If your child is at the other parents house how often do you call??

Bri - posted on 07/14/2011 ( 31 moms have responded )

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My fiance calls once everyday to speak with my SK. He is 6 and lives full time with us. Although he doesnt always get to , he just wants to make sure he is okay and everything alright?

does that seem a little much? The conversations are just a few minutes....

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Samiya - posted on 07/18/2011

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Hesti, I totally agree you with you! I know my son misses his dad and he hardly ever calls and he drops him off early on some of his weekends because he has other things to do. I wish he did more to nuture his relationship with our son. As parents, we have to put the needs of our child first when it comes to the relationship they have with the other parent.

Christina - posted on 07/20/2011

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The reason your attorney says to not call is because when the noncustodial parent only has a few days a month with their child, they should be allowed to be with their kid without interference. Calling when your kid is only gone for two days can cause issues, especially if the two parents are not on good grounds with eachother. It can make the noncustodial parent annoyed even more because their precious time with their kids is being disturbed.
It doesn't mean it is wrong, it just something to consider.
Like I said, we leave our stepson alone when he is with his mom. We do this because we hate when she calls us every day or a few times a day while we have him. We don't mind a text asking how he is, or her calling if she needs something. We just don't like her calling several times a day to talk to him because it disrupts our family time and plans. We have him 50/50. She doesn't call any more to talk to him. Actually, we are now teetering on having him more than 50/50 due to her dropping him off early to us or requesting we keep him late.

Jodi - posted on 07/14/2011

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To me, yes, it sounds like a lot. When my son is visiting his dad, I rarely call (even when he was younger). He is used to visit every other weekend. Now it is a week each school holidays. I have called him once this week's visit.



My husband calls his kids once a week. They ARE older, but he has only ever called them once a week when they are not with us. We aren't the primary custodial with them. Their mothers never call when they are here. I guess they just trust that all is okay, and if the kids wanted to call them, they can.



But quite honestly? Every day is fine if that's what works for them :)

Mel - posted on 07/26/2012

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No it isnt. He is the parent. My belief is if it doesnt interferes with his childs daily routine or ability to function daily it is not to much. His child will let him know their limits. Other then that, its his right. He can't be there physically but he can verbally. I am a biomom, custodial stepmom and noncustodial stepmom. Different households not different parents!

Samiya - posted on 07/17/2011

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That is not too much at all! It shows how much he loves his child. Wouldn't you want to talk to your child everyday and know if he was okay if he didnt live with you? Be worried if he doesnt call. My son's dad hardly ever calls. He sees his dad every other weekend and sometimes he goes 3wks without seeing him if he has to reschedule for some reason. When my son is with his dad I make sure I call everyday even if it's only to say goodnight. He'll be 3 next month and he already expects it. He's even gotten his dad's phone at times and called me himself...lol!

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Bri - posted on 07/20/2011

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Yes but there were days he didn'twant to talk!! It was just ridiculous i think what it was that my own SK, was just busy and didnt wanna come to the phone! hehe........he's a stinker ;)

Bri - posted on 07/20/2011

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Yes , but everyday my attrny said isn't good, just let them be with that other parent for a few days without discussion that way there is more to talk about. i was like wat???

Hesti - posted on 07/18/2011

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I salute him, what a great way to stay in touch and build a relationship with your child when you can't be with them every day. Comments such as 'they need their time with the child / I need my time with the child' makes me frown because it's not about YOU, it is about the child. I don't wish to offend anyone, previous (very negative) experience has formed this very strong opinion.

Heather - posted on 07/17/2011

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It seems fine, but I would be trying to listen in on the other line if possible every few days to see what he is asking him. If he has no visitation, then he has the right to call and talk to his son, if that's ok with the court orders? I don't know your situation.

Amanda - posted on 07/17/2011

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It's important for kids to know both their parents care for them, if they can't see mommy or daddy every day but they know they'll get a call to see how everything is then they know they're parent cares about them. My boyfriend called his other son every morning and night if he could when we were together.

Renee - posted on 07/16/2011

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Absolutly not... I wish my sons father would call even 3 times a week. I think there fathers should call them everyday. If we were still together he would see him everyday right?

Leanne - posted on 07/16/2011

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I wish my sons dad would do this, I think it shows they truely care and love their child. It must be hard for those fathers who do miss their children and dont get to see them everyday as us full time mums do. As long as this doesnt feel like him keeping tabs on yu and your son is ok with it, I say its a great thing :)

All the best :) Leanne . . single mother of a 3 year old boy

Alavisi - posted on 07/16/2011

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That is absolutely fine! Please don't hinder that relationship....it is important for the 6 year old to feel appreciated and that someone else is concerned for him.

Renee - posted on 07/16/2011

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In my experience, as a step-mom of 3, limit it to a daily call. My husband ex used to call 5-6 times a day, it did nothing but cause hostility. A daily phone call is totally acceptable, assuming it's not long and not to probe on what's going on at the other house. As a matter of fact, you might encourage your SK to call the other parent to say goodnight when they are with you. It encourages a positive relationship for all... trust me!

Taryn - posted on 07/16/2011

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That seems like to much to me as well. I guess the best way to look at it is how would you feel if the mother was calling your house every single day. It is a bit intrusive and would probably makes everyone feel like they are being policed a bit. Then again, every family is different so you gotta do what works for you.

Kari - posted on 07/16/2011

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I call my daughter every night she's at her dads at 8pm and she only goes there twice a week. My daughter expects me to call and I like knowing it's consistent on my end. I don't think it's a little much at all. Atleast he cares enough to call and check in, thats more than a lot of dads out there.

Kathy - posted on 07/16/2011

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If the Fiance is reliable and has the child's best interest at heart

Te bigger the support circle for the child the better A child can Never get enough attention or Love

In the end the child will make up his own mind

As parents we need to be careful not to restrain the child's relationships because of our own feelings

I am for everyone getting along for the sake of the child

Stifler's - posted on 07/16/2011

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My brother in law's ex calls like 5 times a day when he has the kids and it's just power play (once in a blue moon). It's irritating for all involved. I think it's a bit much if he lives full time with you.

[deleted account]

Our daugher lives full time with us and when she used to have overnight visits with her BM they would be a week or more at a time (because BM lived on the other sideof the country). We would call every night at bedtime to say goodnight and tell our daughter that we love her.

Amanda - posted on 07/15/2011

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As a mom who works outside the home, I take time many days to call and see how the kids are doing. I occasionally travel and also make sure to call home every night to say goodnight to them. It sounds like he is a great dad and he is just keeping the relationship. It may also be something you SK needs to help cope (to know his father is always available basically) if he is dealing with his parents divorce or if he never has had a female role-model is his life and has to adjust to something like that.

Chrisso - posted on 07/15/2011

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when my SD is with her mum (they live in another state) we talk to her on skype 2-3- times a week. when SD is visiting us no matter if it is for a weekend or a couple of weeks, he mother talked to her everyday either on skype or the phone. It is what SD wants to do so yea it works for us.

Christina - posted on 07/14/2011

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When I lived in another state, my son would go see his dad for 3-6wks every summer (we worked up to it every year as he got older.) I would call twice a week to talk to him at first, then once a week. Since I have moved back to Texas, I never call when my son is with his dad unless I need to talk to them about something. We have a good relationship.

When my stepson is with his mom, we never call. We have him every other week. She needs her time with him without being bothered, and so do we :)

[deleted account]

Oh... I'll also add that my ex's 'phone time' is only scheduled on Tuesdays and Fridays at 6pm, but if he calls at any other time... I give them the phone if they're available and give them the message if they aren't.

[deleted account]

I had it put in our court order that I can speak to the kids every day cuz when it wasn't in the court order.... my ex turned off his phone for a week straight.



I don't call unless they haven't called me for 2-3 days though. I don't want to interfere w/ their time, but it's extremely important that I maintain contact. I will also add that when I call... usually no one answers and I don't get a return call. My kids have said that Dad never told them I called. They only see him a few times/year though and right now is their longest visit w/ him yet (2 weeks down, 2 more to go).



My ex, on the other hand, can go over a month w/out calling the kids even once.

Bri - posted on 07/14/2011

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YES SAME order vice versa...well if BD calls her ,what i have to do is if we are busy just simply return the phone call

Jodi - posted on 07/14/2011

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Wow, 5 until 8pm EVERY day? That's a big window. I'd actually be a bit pissed about that because what if you wanted to go out to dinner? I think, given that, you have to cut a bit of slack. I'd have trouble making my kids available for that 3 hours EVERY day. Do you have to do the same for her?

Bri - posted on 07/14/2011

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i m reading the crt order. it says make the child available from 5 until 8pm everyday if not make sure the such child returns the phone call back ASAP

Jodi - posted on 07/14/2011

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So its in the orders that the ex has to make him available for the phone calls? If that's the case, she has to (although I am sure there are reasons why sometimes this simply isn't always possible, which I think you should give her a bit of slack on here and there).

Bri - posted on 07/14/2011

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oh okay judge said make them available in the evening.. everyday wasnt sure

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