Is it a little weird buying your husband a christmas present with his money?

Irina - posted on 12/12/2009 ( 223 moms have responded )

12

7

1

I'm a stay at home mom and I don't work from home, so I don't make any of my own money. So would it be weird to buy my husband a christmas present with his income? What do all the stay at home moms who don't work do?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

223 Comments

View replies by

Angel - posted on 12/15/2009

32

18

3

If you worked out of the home he would have to pay for daycare expenses, correct? So just tell yourself that you are the daycare provider and cleaning service. He is paying you to stay home, be a maid, and care for your child. Spend the money you earn doing this. it's not "his money" it's the money he should be paying you for your services. (So at the same time don't go out and spend $200 on him because even licensed daycare providers don't make that much.)

LINDA - posted on 12/15/2009

8

10

1

I am not a stay-at-home mom, but my sister is. And frankly, I would agree with her when I tell you this...ITS YOUR MONEY TOO! Even though you don't have a "paycheck-collecting-job", you are a FULL TIME MOTHER & WIFE. Considering this is not a monetary job, you should not feel any different about spending [his] money. Imagine if the roles were reversed and he was the stay-at-home...how else would he get money? In any case, you are caring for HIS child and you getting him a gift with the money that is really YOURS & HIS. Don't feel bad!

Ronda - posted on 12/15/2009

1

29

0

Is it wrong to buy your kids presents with HIS money? Really? Think about it. He works to provide an income for your FAMILY, not just for the kids, but for his survival as well. He should be treated to gifts once in a while as well. How else would you plan to pay for his gifts if it weren't out of the FAMILY BUDGET? You're a family. Now go out and get him something special for giving you the awesome ability to be a SAHM. You both deserve it. Remember it's not HIS money....it is a FAMILY THING!!!!

Stephanie - posted on 12/15/2009

4

7

0

Umm..as far as I'm concerned, it's your income too! that's what being a SAHM is all about! You take care of the house and the kids and he pays for it. Good luck shopping!

Kathryn - posted on 12/15/2009

23

17

0

HIS money?! HA!!! If that's his attitude rather than yours, add up how much he would pay for 24-hour childcare, not to mention a cook (if you do that; I don't!) and housekeeper.

Blackwood - posted on 12/15/2009

0

0

35

No, I am not bring any money in myself at this time, but we have put a 25.00 limit on each others gifts. He takes the money out and gives it too me. Trust me, if you were getting paid too be a stay at home mom, you would be getting paid a great salary, so don't feel weird. You may not bring any money into the household,but you are giving in the fact that you are raising your children. It's the households money,not just your hubby's.

Katherine - posted on 12/15/2009

46

19

4

it's your money too...think of how much you would get paid to do your job...don't short change yourself either, "pay" yourself what you are worth! You deserve to not only spend "his" money on him, but on yourself too!

Happy Holidays!

Samantha - posted on 12/15/2009

2

33

0

WOW. I'm a little speechless here. I have been a stay home mom for 15yrs now. I wouldn't have it any other way. Just because your husband works outside the home doesnt mean you dont work inside the home. Its not just HIS money. It is also yours. Dont you keep up the house? the kids? laundry? errands? cooking? I'm sure you do sweetie. So therefore you are contributing just as much if not more then he is. It is not weird to buy a gift for your husband with Y'ALLS money. If the shoe was on the other foot and YOU worked outside the home and he was a stay at home dad would you considerate it YOUR money? Im thinking not. Now go shopping and buy something nice :)

Natasha - posted on 12/15/2009

24

20

2

It's the thought that counts and at the end of the day (like everyone else said, it's the family's income). I know what you feel like, I work, but do not earn enough to have extra money at the end of the month. I basically work to pay my debt, he sees to everything else in our home. I do feel bad most of the time, but what can I do. Work is very scarce here in S.A. let a alone a good paying job. So I do the best I can, almost done with most of my debt, then I'll have money to spend on us as a family, don't get me wrong, I do contribute to our home as well. But not as much as I would like too. Don't feel bad, this happens to the best of us.

Ronke - posted on 12/15/2009

1

3

0

Weird? NO! It is cool.
That u can think to even get him a gift, he'ld be pleased.
We have to get the money from somewhere anyway. Don't stop.

