Is it bad to think about what life would of been if you were single and childless?

Lorena - posted on 02/21/2013 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I am married and have a 3 year old beautiful daughter and I am currently 4 months pregnant with my second. I sometimes find myself thinking about what life would have been like if I had remained single and childless. take in mind that I was 17 when I had my daughter and I am now 20 and pregnant with my second. I have been with the father of my children for over 4 years and married for 2 years.

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Firebird - posted on 02/21/2013

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You know what's funny... I have single, childless friends and relatives who wonder what their lives would be like if they had kids. I think it's natural to wonder 'what might have been' regardless of what you're doing with your life. It doesn't make you selfish or ungrateful for what you have, people often wonder where other roads may have taken them.

Holly - posted on 02/21/2013

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I have had passing thoughts of this myself... mostly because I have friends that are childless and go do anything they want anytime they want... I suggest you have your husband take the 3yo while you go out with your friends. Of course don't go to a bar/club, but hang out at thier place, watch a movie, go get manicures and pedicures. go to a coffee shop and get a tea and gossip with your freinds... do things like this and you wont feel so trapped.

Danielle - posted on 02/23/2013

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I can relate completely!i was 16 when i got with my husband, 17 when i fell pregnant, gave birth to my 1st 16 days after my 18th, got married a few months later n fell pregnant again at 18, gave birth 2 my 2nd at 19 and now im 22 next week, my sons almost 4, my daughters 2 and a half and it will b our 4th wedding anniversary in july!i wouldnt change anything 4 the world but i do find myself wonderin what if!especially when i hear about all the escapades my childless or single friends get up 2!however on my rare nights out with just my friends i find myself realising that i couldnt and dont want to be like them!i love the security and constant loving relationship i have with my husband and i would hate to be without the conection we have and my life would just be empty without my kids!my husband and kids have made me a better more fulfilld person!i found things easier when my son started playgroup as i was able to meet lots of other mums who i had more in common with than my single and childless friends!i also found the odd night out without hubby or kids helped keep things in perspective for me and got rid of those what ifs!i dont know if this helps and ur free to add me on fb or email me on danni_d_91@hotmail.co.uk if u want :-) x x x

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Sara - posted on 02/25/2013

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I am in my second marriage, pregnant with our first (my 4th) child together. We have been together for 3 years, and my previous marriage was 12 years...married at 18, child at 20. Yes, I believe it's perfectly normal to have the thoughts you are having. I have them often, thinking if only I had waited and finished college, or done this or that. I do completely agree with Holly... make sure you have at least a few friends, or a sister who you can talk to.. church, reading group. Find a good hobby... go for walks, take classes online through your community college. Anything to feel like you have a life! Also, keep working on your marriage to keep any shreds of regret away... always make time for the hubby..
Good luck and stay connected

Beth - posted on 02/25/2013

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It sounds to me like you are pretty normal. You were young when you started your relationship with your husband & got pregnant, so you didn't experence the "care-free" single life that many of your friends probably had/have. I think it's ok to wonder what your life would have been like had you made diffrent choices... I think everyone does that. As long as it isn't causing you to feel resentful toward the choice that you did make (ie. your family). I was a single mom at the age of 20 and often felt like I was missing out on all the fun I could be having, but looking back I'm just glad that I had something to keep me from trouble & stop me from being the self centered brat that I was before becoming a mother. I am now 36, married & the mother of 5 amazing children. Sometimes it takes years to really gain some perspective on what is really the fun stuff of life. I wish you all the best!

Holly - posted on 02/25/2013

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I think daydreaming is perfectly normal as long as it stays a daydream. It's a healthy outlet for the mind to escape and explore. We all do it from time to time.

