Is it a little weird buying your husband a christmas present with his money?

Irina - posted on 12/12/2009 ( 223 moms have responded )

12

7

1

I'm a stay at home mom and I don't work from home, so I don't make any of my own money. So would it be weird to buy my husband a christmas present with his income? What do all the stay at home moms who don't work do?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Carolyn - posted on 12/12/2009

7

6

1

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk 's office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
'What I mean is, ' explained the recorder, 'do you have a job or are you just a ...?'
'Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman. 'I'm a Mom.'
'We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it,' Said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, 'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.'
'What is your occupation?' she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out. 'I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.'
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in mid air and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
'Might I ask,' said the clerk with new interest, 'just what you do in your field?'
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, 'I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) In the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.'
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mom.'

Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.


You and your husband are now ONE! What a glorious thing! There might be a time that you make money but what you do is incredibly valuable! Irina you do work and you should get your hubby a gift. Merry Christmas!

Angie - posted on 12/12/2009

2,621

0

406

It's not "his" money it's both of your money. He works outside the home and you work to make your house a home. Don't ever, ever feel like it is "his" money. I was a SAHM for 13 years and now that my children are all in school, I am working. I worked much harder at home than I ever have at a job.

Betsy - posted on 12/12/2009

469

22

22

It's not his money. You are married, and have chosen the you will stay home caring for BOTH children while he earns BOTH of your income. The family income is just that, the family income where both adult members equally own and can use.

Rickie - posted on 12/12/2009

9

19

0

No it is not weird even though I thought so my first Christmas using our money. I have been a stay at home mom for 5 years and it is your money too. You helped him earn it.

Ashley - posted on 12/12/2009

1

0

0

i have been a stay at home mom for a little over a year. me and my husband decided just to let each other know what we wanted and then we went out and got it. he tells me that he admires what i do here at home.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

223 Comments

View replies by

Jodi - posted on 12/29/2009

26,288

36

3891

Ladies, thank you for your input. The OP has not been back to the thread for several days, but did acknowledge earlier that the responses were helpful.

Jodi Adams
CoM Moderator

Brenda - posted on 12/29/2009

92

7

16

I've worked most of my adult life. The times I haven't, I have felt like I "owed" my husbands. I love to stay at home. And I get to stay at home right now with our 6 yr old special needs girl. This time, we got it right. He sees how much work I put into staying at home, and raising our daughter, and this time I feel 100% deserving when I say OUR money. '

Lynn - posted on 12/29/2009

2

4

0

I know this maybe a little late, but I felt exactly as you do because I am a SAHM. But I bought my fiance a gift with "his" money and he didnt think that it was weird at all. It is our money and he enjoyed his gifts, especially since one was something he needed but would have never purchased himself.

Christine Hess - posted on 12/29/2009

22

1

0

The number one cause for divorce: financial issues. DISCUSS $ in your marriage and seek counseling if need be...

Christine Hess - posted on 12/29/2009

22

1

0

i suppose a lot of it would be dependent upon how you handle $ in your home... do you and your husband consider "the money" both of yours? ~I~ think that it should be both of your money. Probably you need to discuss this w/ him. MOST every SAHM I know considers their job to be EXTREMELY valuable... what if you had to hire a FULL time nanny, housekeeper, cook, errand runner, etc? Not to mention, teacher, nurse, etc. SO, in my house it's both of our money... so I do not hesitate to go and buy gifts for my husband out of the $ he brings home... BUT WE DISCUSS AMOUNTS spent and have a spending plan. Check out daveramsey.com for more info :)

Jackie - posted on 12/29/2009

1

22

0

I am a stay at home Mum; we decided not to bother with presents for each other this year. There are children starving in Africa. And I DO earn money taking in ironing. But I spend that on my children.

Amber Lynne - posted on 12/29/2009

70

45

2

It's both of your' money...I don't feel even the least bit odd about it. Being a stay at home mom is working from home, only the pay check doesn't come in dollars -it comes it smiles!