Hjhasmah - posted on 12/15/2009

1

1

0

Cook him the best meal and his favourite dish as his cristmas gift.i will do the same for Aid to my love ones......Merry Christmas....


Quoting Irina:

Is it a little weird buying your husband a christmas present with his money?

I'm a stay at home mom and I don't work from home, so I don't make any of my own money. So would it be weird to buy my husband a christmas present with his income? What do all the stay at home moms who don't work do?


 

Melanie - posted on 12/14/2009

441

23

58

it's the opposite for me i paid for my own present. I think it's nice esp for kids to see that mummy & daddy get presents for each other. Last year we didn't and our 6 yr old is now making sure we have something. I think you have to look at as your equal. you stay at home and he provides for you all. When i go back to work my husband will stay at home. Seeing as though your married to it should be both not his. x

Michelle - posted on 12/14/2009

1,606

10

224

We stay at home moms do work (very hard I might add since we don't get breaks, vacations, etc). In our household it's not his money, it's our money. We both decide how to spend it. We have a laid out gift budget that we follow. Don't feel guilty. That money is as much yours as it is his.

Sally - posted on 12/14/2009

27

5

1

#1) You DO work. I don't know what your husband's income is like. Maybe if you talk about setting aside a budget for gifts for each other or discuss getting something that both of you would like as a combined gift to each other, you might feel better. Or go on vacation instead.

Beth - posted on 12/14/2009

16

91

1

Hi I'm also a stay at home Mom. I was babysitting and earning money, but I'm not doing that right now. So no it's not weird, but I feel like I'm not contributing much. This year I have to use my husband's money to buy Christmas presents. We don't have a choice. As long as everyone's happy I don't see what difference it makes. It's the family's income.

Theresa - posted on 12/14/2009

1,310

22

231

It's not "his" income. You may not get paid for it, but you have a very important job. You can also think of it as how much would you be paying daycare? You are saving your family that amount of money. No it's not weird to buy things for him with the money he has earned. He should understand that since you don't work outside the home you don't have money tp spend that isn't seperate from what he earns. The hardest part is not letting him find out what you got ahead of time if he sees the receipt. :)

Leola - posted on 12/14/2009

1

0

0

Well...I have 2 children who are now grown up and I have divorced their dad a couple of year's ago. But, when I was married to him...I was a stay at home mom. I have learned that in a relationship that there shouldn't be a, "his" or a, "hers" money. There should be an, "our" money. Because you may not have a job outside of your home but...You do have a job inside the home...A job that is not a regular 8:00-to-5:00 job but...One that is a 24 hour job. So...I would say...Yes that it would be ok to buy your husband a Christmas gift with the both of yours's money.



Dawn.

Joan - posted on 12/13/2009

454

10

154

hi

i agree with you i feel like it is his money even thou i know we agreed that i would stay home. i just take a little out of the money he gives to me for my own spending. i guess because i went without some things i could have had it is easier to think of it as my money. i save all year so that i can give him xmas maybe $10 a week or so.i don't know if this was helpful or not but i guess for myself i feel better if he doesn't have to pay his own gifts off of the credit card bill.



joan

Sarah - posted on 12/13/2009

185

8

5

When you marry everything becomes "ours" unless you have a prenup. That includes not only money, but debit! If your a SAHM or also work outside the home, you both should know your finances and go over everything together, I know women, who are like "its my husbands money and if he wants to buy something I can't stop him". So, if he ruins your credit, then what? your finances are to important not to know about. Just in case something bad does happen- hopefully it won't. I'm just speaking Generally.

Melissa - posted on 12/13/2009

1

9

0

I am a stay at home mom too. Do not feel bad that you are buying your husband a Christmas gift with his income. After all, you are working. You are a Domestic Engineer and do many things (take care of not only your children, but his too, cook dinner, clean house, wash and many more things. Go proudly shopping and buy him a gift. Because after all, you do work too. Hope this helps....

Jessica - posted on 12/13/2009

42

7

0

As long as you both agree on the finances, then I see no problem with getting him a Christmas present. It's the sentiment that matters, not where the money came from. I'm a stay at home mom and I consider that my full time job and the money is the same as when I was working, too.

