some promises for you. Tell God you neeeds, wants, desires for yourself, your child and family.He is willling, open and able to be the BEST FATHER YOU AND YOUR CHILD WILL EVER NEED!
God bless; prayer is just a conversation with God!

Keeley - posted on 02/05/2013

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Hiya, yeah I would put his name on the certificate because he will want to know where he's from and also you x may change one day... I don't think it's ever to late to change unless of course there is abuse involved. I'm from England so it may be different over there but here you don't have to give him the fathers name. I do agree with you however about his drinking around the child, my father was an alcoholic and he was very abusive when he was drunk. I don't think that you have to let him seethe child however he can take you to court but to be honest I don't think any judge in their right mind would allow an alcoholic to be around a child. A similar situation happened with my sister and the judge said if he can stop excessively drinking then he can see the child, they even did hair strand tests to make absolutely sure that he had stopped drinking.

Jen - posted on 02/05/2013

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Biology isn't a prerequisite for fatherhood :) My hubby is my daughter's dad, even though he's not biologically her dad.

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