Tyese - posted on 02/24/2013

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I have had these thoughts as well. I think sometimes we just get so frustrated with not being able to get up and do as we were use to that it gets you upset. After working and having someone care for my child. I feel obligated on the weekends and afterwork to take care of her. It might be post pardon after 3yrs of age....lol

Lorena - posted on 02/23/2013

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Thanks everyone for these helpful comments. I am truly happy with my life 100% and my daughter is my world and so is this new baby even though he/she isnt here yet. i just find it kinda hard being a military wife and dealing with a very energetic child especially right now that i am pregnant. it sometimes feels like i am a single parent. It is especially hard being accross the country from all of my family.

Dove - posted on 02/23/2013

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It's not bad at all to wonder what life would be like if you were single and childless. Doesn't mean you don't love and appreciate the life you have.... it's just a thought.

When my older kids were little and there was a lot of racket and trouble going on... I would close my eyes and keep saying.... I am a rich, single woman with no kids. ;)

My kids are my WORLD and I can't truly imagine a single second of what life would be like if they weren't here (well... I can imagine it sometimes, but I don't like it), but when things are crazy.... it's normal to have the thoughts of 'what if?'

Yuni - posted on 02/23/2013

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I think it is perfectly ok to think such thoughts, but in a way you will one day... when your children are older, grown-up and independent [ie. in college, moved out, etc]. Coming from an 'older' mother [ie. in 40's] who has been trying for many years to have a child with many failed IVF's and IUI's, is having her 1st child, I consider you so blessed! Your children will always be YOUR children. I would have loved to have started a family earlier, but it wasn't in my cards. To be blessed with life, is something one cannot put a price on.

Danielle - posted on 02/23/2013

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I can relate completely!i was 16 when i got with my husband, 17 when i fell pregnant, gave birth to my 1st 16 days after my 18th, got married a few months later n fell pregnant again at 18, gave birth 2 my 2nd at 19 and now im 22 next week, my sons almost 4, my daughters 2 and a half and it will b our 4th wedding anniversary in july!i wouldnt change anything 4 the world but i do find myself wonderin what if!especially when i hear about all the escapades my childless or single friends get up 2!however on my rare nights out with just my friends i find myself realising that i couldnt and dont want to be like them!i love the security and constant loving relationship i have with my husband and i would hate to be without the conection we have and my life would just be empty without my kids!my husband and kids have made me a better more fulfilld person!i found things easier when my son started playgroup as i was able to meet lots of other mums who i had more in common with than my single and childless friends!i also found the odd night out without hubby or kids helped keep things in perspective for me and got rid of those what ifs!i dont know if this helps and ur free to add me on fb or email me on danni_d_91@hotmail.co.uk if u want :-) x x x

Danielle - posted on 02/23/2013

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I can relate completely!i was 16 when i got with my husband, 17 when i fell pregnant, gave birth to my 1st 16 days after my 18th, got married a few months later n fell pregnant again at 18, gave birth 2 my 2nd at 19 and now im 22 next week, my sons almost 4, my daughters 2 and a half and it will b our 4th wedding anniversary in july!i wouldnt change anything 4 the world but i do find myself wonderin what if!especially when i hear about all the escapades my childless or single friends get up 2!however on my rare nights out with just my friends i find myself realising that i couldnt and dont want to be like them!i love the security and constant loving relationship i have with my husband and i would hate to be without the conection we have and my life would just be empty without my kids!my husband and kids have made me a better more fulfilld person!i found things easier when my son started playgroup as i was able to meet lots of other mums who i had more in common with than my single and childless friends!i also found the odd night out without hubby or kids helped keep things in perspective for me and got rid of those what ifs!i dont know if this helps and ur free to add me on fb or email me on danni_d_91@hotmail.co.uk if u want :-) x x x

Daniella - posted on 02/22/2013

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I do feel like that sometimes too my hubby works outta town so most times i feel so much like a single parent with no relief in sight,i dont have family here neither does he so i have no one to ask to watch my kids so getting a break is impossible,these are the times i wonder what life would be like without kids....But then again i cant imagine life without my kids.....

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