Deborah - posted on 12/29/2009

5

0

0

I've been a stay at home mom for 12 1/2 years. I work harder now, then before my kids were born and I taught special ed middle schoolers. The money your husband brings home isn't his money, it's money for both of you. As a stay at home mom, you are doing more then your share of the work. Don't feel weird about using the money for a present for him, or for something for yourself.

Dianne - posted on 12/29/2009

4

2

0

I agree with Angie. That money is as much yours as his. You work hard for it and probably more hours than he does!

Julie - posted on 12/29/2009

16

4

0

I used to struggle with this as well. I finally asked my husband. He said when the money is good he would enjoy gifts at Christmas. If its been a slow year he would rather not have any or just one.Hope this helps for future holidays.

Carole - posted on 12/29/2009

2

0

0

While I am not a stay at home mom, I am a student and work very little. We don't see it as "his" money or "her" money. It is all of out money. If it weren't for this money, there would be no Christmas presents. Just stay within your means. Hope you had a great Christmas!

April - posted on 12/29/2009

1

0

0

Ok so, it's a little late but I thought I'd put in my two-cents worth :-) I've been a SAHM for almost five years and (to answer honestly) yes, it is a little weird. BUT My husband and I agreed long ago that any money coming into the home is OURS. When I worked outside of the home we shared my income and his income and both went into a joint account where it's all mixed together. My husband and I agreed that I would not go back to work until both of our children were in school full-time as the cost of child care would eat up any income I would get from a part-time job. Here is also a way to look at it...How much would it cost to hire a cook, maid, nanny, gardener, nurse, and even a few other jobs? The answer is A LOT! We moms work 7 days a week and almost 365 days a year. Some of those days are 20 hrs (anyone who's cared for a sick child knows that.) We also set a spending limit for gifts. I'm an avid internet shopper and can get creative when I shop for my husband. I didn't spend very much this year (about $60 total) but I got things I knew he would enjoy. Hope this helps for next time.

Caroline - posted on 12/29/2009

12

32

1

The money is for both of you. You have a partnership and the money is not just his. Buy him a present and don't think twice about it. As far as a title, I always call myself a "homemaker" for applications and things like that.

Jenn - posted on 12/29/2009

1

10

0

I am a working mom but I would say that the money he earns is both of yours as you work in the house and he does outside... I hope you feel a bit better about this now having some answers - Seasons Greetings.

Brandy - posted on 12/29/2009

12

34

0

Just because you don't have a "real" job, does not mean that some of that money isn't yours too. You guys are married and your job is to take care of your children, and many times that is a much harder job than they do themselves. So it is totally not weird to buy him a Christmas present with his income, let alone anything else.

Diana - posted on 12/29/2009

11

0

0

Not at all! Besides aren't you married, making you a couple? You DO work. You take care of the kids, you take care of your husband, you take care of the house. You're a chauffer, maid, laundress, cook, nanny, etc. It doesn't matter who makes the actualy money, you both work in your own way.

Erica - posted on 12/29/2009

1

0

0

I don't find it weird at all. The money he makes is for the family, not just for him. There is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty about spending it.

Laura - posted on 12/29/2009

8

8

0

Oh, Sweetie, you work--consider it a "joint" effort of both of you, with the "joint" pay and perks! I usually skim a little off of each week's grocery money to set aside for gifts or splurges. How sad if he didn't have anything from you on Christmas! But you also can give gifts from your heart like poems, cards, letters, promises, picnics for two, weekends alone with a friend watching the kids, etc.

Laura - posted on 12/29/2009

8

8

0

Oh, Sweetie, you work--consider it a "joint" effort of both of you, with the "joint" pay and perks! I usually skim a little off of each week's grocery money to set aside for gifts or splurges. How sad if he didn't have anything from you on Christmas! But you also can give gifts from your heart like poems, cards, letters, promises, picnics for two, weekends alone with a friend watching the kids, etc.

Elizabeth - posted on 12/29/2009

14

2

1

A childcare provider makes $250 per week for 1 child. A Maid $20 per hour. You get the idea.

