Is anyone else THIS paranoid?

Lucinda - posted on 06/30/2010

Hun I felt the same way and have never had to leave my son to go to work! The obsessive stuff is cause your a new mom and want to protect your boy. My son is 4 and I don't trust leaving him with anyone! Yes your friends and family may know what they are doing but they are not the mommy you are and you naturally don't trust others to care for your baby thats a good thing! The depression thing is probibly nerves! if your scard about what may happen with your baby while your not home call on breaks I guess! Sorry wish I couls help more just know what you feel is ok

Courtney - posted on 06/30/2010

Part of it is completely normal, as a first time mom you want to do EVERYTHING right and you feel that you are the only one that can provide the best care for your baby. Part of it is also your raging hormones which need time to settle back into place. Also, it does sound like you may have some symptoms of post partum depression and I would definitely discuss with your physician to see about getting some help :-)

Ashley - posted on 06/28/2010

no, you aren't the only one who is feeling this way, although I would check with your doctor about the depression thing. Your hormones are all out of whack, and you are probably really tired, too. I felt the same way about my oldest daughter, who is now five.

Kara - posted on 06/28/2010

You are not the only one feeling that... I had VERY SIMILAR thoughts for the first 3 months of my sons life.
First, he is your baby. If you don't want others jostling him, that is YOUR choice. Second, I think allowing others to feed & burp is OK. I had EVERYONE wash their hands before touching my son. This is good no matter what age :)
Your depression is normal. It is is mostly hormones. If it is really bad, I would suggest talking to your doc about seeing a counselor. You may need to be on meds AND THAT'S OK. Your body and you have been through a lot and you are still adjusting. Give yourself a break. I went back to work and ended up quitting. I just couldn't be gone for even part of the day from my son...and I worked just part time!!
I am a first time mom of an 8 month old. I FREAKED about everything... If he didn't poop soon enough :) I thought my milk supply was low (it wasn't)... I worried that he'd stop breathing. The list could go on. :)
Having family & friends would surely help. Don't feel like you can't call them either!! Just do it. I wish I had done it more! Especially those days that I was by myself and crying for reasons that I didn't even know!!
You will get through this and be fine. I look back now & smile. And, I still wouldn't change a thing!
Best of luck!

Tara - posted on 06/28/2010

See your doctor, you are exhibiting all the symptoms of Post Partum drepression. Being anxious (or paranoid) and feeling down a lot of the time is a sign that your body and your endocrine system are having a harder time adjusting to birth than other women.
Please go to talk to a professional about this. If you return to work without resolving some of these issues you will drive yourself crazy and than you will be no good to anyone.
Take Care
:)Tara

Alice - posted on 06/28/2010

No, you're not the only one. My kids are grown but I remember this stage. You will get over it and feel comfortable with other people, just take the usual sensible precautions. Babies are very flexible and adaptable and you will learn as you go. Start reading Parents Magazine (if it is still around) I found it very helpful,. My pediatrician was a godsend and very helpful. As far as the blues, stay on top of that and talk to your doctor. Exercise is good.

Megan - posted on 06/26/2010

If you are truly concerned with your depression, ask your doctor about medicine. TALK ABOUT IT. I had horrible PPD and I wish I would have done something earlier. It sounds like you are bonding well with your baby. I never did and a year later I am finally getting the hang of it. It's the best thing you can do for your baby. Especially if you are going back to work, I didn't bond and I was still freaking out about work. It was nice to get back into a solid routine and have grown up conversations.

