If you're out shopping and your child throws a tantrum, what would you do?

Beverly - posted on 06/20/2011

i ignore the bad behavior, and if necessary, i walk away. if i need to go to the next aisle, i frequently check on the child (every 30 seconds to a minute) and i am just barely out of sight, but it is enough to let the child know that adverse behavior will not change my mind. bribery only teaches the child that if he/she throws the fit long enough, he/she will get their way. my youngest's new favorite thing to say is "i hate you!", to which i respond "i love you". i don't yell, i don't force, i just lay down my rules, and if the child doesn't want to follow them, they lose the privileges of treats at home, or extra stories, or whatever the child responds to best. spanking is not the answer, and yelling only makes it worse.

i hope this helps!

Ruthann - posted on 06/20/2011

Stick to your guns! I've put my kids in timeout in stores, outside of restaurants, you name it! We were often complemented on how well behaved they were when we went out for that very reason.

Roxy - posted on 06/20/2011

no way! stick to your guns, yes most people will look at you funny when you go to discipline your child, but if you let them get away with it in public they will soon learn that you will not do anything and they will continue to act that way at home. It will confuse them how they should behave..I say disicpline the same at all times

Monica - posted on 06/20/2011

BTW I'm first time mommy and when my kid throw tantrum I try to keep it cool, she is heavy so she won't move if I tell her, if I don't carry her she catch me on the fit, so I bought what I need and come back home, she stop crying when I put her in bed for a nap. It's hard I don't want spank cause that would be feed violence on her. I would here suggestions for if happens next time.. Just be aware I have tried talking to her asking what she need what she feels, she refuses to answer just screams and crying.

Desiree - posted on 06/20/2011

I have read some of the posts, and it amazes me that some of you think that bribing a child is a good idea at anytime. That bribe is a reinforcement of behavior, it tells the child that in order to get what they want, they simply have to hold out long enough or embarrass you enough that you will cave in...it sets the heirarchy and the tone for your relationship to come. The question then is how long do you let them run the show?

Angie - posted on 06/20/2011

most of the time I try and bribe them. I feel bad by doing so, but it's kind of hard to put them in time out when they are sitting in the grocery cart!

Barbara - posted on 06/20/2011

First time Mom?

Monica - posted on 06/20/2011

I'm with you, it results embarrassing to me cause I think other people gonna see me like my kid is out of my hands, and casually this happen today with my 4 year old I finish what I needed and told her we fix it at home so I put her in her room to sleep and she fall right away so when she woke up told her what she did wrong and next time it would work if only she tells me that she was tired.

Desiree - posted on 06/20/2011

As a mother of four, I have found that different techniques works for each child and at different times. But at no time is public misbehavior acceptable. When they were younger, I might throw a tantrum with them ( which was really fun for me!) but it would throw them into a quandry as to what was really going on. Just the shock of seeing me behave like them would give them reason for pause. I have stopped, just stopped. There is no movement, no shopping, no yelling, no talking - really just giving them a moment to get whatever they need to off of their chest at the moment. when the moment is over ( the telltale hiccups, air sucking, etc) ask are they ok and making sure before moving on. I have even just walked out and went home.

Doreen - posted on 06/20/2011

Stick to your guns, quick pop, never bribe because they'll just do it again expecting a goody!

Aunty - posted on 06/20/2011

Once upon a time - a LONG time ago - a young mother was in the grocery store with her young daughter - who started whining for candy - Mom calmly told her "no" - as soon as they were alone in the aisle - Daughter started howling, "No, Mommy, please don't hit me! I'll be good!" (We had been dealing with CPS and another family - which the smart daughter had overheard)
However - this wise non-abusive mom just left the cart - took the child outside to their "comfort zone" and was consistent with consequences.
I understand being embarrassment right now - but now is when you have control - and you can shape your child - teach them respect - and consistent discipline. If you bribe them - are they learning that obedience/respect has a price? That you love them only when they are not causing you to be embarrassed? at home?
Better a little embarrassment now than shame when you have to get them out of a bigger mess when they are older.
The incident was over 20 years ago - the little girl is a woman with a little girl of her own - they both respect the grandmother who had the courage to stick to her guns.

Robyn - posted on 06/20/2011

I am in the same boat, My son is 22 months and just now I am experiencing tantrums. Just with me. Anyone eles, he's good as gold, however I can't seem to be out with him longer then 20 min. I tried the toys, gave something to eat, however when they are high spirited, it's hard to control. Great post! I have been wondering what to do about this myself, Sorry I have no suggestions then what I said, I hope to hear other people as well.

Heather - posted on 06/20/2011

You do not scream, yell or have a melt down, definitely no bribery. Quietly tell the child, you are not dealing with this so we are going home. Turn around and go home. Let them do what they need to do, stay calm, and proceed with what you said. Then, next time you go out, get a sitter, and go by yourself and explain, when they want to have fun and participate you can go as a family. Stick to your guns!!

Chaley - posted on 06/20/2011

Why couldn't your daughter have the thing that she wanted? In that situation was there no way you could say yes? Maybe her need for the thing she wanted was very real to her. Maybe you had a trolley full of food or things for you and she wanted something too. What is wrong with that? If she really couldn't have it for a genuine reason - you didn't have the funds at that moment - then could you have 'found the yes' in the situation. Such as 'I know you are disappointed but it is just too expensive but lets think of ways we can save up for it', or "how about we get it next time", just so she knows you hear her and care about something she may want. So often we forget how it feels to be a child and think that it is our job to deny them and say no, when often it is so easy to find the yes and shows them we hear them.

Sue - posted on 06/20/2011

NO BRIBERY ALLOWED when raising a child. Sorry, maybe that's just me. My daughter had a kicking, screaming tantrum at target when she was about 2yrs.old. She wanted something and I said no and she lost it. I stood there with my back to her and put up with all the dirty looks from people because I wasn't stopping her. After she settled down I took her hand and we left the store. Didn't buy what I went there for...we left. I didn't say a word to her we came home. Once we were in the house I told her that her behavior at the store was naughty and will not be allowed EVER. She had to sit in time out for 2 minutes. I gave her a hug and kiss and told her that I loved her. She never did it again. When she asked for something and I said no, if she started acting up all I said was "Do we need to leave" she would be good. As a parent it is so important to stick to your own rules...you set the rules and guidlines for your child...you need to be able to follow through no matter where you are or what's the point of having any rules.

Chaley - posted on 06/20/2011

I feel children learn by example, and if you punish, threaten and ignore them to get them to do what you want you are creating an adversial relationship with them. They do what you want then they get what they want. They aren't behaving 'nicely' because they are intrinsicly motivated to do so. Kids don't always behave how we would like because they don't have the tools or the experience yet, or because they have a different opinion to us. Punishing them when they displease us makes no sense in a respectful relationship and, in my opinion, only leads to a break down in the connection between parent and child. If your partner punished you when you did something they didn't like how would it make you feel? I don't think exerting control in any relationship is ever a good thing.

Sandra - posted on 06/20/2011

I drop what I am doing and remove them from the situation...If in a restaurant, I would take them to the washroom and have a talk and/or punishment. The way we punish is by taking away the things they like the best, like TV or Wii, etc. I feel it really worked cuz my oldest is now quite aware of what is not allowed. Of course there will always be the odd time, but overall I saw a huge improvement!

Michelle - posted on 06/20/2011

When my kids were little, and decided to throw tamtrums in public, I would do just what I did at home, walk away, and ignore it. It only took a couple of times before they realized that that kind of behavior would not help them in any way. Of course, my youngest is now 25 with her little one, and people didn't look at you like you were neglecting your kids when you walked away. Spanking in public was just starting to be "taboo".

Becky - posted on 06/20/2011

Absolutely stick to your guns. Once a rule is established and the punishment for breaking that rule is known to the child, then stick to it. Worst thing you can do -even early on at a tender age, is to send that child mixed signals. If you do, they will 'push your buttons' at every opportunity. YOU are the parent. Things can be done in a loving way, but it's called discipline.

Chaley - posted on 06/20/2011

I disagree with the new trend of ignoring children's 'tantrums'. I don't even like the term tantrum to be honest, I prefer to think of it as a loud emotion. If my child has got to that point of having a meltdown then I feel I have missed something along the way. If they get to that point then what they really need is attention because they are trying to communicate something that is really bothering them. Ignoring them when they are trying to reach out to us in my opinion is very unkind and not helpful in creating a loving connection with your child.

Osagie - posted on 06/20/2011

i try bribing them

Christina - posted on 06/20/2011

stick to your guns as if you constantly bribe them when your out they will take it for granted and play up when your in public

Holly - posted on 06/20/2011

It's happened to me MANY times...I get mad and tell him he's not getting anything if he acts that way. And when we go home I give him a time out in the bedroom. There are many times I have to just ignore him while I shop and he follows me around then carry him out of the store in the football hold:-(

Sarah - posted on 06/20/2011

Being the mommy of 3 and a half ( due in Oct.) my kids have always known that I will pop their butt in the store. I've even had an older lady give me a hug after I popped my daughters butt. You're the Mom so stick to your guns.

