im lonley ..

Elizabeth - posted on 12/14/2008

Hi Kendal,

First thing is try to talk to your doctor. You may have post partum depression. If not it could be just the same thing as me. Too much of the same old routine day in and day out. It could drive a person up the wall. So try to get baby into bed a t a reasonable tie and tell hubby that you are gonna go out for a walk or just to the store for a pop or even just put your headphones on and let him take care of baby's cries. You don't have to do that every night but, when things seem to be really bringing you down give it a try. I live ina very small town where hardley anyone is friendly and, my husband works 12 hour shifts so I feel like a single mom pretty much. Some days it's all I can do to get out of bed. So, I try the things I suggested to you. Also, by getting my son to bed by 8pm I have a t least an hour to myself to play games or on the computer or even watch a show. Hope this helps you. Take care. Merry Christmas.

Gina - posted on 12/14/2008

first thing to do. Get out of bed! Get showered, dressed to shoes, and put make up on. this always makes you feel better. Plus if you have shoes on you are ready to walk out the door. You can put the baby in a stroller and go for a walk. Try different routes each day. you might meet another mom in the neighborhood with a baby! Cleaning....try to take 15 minutes everyday to straighten up....make bed when you get out of it. Dishes put away when you are done with them. It takes only a few minutes to clean up after yourself....with all that I suggested...take babysteps. If you are not doing any of them then start with getting showered everyday and do this for 2 or 3days. then move on to take shower and then make bed do that for like 2 or 3 days. Just keep adding things. With in a few weeks you will be golden with housework. and who knows you may make a few friends on your walks? If anything you will firm up!

Kendal - posted on 12/14/2008

my lil girl is nearly two and because of the feeling down thing ... i dnt spend as much time with her as i shud i let her play alone when i shud be playing with her and i no its horriable but sum times i cnt be arsed moving never mind playing ... she needs all my time i cnt get out of this house i hate the estate i live on and all my friends havnt got children so i can imagen libby is lonely to ... but im very very agaisnt putting her into a nursery and leaving her i just cnt do it so i need to find other ways ... im in manchester and need sum mums and sum children libbys age to meet up but i have been tryin for about a yr now and ever playdate i get falls through :( and its not fair on libby

when hubby isnt workin we spend time togther sort of but he just wants to chill out in the house which i can understand he has been working all day ... just difficult to think sumtimes .... i need to do summat and i apperciate the ideas but every idea u have i think negativly about it (exerciese = effort) effort i just dnt have



i have been on medication b4 but didnt work made me more ill i got pupral deppression which is rare and over come this with different medication ... i dnt feel depressed just down and lonely and dissapointed in my self as im failing as a mother .. libby needs me more and my excuse is cnt be arsed ....



help !!

Danyell - posted on 12/14/2008

Wow you sound like me a little bit. I don't drive yet, my partner works 7 days a week & goes away on work trips,I live in a small rented house until we can buy a house and there are days when I find it hard to get motivated. I have been looking on line for mothers near me for a playdates for my kids and mum to mum chat for me. I was able to find a mum who is willing to meet up after she finishes her job this year to become a fulltime mum. It would be good for you to find at least one other mum to talk to.To get motivated at the start of a day for housework and other stuff just wack on what ever music you like. That gets me and my kids moving.

Samantha - posted on 12/14/2008

Hy there i live in grimsby and in our area we have Childrens Centres that run all sorts of things like playgroups for you and your children from birth to 5, courses from nurturing to maths and english where free chlidcare is provided. I was the same a stay at home mum now im a very busy mum lol. I have got involved with my local community centre and i volunteer a few hours a week and i take my 2 yr old son with me most of the time i have met some wonderful helpful people and love spending my days there. Speak to your health visitor thats who put me in touch with the local childrens centres run by sure start they may know if you have any local to you. Also i work as a volunteer for a national company called homestart uk they have volunteers all over the country who can come visit you at home befriend you and help motivate you they will also put you in touch with other agencies locally ie play groups etc.... Hope this helps xxxx

Molly - posted on 12/14/2008

Its hard staying home alone with my son every day....one thing that helps is to not drink alchohol; that is a depressant, so if you are a drinker *I mean have one a day/glass of wine, etc* I would really try and cut it out of your diet. That will help clear your mind. Also, excercise is really good to help lift your mood - getting your heart-rate up for 30 minutes a day will improve your outlook on life very quickly. Its amazing how that works - it seems like it wont, but it really can change your mood - works with me every time. It also instills in out children the value of caring for and nurturing our own well-being.

Layla - posted on 12/14/2008

Hi there I really feel for you... I had post natal depression and didn't get any help until my son was 18 mnths old! I wouldn't admit to anyone how I was feeling and bottled it all up... at least you're talking about how you're feeling! When I finally got some help I had a low dosage of prozac for 6 months and also went to a councillor to talk. I had got to the point that the only way to talk was to be honest and frank about everything and that really got me feeling better. I then discovered Reiki healing and found a centre locally that gave people Reiki healing for a small donation (sometimes I only gave 50pence!!), but I went twice a week, that along with the councilling and medication things improved radically. Also finding other mums just to be adult with does really work even if you've got nothing else in common with them- we all need intellegent interactions no matter how much we love our kids! As for the housework... it's not the be all and end all of all existence to have a tidy house but it does make you feel less guilty about being at home... it also helps if someone notices when you have made an effort and makes you feel valued otherwise there's no motivation to get it done in the 1st place... so don't be too tough on yourself if when you do do the work it goes unnoticed!! How old is you're child? Can you get to any mother and baby/toddler groups? If you had some time to yourself what is the best thing you can think of to do with it? How can you plan to make it happen for yourself? If you don't make time for yourself nobody is going to do it for you it's a case of organising people around you to help out... most people like to help others but if they aren't asked to help then they don't know you need help or what they can do to help so you have to tell them! Crap I know but it's true!!!

Any way hope this helps... I've been there and back and am just about to have 2nd child now my son is 4yrs old... hoping things go smoother this time round!! You can always stay in touch if these notes are useful. Take care of yourself

Erin - posted on 12/14/2008

One of my favorite things to do is a trip to the library or yarn shop. If you have a hobby that you have been neglecting maybe look it up again! How old are the kiddos? Check out free stuff to do in the community. Don't stress over the house. Work on feeling better first. Or maybe split the house up instead of looking at the WHOLE House to clean. Mondays clean the bathroom, Tuesday the kitchen and so on. Vacuum once a week. When is the last time you and hubby got out of the house together, without kiddo along? This is a big thing too. My hubby wait way too long in between "dates" but it is very important. You are not only a mom, you are a wife and a woman too. Hope this gives you some ides.

Kim - posted on 12/14/2008

You need to find a hobby that you might enjoy. I know what its like to try and get motivated. I have always been a stay at home mom since my twins were born almost 8 years ago. But now my kids are in school full time and sometimes I even find it hard to get motivated. So I get up everyday take some time for my coffee and then I think of things that I can do that would make me feel better. I take a look around my house and say I will do one thing today to show my husband I did do something. I sometimes pick the easiest things like make my bed or clean up the living room. It doesn't ned to be a lot but baby steps at first.

Abbey - posted on 12/14/2008

i joined a mom's group on the internet as well. meetup.com is a great site to find a group. i moved to texas a year ago and all my friends and family are in ohio. my husbands family is all in california. so we have nobody close by and it is really hard. the group i joined does a lot of playdates and other get togethers to help meet moms in the area and get out of the house. sometimes i think its the only reason that i am surviving out here in the middle of nowhere.

Brandi - posted on 12/14/2008

hi Kendal! I know EXACTLY how you feel. I also live in a small home and up until recently I was never able to go out and do anything b/c of money problems and wanting time with my family. I would suggest that if you can spend the money- go to the doctor and make SURE that you do not have Post Partum Depression. PPD really did a number on me when my child was about 3 mo. but it can go on for years.I had no energy for anything, and at the lowest point i wanted to die. If you don't take care of that part- it can really get alot worse. PPD is the issue when the news spreads about new mom's killing themselves or their children. Check it out. Then do what I did- find friends that you feel the most comfortable with and barter! I'm really good at cleaning house and baking, so I would trade these assets with other mom's that I knew (or even my guy friends) for something else so I would have money to go out. Just the thought of being able to get out made me want to get up and get going. I traded one friend housecleaning for dinners for my family. It saved me grocery money, my child got to play with her children, and I used my extra cash for well deserved nights out once every two weeks. Also- get moving. Exercise is one of the best mood enhancers out there. Just taking that time for yourself and really working out all of your weekly frustrations on a couple of 3 pound weights feels amazing (and im NOT what you would call the exercise type). You can also find out if there is a mom group in your area. I don't have a lot of female friends, so it didn't really work out for me- but you may find it relaxing and gain some good buddies out of it. Above all- talk about it. You mentioned that you are new to this scene- so i'll add you to my page- but get it all out. and good luck!

Samantha - posted on 12/14/2008

I had the same problem, and I finally realized that I had postpartum depression (even though my baby was 6 months old). Exercise can really elevate your mood and they have proven that for some reason it really improves your brain health altogether. Also, you can get out more and make special efforts to spend time with adults. If none of this works, and you are just stuck in a rut, I would recommend seeing your doctor about it. He/she might recommend some medication or you give you some helpful suggestions. At first I really didn't want to take the medicine because I thought I could just solve my problems some other way, but I really was just stuck and I couldn't help myself. It worked wonders for me, and I am so glad I took it. I have more energy now, and I wouldn't say I absolutely adore my life now or anything, but I don't get in those moods anymore where I just feel bad about myself and I hate life. It is great! If you don't want to go for the prescription drug, you can try St. John's Wort to give you a boost.

Linzi - posted on 12/13/2008

p.s im always here to chat too if ya like dont hesitate it would be nice to interact with ppl and not babys coz i understand i have 3 kids but my youngest died in november 03 so i also need somebody to talk too x x

Linzi - posted on 12/13/2008

i am exactly the same one day im completle fine the nxt day im the other end of the scale,if ya get any good anwsers pass them along please would be more than happy to give them a shot good luck hun x x

Gill - posted on 12/13/2008

hya kendall,im an older mum of 42,my baby was born 6 weeks ago...i have older kids 22 yrs and 14 yrs and thought it would b easy with this baby but im finding it sooo hard this time round....only seem to look after baby.....i finding it hard to get motivated to do other things too,shoppin,cleaning etc,if u wanna chat then id love to chat to u.......

Merrissa - posted on 12/12/2008

i know exactly what you mean my best days for cleaning is only 1 week a month everyother week and i can barely get up to do anything. i have to walk every where i go so i especialy cant be bothered at all sometimes you just have to get up and do it even if you dont want to. then while working you might just get motivated to finnish

Stephanie - posted on 12/12/2008

Having a baby is the hardest thing ever! I totally felt the same way when I had my little girl. Don't get me wrong...I wouldn;t trade my baby for the world but having someone so dependant on you every minute of every day gets to be overwhelming. Not driving is never a good thing...doesn't give you much freedom, but even if you did it takes so much and so long to get ready and plan to go that it almost seems not worth it, It will get better as baby gets older and a bit more independant. I was never able to clean my house! EVERYTHING was a mess, the laundry piled up, I hated living in my house. You just need to find someone that will help for a bit. I was lucky enough to have the help of family. Even if its 10 minutes to collect your thoughts...you need to take a break! Sleep when baby sleeps, try to see that you are very busy right now and its no big deal if everything doesn't get done. You might almost have to view yourself from someone elses point of view. Try not to get lost in you thoughts!!! I am also a stay at home mom and know EXACTLY how bad it can get, Also, you might want to talk to the doc, I finally said something a year after my daughter was born and they said it was ppd. Find a friend to hang with, play outside, go for walks...anything to get out and about or just out of your own head. Good luck!!! If I can help in anyway just ask.

Michele - posted on 12/12/2008

I suffered just like you for more than a year after my son was born. Some days (rarely) I would get up the energy to FORCE myself to get out with the baby, but mostly I was overwhelmed by the guilt of getting nothing done. Nothing. Day after day. I finally sought help for post-partum depression, and was given the medication cymbalta. It gave me my "old self" back. I wish you lots of luck. I feel for you!!

Bethany - posted on 12/12/2008

I certainly know how you feel...my advice is to find a moms group that meets on a regular basis. None of my friends with kids live in my city but I found one on the internet and forced myself to go to the first meeting. I really didn't want to go and made lots of excuses not to but I knew in the end it would be good for me. And I've gone to several meetings now and am so glad that I started. And even though it's only one morning every two weeks I find that it actually energizes me to want to get out more in general. I also find that if I make "plans" to do something (even if it's only taking my baby to the mall) and write it on the calendar it makes it seem a bit more important and I'm more likely to follow through even if I don't feel like it that morning.

And don't worry about having a day when you just can't be bothered- enjoy them as one of the perks of being a stay at home mom. But if there are more of those days than you'd like you could always talk to your dr or even your baby's dr- I know they have access to lots of resources because moms everywhere feel exactly the same way!
Best wishes...

Ashley - posted on 12/12/2008

First thing that helps me is getting together once or twice a week with another mom. She has a daughter my son's age, and while they play, we can talk. It makes me feel human again. I met her at at mommy and me class in our area and exchanged phone numbers. That makes my whole week better and then I can get going on the mundane.



I have a few days a week where I do nothing but the essentials - dinner, dishes, and making sure the house is somewhat picked up right before dad gets home so he doesn't think I did nothing. The rest of the day I spend having fun with my son. I do all my laundry and bathrooms and other hard stuff on the other days (say Wed., Friday, and saturday) That makes me get stuff done, keeps the house clean, but doesn't feel overwhelming all the time.

Good luck.

Kendal - posted on 12/12/2008

im new to this so if u cud add me that wud be better lol .. thankyou for ur advice im just finidn it very hard doin the same thing day in day out ... i dnt drive so cnt get out and about like id like to but iam startin to learn in the new yr to open my options abit ... hubby works all day so nights we do the family visiting and with xmas on its way i cnt afford to be goin out with friends or doin activitys some days id love to get out and away from it all i just cnt because i have no transport ... my house is tiny aswell which depresses me alot but nothin i can do about it its all i can afford right now

Jennifer - posted on 12/12/2008

well that one is hard. but dont feel bad i believe all of us stay at home moms and other moms that work have a hard time getting motivted some days. but when it gets to be everyday kind of thing which i think that is what you are saying. well you need to have some me time. get out get a baby sitter and go out with friends or shopping or what every you like to do. if not that you could even take like a bubble bath and let dad watch the kids for an hour. set in the tub listen to some relaxing music. that should help with getting you up and going. it is hard to be a stay at home mom because you never get time off. your work is never done. even when you think you are almost there your not. so i do understand. and if you like you can add me to your circle and we can talk when ever you want. you could also add me to your friend list on facebook if you like. well i hope this helps. good luck. jen

Mari - posted on 12/12/2008

find something that you love to do, something that you can do during your child's nap or something you can do with your child. i started a direct sales business recently which has given me a great way out of my house and doing something i have fun doing with other grown ups! Something like that, that you really enjoy doing could be just what you need to get up and get out.