In a inter-religion marriage is it necessary to get the child follow a particular religion or be taught both religions?

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 06/12/2012

Johnny you are so wrong... Catism is the true way to uh.. stuff and all you have to do is sleep all day

Gene Ann - posted on 06/12/2012

I agree with Lynn. Of the people that I know that were raised in mixed religions, those who were raised were both religions were equal ended up believing neither. Basically, by avoiding conflicting dogmas, it's only the cultural/celebration part of the two that they are being taught. Kids are smart enough to realize that two conflicting dogmas can't both be right. It has to be confusing for them to to try to comprehend how Mommy and Daddy can believe two contradictory belief systems.

Cindy Marie - posted on 06/12/2012

Keep doing it the way you are doing it now, I'm teaching my daughter all the religions of the world.

Johnny - posted on 06/12/2012

THE FSM IS THE ONLY PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT AND YOUR TRUE SELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Susan - posted on 06/12/2012

Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven and the one true God!!

Laura - posted on 06/12/2012

I think your husband's friend is narrow minded whose opinions should be dismissed as such. I also think you are doing your daughter a favor by demonstrating tolerance on a daily basis by being in a successful mixed-faith relationship. Her daughter will most likely be open minded and tolerant and be able to make a truly informed choice in her own faith.

Lynn - posted on 06/12/2012

I would chose one to teach them as the main religion of choice, and respect the other as a secondary. You will confuse the children as to the beliefs of the family if you do both. Most religions contradict the other's beliefs. Decide between you and your husband where your values lie. You can't believe in everything. Choose one thing and go with it. It will help guide your children and give them an identity in their adolescence. Sorry. I was raised in an inter-religious family (one Baptist, one Catholic), so speaking from experience.

Kappy - posted on 06/12/2012

Well... it's interesting. You are teaching your daughter that different people believe different things when it comes to the spiritual side of life. You believe that this is OK and that she will be a better person for understanding this and perhaps choosing for herself what she would like to believe.

The person you were arguing with believes there is just ONE correct religion and if you allow your daughter to learn other religions, you are endangering her soul. She may choose one of those and then not go to heaven (or whatever his religion believes will happen to those of a different faith).

Do you see how you will not be able to convince him that what you are doing is the best way to raise her? You obviously do not believe as he does or this way of introducing religion to her would never have entered your mind! Therefore, you have a decision to make. What do you believe? Is it OK for other people to have other religions and is it best for her to find the one that fits her and her belief system best (as she matures)? Or does she need to learn just one religious truth and commit to that for her spiritual path?

This is YOUR choice as her parent. Not mine, not the guy who argued with her. Not any of us here on Circle of Moms. YOU choose and be at peace with that. :)

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 06/12/2012

By some the tone of these posts I must be confusing my children too because they have Canadian and American citizenship. *head desk*

I believe it's rude to insinuate that a person doesn't vaule their religion (no offense to the woman who corrected herself earlier) just because they married outside of their religion. So religion doesn't control every aspect of their lives big whoop-dee-doo. It's not like their religion isn't more than folklore or their child is going to be tormented for ever. And it's not like their religion isn't important to them.

I feel it's also quite presumptious that everyone on here who speaks about religion is Christian and needs to teach their child about God and Jesus. There are thousands of different religions out there. The OP is doing what she believes is best for her child by allowing her daughter to experiance both her and her husband's religious beliefs and I believe that her daughter will turn out the better for it.

Melinda - posted on 06/12/2012

Always, look out for the best interest of your child. He will follow what you direct him to, parents are like God for children but we now we are not.

Sheenu - posted on 06/12/2012

Hi,
First of all,I appreciate you to respect both religions and teach ur daughter the same way.I am also married in diifferent culture,but later I found different in settling to the other culture and so I restrained myself teaching too much that to my children. But still they know about it but I want them just to KNOW about it, not to adopt it blindly. But , I guess if you both have good understanding and feel that is right , there should not be any harm in teaching both cultures. It feels good to see other people respecting other beleifs rather than make fun of them. I would suggest to continue with it and let ur daughter learn both cultures but she should not be blindly go behind one thing , coz it may arise problem in your reletionship, before you realise it.

x

Debby - posted on 06/12/2012

By the way...I have always taught my own children to be tolerant and accepting of ALL religions. We have friends and family of many faiths- Judo-Christian to Pagan.