Jennifer - posted on 12/13/2009

5

5

0

What! What! Really?!? You do work from your home! You are doing one of the hardest jobs a person can do, raising a family! I always worked out of the home I have four children 18, 15, 13 and 11. And I can tell you that if you are lucky enough to stay at home with your children, cleaning house, cooking and laundry you are working, I'm not saying that your husband should pay you to do this but at the same time the money he brings into the home should be for the family and not separated as his income, if he is able to bring in enough money for you to stay at home then this is what most do. He works outside and you take care of him and his children so the money he brings home is essentially both your incomes. I'm sure when you get your child tax credit you don't keep it, it all goes into the pot and if you ever decide to work from home with a day care or what ever, or get a part-time job it will all go into the pot so it all washes in the end. Go and get your husband an nice Christmas gift, maybe discuss how much the two of you will spend on each other but you both deserve to open a gift or two on Christmas morning. Never let anyone tell you that what you or any of the other stay at home moms aren't doing anything or that you are lazy, your jobs are harder then most, and I'm not just speaking labor wise I speaking emotionally physically and just having to do the same things day in and day out you should be proud of being a stay at home mom!

Omega - posted on 12/13/2009

13

14

1

no offense Irina, you said (and correct if I have read this 3 times wrong and still reading the same everytime)
What do all the stay at home moms who don't work do?

You just answered your very own question, see how easy that was...

Debbie - posted on 12/13/2009

19

47

1

i like to give my husband a present and even with my youngest being 15 he loves to see his dad having a present to open

[deleted account]

Hun, you work. You are a stay at home mom, you take care of his children, you cook, clean, you do so much that you buy whatever you want cause it is NOT his money it is yours as well. My ex used to say that I got paid a good salary for doing nothing. Nothing? I raised our child, cleaned our home, had his dinner waiting, cleaned his clothes, entertained, you name it. Seriously look up nannys and housekeepers and you are still underpaid - spend it you earned it.

Pauline - posted on 12/13/2009

6

10

0

Quoting Carolyn:

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk 's office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
'What I mean is, ' explained the recorder, 'do you have a job or are you just a ...?'
'Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman. 'I'm a Mom.'
'We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it,' Said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, 'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.'
'What is your occupation?' she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out. 'I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.'
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in mid air and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
'Might I ask,' said the clerk with new interest, 'just what you do in your field?'
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, 'I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) In the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.'
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mom.'

Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.


You and your husband are now ONE! What a glorious thing! There might be a time that you make money but what you do is incredibly valuable! Irina you do work and you should get your hubby a gift. Merry Christmas!


Oh gosh! I just read Carolyn Fenton's post about her "official" title and it gave me one of the best laughs I have had in a long time. You go girl! That was a beauty.

Pauline - posted on 12/13/2009

6

10

0

Oh gosh! I just read Carolyn Fenton's post about her "official" title and it gave me one of the best laughs I have had in a long time. You go girl! That was a beauty.

Cynthia - posted on 12/13/2009

2

20

0

Of course it's not weird to by him a present with his money. What you do is hard work, and you do it for FREE! It doesn't have to be something big, but from the heart. Maybe just even a romantic dinner without the kiddo. A little private time and romance. What man doesn't love that. If you're anything like I was when my daughter was small, romance was the last thing I wanted. I was just too tired and overwhelmed. So get yourself geared up mentally in advance (even a few days if that's what it takes). I promise, the closer your date night comes, you will be totally into it and who knows what kind of fun things you will come up with. Good luck!

Leisel - posted on 12/13/2009

75

9

3

Oh, you do get used to this money thing after a while. I was a full time doctor before I became a SAHM, and supported us while my husband was specialising so found it quite hard to adjust at first and I had lots of thoughts, like yours, but it has now been 2 and a half years and I am sooo over it!

Leisel - posted on 12/13/2009

75

9

3

I agree it is OUR money. A winner free gift, that my husband enjoyed one year was a stack of vouchers, that I made, entitling him to such things as, a free back/ foot massage(by me of course), dinner of his choice (homemade, of course), sexual favour of his choice(by me, OF COURSE!). Boy did we hvae fun with those.