Gayle - posted on 06/20/2011

Ok. I admire all these moms who can take care of all the needs of their children before they leave the house so their children act perfect in public, they never have to yell or discipline. I wish I lived in your world. The reality is, I have 7 yr old triplets and a 5 yr old. When they were younger, I could try to get all their needs taken care of before we left the house but by the time you get it finished, and get them rounded up again, and FINALLY in the car it has been a good 1/2 hr trying to get them to go where you want them to go, (get shoes on, find coats, go potty, get a drink, put your shirt on correctly, leave the dog alone, no toys in the car, etc etc etc). AFter we get to the restaurant or to the store or where ever we are NEEDING to go, if they start to act up, you need to put an end to their trantrum. Of course you can't yell in public, spank in public, or even grab your kids to get their attention. I end up giving them a big HUG and as I am doing so, whispering harshly in their ear "You better quit your fit right now or we will go outside to the car and I will give you a spank." Now in our family, "spank" is just a word for "consequence". The "spank" could be anything from taking away a priviledge, sending them to their room, making them have extra chores, grounding them, etc. SOMETIMES it does boil down to a spank. Just depending upon what the situation calls for. I try to discipline based upon the "crime".

Shannon - posted on 06/20/2011

STICK TO YOUR GUNS!! children need stability and routine more than anything, a few moments of embarrssment for you will benefit your child in the future. Giving in oir bribing them shows them that if you are not at home, this behavior will get them what they want everytime and this one tantrum will be the first of many to come!!

Elizabeth - posted on 06/20/2011

I don't wait till I get home. I take care of it there. Even if I have to go in the bathroom or leave and go out to the car. When my older kids were young ,about 6 and 7, they acted up in Red Lobster. I gave them one warning that we would leave if they act right and they would not set foot in a restaurant again for 6 months. They pushed it so we asked to change our order to a to go order and left. For six months they were not aloud to even go to a drive through. My mom and I would go out and they would stay with a baby sitter or I would get something to go for my mom and I and they would have something I cooked at home. When they got to back out to eat I never had another problem. What ever you do to teach them be consistent. But don't bribe them, your setting your self up for a headache with that.

Patricia - posted on 06/20/2011

Children have "tantrums" when they are tired or frustrated. When my sons were having a "tantrum" I would leave the store and give them a chance to calm down. If they don't, I calmly return home. Shopping can always be done at any time. I was usually was able to avoid any meltdowns by making sure that they were not tired, kept my trips short, and had some kind of activity planned afterwards to reward their cooperation. We would usually go to the park, the library, watch a favorite video, or lunch at their favorite place. When they misbehave in public, removing them from the situation calmly is important. It shows them you will not tolerate the behavior. Being consistent and understanding is part of helping them to learn how to live in our world. It is also important that we listen to them when they are having a "meltdown. Overreacting to the situation will only make it worse. Children learn from how we react to any situation.

Susan - posted on 06/20/2011

I don't think anyone has had a child that didn't do that at least once. What I did was wait until he/she finishes their kicking and screaming then gather them up and say in a firm tone. This is why your not going to get what you wanted. my son tried to run away in the store when he was about 18 months old. He left and went to another isle and I was within a vision of him. After about a minute or so I would go over to him and hug him and say I am so glad to see you. I missed you. Other people will tell you what to do during a tantrum in the store. You know your child better than anyone. Go with your gut.

Anna Marie - posted on 06/20/2011

When we go to the grocery store it is because we have to be there, and I will not walk out of the grocery store. I talk to my kids in the car and tell them what I expect. I also tell them if I have a good experience at the store they may pick out their favorite fruit or veggie. The first to misbehave must put theirs back and sit in time out wherever we are at. The rest of us will wait it out then move on. :D This has always worked for me. Any other type of store we will all walk out.

MarkandTammy - posted on 06/20/2011

I stick to my guns. Bribing only feeds their tantrum tendencies. I believe children need to know that you mean exactly what you say when you say it.

Sheila - posted on 06/20/2011

I have learned the hard way when it comes to punishment. I do not like to spank my child but fro time to time he will push me when it comes to not listening i have to spank him. 95% of the time i take away what he values more video games , bike, mortorcycle, and i stay consistant with the punishment. I do agree with Kayla to bribe a child is already teaching them they can have there way.

Karen - posted on 06/20/2011

Stick to your guns girl! I am proud to give a time out in Walmart, if they are so deserving. There is nothing worse than seeing a mom out of control and watching her kids walk all over her. I think that is more embarrassing than giving a punishment in public! (from one who learned this lesson the hard way!)

Kelly - posted on 06/20/2011

i stick to my guns for sure. my almost 4 yr old was not listening to me at a baseball field for my son's game. i took her right to a time out spot and she was not happy. she made sure everyone knew she was in time out and people were looking at me and I didnt give up. i dont care what other people think when i am trying to keep my kids in check and respectful. i cant stand when i see other people let their kids get away with things in public. i think it looks sooo bad

Katie - posted on 06/20/2011

I do exactly what my mom did to me when I was little. If I threw a tantrum and didn't stop it when warned my mom would leave the buggy where it was and we would immediately leave the store go to the car and go home where i would be spanked and not allowed to do anything except eat and get ready for bed. because my mom always said if i could not go out in public and behave then she would not take me to the store with her anymore or whereever we may have gone.

Becki - posted on 06/20/2011

When one of my four girls misbehaved outside the house they were told to behave or we were leaving. If the behavior did not stop we left. Then they were told that they would not be able to go the next time I needed to go somewhere. They usually calmed down by this time and we could continue or we would have to leave and go home and I would finish what I needed to do with out her. Usually if this happened I would get a treat for the rest of the girls and the other one would not get one because of her behavior.

Karen - posted on 06/20/2011

Well my son threw a tantrum in a store when he was about 6 years old. He wasnted a toy and was refusing to leave or move from that area until I purchased the toy. I repeatedly told him we were ot getting the toy, that didn't work so I told him it was time to leave. He refused to leave without the toy, so I told him again it was time to go, said nothing about the toy in question, and started to walk away. He let out a couple of screaming, crying yells that kids do in the middle of these tantrum, the good part was his thought turned to us leaving the store and not taking him with us, he was upset about us leaving without him, and we just kept turning around and saying see you later we are going home now, and waving goodbye, we walked slowly and kept turning around, of course he was still crying so we could tell where he was, a couple feet away and he got up and ran to us, wanting us to not leave without him, but the toy subject was dropped - he just didn't want to be left at the store alone. Of course we would not have left him, we just wanted him to see we were leaving and not getting him the toy. I saw another mother do something simiar one day and giggled knowing I'd done it once before to... and it worked..the kid came running up to them when she thought they were leaving.

Nikki - posted on 06/20/2011

i personnally would stand there and watch them. every so oftern ask if they are done. when the tantrum is over give a cuddle and say tantrums get you no where so have a cuddle and behave. i do it every time my daughter has a tantrum. i tell her once she has calmed down she can have a cuddle. i maybe abit harsh with my parenting but it worked with my son and he is now 8 yrs old so i stick to what i did with him

Melisa - posted on 06/20/2011

when our children were small and tried to throw a tantrum we would talk to them and if it didn't work we left the store and went home, if we didn't have luxury of going home me or hubby would sit in car with offending child and other would continue shopping. When we ate out child who tantrumed would have lunch in car with a parent and rest ate in restraunt and played. The next outing hired a babysitter for child who tantrumed and took the rest (we have 4) had to do this one time only and remind them about car or babysitter..they loved shopping as we always did something on outing

Joni - posted on 06/20/2011

never ever bribe! I've been there with my two when they were little, sometimes it was only one of them, sometimes I had it in stereo. what worked best, and it wasn't easy, was to walk away. I know, you'll be worried someone will snatch your little darling if you do, but think about it - seriously who is going to pick up someone's screaming temper tantrum throwing child? Your child will soon (and quickly) figure out that it's not working for them. He/She may even try to follow you through the store and once they know they've got your attention, try it all over again. Keep walking away and they'll get the point and stop. (Oh, and when you do walk away, don't say a WORD about doing so, just do it.) I swear, it works and the tantrums will stop. DO praise them whenever you go out in public when they behave well. It won't take long and you'll see the difference.

Chrystal - posted on 06/19/2011

My daughter almost never acts up in public. I have been very firm and clear with her from the beginning. She knows and understands that she will be punished on the spot-the same as it would be at home. I don't believe in waiting until later because as a toddler she would have no idea what I'm even talking about. Only twice has she acted out at the store in a tantrum and I have pulled her aside and firmly reminded her that she needs to behave or he will get a spanking even if people are watching. She always starightens up an I have never had to spank her in public. I think that the consistency is key- however you choose to handle the situation is up to each individual but the key with toddlers is definitely consistency. At home she would get a spanking if after a warning she doesn't stop-it would be the same in a store if it were to get that far. She is four now and she still behaves rather well for her age. But every child is different so you have to ind what works for your kids.

