Is cuddiling ur 3 and 2 yr old wrong?

Latasha - posted on 02/02/2010 ( 61 moms have responded )

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I work at a day care.. which my children both attend.. and i told em sometimes if they wont nap cuddle them a bit and they will fall asleep. Its not that i do it all the time.. but if they are feeling a bit upset or there stomach hurts, yes i am going to take advantage of the cuddles they are willing to give me... however a girl i work with who is a mom of a 1 and 5 yr old.. was saying that was wrong.. she stopped cuddling her baby when he was like 3 months old because she wants to teach him how to do things on his own.. In my opinion i think she is off her rocker.. a child needs cuddles.. it teaches them it will be ok, and that they always have you there when they are upset.. opinions please

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Krista - posted on 02/02/2010

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To give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she was thinking that your kids CAN'T get to sleep without being cuddled and might have what's called a negative sleep association (where they become dependent on certain external factors, which can't be present all night long, to get to sleep -- such as rocking, or Mom singing to them, or being walked).

Maybe when her baby was three months old, she stopped rocking/cuddling him to sleep because she was worried that if he woke up in the middle of the night, he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep without someone cuddling him.

If THAT's the case, and she still gives her baby plenty of cuddles during the day and when he's starting to get sleepy, then her approach is reasonable, but so is yours. I'd need more clarification on this situation (whether she was talking about cuddling her baby to sleep, or cuddling him at ALL) before saying whether or not she's off her rocker.

Natasha - posted on 02/02/2010

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It is a natural human thing to be touched. Skin to skin touch is especially important. Hospitals have volunteers who cuddle and touch premature babies to help them thrive. I hope to cuddle my son until he is a grown boy. We are social creatures and teaching affection is important. I still hug my Mum.

I would rather my child, when they are grown, to reach out to someone in need and give them a hug to comfort them. I would think that is a totally adjusted persons reaction to someone in need of comfort. This is what I think this is the important lesson we are teaching our kids when we cuddle them.

What kind of person is this woman....and to think she is responsible for someone else's young impressionable children.

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[deleted account]

Just to add in there, humans crave physical contact with other humans. Look at people who have lived their lives alone without it, they generally have issues and I believe its' from non-contact.

[deleted account]

My son is 14 and will still want to snuggle next to me on occasion. Not all the time because "Now I'm a man Mom!" (mothers of teenagers will recognize the tone (insert eyeroll)

But we snuggled and cuddled all the time. This is why I believe we are as close as we are. People all the are amazed that my teenager will come to me with questions about sex and smoking and life of his own free will - before there's a problem. I put it down to tons of love and affection. You can't love a child too much. (You can certainly indulge a child too much which is not love imnho.)

Megan - posted on 02/20/2010

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Never stop cuddling your baby!! Children crave the closeness and love being held and touched.

Julie - posted on 02/20/2010

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well sorry but i'd say the mum who doesnt cuddle is wrong. there is nothing wrong with cuddling your kids regardless of their age. my daughter always lounges with me and we have a cuddle and she's 19 my son is 21 and never flinches if i give him a quick sqidge on my way past his chair. showing affection to a child is another way of letting them know they are loved.

Charlene - posted on 02/20/2010

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I'm 33yrs old and still love cuddles, who doesn't and who doeesn't need the love? Its never wrong to hug and cuddle your children, it makes us both feel good and loved. I feel sorry for her children. It doesn't teach them to do things on their own, it teaches them to not be sensitive and caring.

Renae - posted on 02/20/2010

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What in gods name are some people on about?? Seriously! Cuddle your children. It is completely beyond me how anyone could think that you should not cuddle a child. Is she TRYING to breed sociopaths with attachment issues? Because if she is, withholding giving physical affection would be a good start. Honestly some people...



Are you sure this woman isn't just referring to cuddling them to sleep? Not cuddling in general?

Chelsey - posted on 02/20/2010

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I cuddle my baby girl all the tyme that's the best feeling in the world knowing that she wants me to cuddle and rock her to sleep. How could you not want to feel that feeling and at 3 months old omg poor baby. My daughter is 10 months old and wants to be playing all day so we don't cuddle much unless we watching tv but at night its cuddle tyme and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I blown away at the fact that someone wouldn't want to feel that love and connection for there child regardless of the age of the baby and at 3 months old i cuddled with my baby all the tyme.

