is it behavioral issue when a 10yr old plays with their poo?

[deleted account] ( 56 moms have responded )

is it normal for 10yr old boy to smear feaces over bed linen, walls and hide dirty underwear behind cupboards.? this is prob a stupid question to ask. I dont think it is normal but my partner wont discuss it with me as it is his child and he thinks i am out to cause trouble by mentioning it

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Misti - posted on 06/11/2011

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This is clearly not normal,there may be underlying issues such as autism Spectrum disoder ASD or OCD, ADHA, Bi-polar disorder. My daughter is 5 and has high functioning Autism. The ASD is very large and the behaviours are all different. The best hing to do is have him seen by a Ped. Make a note book of all strange behaviours including problems with speech, learning comprehension. Its your job as a parents to this child to make sure that he has the best quality of life. There is nothing imbarrasing about it at all and your partner just may not be able to deal with the fact that his som is different. Its okay! You and there to help that child , that's what we do as parents. Help is available but the first step is having him see a Ped. There is no shame. He is who he is and you want to help him be the best Him and he can be :) I don't care if the world knows that my daughter has High functioning Autism because at least I know that the help is there and I can do what ever it takes to help her out :) This behaviour is a cry for help. Its needs to be answered! :)

Michelle - posted on 11/08/2011

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he wants attention any way he can get it. Negative attention or possitive attention regardless. Solution to that is to spend 15 min. or more playing a board game or something. Not tv or video games. Let them open up to you without you proding them. If they don't want to play and are still acting up just start playing by yourself until they eventually come over and play with you. DO NOT GIVE IN TO THERE NEGATIVE ATTENTION no matter how much you want to... don't correct them or yell at them... just give attention them on things he is doing positive. withing a week he will finaly give up on the negative attention and start to feed off the possitive attention cause he will realize you are not gona give into the negative attention. He will also be very happy and will have better self esteem about himself. He will start to talk to you about his day and how it went instead. This advice I got from my girlfriend whose son sees a therapist. He used to call her a loser and a whore. She is the most responsible mom I know and far from any of those things he said. I hope this advice works for you cause I am also using it on my 10 year old myself. She is starting to tell me about school and about the things that bother her that she would like to work on with me. God Bless :)

Jen - posted on 06/11/2011

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I'm also find it disturbing to think the father's primary concern isn't to tend to this immediately! All he has to admit is that he wants the best secure happy life for his son... no one's expecting him to say his son has problems. He just has to be open minded & gain whatever knowledge professionals can give him. My question to him (in a non-judgmental tone) would be, "if there's no harm to seek advice & assessment from a professional why miss any opportunity to give your son the best stability & support possible? If his complete resistance continued I'd be concerned what information he's trying to shut away & ignore. I'm not suggesting it's the father involved but that he may be avoiding confronting something very uncomfortable. What about the boy's teachers? Do they report disturbances @ school? At this time you may be the boy's only chance to interupt this psychological issue whatever it might be. The remainder of his lifetime of relationships of any magnitude will always be impacted. He'll never learn appropriate coping skills, he will resist being vulnerable, he'll be untrusting of people because his own father wouldn't show concern enough to seek advice/guidance. Look @ Maslows hierarchy & Erickson's psychosocial developmental stages. He's 10 & he's back @ Stage 1 (infancy) trying to accomplish the Trust/Mistrust.
I hope this moves in a positive direction for him most especially.

Jodi - posted on 06/10/2011

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It is totally NOT normal at all. This boy has issues. You need to see your doctor about it, and possibly have a psych referral.



Why would your partner think you were out to cause trouble?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/11/2011

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Yes, it is VERY abnormal for them to do this at that age. i would seek professional help, because something is not right.

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Kristin - posted on 09/05/2012

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It really just depends! How much is he smearing? Is it a few finger smears or is he creating murals? If it is a small amount then the issue is more than likely physical, it could be either be constipation or a disorder call Encopresis. Have him checked by a doctor. If it is "murals" there could be many possibilities the most troubling is either sever physical abuse or sexual abuse(don't count these out too fast) The best way to deal with this is to not react to his messes, do not involve him in the clean up process as your reaction could have serious negative effects, and most importantly take him to the doctor to rule out a physical reason and to refer you to a specialist that can help!