Jessica - posted on 06/26/2010

A lot of that may be new Mommy hormones and stress. I went through that when I was a brand new Mom with my first child, not so much with my second because I'd already had the experience of raising one. My first suggestion: this is going to be so HARD to do: let others try, especially your relatives. They want to help you. They love you and your baby. No they may not do things the same way you do, but their way will be ok, in most instances. That was the hardest things for me with my fist and I gave my poor husband a complex because I always second guessed him. With my second, it was so much easier for me to just let him take care of the baby when he volunteered to pitch in. How long have you been feeling depressed? Have you spoken to your Dr about it? I ask, because I experienced PPD (Post-partum depression) and a long-lasting feeling of depression (after your baby is over 6 weeks old) should be looked at. There are many treatment options, including counseling, medications and others as well, and your Dr will be able to help you through that. And yes, going back to work is hard, I think it's probably harder on the Mommy than on the baby, because they are happy as long as they are being cared for and loved, while we worry, worry, worry. What helped me through the hand off at daycare: develop a daily routine. In the morning, keep the goodbye brief, but loving. Snuggle him, kiss him, and wave bye bye. Put on as happy a face as you can muster (no tearful goodbyes) and say, "I love you baby, I'll see you after Mommy's done working." If he cries, try not to linger. You can always call and check with the sitter when you get to work, and most often mine always reassured me that my child had stopped the water works by the time I was out of the driveway. When I go to pick up my kids, I greet them with a big hug and kiss, and then they get to tell me about their day on the way home. I usually have a snack ready in the car for my older one (she's 5) and I nurse the baby as soon as we get home, that is our re-connecting bonding time. I try to make sure I give my 5 year old some time with me right after that to do something together. Hang in there, I know new parenthood is stressful, but you will relax into it as your baby grows. A lot of what you are going through is very normal.

Kimberly - posted on 06/26/2010

You sound a lot like me after the birth of my full-term 9 lb 3 oz baby. He was completely healthy, but I was feeling panicked about everything. I talked to my doctor and he disagnosed me with post-partum depression and anxiety. Said it was a normal thing to happen. Went on meds for about 8 months or so and the change was such a relief! After the first few weeks of being on meds, I could relax and ENJOY being a mom instead of feeling tense and worried all the time. Good luck to you!

Erla - posted on 06/25/2010

I acted the same way as you did....and even though u were induced to weeks early, there's nothing to worry about...its fine to want to protect your kid and making sure he is safe. just make sure whoever is watching him is someone reliable and if you have to get a sitter....interview a few or go on sitterciry.com.

Clare - posted on 06/25/2010

I think what your feeoing is normal. I felt the same and I put it down to a huge surge in feeling protective; like all my hormones and instincts were to care for this little baby that had come into my life. But it can tip over into anxiety, which I was also diagnosed with. It really helped to talk to a counsellor who can put things in perspective. But just remember, you are doing a great job, you obviously really care for your child which is the most important thing and everything will settle down for you soon.

EMMA - posted on 06/25/2010

if he's your first its understandable i was like it with my first dont worry bout any1 else you do it the way you want to its your baby nobodys elses

Christine - posted on 06/25/2010

I take it Corey is your first baby?! You have every right to feel the way you do - it's only natural. Babies are very resilient and 'tougher' than we think.
When I had my first, being adopted, my mum didn't go through a lot of the things I did, and my two best friends had had babies years earlier, but I just did what I instinctively thought was right. YOu can never do too much for them, it's the motherly instinct AND going back to work IS hard. YOu need to be strong and know why you are going back to work - look at the bigger picture - he will be fine. At the end of the day, you are doing what is best for Corey. EVERY mother goes through some sort of guilt. Take it in your stride and know that you are not alone. It is completely normal :)

Cristl - posted on 06/25/2010

I do think you are being a little too safe. It is good for other people to be around, touching the baby, etc. That child needs to be exposed to different kind of germs to help out their immune system. Also, if you dont let anyone help with feedings and burping, then you are most likely going to have a breakdown when you have to go back to work, because you wont be there and you are going to have to trust someone else. Might as well start now, while you can do it slowly. For the depression, omega-3 or fish oil tablets a re supposed to help. I had super bad depression after having my son. Also, do some light exercise and get out in the sun. it will help with the depression

Bronwen - posted on 06/24/2010

Shew! Thats a LITTLE bit extreme! See a doc about post partum depression. The sooner the better.

Cathi - posted on 06/24/2010

I think you sound like a mum who really needs an assessment for postnatal depression, and who is probably finding it hard to enjoy your baby at the moment because of the way you are feeling. Its totally normal to feel anxious about leaving your baby, but when the feelings become so extreme, then it can be a sign that all is not well. be re-assured you can get help, and once you do, you will start to really enjoy being a parent and that it is ok to leave him while you work, and that he will be okay. I would be concerned about you returning tow ork before sorting out your depression though - stress on top can lead to a melt-down. For the sake of your son, your relationship and yourself - see a doctor and if you dont get help and taken seriously, seek a second opinion. All the best

Linda - posted on 06/24/2010

Hi Nikki, You are not going thru anything that first time mothers don't go thru. This motherhood thing is not a natural thing, we learn as we go along.Get a couple of good first year baby books that way you can go month by month and see whats more or less normal for a baby that age. This way you won't worry needlessly. Now you are worried about your depression. talk to your ob-gyn about it or your baby's doctor. they are trained in this field and they can guage how sever your depression is and who to refer you too. these are drs. you have trusted with your child's life don't lose faith in them now. Any mother who has to work and leave her baby with someone feels like you do the guilt is going to be there but unless you are rich and really don't need to work this is something you HAVE to do. You sound like a careing smart loving mom who will pick the best place for your child. And remember you have the right to do a surprise inspection anytime to make sure they are watching your baby the way they promised. anytime u want to talk I am here for u. linda sicklesl@hotmail.com

Danielle - posted on 06/24/2010

My son is almost 5 months old and I'm just now getting over my depression.

Sharon - posted on 06/24/2010

Nikki,


It sounds to me like you have a very common disease!! It is not terminal and it is not curable. The symptoms you have described will be less some days and more other days. They tend to really flare around the first day of daycare, kindergarten, and again around graduation and their wedding day. They will be several other days as well but the emotions surrounding these days makes them the hardest. Other symptoms include overwhelming pride, tears of joy, feelings of inadequacy, irrepressible urge to hurt anyone who makes your child cry. Yup you have the disease!! It's called motherhood and you are stuck with it, It does get easier but it never gets easy. My daughter was 2 lbs 13 ozs when she was born and she now has three kids of her own and I still want to protect her and boss her around.... its just how it is. Thank god he has a mom that loves him as much as you do.

Six weeks is very young to have to leave him. A lot of women take a year maternity leave. It's a shame you don't have that option. Maybe start looking for a a way you can work from home or work opposite shifts as your boy friend. Its not a perfect solution but it might help. In a perfect world you could be a stay at home mom for a while but it takes a lot of planning and determination to make that work. You and Cory's dad have to decide how you want it to work and then make the necessary sacrifices. Maybe the sacrifice is your time with baby or your boyfriend or maybe it is not having as much money. One way or the other being a parent is about love and sacrifice. Good luck with your little guy!

Addys - posted on 06/24/2010

It's totally understandable. My baby was born at 34 weeks and spent 2 weeks in NICU and when we got home for the first week at the same. but I got over it by the time she was a month or so old. Now I take her with me everywhere, my eldest daughter now 9, carry her around the house, takes care of her when Im cleaning or taking a shower and even sometimes holds her bottle to feed her. Its normal to be depressed and being anxious, the best way to cope with all that is to seek some help from your baby's doctor and your doctor and dont worry everything will pass and you will feel more secure with people around you and your baby.

Andie - posted on 06/24/2010

thats because he was tiny and you feel like he will break, My son was 5.5 week early and he also weighed 10lbs 10 oz. its so scary when you are first time parents. so take a deep breath and relax. we were all crazy about the hand washing too! we made everyone was their hands and use santitizer.

Julie - posted on 06/24/2010

Call your OB. I ended up with Post Partum Depression/Anxiety and it started the same way... I was completely freaked out, and I've had lots of experience with babies. Also, it got so bad that I was not able to sleep so I used up all my reserves and almost had to be hospitalized. Let your OB decide if this is "normal" behavior or if you need some help getting your body back into sync.

Lynette - posted on 06/24/2010

No your not the only mom that feels that way. All I can say is relax.Your son can feel you anxiety and will react to it. Your friends are only trying to be helpful. Hug him, kiss him, love him when you are with him and don't feel guilty about having to work. I raise 3 daughters, all very successful young women now with their own children and worked full time with all 3. Enjoy your time with him. Again RELAX

Shivani - posted on 06/24/2010

I went through a similar phase, and my depressions got worse. The mistake I did was never talked to anyone about it. Later on read more about it and got to know, that professional help is good at this phase. I suggest, you talk to your Doctor or someone who can guide you to overcome postpartum depression. Good wishes.

Anna - posted on 06/24/2010

No, my daughter and husband were very similar. Their baby was also premature, 5 1/2 weeks early, and weighing 4-10, as your baby. Now she weighs 27 lbs, and is advanced develomentally for her age (18 mos). They are still a little paranoid about certain things, but I think that's better than been too trusting or neglectful. But there's also a happy medium (that was me). As far as your depression, I suggest you join a support group, or a parenting program offered by a social service agency. I used to work for a program called Parenting Plus, with Family and Child Servbices, and home visitors would go in your home, with your permission, and work with you on any personal/parenting issues you choose. They also would take you out in the community, with your baby, and help you have some fun! Good Luck ! If you want to contact me, do so at www.amlopezrod@yahoo.com. Cheer up, you're doing a great job ! 9just by showing your concern by writing, it shows what a good mom you are. Anna

April - posted on 06/24/2010

*please excuse me while I laugh out loud* LOL OMG I was the exact same way... Wait. I AM the same way, and my daughter is coming up on 6 months old. It's starting to go away a little as my common sense starts to sneak back into Crazy Mommy Hormone territory, but yes, it's completely normal and it will pass.

If no one has told you yet, the first 6 months after delivery can be a real b****! Hang on for the ride of your life because if you don't like roller coasters you are in for the ride of your life!

I promise -- I PROMISE -- it will get better and you will one day roll your eyes and say, "I can't believe it..."

Hang in there because you CAN do this (where do we dig up our strength anyway? Somewhere way down deep, Baby!).

Courtney - posted on 06/24/2010

It is totally normal! Mom knows best! It is really hard to leave your baby. I went back to school after I had mine and had to leave her with my husband and I was nervous! After about 3 days of leaving her and coming back and realizing that she was doing great, it got a little bit easier. Another thing is that he is still really new. My daughter is 8 months old now and eating solids and so it is easier for me to leave her because there isn't much that you can do wrong if I give the specific food and spoon I want the person to use. Believe me, it gets easier as they get a little older. At least that's me!

Pam - posted on 06/24/2010

i know how u feel.but it will be good for both of u.. i have 2 girls one is 11 the other is 21months.. i was hard on me with both..but i can tell you it will be ok..

Amanda - posted on 06/24/2010

You aren't, but you should see your ob/gyn to see if there's more of a problem with the depression.
I was pretty paranoid and Bella was 7lb 9 oz when she was born. I nursed so the feeding thing wasn't an issue. But everyone had to scrub their hands, I wouldn't leave the room without taking her with me because I was so worried something would happen. It's normal, time will decrease it, but it still happens.

Christy - posted on 06/24/2010

You are normal. I was the same way. It does get easier, it just takes a bit. Visit the daycare before leaving him there, stay for 10-15 minutes and just visit. It will help to make you more comfortable and it might just make it easier. I know it helped me.

Connie - posted on 06/24/2010

I am the same way! I just explain I am a "hover mother," its my first, and here is a list explaining how I do things (my baby is sensitive to certain things so I am really paranoid), and I check in requently. Eventually you will feel better... The depression is normal, its just your body adjusting to normal hormones, plus lack of sleep!!

A book that helped me A LOT is MINDFUL MOTHERHOOD. Helped me focus on the positive and the joy (when when stressed, tired, and anxious lol)

Good Luck!

Gabrielle - posted on 06/24/2010

Totally normal! You are a good protective Mommy, and all that worry is your new job!!!

Lisa - posted on 06/24/2010

Pretty normal stuff. Just try to take a deep breath when you catch yourself worring about the little things. You'll start to calm down a bit as he starts to grow a bit. Not a lot to worry about when he can feed himself, burps at the most annoying times or gets covered in dirt on his own while playing. LOL. It's a phase meant to keep baby safe. As for depression, thats more serious and you should talk to your doctor.

Karen - posted on 06/24/2010

My son was born 9 weeks early, at 3#11oz. He is now 18 and a big strong healthy boy. The best thing for him was when I trusted him to God, who loves him even more than I do.
Because he also didn't sleep, I was always exhausted. I had no choice but to trust others as I desperately needed the help. It sounds to me like you already know that others will do fine. I suspect your issue comes from not wanting to go back to work - understandable. I can't speak to that issue, as I was a stay-at-home-mom, but I do know that lots of people experience that. If he is going into daycare then maybe a trip to visit the facility or a chance to talk to other mom's there who have been in the same situation? If someone is going to watch him in their home, maybe starting a notebook about things that you think are important for them to know?

DARLENE - posted on 06/24/2010

No, almost every one feels this way and with your first baby it is almost overwhelming because you want everything to be perfect and you want to be the "perfect" mom-we tend to create our own stress-my twins were premies too so I understand what you are going through. Remember that the operative word in that sentence is "through"--you will get through it but please find someone you can talk to - a pastor, a true friend, a counselor-just being able to say some of this stuff out loud helps a lot.

Roberta - posted on 06/24/2010

First of all, take a deep breath. You are not the first one to feel like this. Try letting others take him for short periods (even 15-30 min) and work your way up. You carried him for 9 months and it's really hard to let go. And about your depression...it's normal to have some depression after delivery, but if you think it might be interfering with everyday things, call your doctor. Medications might be a short term answer, or even a support group. You are not alone!

Lene - posted on 06/24/2010

Hi Nikki, reading about your concerns took me back on my own new mom's experience! I was so paranoid that I had the alarm clock set up following a list of things for MYSELF to do! My daughter was born with barely 4 lbs and lost over a pound in the hospital! I breast feed her for 11 months, untill my mother took her away from me for a whole month (a decision the whole family participated) and when she came back my daughter was on the nursery bottle and eating like a normal 1 year old kid! And I had my hormones back to normal too and could see how ridiculous I was thinking that I was the only one that could take care of her! Now she is 33 years old and I'm still CRAZY about her safety, but I think every mother is like that right? Hope my story was of some help for you! Hope you have the same luck I have with a strong bond with you kid, that will make it up to all the paranoid thinking you have today!

Carolyn - posted on 06/24/2010

I am a daycare provider for infants and toddlers. Be sure to interview the person who will care for your child at least twice. Ask for references and names of others she/he has cared for in the past and is caring for now. Talk to these parents. Ask trusted friends and co-workers who cares for their children. As a provider of infant care, I meet with the child several times before they come for a full week. I like to get mom and dad used the idea of being away from the child. I start with a short 2 hour "visit" so mom and dad can get a haircut or do some shopping. Then a few half a days. Next a few full days. When the time comes for mom and dad to go back to work they feel eased into it and hopefully it's not hard on them. I could also ask if the sitter could e-mail you (during nap time) to let you know how the baby is doing.

Heather - posted on 06/24/2010

Is Corey your first child? If he is, then it's normal to be a little paranoid, however, you need to take a deep breath. If you are feeling severely depressed, you need to talk to your doctor and get medicated.

As for things like worrying about people washing their hands before holding your sweet boy, buy a bottle of hand sanitizer to keep near him. I love CleanWell http://www.cleanwelltoday.com/

As for the rest, you just have to let go a little, start off by letting your boyfriend feed him, show him how Corey likes to be held while being fed and how he likes to be burped. Do that with anyone who wants to help out and take the help. It'll make your transition to work easier.

Paula - posted on 06/24/2010

Hi - I do feel for u and I am sure u are not the only one with these feelings. U really ought to have a chat with your doctor and Health Visitor who I am sure will reassure you. Perhaps you need some medication for the depression - and being depressed is nothing to be ashamed of. You sound like a wonderful mum - good luck!

Julie - posted on 06/24/2010

You poor thing! you have an extremely young baby and have to go back to work very quickly,is it at all possible to take extra time,its natural to be fearfull that he wont be ok,he will be fine,Id be more concerned about you,sounds like a bit of Post Natal depression,is there anyone to give a bit of practical help,maybe let someone do something small for him and you will begin to relax and see he hasnt come to any harm,these little people are though,so many of them survive in awful circumstances,he dosnt have to cope without love and care,he will be fine,its you that needs care,let people who are willing to help do so and learn to relax! I know I have 5 kids!!!

Emily - posted on 06/24/2010

You should talk to your doc about postpartum depression.

Megan - posted on 06/24/2010

Going backwards here BUT, I still remember when I had to go back to work after my first child (now 18yrs old) I started crying the night before and didn't stop for two days, I still tear up thinking about it:-) And as far as paranoid, it's OK - that baby has only you to look out for him, becoming a mom is scary stuff. My youngest is now 4, he was born a month early and I could not stand people touching him, even in the hospital, they had to do all testing right in front of me because I wouldn't let the nurses leave my room with him.
The Depression part could be many things -
1st - it's exhausting, scary, and hard becoming a mom. We all grow up with pictures of parents smiling over their sleeping baby, no one told us that the sleep part almost never happens. 2nd -When you buy a new camera there is a 200page manual that comes with it and every strip mall has a camera shop where someone can answer your questions. I'm still looking for the manual that was supposed to come with the kids. My kids range from 18 to 4 but I still have no idea what I'm doing.
3rd - Real depression will get worse so you may want to discuss this with your doctor. There is no shame in needing a support group or even medication to help you through something so life altering. For some reason we are still ashamed to talk about the "truth" - we all sit around pretending being a mommy is euphoric and all we ever wanted, very few people will admit that the euphoria didn't happen for them(at least not in the beginning). However, as hard as it is right now, there will be a moment when you look at that child take a deep breath and forget how scared you are right now (of course that all changes when they hit their teens)

Maureen - posted on 06/24/2010

For a start i think ur going bk to work far to early! You shud b off for at least another 6-7 months,,,,,,,,,,,,,it sounds ur not ready to go bk to work,,,as u havent had much tym with little man,,,,,,,,,,,,,try and see if u can take more tym off??

Taryn - posted on 06/23/2010

I was like that until my son was about 2 months.... it is common for some women to be over protective of their children, i will subside as you get used to being a mom, and he is a little older. even though he was 2 weeks early that is still concidered full term, I would not worry about being over protective, just know that people are not trying to harm the baby, it takes time but you will get used to others feeding/holding him to give you a break... and when you do you will enjoy that time to relax and take a shower or bath...

Jean - posted on 06/23/2010

Your Dr. can help you w/all these issues. Be sure to get all of these questions answered until you feel comfortable., even if it takes x-tra appointmemts

Maureen - posted on 06/23/2010

PLEASE take the depression seriously! See your doctor and DON'T be afraid of anti-depressants. Just make sure you do your homework. I've been on Zoloft, which is safer for baby than Prozac because of its shorter half-life (doesn't build up in baby's system). It hasn't been 100% effective, but it has made it possible for me to function from day to day. Yes, there may be some effects on baby from AD's BUT having a depressed mom can be more damaging to both you AND your baby! Also, because you don't have your mom to help you get through this and are learning on your own, YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!! because there may not be someone else around you who will recognize the signs of depression. Talk to your doctor. This is very important.

Amy - posted on 06/23/2010

My youngest was 18 months before I left him with a sitter. 29 months before I left him with his dad. He was also a premie and I nursed until he was 20 months no bottle ever. Knowing he was the last made me a tad crazy

Allison - posted on 06/23/2010

I had the same thing with all 3 of my boys. They weighed 3.7, 3.9, and 4.7... The 4.7 was first and I was so afraid for anyone to hold him and only feft one person hold him because of his size. Then when the other two came along, everyone was afraid to hold them because of their size.. Everyone has their own way of feeding them and we had my mother in law feed our oldest and that was it, I couldn't handle how she did things and they are now almost 2 & almost 3... She has yet to feed them by herself to this day.. My mother in law took a picture of a cousin holding my first born.. the cousin was only 3 years old and not supporting him... that was the last time she did anything like that. like you, my mom isn't around (she died when I was 8) and my mother in law and i don't get along and there is no one to ask. we've just gone with the flow and have fun.. the depression will continue on. because we take so much on ourselves it wears us down, whether we want to believe it or not... with mine being almost 2 & 3, i still cringe when my mother in law watches them for only 3 hours a day for 4 days.. it'll get easier, just relax and enjoy the time you get with your son, remember to smile all the time with him.. i'm not a big smiley person out around people... but with my 3 boys, i am and it shows with how happy they are and how much fun we have. feel free to ask me any questions if you'd like.

Courtney - posted on 06/23/2010

This sounds a lot like me when I had my first son. When my mom was about to leave for the airport I lost it! I realized I had no idea what I was doing. I went overboard trying to protect him and when I went back to work I couldn't handle it. I took some advice from a friend and I saw a therapist. I was diagnosed with post pardum pycosis. It took me a very long time to feel better, but I slowly grew more cofident and was able to tlk about things honestly without feeling like I ws being judged. I have had two babies since then and never had those problems. Bing a first time mom. especialy without your mother aound is scary. It is normal to take charge. They call mothers the gatekeepers for a reason. But you will wear yourself out, make yourself sick, and alienate those around you if you don't ask for help.