Maria - posted on 02/20/2010

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I would certainly cuddle my child anytime they want or need it. I love to be close to my daughter. My parents were not cuddlers, and I always felt physical affection to be severely lacking in my life, and therefore looked for comfort in inappropriate ways for a long time.

That said, after 4 or 5 months old, I would not generally cuddle my child to sleep, because they need to learn to go to sleep on their own. But anything else goes!

Becky - posted on 02/19/2010

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What??? She is off her rocker! I feel sorry for her children! She is depriving them of affection and connection that is essential for their development.

Okay, maybe that was a little harsh, considering I don't know if she means she never cuddles them or she just doesn't cuddle them to sleep, but the way it was put, it sounds awful!

Part of your job as a mother is to make your children feel loved and secure. And part of that is soothing them when they are sad, upset, hurt, not feeling well, etc. The way you sooth them might change as they get older, but they will never be too old for you too provide them with comfort. I say, if your kids still want cuddles, cuddle them! My 2 year old still loves cuddling, and I cuddle him every chance we get. A child who gets lots of attention and affection will actually be more independent than the child whose parent deprives them of that, because they know that they can count on their parents when they need them.

Jane - posted on 02/19/2010

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cuddle as much as poss they will soon be teens and wont want a bar of u !! that woman is of her rocker .

Maeidell - posted on 02/19/2010

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Their is nothing wrong with cuddling.As a matter of fact I don't think you need to stop cuddling to teach your child how to do things on their own that is ridiculous.I still cuddle with my 10 year old when she lets me.Of course not to put her to sleep but when she is sick or hurt.There is nothing wrong with loving your child.By the way my 10 year old knows how to do plenty by herself she cooks and cleans and reads and all that good stuff.

Crystal - posted on 02/19/2010

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OMG, she is off her rocker and you should tell her that. I still occasionally cuddle with my 10 year old. My 6 and 3 year old love cuddles. It makes them feel loved, and safe. Her children in my opinion will have problems later on when they feel they can't come to her with problems or for advice, because they will feel unloved. Show them the love while there young because when they are older they won't even want you near them.

[deleted account]

3 months? I'm sorry but that is wrong. Babies need cuddle time to feel, loved, safe, and secure. My kids are 10 (almost11), 8, and 2 1/2 and I still cuddle all three of them. I will cuddle with them for as long as they will let me :)

Ilja - posted on 02/19/2010

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This girl you work with works in daycare with you??!! wow, maybe she needs a bit of a career switch like uhm...become a corrections officer perhaps?!

Karen - posted on 02/02/2010

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Wow. Can't add much more but there is nothing wrong with cuddling your children. My son is 9 and once in awhile he still wants to cuddle with his mom if he sad or is sick. You need to listen to what your instincts are teeling you. Only you know what's best for your child.

[deleted account]

OMG?! I can't believe anybody would think it is wrong to snuggle your baby! I mean, even us adults like a good hug to comfort and soothe us. That is what life is all about, being there and comforting each other, loving each other. Actions speak louder than words especially to a baby who doesn't know what you are saying.

Amy - posted on 02/02/2010

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I absolutely cuddle my 18 month old son EVERY chance I get!!! I hear he will not want to be cuddled forever so I am getting them in while I can. My son loves to be cuddled but also is a very independent little boy who plays so well on his own and is able to self sooth and does not come running everytime he gets hurt. I was always cuddled by my mom and still am at the age of 30. I do not see one problem with that at all!!! Cuddle away and let them know how much they are loved at every opportunity!

ORIELLE - posted on 02/02/2010

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You're right. That's how children feel safe, secure, and loved. Keep cuddling you're children. Those are the things they'll remember all their lives.

Trish - posted on 02/02/2010

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I only have on child left who is still legally a child she is 17 and if she wanted to sit and cuddle I would be there for her. My neneteen year old daughter and I are very close and if she is having a bad day it would not be unusual for her to come get hugs from her mom. I like to cuddle and I am almost forty years old, awfully glad someone didn't decide I couldn't cuddle after three months. Kids need to know they are loved at work or at home.