Good luck

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/11/2011

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I know this post is old...but if you seriously have to ask this question....I believe he is not the only one with issues.

Sharlene - posted on 11/11/2011

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Hi , My son did the same thing when he was 3 yrs old with his nappy.He was diagnoise with Autstim spertrum , what's hes behavior like and devolpment like???? CHEERS

Clara - posted on 09/07/2011

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my son is 11 and has fasd and he did this when he was like 1 but not after but maybe its because we nipped it in the butt when he did it as a baby he use to play with it like paint it was so nasty

Delinda - posted on 07/06/2011

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This is definite signs of encopresis. My son does the same thing. He will be 11 in October. I am at wits end with this. We have tried everything. I am thinking of purchasing the Clean Kid's Manual. Has anyone on here tried it?

Jane - posted on 06/28/2011

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Molestation is one possibility but not the only one.

From http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/A-E... (annotated) :

The child may not be developmentally ready for potty training - kids with attachment disorder may be much younger developmentally than expected.

The child may have emotional or behavioral disturbances such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder or Conduct Disorder.

The child may simply be trying to control their environment in one of the the only ways they can. It is thought that young victims of sexual abuse do this to make people stay away from them.
.
The child is afraid. The child will urinate in the potty or toilet, but will refuse to poop in the potty or the toilet.

Other children will simply refuse to poop at all and end up with chronic constipation.

Anna - posted on 06/28/2011

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My daughter is a Social Worker and she said sometimes the child is being molested with this type of behavior.

Jane - posted on 06/28/2011

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@Jodie - My son did it (and still does it a bit) and he has turned out to be Bipolar also. *Sigh*

Jodie - posted on 06/28/2011

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DEFINITELY NOT normal behavior... This child needs psychological help. Not only is this unsanitary for everyone in the home, but problems. (not saying this is what's wrong, but a friends child started out doing the same thing- Much bigger issues followed...long story short---friends child was diagnosed as Bi-polar.
Please help this poor child,

Carey - posted on 06/14/2011

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Is he doing it when he is being punished, in time out, etc. and does he/family members have a history of ADD/ADHD or similar disorders. Just a few questions to think about, I know when i watched this video called 1-2-3 magic the psychologist mentioned this behavior as one that a child may do when he is not getting his way, being punished, etc. Also, I knew someone whos child would do such things and was diagnosed with autism.

Cyndi - posted on 06/13/2011

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It is behavioral to play with feces at that age. It should be mentioned to Dr. And partner should realize that they do NOT want their child in pull ups or even diapers as a teenager. I do know of a 16 yr old boy in diapers and it is not pleasant.

Gillian - posted on 06/13/2011

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I think it is a huge red flag. Some might think there is sexual abuse going on or has gone on. This is a major alert!! Definitely needs addressing - if it were a child I was close to I would seek professional advice. The child is lucky that you are there to help him.

Kim - posted on 06/12/2011

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Coming from a grandma of 4 boys that lived with me for nearly 4 years. That is not normal and please talk to a doctor soon!!!! Good Luck!!

Jane - posted on 06/12/2011

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This particular behavior is called voluntary encopresis, and is considered an actual disorder when a person does at at least once a month for three months. It is more common in boys than in girls, is found in 1 to 3 % of children, and is a sign of several possibilities. To cite the experts:

"In young children, voluntary encopresis may represent a power struggle between the child and the caregiver doing the toilet training. In older children, voluntary encopresis is often associated with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), conduct disorder , sexual abuse , or high levels of psychological stressors."
http://www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Enco...

In other words, there is indeed something going on, and the boy really needs to be evaluated.

Brooke - posted on 06/12/2011

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It sometimes can be a sign of sexual abuse. I would DEFINITELY talk to his Dr. right away.

Jane - posted on 06/12/2011

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No. it isn't normal. My son at 16 STILL has a problem with poo, but he has several diagnoses for mental and emotional problems. You need to figure out a way to approach your partner about having the child tested or evaluated, as there are a number of things that can result in that behavior.