Nina - posted on 12/28/2009

2

20

0

Remeber back in the day the man brang home the baccon and the woman stayed home and put the baccon to good use. Well I am a stay at home mom and i felt like you but my husband also thinks of his money as his money and has controll I don't buy him gifts because I don't have money unless I ask for some. What I do instead is buy things for him to do with the kids and give the gift to both him and the kids so they all know ths is something dad is to do with them. This helps dad get involved more at home with them and will be a gift that last a lifetime for all of them. This year they go pine derby cars to build and race. If you want to get him something just for him just make sure it is not going to upset the budget and all should be well. Good Luck!

Eddi - posted on 12/27/2009

2

10

0

Okay I know it is after Christmas but I am going to reply anyways. My husband and I have always believed whether I stay at home, did for years, or go back to work, all money is our money. He may be the one bringing in the paycheck but if you weren't at home, who would be watching his children? You have a more than fulltime job and don't get paid vacations or overtime, so it isn't weird at all to take money and buy a present for him.

Norma - posted on 12/25/2009

7

5

0

I don't think so. His money is your money too. When you got married you become one.

He's earning to support his family, but you're the one running the home. What is his is yours, and what is yours is his. You are just complimenting each other. Just buy gift that he would love, I'm sure he'll be thrilled to receive it. Have a joyful Christmas!

Crystal - posted on 12/24/2009

29

0

0

I feel weird about buying gifts for my husband with "his" income. I am a SAHM and I am able to bring in only a tiny bit of income. I would prefer to surprise my husband with a gift that I bought with my "own" money, but some years I haven't had any of my own money. So, we simply decide on an amount that we would like to spend on each other and be creative with the gifts to make them special. Some years, I have been able to work a little (I had a career that enables me to do that), or even sell something (yard sale or craft sale) and "hide" away part of that money. I like doing that. And my husband doesn't even know I have that $ tucked away, then I can truly surprise him :0) But to respond to your question, it isn't weird to buy a Christmas present with "his" income, it just feels weird... enjoy your Christmas together!

Melissa - posted on 12/24/2009

4

6

0

Just because you are not earning a income you still have a full time job caring for a child , i am a stay at home mom of 3 , I work just as long as my husband does and we agree that the money he brings in is "ours". So , I would say that you shouldnt worry about spending"his" money , go ahead you earned it after all they are his kids as well , and if nit for you staying home they moeny would go to daycare !

Laurie - posted on 12/24/2009

4

9

0

I agree with everyone that it is your money, on that note.....I always take this opprotunity to buy my husband the things he need that might be fun to open on Christmas: clothes, shoes,new trimmer,ect. So it is (your money) put to good use.

Kate - posted on 12/24/2009

10

20

0

I'm also a SAHM. What my husband earns goes into a joint account. It's OUR money. When I first started staying at home, I had issues just like you with buying him a Christmas gift. But you have to make yourself understand that you work as well. Your job is 24/7 365 days a year. There are no breaks, no days off, no sick days....

I buy my husband gifts just like I do for everyone else...

Tiffany - posted on 12/23/2009

9

26

0

no way... you are a hard working mama just by staying home with your child... it is the best thing you could do for yourself, your child and your husband... i wouldnt feel weird or guilty at all...

Lori - posted on 12/22/2009

1

0

0

No, it would not be weird to do that. When you're married, the income coming into the house is for the family not just the person who is making it. When you're married, there is no such thing as "his money" and "her money"...it's "our money". Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Norma - posted on 12/20/2009

1

0

0

I was a stay at home mom for 18 years and I always bought my husband a christmas gift.I never thought of it as just his income.I worked hard at home looking after house and children.U go right ahead and buy him something since it's both ur money!Merry Christmas!Give thanks that YOu can stay home with ur babies,it's so worth it.

Natasha - posted on 12/20/2009

54

3

0

First off, you DO work. Everyday that you take care of the house and the familly - you are working. Secondly, it isn't "his" money, it is used collectively for the benefit of the family. I am a stay at home mom, I make no money other than student loans - I buy him a gift every year with "his" money. It's ok! However, if you have a different type of relationship and are still uncomforterable... then maybe make something special with things around the house. Or make an extra special dessert ... good luck!