Amy - posted on 02/02/2010

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It's not wrong unless the child is at the point where that's the only way they can fall asleep. I think it's a great way to calm a child down before bedtime. I don't think your doing anything wrong since you said your kids can fall asleep by themselves. Kids do need to do things for themselves, but they also need to have a parents love and support.

Erin - posted on 02/02/2010

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That makes me sad to think about a child that isn't being cuddled :( I love cuddling with my 2 1/2 year old son, he gives the best hugs! I feel very sorry for her children, and yes I agree she is off her rocker!!

Emma - posted on 02/02/2010

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i agree too.i am always cuddling my little girl of 2 1/2.she knows that way that she is loved and if upset or hurt she always asks for a cuddle.you keep cuddling i say!

Sarah-Lynn - posted on 02/02/2010

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My daughter is almost 3 and she has her moments where she just needs to be cuddled. I dont think it's wrong at all. It shows your child that no matter what you are there to let them know that everything is okay. Plus, cuddle them now because they wont want to cuddle when they are 16 and you'll miss it :o)

[deleted account]

Any child phsycologist's out there? They'll tell you that when you cuddle a child it helps to build self-esteem. I've heard that when a child falls and hurts themselves, don't cuddle them or kiss it better because it'll make them tougher-a QUACK told me that. If you DON'T cuddle them when they NEED it most, it can be damaging to the building of self-esteem- among other factors of course. Bottom line: CHILDREN NEED CUDDLING TO HELP BUILD SELF-ESTEEM!!! You're doing a great thing to cuddle them.

Laura - posted on 02/02/2010

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My 2 and a half year old is extremely independent - and I still cuddle him as often as I can. It's precious time you have with them while they are little and it's okay to smother them with hugs and kisses. Pretty soon they will be too cool for mommy's love and you will miss out. I think it's healthy and important for not only him but myself. I love nothing more than hugging and loving on my lil one...he's the best thing that ever happened in my life. And I want him to know how much he is loved! Especially when he's sick .... that other mom is just crazy - i feel sorry for her children!

Latasha - posted on 02/02/2010

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thanks for everyone in put... and as for the day care sitution.. i cuddle all my children in my group.. because there mom is not there.. and i want them to have someone at this place to show them they care.. its not just about cuddling my own kids..
and yes i know everyone has there own way of parenting.. i was just shocked when she said its wrong to cuddle them.. i began to over think my self.. i love my children.. and i like there cuddles.. i was just wondering if i was alone.. lol thanks everyone

[deleted account]

Oh my! Poor 3 month old baby! My 2.5 year old sleeps with me on a regular basis and I have a 4 month old. I kiss them and cuddle with them as much as i can! I understand the teaching to be independent but my god let that happen later on.. One day you will not have the opp to love on them and do this cause they wont want too.. I say cuddle away! It is exactly what kids aof all ages need. MORE LOVE and less do it yorself BS.. Affection teaches then humility and empathy something children are very much lacking these days...Love on them!

Jayne - posted on 02/02/2010

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To not show a child affection in my book is nothing short of abuse. Cuddle your children as long as they allow it, when they get to teenage years you can't get near them with a barge pole! Christy's post is spot on, the 'don't cuddle' mother is in for a rude awakening one day.

Ashley - posted on 02/02/2010

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There is nothing wrong with cuddling! My son is 1, and I cuddle with him whenever I can because he just wants to be everywhere. I miss when he was little & I could cuddle with him all the time! Hehe. They need to feel secure & safe & loved, & that's what you're teaching them. I cherish every moment I can cuddle with my child! Before I know it, he'll be out the door!

Christy - posted on 02/02/2010

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OMG - Cuddle cuddle cuddle. Children need touched and cuddled. That other mother is in for a world of hurt when her children feel disconnected from her. I still cuddle my 14 year old when he will let me. All that is teaching her children is to uncomfortable with touch which will later hurt them in their relationships and as a parent themselves. You are doing the right thing.

Amber - posted on 02/02/2010

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First off, I hand it to ya for continuing to work in a childcare center with your children. I did it off and on and never again- so I give ya a big clap for that.



By refusing to cuddle with her own children, what she's doing is denying her daughter's feelings of needing to be cherished, important and heard. By neglecting the basic human emotion that her daughter craves for, ( consolance) she's actually teaching her daughter to be disconected and distant, and therefore will create the independant person she;s looking for, but an idependant sour person who has no idea how to love or express their feelings.



Children need to have their feelings validated, their words heard and their fears aleviated. If they are made to feel like they are alone in this world, they'll start to seek out companionship with anyone who WILL listen, cuddle.. etc. That's where you end up with kids who do drugs, get into prostitution and fall vulnerable to predators. Someone that will sweet talk them and manipulate them. It's sad, and it might be a scarey stretch to say it, but she's denying her daughter the ability to feel human.



I don't know where your place lies with her, but maybe just encourage her to research her theory a little bit more before she decides her extreme tough love method is required in order to create a decent human being. If she works in a childcare center, I'd be very concerned about her interacting with my child.. she should be more in tune with children's needs than this.

Next time she makes you feel invalidated in your child-rearing methods, you could just simply say " I am glad you are interested in my mothering abilities, I believe all children need to be shown how to love, their feelings are important to me. By validating their feelings, they feel listened to and they will grow up learning how to listen and care for others, be kind sand responsible individuals. If I don't listen to them now, when it's most important to them, they won't listen to me later, when it;s most important to me" and smile and walk away. That might be all you need to say. And again, if she continues, keep your messages positive and general... maybe she'll clue in :)





If what she's saying is that it's wrong for the mother's to do so while at day care, then in a way, it inhibits the children's ability to let go and settle in to daycare. I can see how it would be discouraged by staff, but to that extreme, i doubt she's making any sence to anyone other than herself. Holding on to your children for too long when saying goodbye can create some separation anxiety.. but really.. even if that was the case ( it doesn't seem so) then I'd still ask her to address her concern more clearly.



If her problem lies in that maybe you are cuddling your own children too much and not others, than I can also see where she might be going with it but again, it's not her job to tell you how to do yours. Everyone is a team at the center, and therefore, you could ask her to clarify if she has a problem with your childcare of the whole room, or just your own children, and then , if it's your own children, you could kindly inform her that your children's form of care is up to you to decide and if she likes, she can ask you about it outside of work time. Creating an issue with you on a personal level like this is a no-go zone, and it's intolerable in most centers.



If she insits, I'd definately bring this to your directors' or even the owner's attention- she's mixing personal feelings with her work.. that's a NO-NO.

[deleted account]

This is just crazy. My kids are 6 yrs old, and I snuggle with them every morning before we get our day started. They know just how much I love them and that I'm always here for them.

Natascha - posted on 02/02/2010

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My daughter is 6 now and I still cuddle with her. She is very independent! Cuddling with her she is able to talk to me and know she can come to me with anything.

LaWanda - posted on 02/02/2010

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Oh you should keep hugging and cuddling your little ones!!!!!!! My little one is six months and he loves to be cuddle my me or his dad!!! My mom always cuddled us, and still does its great for your kids!

April - posted on 02/02/2010

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she is off her rocker.. my son is five and cuddling isn't holding my son back. He has no problem being confident about doing things on his own... that girl is trippin! Cuddling teaches acceptance and boost confidence... yea that girl is crazy... she sounds like she has no compassion and is really putting a big wall up between her and her kids... crazy!!!

Airiel - posted on 02/02/2010

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Its absolutely right and good to cuddle your children no matter what their age. It reinforces their feelings of being loved and cared for, and gives them the confidence to become more independent when the time is right for them.

Courtney - posted on 02/02/2010

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my 2 yr old is very independent and i TRY to cuddle with her as much as i can. just because you cuddle with your child doesnt mean that they wont be able to things on there own. my daughter hardly ever cries when she falls down she just gets bak up and goes on. its not wrong. cuz it shows tht your there when there strong and weak.