At the very least it is unsanitary and unhealthy and needs to stop.

Alida - posted on 06/12/2011

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I think the child is looking for attention. But I also think he needs professional help. Normal? no I don`t think so.

Pauline - posted on 06/12/2011

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your 10 yr old boy is repeating abehavior for which he got a desired result from you and "partner ?" help redirect ur child's behavior for positive .be loving and let him kno how sad it makes you that he has to clean this mess up.

Tina - posted on 06/12/2011

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My son did this unroll he was approximate 4yo. For him it was a sensory processing issue, he didn't think about that it was poo, rather was just something soft he liked the feel of. He has winced been diagnosed with other issues too. A pediatric ot helped. But our experience is ours.there may be Lots of explanations so if you have concerns, see a developmental pediatrician or psych or gp for advice. It may be nothing, normal is all relative to perception

Jennifer - posted on 06/12/2011

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I am so concerned that for this to happen to your son he must be having other issues..I seriously doubt smearing poop is his only red flag..Is this child ever left with other adults mainly male adults have him checked for sexual abuse...kids do not always tell about abuse or even know what is going on until years later...Your husband not wanting to talk about it sounds scary to me. My father was a child molester and abuser so it can be anyone and the least expected. Sorry if I am offending you but it can be anyone and in most cases of abuse it is a family member or a trusted family friend. It could also be a psychological problem and suggest getting counseling asap. I am begging you to get this boy some help...

Lani - posted on 06/11/2011

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As a Social Worker myself, I agree that this could be many things as suggested, that is why it is important to talk to pediatrician, teacher,& based on their input possibly a behavioral health professional. Risk signs are just that, signs of underlying risks/issues, but not necessarily abuse.

Anna - posted on 06/11/2011

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I dont mean to offend you but no that is not normal. My oldest daughter is a social worker and she says that is a sign they could be being sexually abused by someone. I would pay very close attention to other things that are going on in his life.

Dale - posted on 06/11/2011

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Wow, I have heard of a lot of things, but this one takes the cake. It is not a behavioral symptom that this child is exhibiting, unless he has a documented medical diagnosis, which would explain some forms of strange behavior. However, sometimes children rebel for different reasons and react in kind to certain situations. You mentioned a partner and the child belongs to him. If it is his child then you should talk this through with your partner and let him know directly how you feel about his child's behavior. Then let both of them know that there are boundaries and limits when it comes to you. Don't be afraid to express and exert your stance on his child's behavior. If he does not respect your input then he really does not have your best interest at heart. If the truth is told, there is more to this than just a misbehaved child and an unresponsive partner.

[deleted account]

It is not normal. I would first consult his Pediatrician. It is possible he may need some counseling. There could be many causes, most often attention seeking but the bigger problem is why is he seeking attention. What is the underlying issue?

Dora - posted on 06/11/2011

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Your pediatrician may be able to recommend a psychologist who should evaluate this situation. With you, I don't think it's normal at all. It's hard when the birth parent is in denial. You may be able to discuss this with the pediatrician by yourself for starters. Develop a plan to deal with the parent, then the child, and as soon as possible.

Lani - posted on 06/11/2011

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While therapy certainly can't hurt, I'm not sure that it's an emergency. Don't rule out your family doctor either. You have to look at the child's current and past behavior,within the context of what is happening around him etc. I pullsed this excerpt from another site at http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/sic... The truth is that many kids beyond the age of toilet teaching (generally older than 4 years) who frequently soil their underwear have a condition known as encopresis. They have a problem with their bowels that dulls the normal urge to go to the bathroom — and they can't control the accidents that typically follow.



Although encopresis is estimated to affect 1% to 2% of kids under the age of 10, problems with encopresis and constipation account for more than 25% of all visits to pediatric gastroenterologists (doctors who specialize in disorders of the stomach and intestines).