Eve - posted on 12/13/2009

43

5

1

Its not weird at all.. I do it all the time!! Sometime I would go shopping and come home and tell him that he just brought some gifts for me and ask him if he want the gifts to be wrapped.

Edith - posted on 12/13/2009

10

10

0

I was a stay at home mom for many years and I know what you feel. Has your husband ever made you feel that the income is his and not yours? If not, than you have nothing to worry about. Marriage is about sharing responsibilities, His is to earn the income and yours is to keep the home in order. Love is a perk we can live with.

Veronica - posted on 12/13/2009

1

32

0

lol I'm active duty military while he stays at home.He think sit;s wierd to buy me things with the money I make but I don't ever see it as only my money, it's ours.

Jane - posted on 12/13/2009

353

7

35

I too struggle w/ this concept & I do agree w/ all the ladies here that say the $ is ours not just his. Although I still feel very weird about it I suppose it's my head & not because my hubby makes me feel this way. So anyway here's my idea: take your child/children to someone that can babysit overnite (if possible) make his favorite dinner, put on some sexy lingerie (or nothing @ all), a santa hat on & a big bow around yourself!! I'm sure he'll more then appriciate having you all to himself for a nite! Or buy him a tie & do the whole "pretty women" thing. (-;

Carla - posted on 12/13/2009

2

21

0

I thought that when a couple got married there was no more his-and-hers. Yes he makes the money and wifes are to be submissive to how he wants us to spend it, but couples are to share everything.

Vanessa - posted on 12/13/2009

6

32

0

Of course not!! How thoughtful. Lol I had to borrow money from mine to get his gift. Your a family,

Kelly - posted on 12/13/2009

1

16

0

I agree its not his money its both of your income combined as you stay at home looking after your home and children. I have just become a stay at home mother having finished up working last week so I think I know where your coming from. Merry Christmas :D

Crystal - posted on 12/13/2009

106

35

8

I have to agree with all these ladies..you more than earn your share of the money and it should be the thought that counts not where the money comes from! Merry Christmas and enjoy shopping!!

Lydia - posted on 12/13/2009

1,723

21

164

Gotta go with the majority on this one... you earn your share of the money by being a SAHM so just pay for his pressies out of your share of the money :)

Yvonne - posted on 12/13/2009

86

16

6

I'm with Angie, I was a SAHM for 15 years and to quote my hubby "what's mine is yours" and so it should be. My hubby wasn't worried about what money I used just as long as I remembered him. Don't feel guilty, there is no need.

Dana - posted on 12/12/2009

11,264

35

489

I see it as our money. When I worked we shared our money, it went into one account. You are staying home raising the child that is *both* of yours, don't feel guilty.

Bridget - posted on 12/12/2009

260

10

33

I know it might seem weird to you but I'm sure it's not even a thought to him. I'm a stay at home mother right now but before I had my oldest daughter, I not only worked for 8 years but I was the bread winner. It was extremely difficult for me to think of my husband's income as a mutual income. I just felt that I should be making the money if I was spending it. But all of the other people who responded are correct, even though you are not at a place of employment earning a wage, it doesn't mean that you don't contribute to the household. Buy him a gift & have a wonderful Christmas!

Shelagh - posted on 12/12/2009

312

0

19

Presumably the decision for you to stay at home was taken jointly? So he knows he's the only wage earner. You use his money to buy his food, to pay for his clothes, his heating and lighting? So there's nothing weird about buying his present with it. If you were working and he was at home with the kids, would you think it was weird if he bought you a gift with 'your' money? Or would you think it was odd if he didn't buy you a gift at all? Get him something nice, and don't worry about it.

Delaney - posted on 12/12/2009

165

35

44

Id rather buy it with his Money than not get one at all, if he doesnt like it tell him to take it back and get his money back lol

Gale - posted on 12/12/2009

3

12

0

its da thought dat counts girl get him a nice gift :) I work n still spend HIS money on his gift . seriousy he will understand that u dont have ur own money to do it wit .So dont worry bout wat anyone thinks ! it is not weird just wat happens when there is only one income or like me im just spoiled. hav a beauiful holliday. like da rest of us the money belongs to u too. As a stay at home mom u have a full time job which u are worth more than ur weight in gold.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms