In a inter-religion marriage is it necessary to get the child follow a particular religion or be taught both religions?

Carol - posted on 06/03/2012

I think what you are doing is in the best interest of the child. children can be exposed to different religions and should have access to both you and your husband's different belief's. If you only raise your child to follow one parent's faith they will internalize that the other parent is wrong. and that affects so much more. the child then starts to questions all the belief's of that parent.

I am not a Christian. However, my children have attended many of our friend's churches over the years and they will find their path in life. One son is very interested in Christianity and God. He's 10 and when he has a question about the bible that I don't have an answer for, I ask the right person to answer of explain it to him. My daughter is a Pagan like me but will respect other's beliefs. I am also a foster parent and when when religion is an important part of that child's life we do what we can to continue that for them. religion and faith are very personal and I believe that the individual child will grow up to make their own choiced based on what fits best with them.



You are absolutely doing the right thimg to raise her to be a good person. that is far more important than religion. I know some good Christian's and I know some bad Christians. The same is true with any religion. Keep doing what you are doing!

Jennifer - posted on 06/03/2012

Does your husband's friend have children?

In any event, how disturbing would it be for your child to raise her in one religion and then have her discover that the parent that doesn't follow that religion probably won't go to heaven?

I think you are handling your inter-faith marriage with sensibility and respect. You are setting an excellent example of tolerance.

Keep up the good work.

Esther - posted on 06/03/2012

After reading most all the replys I am really surprised that no one spoke on teaching the children about the true Christian faith.

It doesn't make any difference what "religion" you teach your children. And just trying to rear them up as a "good person" isn't enough.

Knowing and teaching them that WE ARE ALL BORN SINNERS and that believing that JESUS CHRIST DIED ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS is the only thing they need to know -- the only thing that we all need to know. If we love JESUS CHRIST, we will be like Christ and we will all be "good people".

Religion doesn't make you a good person any more than sitting in a chicken house will make you a chicken. Likewise, going to church won't make you a christian, nor the synagoge -- a jew, or the temple -- a buddist, etc. YOU can't make them a good person... you can only guide and direct them and pray that they grow up to be good and loving human beings. It's what you teach... Teaching them about Christ will go a long way in instilling those traits. The Holy Bible is the best instruction manual you can use in teaching them right from wrong. Knowing, following, and loving Jesus Christ WILL make you/them a Christian and you WILL have eternal life. I can't think of anything better than knowing that my children and my grandchildren are all Christians and that we will all be together again throughout eternity. Your children are the ONLY thing you can take with you when you die and go to heaven or hell. You'd do well to teach your children about the one true God, regardless of YOUR or your spouses religion.

I know I've stepped on everyones toes but she asked and I answered. Loving and following Jesus Christ is the only belief to teach your children. And for those that are "on the fence" regarding Christianity -- I'd rather err on the side of Christianity beliefs that there is a Jesus Christ and life eternal with him, than to not believe and find out when I stand before God on Judgement day that it was all true. We're all, regardless of your "religion", going to spend eternity somewhere. You choose... do you want your children to spend eternity in heaven or hell? TEACH your children about Jesus Christ!

Tina - posted on 06/03/2012

You should at least set a foundation.. With out a foundation there is nothing to build on...raise a child in the direction you want them to go and they will always return to it. If you don't at least give them a road to travel they will ask some one else...and lord knows what will happen

Munique - posted on 06/03/2012

I think the way you are doing things is best. Your husband's friend may be devoutly religious to that specific belief and perhaps is unable to accept the possibilites of other religions. My SO and I have no particular faith; I do not believe that any one religion can me more "correct" than another, and he has successfully managed to play "Devil's Advocate" with people from every religion just for the purpose of creating a competitive (and knowlegable) arguement. His sister is devoutly Christian and was very upset to find out that our DD will not be baptized, christened, or follow any other religious ceremony. We chose not to do these things because these "dedication" ceremonies come with responsibilities and a personal agreement to educate your child in that given faith. I don't feel it would have been right to perform a ceremony KNOWING we would never hold ourselves to it.

We do not believe, but that does not make us bad people. We have agreed to teach her to be an all-around good person and tolerant of people of every faith, nationality, & culture. (Easier said than done with the various racist remarks of friends and family everywhere.) If she chooses a religion, or becomes curious and wants to go to a particular type of church or place of worship, then that is okay, too. We will let her go with other people or take her ourselves. We have no plans to push her in any one direction or prevent her from any such choices.

I hope this was helpful, or at least encouraging. :)

Medic - posted on 06/03/2012

I am glad that now we should not marry outside of our own religion...what a small world that would make. I think you are doing the best by your child. My kids are welcome to follow whatever beliefs they may have at the moment, maybe something somewhere will take root. My husband is southern baptist I am very scientific, I was raised orthodox methodist and just decided it was not for me. I was never confused and I went to different churches all the time as a kid.

Natalie - posted on 06/03/2012

I like how you deal with it. You and your husband are the parents, you decide, there is no right or wrong answer here. If she loves how you do it anyway and enjoys the activities then it's fine.

Dorothy - posted on 06/03/2012

Its ok for her to learn both religious until she get to an age when she can say for herself. Im married and my husband is not Baptist he has other beliefs. It hard but do whatever it takes for your household.

Rosie - posted on 06/03/2012

your husbands friend is beyond wrong, lol. teaching a child about multiple faiths and giving them the information they need to make a decision THEMSELVES is wonderful. faith is such a personal thing, one that shouldn't be pushed on them from infancy. it really bugs me that i had no choice in the manner of religion i was raised in. it was christianity from the get-go, everything else was wrong. now as an adult i don't believe at all and resent my mother a bit for forcing it on me.
keep on doing what you are doing, you want your child to find her own way in life, instead of forcing them into a nice cookie cutter image of one of you. she'll thank you for it later. :)

Rohaiza - posted on 06/03/2012

I applaud your decision to give your child a balanced and happy upbringing. If your spouse and you have decided on this together, do not let outsiders derail your good intentions. If your daughter decides to choose one religion over the other when she is an adult, she would be able to make her own learned choice after being brought up to appreciate the teachings of both religions. I wish you all the best!

Carol - posted on 06/03/2012

In teaching your children about both faiths, you are sharing something of yourselves, your past history, and helping them honor you as individuals. You are demonstrating the respect you feel for each other, which is as important as any religion. Kids will grow up and make their own choices, and as long as you give them a strong moral foundation, no matter the religion, they will have the tools to choose what is right for them. Kids face plenty of confusion over a lifetime; helping them through it as much as we are able is part of the process of being a parent and helping them grow up.

Beth - posted on 06/03/2012

I wouldn't say we're inter-religious per sae, but when I met my husband I was still mostly a Christian, and he was an atheist (I've since become more agnostic, leaning toward atheist). But we are tolerant of other views, provided they are fair and balanced and not too far out on the fringes. Especially since the vast majority of my side of the family is still very devoutly Christian and I don't want to offend them or hurt their feelings. So, we are planning on teaching acceptance, tolerance, love, just basic decency, which all religions seem to regard as important, at least on paper. When he starts asking questions, we'll talk about particular religions. I don't see any need to raise a child to believe in one particular thing. If anything, that serves to confuse them more as they get older and see all the many other things that other families believe in. I was a child raised in one narrow field of view, and it did me no favors. You should do what you feel comfortable doing, not what someone else says you should do.

Molly - posted on 06/02/2012

We decided to raise our children Jewish. I'm Jewish and DH was Catholic but now he is whatever religion will pay him to sing at services.

We really want them to do the Judaism thing right. Except we do celebrate Christmas with DH's family. We do presents and a family meal. NO SANTA. We will also have a tree until the kids decide whether they want one. That's the only thing that is tricky, is Christmastime.

Shelley-Ann - posted on 06/02/2012

Religious beliefs are highly personal choices. And I'd like to stress on the word "choice". When there is only one opinion, one perspective, there isn't much of a choice really. Your daughter is privileged to have parents who love her and are strong enough to allow her to choose. Most of us find the power of choice disconcerting.

While I disagree with the notion that we all believe in the same God, most religions teach love, peace, tolerance, forgiveness, and healthy living. Children get confused where there are inconsistencies between what parents claim to believe and what they do. If we teach love and hate others, or we talk respect and don't show it, our kids will learn a duality that will not serve them well. This is what we must guard against. The fact is that religion does not unite people, love does. So, as long as we talk religion we will see differences. When we talk love we will see just that... love.

Amy DuMont - posted on 06/02/2012

This is just my opinion. Traditionally, the children learned the mother's religion. The mother always taught the children. That was one of their main goals in child rearing. But, as someone else stated, the basics of all religion is pretty much the same. We all believe in the same God, we just have different names for Him and different ways we worship Him. As long as they are taught these basics when they are younger, then as they get older, they may have questions. That is when they can research different religions, check them out, and decide which one they want to go with, or not go with any. I was raised one way and when I was in my 30's baptized something else. When I told my father what I wanted to do it did not change our relationship, as sometimes happens with some religions. Just be supportive of your daughter in whatever she decides to do when she gets older. She will always be your daughter, no matter what church she decides to join.

Joanna - posted on 06/02/2012

I too think you are giving your child a wonderful gift by letting her embrace two religions. You are giving her a broader world view than most kids get to experience. I think people of different religions can happily live together, as long as each has a healthy respect for the other person's religion. And giving your child the gift of two religions is wonderful. she will have a greater understanding than most people. She is having more opportunities to learn and grow. Keep doing what you are doing. This will not confuse her, if anything it will give her a greater understanding, and the person who said differently, is living in ignorance.

Anne - posted on 06/02/2012

FIRSTLY, IT'S BEST NOT TO MARRY SOMEONE OF A DIFFERENT FAITH, AS IT JUST IS THE BEGINNING OF MAJOR CONFLICT, SECONDLY NO MATTER HOW TOLERANT OF DIFFERENCES YOU ARE IT CAN CAUSE CONFUSION AND SUBSEQUENT REBELLION IN YOUR CHILD/CHILDREN AND THIRDLY IN THE LONG RUN IT CAN RESULT IN THE END OF YOUR UNION!!!

Jane - posted on 06/02/2012

Learning to be a tolerant and balanced human being is the greatest gift you can give to your child. Surely god(s) really care what's in people's hearts, not whether they observe this or that convention. Children ultimately choose their own path, and what you are doing is showing her that there is not just one way to view faith; a lesson we could all learn to be better people

Sarah - posted on 06/01/2012

You are doing the right thing!!! I had many friends and still have with same problem. They celebrated all holidays from both religions, they were also baptised or blessed in both and parents left up to them to decide which one they will follow as adults. I am happy to say that some of this kids are now grownups with healthy respect and tolerance for people from all walks of life.

Payal - posted on 06/01/2012

Hey Kavitha,
I am in the same boat. My husband being a Christian and I a Hindu with a 4-year old daughter. We celebrate all the festivals and she has a ball. She goes for mass most Sundays with my hubby and comes to the temple with me on birthdays and other special festivals (never forced to go, her choice completely). She says the Gayatri Mantra and Our Father before school and bedtime and I don't think she is confused at all.
We as parents can only give them so much as good values, but beliefs are something they need to figure on their own when they grow up. Tomorrow she might want to become a Buddhist...so what? I guess its her choice completely.
About the confusion, I think kids are way smarter than we give them credit for. My daughter always greets my parents with "Jai Shree Krishna" and never says the same to my in-laws. She knows that dad calls God "Jesus" while I call God "Krishna". She has been told that there is one God but people call him by different names and they paint different pictures of Him too. I give her an example of her real name and her nick name at home and she totally understands.
Even if at times it is confusing for our children we should let them deal with it with their own interpretation...we don't need to help them out in solving their problems all the time. That's what will give them confidence, make them independent and give them conviction in the beliefs they build for themselves.

Martha - posted on 06/01/2012

Dear Kavitha,

I think you and your husband are doing an exemplary job at sharing both your faiths with her. I feel it is less confusing if more people knew more about other religions. You are raising a more tolerant child by teaching her that it's ok to practice other faiths and to be tolerant and respectful of other choices.

However, I feel it is important to find a common denominator that links both faiths to teach her. Such as both faiths praise a higher being, they simply call it by different names or something along those lines. I am not sure what faiths you and your husband practice therefore this might be a difficult task.

Also be prepared for her to decide one day to either choose one faith over the other or possibly another faith or even no religion. Teaching her to be open and tolerant and understanding is also teaching her that she can make her own decision one day.

But it sounds like you will be supportive of her choices no matter what the future brings.

Remember that as parents none of us are perfect, but our choices for our children are just that, "our choices", we do what we think is best and you must be confident that you are doing the best you can and not let the opinions of others cloud your own judgement. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, as long as you and your husband share a mutual agreement than you are both doing a great job at showing your daughter how communication in a relationship prevails in the end!

~Martha

Jennifer - posted on 06/01/2012

I think you are doing the right thing - expose your child to both religions, explain to her that there are many different beliefs and that she is free to choose whichever she wants when she's bigger but for now you and Daddy think that she should get to experience all of it. Your husband's friend needs to worry about himself instead of arguing with you over how to raise your child. Unless you made him the godfather or guardian, he has no say in your parenting.

Lerin - posted on 06/01/2012

I don't have any personal experience with this but I'll take a shot at it. I think it's important to teach her both, since both your different religions are important to you and your husband. When she gets older and wants to chose one over the other, I think that should be respected, but she should be taught both equally so that she can make an informed, if you will, decision. I have a friend who has no religion and her husband does. Instead of teaching tolerance of all religions, my friend is adamant that her daughter learn nothing of her husbands religion which is very sad for him, to me.

Lorraine - posted on 06/01/2012

Kavitha I was raised Catholic my daughters is Mormon. I did convert but not practicing. I take my daughters to Catholic Mass, Christian Service, Mormon Service, and we even have gone to a Baptist church. You are not confusing your child but expanding their understanding of God and Jesus, you do what you feel is correct, don't let others bully you into a RELIGION as long as your child has a strong faith in God she can't go wrong.
Every religion gives their views of the Bible while saying all the other religions are wrong, open the doors and your children will know in their heart what is correct for them...I pray it works for your family

Amy - posted on 06/01/2012

Speaking as one who was raised with one particular faith, it can have its drawbacks as well. As someone mentioned children resenting their lack of faith teachings as a child, I often resent the strict religious background in which I was raised. I turned away fromthe beliefs I was taught and chose my own path, the path of learning about and respecting all religious and spiritual practices. It really does, though, have to be your own decision. Don't cave in to pressure, either familial or social. Good luck!

Kaile - posted on 06/01/2012

A little insight to your husbands friend.....I myself was born Jewish, Baptized Catholic, went to Quaker school for 4 years....through all those years, I was taught about my Jewish heritage, the Catholic and Christian beliefs....we went to Catholic church, yet celebrated like you do all the festivities. Once grown up, I met my now husband who's family is LDS...another belief I was taught about, but have chosen not to follow in the LDS path, it's just not right for me. My husband prays but doesn't attend church and that's been accepted by me....my step dad is a catholic bishop and sometimes I take my kids to church, but not on a regular basis....your daughter won't be confused, she will be well rounded and once she is old enough and chooses which direction to follow, just be sure to back her up and stand behind her and be proud to know that you as a parent succeeded!

Arleny - posted on 06/01/2012

Well, I was raised catholic, then my parents decided to change and became evangelist. They for divorce and came to this country and we met the Mormons. Mom didn't care as long as we practiced something spiritual. Latter got married and went back to the evangelist cus that's what my ex practice. Got divorce and just did't practice anything else cus I believe each to certain point and didn't want my 2 kids be as confused as I end up being but my kids grew up without any religion and I deeply regret it cus they don't really believe in God:( . I remarried and have to little ones and decided that they will follow their Dad's faith and although I'm not Christian Orthodox I go w them cus I want them to have faith.

Jennifer - posted on 06/01/2012

If what you value is respect for people of faith regardless of faith, that is the value you should be teaching her. And it sounds like that is what you have been. To me asking the question which faith should we choose is like saying we shouldn't bring our kids up bilingual because it will confuse them. It won't. It will help them have a fuller understanding of the true diversity of belief so that when the decide for themselves what they want to be and believe, they have a solid basis to make that decision from.

I was raised in a freethought family with extended family who were Jewish on one side and devout Catholic on the other. I was taught that it didn't matter what people believe as long as they are good people. Compassion is the basis of most of the moral codes on the planet so that part of the faith practices should be the same. Learning about common moral values from different perspectives deepens a person's understanding of why those values are considered important. It does not leave them confused. It does, however, make for some very interested conversations with your child, but those should be embraced, not feared.

Geanine - posted on 06/01/2012

I truly believe that if you believed in your religion and your faith was strong and steady then you wouldn't want your child practicing two faiths. I wouldnt have married someone with a faith entirely different than mine.

Amanda - posted on 06/01/2012

I can respond as both the child of an interfaith marriage and now the mother in one. I am the oldest of 5 kids who were raised Jewish, as our mother converted from the Anglican church to marry my father, although he wasn't particularly religious. We started at Jewish school, although some of us chose to go public after a while. The only grandparents we knew growing up were our mother's. I knew who I was but developed a great respect for other religions and what I would call a humanistic attitude (I have never been religious, per se). We had the benefit of having understanding and participating grandparents - they came over for our holidays and we were at their house for theirs (amazing Decembers for children, let me tell you).

I am now married to a non-practicing Mormon (previously an Elder) and mom to two boys, 6 and almost 4. We agreed early on (before we were married - I think it was our third date ;) that our children would be raised Jewish, as according to Jewish law religion follows the mother, but they would be taught the beliefs of the Mormon faith (and others as they show interest) so that they would ultimately have the foundation to make their own choices and know that we will be fine with whatever path they choose. Since many religions grew out of the Judeo-tradition, it was also logical as it is easier to accept what can be viewed as an evolution of belief rather than reject belief in something you were taught from birth (ie the question of whether or not Christ was the son of God). Fortunately, I am also blessed with supportive in-laws who, while they would love to see the boys as Mormon, never attempt to force the issue (and we have some very interesting discussions).

The ultimate point is to ensure that your children have the basis for learning and knowing that they will have your support in that learning and discussion. They need the security of the family unit and their own identities regardless of what comes up for debate. Fortunately, Jewish tradition also encourages debate - you can even question the existence of God as long as you do it as part of learning. I fully expect to be challenged on this question as my boys get older but I also expect to be proud of them for it.

Elaine - posted on 06/01/2012

Hi Michelle! I know how it feels to try to have small children in tow while going to church alone. My husband doesn't attend church either, and my boys are 2 and 4 years old. They can get pretty wiggly in those pews! What I've done is alternate weekend church services with them, taking one to church with me and the other spending quality time with Daddy, then taking the other one with me the following week. With a newborn, it will probably be a while before you can even start doing that, but maybe when the youngest is 1 you can start going with one of the older ones each week. Also, it helps to have a "quiet bag" - a bunch of activities a small child can do that don't make noise, such as cloth books, soft blocks, Bible-themed coloring books, or games that are played by placing felt objects on a felt-covered board. And, of course, make sure they are well-rested and fed before going, and try to sit close to the nearest bathroom!

Michelle - posted on 06/01/2012

Hi. Teach them both. One of my parents is Muslim and the other is Christian. My Mum still prays to the east 4 times a day (or however many times they are supposed to pray) and my Dad still goes to (anglican/church of Eng) church every Sunday. My sister and I were not baptised as babies and were left to choose our own path. Before bed every night, my Dad taught us the Lord's Prayer. At 14 I got baptised and confirmed in the same day in the Anglican Church. At 24 I got accepted into a Catholic University and extended my knowledge of the Catholic/Christian faith. I am now 31 years old and a Roman Catholic. My children are baptised Catholic as my husband "believes in God" but isn't religious. Because my children are 1 and 2 (with another due on my 1st's 3rd b'day) and my husband doesn't go to church, I can't get to church as often as I want to with the kids ... ok, never ... but I fully intend to go again when my kids are more managable (maybe when the youngest is 4) and to teach them the Lord's Prayer and about the different parts of our faith. But I will also teach them about their Grandmother's muslim faith. They love their "Eyun" more than anything and I want them to be well informed in all religions by the time they are old enough to make a choice.

Sakina - posted on 06/01/2012

Hi,
It is not important that she follows a single religion , she should grow with respect for all religions and with time se must be made to understand that her parents belong to different religions.

Candice - posted on 05/31/2012

Religion for my kids can wait until their old enough to choose for themselves as I detest most religions.

Katherine - posted on 05/31/2012

I think it's a great way to bring her up. Just like learning 2 different languages. She will be more tolerant of others, more sensitive and more likely to be confident. She can also choose when she is older and you are not forcing her either way and I love that. I think it's wonderful you and your husband have decided to do this.

Lynn - posted on 05/31/2012

Well stated, Cindy. I understand what you were trying to convey. I have always maintained that there are 'saved' and 'unsaved' in every Bible believing church. I have a good friend who tried to convert her best friend from Catholicism to Baptist. The funny thing is, my friend is now a devout Catholic. My sister in law is a Christian. Her husband is a non-practicing Jew. My nephew has gone to Christian private school. He is learning about the Jewish faith, too. However, I do believe that Jesus is the way, the Truth and the Life......

Gabrielle - posted on 05/31/2012

I grew up in an inter-religious household, and so is my daughter and a number of my cousins' kids. I remember some confusion when I was little, but only because there wasn't a lot of religion really being practiced in the home at all. But my brother and I both chose a religion (Judaism), he chose a Bar Mitzvah, I did some studying as an adult, and we're both secure in our religious identity. I make a point now of reminding my child of the diversity of religious faiths in her immediate family, extended family, and the world.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 05/31/2012

I believe that when the child is younger you should teach them about both religions and allow them to decide if they want to follow one or the other or maybe even both. Your child isn't going to be confused in the slightest just better informed about different world religions.

Cindy - posted on 05/31/2012

@ Lynn and Elaine

Lynn, I feel as if your comment was in response to my post--so let me continue. I am a devout Roman Catholic. It is not only my belief, but a teaching of my church (not as in the past) that there is "light" in all churches/faiths and in those who sincerely seach the truth. Honestly, I have sometimes found my faith to have more in common with devout Jews I know than with lukewarm Catholics or nominal Christians of any sect. If you look to the core of most religions you will find the elements of "being a good person" our original poster spoke of.

As a devout Christian, I think statistics would show that the 'devout' part makes me a minority. Many of the Christians I know as school parents, work, in my community were raised with some form or another of 'church-going' as children that they have not even passed on to their children. "If you are not attached to your own beliefs" is a realistic way to view the faith of many Americans today. And, again based on the examples of my friends and families with inter-religious marriages the children were raised in the faith of 1 parent because the other truly wasn't "attached" as much to their own beliefs. It meant more to one parent than the other. That's America in 2012. I think in all things I have experienced, where the family of the 'opposite' religion has learned/respected/celebrated with the faith the child is raised it, everyone has been uplifted. Whether its my Baptist cousins at the bar mitzah or Christmas dinner with my friend's Jewish family joining us--it truly was all good (and since I sense you are a Christian) I think it really was 'WWJD' and following the Greatest Commandment.

Andrea - posted on 05/31/2012

If you both are OK with teaching her both religions, I think that's just fine. I think your goals are good ones. One of my parents was Protestant and the other is Catholic and I went to both churches until I was about 6, then stuck with Catholic. It may have been a bit confusing at times (I think I had 2 First Communions, lol), but most of the time it was just fine. My parents also let me attend other church's Bible schools, camps, etc. I think it gave me a more well-rounded view of things.

Elaine - posted on 05/31/2012

Lynn, there are 19 major world religions, which are subdivided into 270 large religious groups and many smaller ones. Approximately 34,000 separate Christian groups have been identified in the world. Many people insist that their own religion is "the truth", that they have it right and that everyone else is wrong. They can't all be right. In my opinion, a truly faithful person does not fear information.

Lynn - posted on 05/31/2012

It is something to hear someone say, "if you are not too attached to your beliefs". It must not really be believed if you can drop it that easily. It is especially disturbing to hear Christians say that whatever you want to teach is all good. What a crazy, mixed up world we live in.

Grace - posted on 05/31/2012

When she is a grown up she will fined her own way she will chose what you are doing in right

Deanna - posted on 05/31/2012

I grew up with parents who encouraged ALL of us kids to find our own path. We were taught about our family religion and studied others. We all went down different paths, not confused and tolerant of other religions. Encouraging tolerance is not confusing a child. It helps them later in life.
You must decide how you raise YOUR children.
It is different in an inter-faith marriage. You have 2 religions, 2 parents. Unless you teach both religions, there is 1 parent that will feel left out. That puts a lot of pressure on the relationship, many ending in divorce because of the pressure. Being taught both parents beliefs helps the child and the parents. The child then doesn't have 1 parent but 2. The parents can then learn and understand the other parent.
My daughter loves going to Mass, and I hope she equally enjoys what I teach her of my ideals.
I agree teaching both is better for her.

Markita - posted on 05/31/2012

I think it's great that you guys are exposing her to both religions. There's no need to pick one, no religion is the end all to be all. If you examine them closely most religions are based on the same beliefs, they just word it differently. Be confident in your choice and know that your daughter will be more open and respectful of others because of it.

Jo - posted on 05/31/2012

I think that what you are doing with your children is best for them. I was raised in a "hell fire and brimstone" Protestant church along with 10 other siblings by my divorced mother, whom believed blindly whatever was preached from the pulpit, and expected us to do the same. Three of my siblings "kind of" adhere to the same church and are a little bit tolerant of other religions. The other seven are intolerant of the three and think that I'm immoral, because I believe in tolerance of all faiths and the right of every person to choose not only their own religion, but whether or not they want to follow a religion at all...including my adult children. I rebelled in my teenage years because of what I saw as contradictions being preached by the ministers and hypocrisy by most of the members of the church. I went to church after church trying to find something that felt like the truth to me and have discovered that I'm a Gnostic Christian and I feel that I've reached my truth. I am saddened by the judgement I am blasted with in my own family BECAUSE of the rigid stance about religion that was taught when we were young. Again, I think you are doing the right thing by encouraging tolerance.

Staci - posted on 05/31/2012

I think as long as you both are educating her on the beliefs, and not pressuring her, then she will be fine. It will help when she has questions to feel she can ask either parent, but also she does not need to feel pressure to choose one belief over another when she grows up. If she feels that it might hurt one parents feelings, she may stray from both beliefs altogether. It helps to encourage the child to ask questions, and be open minded. My dad taught me about several religions and it was left up to me to decide what I believe. I am thankful I was given the choice and not pressured.

Kristin - posted on 05/31/2012

I am in an inter faith household and I can be honest that it is very hard on my children. Our faiths are directly in opposition to each others teachings so I take the children to church and handle all of the questions because otherwise we would just confuse them completely. If your differing religions have areas of overlap in teaching or morality I would focus on those areas. It will give your child a sense of stability (which I think you are doing pretty well already). At the end of the day your husband's friend is not this child's parent. You have to do what you think is best for her and not worry about pleasing anyone else. I will warn however that as she gets older she will really start to dig for answers and you will be pressed to answer honestly which can isolate the other parent. Depends how deeply you adhere to your faith.

Kavitha - posted on 05/31/2012

Thanks Elaine.. Thats exactly what we are doing. Teaching the core values of being a good human being.

Zahra - posted on 05/31/2012

It's just my opinion, but I think that unless you choose a particular religion to impart upon your children you are teaching them that the conviction you have for the particular belief (ie religion) isn't really there. Religions all teach that their religion is the right path and although I agree in tolerance and accepting other people's beliefs I think that if you grow up believing that you can choose whatever you want, you won't choose anything. All religions require people to sacrifice their desires to the will of God (for example abstaining from pre-marital sex, or pork, or beef etc). People who can pick and choose which aspects to follow and which to disregard then I don't believe they are really following anything except for their own desires. If however the religions are closer (differnt types of Christianity or sunni/shia Islam) I think they grow up learning about both and then choosing when they are older.