Debby - posted on 06/12/2012

As a former parochial school teacher, I had students of many faiths. Perhaps the most sweet was a Hindu boy ( I taught kindergarten) who when copying the Commandments on story paper as part of our handwriting exercises drew Shiva with the cross in the background.
Your daughter will make peace and the person arguing with you is not a professional in any child science area.....

Susan - posted on 06/12/2012

I feel you are doing the right thing, and should not bother to listen to your husband's friend. If there were more people like you the world would be a better place.

April - posted on 06/12/2012

I think you have the right idea. When she is older, she can choose which religion she believes is the best for her. Teaching her to be tolerant of all religions is important, especially in the world we live in, where there are so many.

Donna - posted on 06/12/2012

what religions are you and your hubby, if you are talking baptist,or methodist for example there should be a big deal, however if you are talking Christian vs something eles there will be confusion.I am sory I am a Christian.

San - posted on 06/12/2012

To be honest with u......even though both myself and husband are one religion and have our kids down as same religion, we don't inforce it upon our kids. I think the main values for a child is, respect their parents, love those in their family, look out for eachother (siblings), be kind and try think on the bright side of things (to be positive in life) sharing is caring and all u can do in life is be urself and do ur best....that's all u can can ask of anyone including ur child. In my opinion some people focus too much on individual religion rather than the main important things/objectives that imply no matter what the religion

Damyanti - posted on 06/12/2012

I think you are doing right at the moment, letting the child enjoy and getting her exposed to both the religion. When she is old enough, she herself would be the best person to choose the one she wishes to follow. Teaching her just one at the moment and later on when she grows up, she might not be happy with what you have made her to follow. It would be devastating for her, and for you as parents as well. She would have missed out on something she would have preferred. My advise to take it easy. Let the tome work things out in its own sweet way. Gone are those days when we would dictate to our kids and they would just follow!

Krista - posted on 06/12/2012

I think the key is to keep your kid's needs in mind. If you feel that she is starting to become overwhelmed or confused by all of this, then you revisit your strategy. Personally, I think you should have no problem with it, though. I know plenty of people who grew up with parents from different cultures. And as long as there is mutual respect (and as long as people don't take themselves too seriously!), it's very possible to raise a child to know and appreciate BOTH heritages (or both religions, in this case.)

Sara - posted on 06/12/2012

I must tell you, I too was raised with two different religions although my view point may be a bit skewed since I come from a divorced family. For me personally, it was terrible. I grew up associating with one religion (and one parent more) over the other and when I had to participate in the other religion, I grew resentful. It was just too overwhelming and confusing and as I became an adult, I just considered myself spiritual, rather than follow any one in particular. Once I met and married my husband, I chose to continue with his faith as it was more meaningful to him than me. We have decided to raise our children with one faith although one of their grandparents is of a different faith in which we still respect. Like I said in the beginning, due to my personal situation, I felt religion was divisive rather than a uniting experience, which is what it should be in my opinion. It may affect your daughter differently and not negatively since both parents are happily married. Good luck to you all!

Beena - posted on 06/12/2012

Religion is just a title. Raising your child with awareness of the world and religions are great. And just teaching your child to be a good person is what's important.

Lee Ann - posted on 06/12/2012

my family is catholic, but my father is byzantine rite and my mother roman rite. growing up i went to both churches, learned both sets of traditions and rituals... even recieved the sacraments twice (once in each church). my grandmother was also a convert to the catholic faith (she was jewish) so she could marry my grandfather.. wow have times changed!
as i got older, i explored all the different religions and beliefs to have a better understanding of my own spirituality... it made me realize the connection between all religions and made me appreciate my mom and dad and grandmother for giving me such a rich base to form my own religious following.
for example, even to this day during the month of december my mother hangs those decorative flags representing each holy occurance... ie hannukah, kwanzaa, christmas etc.. makes the neighbors confused lol!
keep raising your child to know and appreciate both of her heritages, she will become a stronger person in her faith because of it and develop a solid base for the rest of her life. and she will be able to pass down her own combined faith to her own children, like i am with my daughter...

Jennifer - posted on 06/12/2012

One person's response irked me and I just have to say: the word conviction needs to be looked-up in the dictionary by som. If you are strong with your religion then you will not waver. If you treat your religion as "folklore" then you will waver. Does teaching a child French and English cause them life-long confusion? No. Common sense here folks. Children are much smarter than some give them credit for. Our daughter has disabilities- one being life threatening. Our little girl is one of the sneakiest children we have ever met and I babysat a lot of kids growing up. Our friends and family say the same! Raising a child under a roof with 2 different religions, explaining things along the way will not confuse them, they will find their own way once they understand it more. And suffering in churches with their soul?? Ummmm no. Again this is where you run into issues with this topic because there are 3 sides to this- extreme no, extreme yes and in the middle. Most of the threads are in the middle. We are with you. It is like the government- conservative, liberal, NDP, etc. You do what is comfortable for you and your husband. It is the parents that don't explain crap to their kids or help them read more about the religious differences that will have confused children. You are not like that. Keep doing what you are doing. :)

Jennifer - posted on 06/12/2012

My husband is Christian and I am Agnostic. For those that don't know- Agnostic means I don't have a religion but I am open to it and want to learn more. We have a child and we have talked about what would be best to explain to her. A lot of the older generation raised very religiously will say pick one religion and tell them that. The people that never were into religion will say don't teach religion. Asking advice for this situation is so difficult unfortunately. We have decided to teach our daughter that there is a Heaven and a God that created life but everything else were going to explain along the way as she asks. Kids are just out to have fun and you can mention Heaven in situations like having to say goodbye to a family pet. As children get older they will learn about different religions in school and hopefully through the parents as well. We are like you- we want to teach our daughter to understand that everyone is different and everyone will believe something different. We had a friend argue with us that our marriage will be doomed but we have learned so much from each other. I was raised Presbateryian (spelling), but I went off on my own due to events along the way. My husband used to be strict Christian with his family but loosened up a bit. To some that isn't a good thing but to others it is good. Look at all the problems arguing over beliefs have caused! It is not worth it! The main thing is that as long as you can feel ok about death whether you imagine being reborn, an amazing place with flowers and rainbows in the clouds or having your soul turn into an animal- whatever makes you feel comfortable about life and death that is what the most important thing is we feel. That's the end result. It's nice to feel comforted that someone is watching over you, etc., as well. It is the stories and the guide-lines and everything between point A and point Z that can be explained along the way. As long as you keep things open and always be informative as best as you can be or even offer to have them meet with people from religions they ask about...everything open and honest they will find their own way. What feels comfortable and what makes sense to them. :) I think what you're doing is just fine. In this type of situation- don't second guess yourself. You're doing great. :)

Johnny - posted on 06/12/2012

I'm not sure how many times this has been mentioned, at least 6 I think, but the original poster, the person asking this question, says no where that she is a Christian or a follower of Jesus, nor does she state that her husband is a Christian or a follower of Jesus. She does not specifically state which religions her and her husband follow.

Advising her to follow a specific religion or set of beliefs is useless and rude unless you know that either spouse actually follows that religion. These comments are just going to succeed in getting this thread locked again. Which would be too bad since she is receiving a great deal of fantastic advice from people who have grown up in interfaith families or who are raising their own children in interfaith families.

Stephanie - posted on 06/12/2012

Don't teach religion. Teach Jesus, but if she injoys both don't keep her from it. When she gets old and wise she will haveto decern for her self Please let her know that she will have have her own relationship with Jesus.

Bunnie - posted on 06/12/2012

My children were raised in a home seeing 2 very different religions, Jewish and Catholic . They are now adults, very well and not at all confused. They are however tolerant of others, and respect differences. They believe in God...period...we use to tell they we pray to the same God for the same purpose. And yes, I would do it all over again and the sameway.

Ilsa - posted on 06/12/2012

If you value religion or any faith at all, you should have made your mind first and then have the child. I do not see however that the two of you have any strong conviction of what your believe, but that faith in your case is just part of a folklore that would'nt matter which direction the child goes. I do not mean you should not give a child the freedom to believe on what he/she wants to believe, but you should have a head start for him/her in the way you think it is the best according to your knowledge. If I were you, I wouldn't teach him any until he/she is older to explore on his/her own. If you do, at each church he/she goes (with people with real convictions) will fiercely fight for his/her soul and the child will suffer

Stephanie - posted on 06/12/2012

Go with what you are doing!!! Teaching a child acceptance of all is key to raising a solid individual! Keep up the good work.

Jennifer - posted on 06/12/2012

We are an interfaith family. We are raising our children to have gratitude for the things they've been given and be good people. We are exposing them to the holidays and traditions of both faiths. Your friend might have meant well, but he should keep unsolicited advice to themselves.

BethAnn - posted on 06/12/2012

I am in a mixed religion marriage but we are both Christians...He is catholic and I am protestant both of us and families strong in out faiths...I have found that It was the base of alot of arguements esepcially since the catholics do things so differently and as younger children.
But after 16 years of marriage I have found that the mom is the one who usually makes sure they go to church, read bible, etc...at least in our family...He works alot of sundays so it lies on me to take them to church etc. Also my husband has really liked our minister and he never goes to his church anymore. At first we would take turns each week and holiday. and the girls were baptized in both churchs as infants. They do attend catholic school but are being confirmed in my church. As adults they will decide where to go as long as they continue to be God loving people I will be happy! I think over the next few years if you are going to both faiths and taking part of each, one of you will become comfortable with the other and it will turn out that you just finally be part of one. Your children can always be exposed to both and then when they grow up they too will make their decision...People told me that it didn't matter where you got married or where you babptised your kids but to us it did. I didn't want to get married in a church that didn't accept me as a confirmed Christian where my church accepts my husband as a confirmed Christian.

Teresa - posted on 06/12/2012

hi kavitha! teaching the child both religions is good, but raising the child in both religions will confuse him. and besides, it's not practical. being raised in just one religion is plenty as it is.
my husband is jewish and i am catholic. before we got married, we discussed religion and decided i will raise our children catholic. but that our kids will also learn about the jewish faith. fortunately for us, the jewish and catholic faiths are compatible together and make sense together.

Krista - posted on 06/12/2012

Sandra, COM is actually an international site. Just so you know, the OP could be posting from anywhere in the world. Just thought I'd clarify.

Thanks!

Sandra - posted on 06/12/2012

Since you refer to Temple I am guessing you may be Jewish or Buddhist. Since this is the USA I am guessing your spouse is Christian. If this is the case, take extra care that the minority religion is given equal time as this country assumes you to be Christian unless you make it clear you are not. It will be reinforced by society. If you live in or near a large city I suggest you look into Unitarian congregations.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 06/12/2012

Thank you for the clarification Sandra.

Michelle - posted on 06/12/2012

Your friend is very closed minded. Your child is getting a great opportunity to understand to different religious cultures. If at a later date she chooses to focus on one, then respect her choice. However, my guess is that she will really enjoy having both religions in her life. As you said you just want her to be a good human being and what better way to teach her tolerance and acceptance as well as being exposed to multiple different teachings on how we should treat our fellow man.

Sandra - posted on 06/12/2012

Forgive me. I live in the Bible Belt. Here, deeply religious people do let it dominate their lives- and enjoy that choice. I meant to say it is not the guiding aspect of their lives if they are interfaith, or else they simply would never have married someone of a different faith. Or the two must be completely compatible with each other ( different denominations, or perhaps a widely accepting faith like Buddhism). Otherwise you may have, say, a non practicing Jew and an Ex-Catholic, to whom religion is important but not a major force in their lives; or two people who think worshiping G_d is very important but how you do it not so important

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 06/12/2012

I don't believe that just because someone is in an interfaith marriage that their religions aren't important. It just means (to me at least) that they don't let their religious veiws completely dominate their lives.

Sandra - posted on 06/12/2012

I want to say I think you're making very wise choices and have admirable goals. We are a mixed religion family and my son is doing well so far. I suggest the most important question you need to ask yourself is are you ok with your kids choosing no religion at all and just being a good person? If yes, you are doing fine. If no, choose a specific path for them. What will likely happen when two different religions are given equal weight (which I think they should be.. (Mom's religion can't be seen as better than Dad's) is your child will begin to see all religions as equal. This will lead to none being the one true way, which will lead to making up your own path as a perfectly valid thing to do. If, when reading that, you smile and think "that kind of a tolerant child is my goal," you are on the right path and your child will have normal struggles with faith that a thinker has and will find her own way. If that original description scares you that your child will end up estranged from "the one true faith," then this is not a good way to be raising your child. People sometimes revisit their religious roots with more gusto when they have kids. If you or your spouse are doing this, you need to think about if your religions are compatible. Some aren't. If your child will hear about how non believers go to Hell, how one scripture is God's word and others aren't... you are putting one parent against the other. I am assuming since it is a mixed religion marriage that religion is not important to one of you, or else the marriage would be unlikely. If that's the case, you may be wondering if you should just go with the more religious parent. I wouldn't. As you can see by the temporary closure of this thread, complete strangers are passionate about this. Friends and family will be more so. Keep your goals in mind at all times and don't let others persuade you that you will confuse your child. Confusion is part of a thinker's journey in Faith. Without it it is just blind obedience.

Cindy - posted on 06/11/2012

I am a grown 36 year old woman, and the product of an interfaith marriage. I grew up in my family attending both faiths with each of my parents. Usually the things I do not discuss are religion and politics, as both can cause quite the stir of emotion in a lot of people, but in this case, I think my experience may be able to help you - coming from the child's point of view, rather than the parents.

My take on it is this: I feel it is great to open up a child's world and let them think 'outside the box', so to speak by not providing them with tunnel vision in any one certain direction. I feel to let them know that there are many religions in the world is a good thing. I feel that it will help in the long term to learn acceptance of other human beings. To teach a child that there is not any ONE way that is the RIGHT way. Interfaith religion helps a child realize that in life there are choices to make. I feel that I was raised being taught good morals and values, and I feel that was most important. I am not sure if I am articulating this properly, but in my experience, I do wish one thing. I wish that I was not 'forced' to go to both. I wish I had been given the choice. For this reason, as an adult, I do not attend church. I feel 'church burn out' - I don't know any other way to describe it. God is in my heart, not in some 'religion', or some 'building'. This is how I turned out as a result of being raised in an interfaith marriage. But this is just me.

I am not apathetic. I am Christian, I do believe in God, but I do feel that being SO exposed early on gave me good morals and values, but did affect me when not given the choice of what I wanted to do. I felt guilt at times because I was made to feel bad if I didn't want to attend one church over the other. So, if you are giving your child the exposure through free will and choice, that's great, I say go for it. But, if it ever comes to the point where your child doesn't want to be exposed by a certain age that you feel comfortable with, then it's time to reconsider your game plan. It's just my opinion, but speaking from experience, do not use the guilt tactic. It will only turn them away in the long term, as I have found myself sometimes feeling episodes of cognitive dissonance.

In recent years, even though I still consider myself Christian, I have been exploring other beliefs and cultures. I have read books out of curiosity because I want to explore where my heart and true self sits. I now describe myself as a spiritual individual, not a religious individual. I find myself drawn to Taoist ways and Buddhist ways. I like the idea of presence, and the here and now. And by saying that, this doesn't make me the devout Catholic I was baptized to be, but instead, it has opened my heart to the many belief systems that people hold for themselves. Ultimately, it all starts with yourself and what you feel is right. My parents taught me to be a kind, caring, person. To open my heart to all human beings, to not be tunnel visioned and not see just one way, to be giving toward others, to be grateful for what I have, and to be self aware.

So, long story short, I feel I have been no worse for the wear in being raised in an interfaith marriage. Based on what you are saying, I feel you are doing a fine job of raising your little girl. As for friends who say things, they may be entitled to their opinion, but it doesn't mean that you have to follow what they say. You know your child better than anyone. Do what makes your child's heart smile, and it will never steer you wrong. Good luck! :)

Loni - posted on 06/11/2012

You are doing well... just be sure that, as she grows up that she understands choosing one religion vs another doesn't mean choosing one parent over another. It can be a major inner struggle in a girl who would love to please both parents.

Erin - posted on 06/11/2012

Hello I hope you are okay after all that
I am kinda in the same place.
I go with mine because i am the one going to church and i take her with me. We are going to let her choose what she wants to do when she is older. ( i do pray that when she is sixteen that she will still want to go to church with me) but i will not make her go.
Good luck with all sending some prayers your way.

Kyana - posted on 06/10/2012

As a Christian, my opinion is that of the bible. 1st, (KJV)2 Corinthians 6:14
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

However the union is now done and the baby is here so this bring my 2nd opinion, (KJV)Matthew 6:24
No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

Krista - posted on 06/10/2012

Okay people, that is IT.

I have posted numerous warnings. The OP already has her own faith. Her husband has his own faith. She is simply looking for tips on how to raise a child to understand and appreciate both faiths. She was NOT looking to be converted, and I have already warned you multiple times about this.

I am locking this thread for 24 hours. At that time, I will re-open it, and I swear to all that is holy in ALL of your religions, if I see one more attempt to proselytize, the thread will be locked permanently.

Krista E.
WTCOM Moderator

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 06/10/2012

I'm also not seeing where the OP stated she was a Christian.

Do we need the Pink Bunny again,Johnny? Because I'm beginning to love that comparisson. You can't really prove that God (or any diety) exists or doesn't exist. The entire idea of faith is to question it and believe in it for yourself because YOU want to not because SOMEONE tells you to. Personally I believe the most important thing we can pass on to our children is the knowlege of choice and free will. Allow them to question their beliefs and yours and they'll become better people.

And for whatever reason I can't type as easily right now. So I'm really just going to leave it at that

Johnny - posted on 06/10/2012

"I agree that it's confusing. It's like where is the standard? What is true?"

What is true? You own faith is true for you. Beyond that, it is impossible to know the ultimate, universal truth. It won't matter what faith they grow up with, the great likelihood is that as children grow, they will discover for themselves their own personal truth. It may come from their parents, it may not. But there is no standard.

We all know right from wrong, we don't need to have a singular religion or a religion at all to learn that. Children can be taught morality from any religion or even through secular ideas. If an adult still needs someone else to point their moral compass, either the parents have failed or they are a sociopath.

Johnny - posted on 06/10/2012

Although if the OP was looking for evidence that enforce a single religion or set of beliefs dogmatically doesn't lead to great results, I think this thread has proven it in spades.


*ETA Valerie, I was not replying to your post specifically. I was replying to all those who feel the need to tell the OP that Christianity is the only way.

Valerie - posted on 06/10/2012

Post a reply!
Original poster didn't say she was a Christian. I was trying to reply to another post on a cracked and messing up iPhone. Sorry for the confusion.

Johnny - posted on 06/10/2012

I must have completely missed where the original poster stated that she was a Christian or a follower of Jesus. Oh, wait. That is because she did not.

It is difficult to give useful advice if you don't pay attention to the question that is being asked.

Lydia - posted on 06/10/2012

My husband and I are from 2 different religions and we have 3 children. We teach our kids both religions and that they NEVER have to choose. We teach them tolerance for all religions and have not had any problems. They are in fact happy and feel special to be included in both! Best of luck! It ultimately goes back to you and your husband!