Sandy - posted on 12/20/2009

1

10

0

what ever happened to " our money" i don't get it . my husband and i have been married for twenty years and we have a joint account it's our money not his not mine ours that is part of marriage or so i thought... so to answer the question yes if he wants something for christmas .. or since you are a stay at home mom bake him a tin of cookies for christmas ... then if he complains tell him next year he won't get anything

because you don't have a paying job,even though being at home taking care of the kids,the house and cooking the meals plus running errands and going to DR. APPTS

is all hard work unless you have a nanny.

Charlie - posted on 12/20/2009

11,203

111

401

Quoting Chanin:



Quoting Kristin:

Ok, I see that many people posted the "its both of your money" which I totally agree. But additionally there is this report that comes out every year that says what a SAHM would make if it was a paid position. For 2009 it was something like $120,000/year. They take into consideration the work that we do, the money we save from not working and from doing things ourselves at home. That helped me to not look at the income as "his".






I'm sorry.....there isn't a damn thing in the world that a "stay at home mother" does that will garner $120,000 per year. Are you kidding me? I have 2 kids AND work in corporate America. Do you realize what someone in the market place has to know and be able to do to earn that type of salary?






I'm sorry, but that's some bullcrap.





The price of a mom: $138,095



A report assigns a salary to a stay-at-home mother, based on the jobs she does in a normal week.





}



By MSN Money staff

What's a mom worth?

According to one report, $138,095 a year.

That's the figure in a study put out by Salary.com, which calculates the wages that would have been paid a stay-at-home mom in 2007 if she were compensated for all the elements of her "job." That total was up 3% from 2006's salary of $134,121.



Moms who have jobs outside the house would earn another $85,939 for their mothering work, beyond what they bring home in existing salary.



The job descriptions that Salary.com used to determine a mom's salary includes 10 jobs that moms do on an average day: housekeeper, day care center teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, CEO and psychologist.



Plenty of overtime

In calculating a mom's wages, Salary.com looked at the "overtime" that both working and stay-at-home moms put in each week.



"Mom works multiple jobs and rarely gets a break from the action, working an average of 52 hours of overtime," said Bill Coleman, senior vice president at Salary.com, in a statement.



According to the Salary.com survey, stay-at-home moms work a 92-hour week, with more than half the workweek spent in overtime.



Working moms, meanwhile, logged more than nine hours of "overtime," with an average 49-hour "mom" work week -- on top of their full-time paying jobs.



For the Salary.com survey, more than 40,000 moms quantified their hours per job description; Salary.com bench marked the median salaries for each job to the national median salary for each position as reported by employers.



The final salary was calculated by weighting the salaries and hours worked in each role.



Its simple maths my dear , add all those hours and jobs entailed in motherhood and it adds up , nice to see you place so much worth on the most important job in the world i sure do , there are several reports and articles like this its hardly bull crap , mothers are the most undervalued and unappreciated workers out there .

Michelle-Anne - posted on 12/20/2009

3

0

0

I've been a stay at home Mum on and off and we always had a joint account and its not HIS money , it belongs to both of you and you should never be made to feel that you are not an equal contributor to the household because you arnt leaving the house every morning and clocking on in someone elses business.

Kristin - posted on 12/19/2009

1

3

0

Im SO in the same boat hunny. But look at it this way...think of all the things you do throughout the day for him and your child/children. That is a job in itself. Like I said, I am in the same situation and it took me a minute to get over it. But hey, Im pretty sure he highly appreciates everything you do and wouldnt be bothered by you spending some of his cash ON HIM. I think he would be happy you got him a present. It shouldnt bother you or him that its "his" money. You guys are partners so there really isnt an issue of "his" or "hers" if you ask me. :) *And ROCK ON for being a stay at home mom!!* That crap is WORK. Lol.

Donna - posted on 12/19/2009

18

5

5

It's great that u are buying him a gift. So what it is his money, his money is your money and when u get your money it's your money! lol!!

Melissa - posted on 12/19/2009

28

8

0

no it is not weird at all. you ARE working-at home. being a stay at home mom is a full time job. and experts say that it is the same as having two full time jobs.they say that with everything we do, we should make $120,000 a year. we cook, clean, we teach, we chauffer, etc.