Dawn - posted on 06/19/2011

I "stick to my guns". Bribery does not work and in my opinion, all it does is reinforce the behavior. Telling them "If you be good, I'll buy you something" just tells them that every time we are out and you act up, you will get some toy or candy. I have four children and I know my opinion may not be popular, but I have experienced both options with my children. I have tried the bribery approach and all it did was to have my child expect something every time I went to the store. I put a stop to that immediately. I don't hesitate to leave my cart and walk out of the store to punish my child if needed. You should never be embarrassed about disciplining a child in public, they won't learn proper behavior unless they are taught proper behavior. I know people look and whisper and sometimes even have things to say, but they may need to be told to mind their business. They aren't going home with you and helping you to raise your child. You are the one that is going to have a child expecting something special every time you leave the house. That isn't fair to you and whoever else may be involved with your child. This is my opinion, I hope it helps.

Joan - posted on 06/19/2011

You have to stick to your guns or you are in for even more trouble! If you give in once, they will keep testing. Fortunately my kids are usually pretty good in public, but my son had his first big fit yesterday over me not buying
him a toy. We don't believe in just buying our kids stuff and they usually know and don't even ask for stuff. We tell them they can put it on a bday list, xmas etc. I was embarrassed that he was so upset and crying ( at least not screaming) but I also knew if I gave in this time it would be like this everytime. I just got done reading "1-2-3- magic" by Thomas W. Phelan, and it is a very positive approach with good strategies and ideas for what to do in public, I really recommend it.

Ellen - posted on 06/19/2011

If you bribe a child to behave in public it then becomes a learned behavior for the child. What do you do when they tantrum at home? Some sort of time out? Ignore the behavior? That is what one has to do in public. Time out in public could be taking the child(ren) outside or to the car. By the same token, if they behave, verbal positive reinforcement is always good. " I loved the way you behaved in the grocery store. I am so proud of you" goes a long way.

Chasity - posted on 06/19/2011

Beat them with a stick!!! LOL just joking im interested to know the same I ignore it until my daughter starts kicking stuff off the shelves

Elizabeth - posted on 06/19/2011

Stick to youts guns! Carried out a screaming four year old from walmart, and even ran into a friend on the way out, my daughter was screaming "you harmless woman"lol, she meant heartless I think, we left a buggy full of stuff but drove straight home. She or her sister now know that imserious when I say no and if you act like that we are leaving.

Elizabeth - posted on 06/19/2011

Stick to youts guns! Carried out a screaming four year old from walmart, and even ran into a friend on the way out, my daughter was screaming "you harmless woman"lol, she meant heartless I think, we left a buggy full of stuff but drove straight home. She or her sister now know that imserious when I say no and if you act like that we are leaving.

Marie - posted on 06/19/2011

I totally agree with Maria - not all children are the same! and to Amanda, I did exactly the same with my son and he reacted much like your son, however it DID NOT work with my daughter. It has EVERYTHING to do with personality too, so i'm sorry but just because one child does well with 'not to punish or reward' definitely does NOT mean it works with every child. God help me when my daughter gets to her teenage years, cos she is hard enough work now!! Boys are soooo much easier ;o)

Allie - posted on 06/18/2011

Stick to ur gun! U wouldn't accept it at home, why would u accept it out! Ur teaching ur child that when ur out if they want something they throw a tantrum u will give in! When my oldest was 5 she threw a temper tantrum in a store, and I let her! She kept stopping and looking at me to see if there was any reaction, when there wasn't she stopped after 10 minutes! She has never done it again! Why would anywhere else be different then at home? I understand the embarrasment but the rules should be the same everywhere, other wise ur child has control over things and knows it! Its not doing them any harm, ur just teaching them that u expect the same thing at home as anywhere else, and the consequences are always the same! U will have less tantrums if ur consistent!

Steph - posted on 06/17/2011

If my children start to throw a tantrum, whether at home or out in public, I ignore them. I won't react to it because that is what they want. My children know that I will only respond if they act appropriately. One time we were in the store and my two year old was screaming because she didn't want to ride in the cart. She screamed at the top of her lungs for 45 minutes. Everyone was staring and we even got a comment from some teenage girls. They said something about taking her home if she is acting like that. My response, "Obviously you have no children or you would understand that you can't leave every time they throw a tantrum. You need to teach them that they don't get what they want when they misbehave. Some day you will understand." My daughter tired herself out and when she stopped screaming I finally acted like I noticed she was there and I quietly asked her what she wanted. When she asked politely if she could get out of the cart I let her get out and help push it. Needless to say from that day on she nicely asks if she can help push the cart.