Lin - posted on 02/02/2010

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i am horrified by this. not what you said but that there are people out there that wont cuddle their kids. oh my god. im shocked to the core. why wouldnt you cuddle your kids. thats just awful. cuddles show your kids how to love, how to care, how to show affection, towards others and themselves. its all necessary for them to develop emotionally. as well as cuddles make you feel safe and loved regardless of what age you are. im 32 and i still love cuddles from my parents my husband even friends when im happy or upset. these parents are cold hearted and are going to make their kids the same. im absolutely discusted that their are parents who would not want to cuddle their children no matter what age they are.

Naomi - posted on 02/02/2010

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Hi ya. No cuddling is not wrong, they do need lots of cuddles, it helps a child to feel secure and loved. However I think what this person probably meant was trying to get the child to sleep by settling them by themselves. But if a child is upset you do need to reassure them that you are there and cuddling is one of the ways that we do that. Once the child has stopped being upset then try again to get them to settle to sleep.
I wouldnt worry x

Laurie - posted on 02/02/2010

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I have a six month old and for the most part he goes to bed on his own, but occasionally he will be upset for some reason and I do cuddle with him for awhile to help relax him. There is a time for everything, and sometimes they need to be held, and if when he's three and still needs a cuddle now and then I will be glad to give it!

Beck - posted on 02/02/2010

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LMAO, She IS off her rocker. Sometimes parents can get jealous of bonds wittnessed between Mothers and children when their bond is not at the same level causeing them to say some 'nasty/misguided' comments. Dont worry about it, how you behave towards your children, and how you deem appropriate for others to treat your children is your buisness. If she is concerned for other children being jealous of your children and the extra care/attention they may recieve, she very well could have stated that reason. She didn't, so a case of MYOB seems appropirate for her.

Erin - posted on 02/02/2010

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Girl, you keep cuddling those babies until they tell you to stop. I still enjoy cuddling up to my mama every once in a while! It shows love. I feel sorry for her child. Who could ever stop cuddling a baby so young?

Debbie - posted on 02/02/2010

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you keep right on cuddling your children..in my opinion, that's part of what's wrong with our society today. Too many people are worried what others think or what's politically correct. I'm 56 with 7 children and 2 step children, and soon to be the grandma of 12 grandchildren. My oldest grandson is 18 & I'm not sure what he would think if I quit hugging and kissing him everytime I seen him. Children need to be loved and held, no matter their age. I'm really sorry that your co-worker is missing out on one of the greatest things God ever blessed us with. A child to cuddle!!!!

Lisa - posted on 02/02/2010

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I have heard it more for self comfort but still think children need to feel love and warmth from their parents. I think kids need to cuddle and feel love and secure. I did let my 2 1/2 year old when she was younger explore and figure things out. She is very independent but still loves and needs cuddles. Love those times that I am still very important to her. I also know that wont always be there in the future.

Leanne - posted on 02/02/2010

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my daughter is in a home day care and even though she is 1an1/2 years old sometimes she needs a cuddle i dont see anything wrong with it and seeing that she is so very inderpendant i also take advantege of the because she has been unwell for the last week and a half so she wonted nothing but cuddles which is fine exept with the feva we could not get to stay away she was cooking me wich was so hard for me i am 3 and a 1/2 months preggy with my 3rd and even my 4 and a 1/2 year old comes up to me for a cuddle still some times and she is fine so do what you wont as you are mum to them not someone elas

Nancy - posted on 02/02/2010

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Sounds like you already know what's right and wrong or how you want to raise you're children. That's great! The other mom has her way of raising her children...There is no one way to raise a child it all depends on the child and what they need and what will help them. It's the parents job to figure out how to raise them and what they feel is needed. So, I'd say follow your intuition and keep up the good work.

Dawn - posted on 02/02/2010

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That is ridiculous!! I still get cuddled by my mother, LOL!! Sounds like she has some attachment issues...maybe from her childhood......just feel sorry for her! When I was growing up my mother was a daycare teacher and we cuddled other peoples children if they were having a hard time with naptime or a booboo.....this shows children compassion and love...more of that is needed today! Cuddle on, Mom!!!

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