Sara - posted on 12/19/2009

23

37

9

Oh my god I really thought I was the only one who felt that way. I am also a stay at home mom and since I don't bring in an income I do feel bad for buying him christams birthday etc presents for him with his own money but then again I take care of the kids the house and all his needs so I feel it is our money because I do more than my fair share..Just because he brings home the paycheck doesn't mean we don't work we just aren't getting payed for all we do...

Lorelei - posted on 12/19/2009

3

7

0

Me & my husband works hard we both help out on the bills if i do not have any money then my husband gives me some & if he dont have any i give him some money & we do not have to pay each other back .But my husband trys to pay for all of the bills & i get to keep what ever i have .That is the way my husdand wants it.But it should be 50 -50

Ellen - posted on 12/19/2009

2

25

0

i work part time so i cover the mortgage and he covers everything else, i was exactly the same i felt a little uncomfortable with him paying for his own pressie. what i decided to do was use the family allowance for his presents and use his/ our money for everyone elses.

Lynn - posted on 12/19/2009

6

1

0

It isn't "HIS" money. Half is your income for the work you do. The paycheck is just written out to him. If he didn't consider it "Both" then he would be pressuring you to work. If it was a joint decision then it is not an issue. As long as you purchase a gift that stays within you household budget, enjoy the giving!!

Nicole - posted on 12/19/2009

3

0

0

For us it is our money too, but I was an independant career women who traveled alot prior to my child. I have always made my own money and I feel a sense of happyness when I know I went out and earned the money for a gift. Yes, staying home is a hard job and that is a job, but I think its personally how one feels, and how you are as a person. Even though I manage all the money (my husband has no clue where his money goes) I usually will not spend that money on myself because I want to earn the money for myself. Even though my husband doesnt care what I do. Its how I FEEL....everyone will feel different depending on there lives before, during, and after kids.

Baby Maker - posted on 12/19/2009

9

24

1

As has been said so many times- It's not his money but the "families" money.

My husband and I don't do "his" money "my" money it's always been "our" money even when I worked 'pre kidlets' and even further 'pre marriage'!!

Nicole - posted on 12/19/2009

3

0

0

I think its weird too so I find little ways to make money over the holiday. One way, is I do those surveys in the mall. When you are walking the mall, they are the people who say " can I bother you for a few minutes of your time" Anyway, I had them put me on a list where they call me for surveys $20 or more. I can take my son and the longest amount of time its ever taken is 20 min.



Also, if you are crafty, you can make crafts and sell them at your local church craft fair.



Now I know this sounds weird, but i have my husband pay me a small stipend for being a stay at home mom. So on fridays he gives me $50. This is for me and I can do with it what I want, cause being a stay at home mom is a full time job and deserves a little income. This way I feel like I have my own money.



I hope this helps....good luck!!!

Nicole - posted on 12/19/2009

3

0

0

I think its weird too so I find little ways to make money over the holiday. One way, is I do those surveys in the mall. When you are walking the mall, they are the people who say " can I bother you for a few minutes of your time" Anyway, I had them put me on a list where they call me for surveys $20 or more. I can take my son and the longest amount of time its ever taken is 20 min.



Also, if you are crafty, you can make crafts and sell them at your local church craft fair.



Now I know this sounds weird, but i have my husband pay me a small stipend for being a stay at home mom. So on fridays he gives me $50. This is for me and I can do with it what I want, cause being a stay at home mom is a full time job and deserves a little income. This way I feel like I have my own money.



I hope this helps....good luck!!!

Pamela - posted on 12/19/2009

1

0

0

NOT at ALL...if you were being paid for being a Mom and a housewife..especially what the job is worth, you'd be a millionaire anyway, so look at it like that. Buy him something special and think nothing of it. You could also buy something that you would both enjoy, like a couple's massage.

Lois - posted on 12/19/2009

1

19

0

It is not his money. Without you staying home to look after your child what would he do? He would have to get childcare....paid childcare. Most daycare programs also do not take children when they are feeling unwell...he would have to stay home...lose money. If you were not together he would have to pay child support. You my dear, are the reason he can go to work and earn a steady income.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms