im at my WITS END.....

Michele - posted on 03/14/2009

Quoting Claire:

Honey the first bit of advice I'm going to give you will not be popular with the Education department but anyway, here it goes KIDS SHOULD BE KIDS AND IN THE BIG PICTURE WHATS THE HARM.  Having said that instead of asking him what homework he has see if you can get that info direct from the teacher. And FYI my 17yo had a couple of years in his early teens when he was the same and to be honest I was the same (if not worse) and he (and I) are now happy and contributing members of society.  Hope I haven't given any teachers a coronary and I hope I have helped Good Luck :)

 

I WOULD LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING for him to just be a kid.....but this kid doesnt do anything to deserve the "just being a kid" privliges......hes a mess!!! he doesnt respect the consequences that come along with his actions....and as for the teachers.....im SURE they HATE ME by now.....cause im ALL ABOUT pestering them to help me help him!!!!

I WISH HE WAS A KID I CAN TRUST TO BE A KID!!!!

Michele - posted on 03/14/2009

Quoting Amie:

I'd talk to his teacher. He/she obviously knows there's something wrong. Explain what is going on at home. That he's not writing his homework in his book. It wouldn't be that hard for them to check it before he leaves to make sure you know! If it's a considerate teacher they would be willing to do this. Hopefully that will help with the no homework part.
As for the not wanting to do it. Well all kids go through this, he's 12, watching his parents go through a custody battle over him, probably puberty is rearing it's ugly head too, he might getting peer pressure of some sort too. Never know, kids are wicked at that age. He's going through a lot. Sit and talk with him, it won't be easy, especially if he is shutting down so as not to have to deal with everything. At worst he'll sit and not respond, at best he'll talk back and tell you what he's feeling and why he's doing all of this. He might just want the extra attention, even if it's negative, so someone will pay a lot of attention to him. Counselors at his school might be able to help too.
I wish you luck! I remember doing the same thing to my parents when I was 13. They weren't fighting over me but I had other things going on in my life that homework was the last thing I wanted to worry about.

 

 

i thank you and appreciate EVERYTHING you just mentioned.....but ive done all of this and CONTINUE to do this.....i have my boys home with me 4 times as week as i split the week with their dad....each week he comes home with the same story.....he didnt have any homework, or his teacher wouldnt let him ask her a question...or whatever excuse he can possibly come up with.....at which point i dont want to hear it anymore....the last parent teacher meeting i went to, the itinerary was to have each teacher sign off daily on what homework was assigned for that class daily....this is NOT something that he TAKE THE INITIATIVE to do daily!!!! ive spoken to the counselor at school and they pull him out of class once a week, i have YET to hear anything negative from the counselor, i have sought therapy for him in the past and i am in the process of bringing him back!!!!

i have talked his ear off....i tell him each week how important he is to me, and how i am doing my best to make sure that he doesnt fail!!!! (in life) i tell him that i am there for him, that i will NEVER turn him away, that i LOVE him, that i will do ANYTHING i have to do to help him......ive layed it all out there for him....given him all avenues......BUT I GET NOTHING IN RETURN!!!!

Claire - posted on 03/14/2009

Honey the first bit of advice I'm going to give you will not be popular with the Education department but anyway, here it goes KIDS SHOULD BE KIDS AND IN THE BIG PICTURE WHATS THE HARM.  Having said that instead of asking him what homework he has see if you can get that info direct from the teacher. And FYI my 17yo had a couple of years in his early teens when he was the same and to be honest I was the same (if not worse) and he (and I) are now happy and contributing members of society.  Hope I haven't given any teachers a coronary and I hope I have helped Good Luck :)

Isha - posted on 03/14/2009

Hi!

I know how fustrating it must be but I do not think a spanking is going to help only create more problems!  Have you had him tested perhaps he his struggling with readiing comprehension and is too proud to tell you.  These are classical systems.  My son is just learning and has a private tutor and he is 8 yrs old.  My best friend just found out her son  who is 8 yrs old was faking it for 4 years because he could memorize words but had no reading comprehension.   There are programs like Orton Gillian that teach children how to read by sounding out and other techniqes for the dyslexia child.  Dyslexia is commonly miss diagonosed because these children are highly intelligent and can over compensate but theya re easily fustrated and stressed out with trying to fit in and hide the issue.  There is also another program called Lexia online that is reasonable that he could do at home.  Best to have him tested and get some guidance.

Blessings,

Isha,kauai

Amie - posted on 03/14/2009

I'd talk to his teacher. He/she obviously knows there's something wrong. Explain what is going on at home. That he's not writing his homework in his book. It wouldn't be that hard for them to check it before he leaves to make sure you know! If it's a considerate teacher they would be willing to do this. Hopefully that will help with the no homework part.
As for the not wanting to do it. Well all kids go through this, he's 12, watching his parents go through a custody battle over him, probably puberty is rearing it's ugly head too, he might getting peer pressure of some sort too. Never know, kids are wicked at that age. He's going through a lot. Sit and talk with him, it won't be easy, especially if he is shutting down so as not to have to deal with everything. At worst he'll sit and not respond, at best he'll talk back and tell you what he's feeling and why he's doing all of this. He might just want the extra attention, even if it's negative, so someone will pay a lot of attention to him. Counselors at his school might be able to help too.
I wish you luck! I remember doing the same thing to my parents when I was 13. They weren't fighting over me but I had other things going on in my life that homework was the last thing I wanted to worry about.

Michele - posted on 03/14/2009

Quoting Lesley:

I take it he's been tested for dyslexia? My son was always doing that, he's doing a degree now and he's no different. Is he worried about anything? If all else fails try bribery.

he HAS been tested, but when he was much younger....and it turned out that he is just fine...he has NO INTEREST in school what-so-ever!!!! and he is in the 6th grade.....(he was left back in the first grade) i might also add that his father and i are in the middle of a custody battle as well.....so YES that plays a very big part in the whole dynamic im sure......

i dont know how to deal with him....i dont know what to do!!!!! if i say what i REALLY feel, i could get arrested......he makes me sooooooooooo omg, MADD!!!!

i try my best to what i can without making things worse!!!! and i KNOW my son knows EXACTLY what buttons to push based on the circumstances!!!! ITS JUST KILLING ME CAUSE IM LOSING HIM!!!

Lesley - posted on 03/14/2009

I take it he's been tested for dyslexia? My son was always doing that, he's doing a degree now and he's no different. Is he worried about anything? If all else fails try bribery.