Most encopresis cases (90%) are due to functional constipation — that is, constipation that has no medical cause. The stool (or BM) is hard, dry, and difficult to pass when a person is constipated. Many kids "hold" their BMs to avoid the pain of constipation, which sets the stage for having a poop accident. For the rest of the blurb, go to the link previously listed.



Good luck! Lani Daly, MSW

Mary Louise - posted on 06/11/2011

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It is a problem. This child needs help pronto. He has issues you can not deal with on your own. His father need to get him into therapy as soon as possible.

Audrey - posted on 06/11/2011

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This may be a condition that your partner had as a young child and grew out of (Maybe) and therefore does not want to pursue the issue out of embarrasment. Sounds Psychological to me, sorry. Good Luck.

Angela - posted on 06/11/2011

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It's quite normal for kids to hide grubby underwear - and anyone can get "caught short". What is NOT normal is smearing faeces over the sheets and on the walls.

Now the difference here is that the underwear (which is identifiable as HIS) is hidden - he doesn't want you to know that he got caught short and/or soiled himself. The smears on the wall and the bedclothes - even though you know he did them - are not necessarily his. Do you have other children living in the house? Is he behaving in this way in the hope that the other children get the blame?

Suggest you tackle the behaviour in the way Lani Daly suggests.

Does the child live with his biological mother most of the time and just come to you for weekends etc ...? I'm asking this because if your partner won't discuss the problem with you it suggests he doesn't want to embarrass the child which may result in the child's mother restricting access. The child in his deep embarrassment only has to say to his mother "I don't like going there, please don't make me go back ...." and he doesn't even have to say why. If relations between your partner and his son's mother are tense then he won't want anyone to rock the boat.

Why not clean the offending faeces away - in front of the child? Without any accusing remarks etc .... show him how easy it is to sluice faeces out of underwear under a running tap. Then the underwear can go in the washing machine. If he knows how to do this, he can do it himself quite easily and just toss his sluiced underpants into the laundry basket. No need to hide them!

A little trickier is cleaning the faeces smeared elsewhere. But you could also do this in front of the child. Bedding could be sluiced before going in the washing machine/washing basket - just as you did with the underpants.

I would NOT consult a paediatrician without consulting the child's mother. If you think she's likely to be difficult, why not save a soiled pair of his underpants? And take a photo of the wall with sh1t smeared on it? She can't argue then!

Good luck!

Lani - posted on 06/11/2011

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2 different issues although both related to feaces. It is not normal. Little children sometime do this because they are still experimenting. By 10 most children know this is wrong. Because he is hiding his dirty underwear (I assume stained with feaces), he is ashamed of his behavior. Sometimes children do not want to take time out of playing to go to the bathroom and then if the bowel becomes to full or has a let down response which isn't addressed, it may come out involuntary. Talk to him about taking time every day (morning is better) to go to the bathroom. Explain the body's let down response. And maybe reward him for every day he follows through with taking time to go to bathroom or every day he doesn't soil himself. But don't shame him under any circumstances, this will only be damaging and won't change the behavior. Good Luck.

[deleted account]

No it is not "normal" behavior for a ten year old to do this; I would suggest speaking to his pediatrician. You obviously are a concerned partner. And as you share a household, you are a significant person in his life. If his father thinks that you are trying to cause trouble, I'd say he has some major issues, and should seek help for him self also. If I were you, I'd speak to a pediatrician or child psychologist first.

Anne - posted on 06/11/2011

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I have 3 adopted children have FASD and RAD along with other issues for them it is Normal for most 10 year olds no.............

Steph - posted on 06/11/2011

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Talk to child in a nonthreating why about his feelings surrounding this. He knows this is not acceptable. Behavior hence the hiding.
A

May. Need to consultant family counselor.

Tanya - posted on 06/11/2011

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No, it is not normal behavior at all. Please talk to your son's pediatrition about it. Something is obviously going on, probably an emotional problem. Good luck

Susan - posted on 06/11/2011

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I am agreeing with the other Moms. This is way outside of normal. It is always hard to think that there is problem with your own child, but the longer the family waits you may be in for further and more severe issues. I would consult the dr and be referred to the appropriate type dr to help. I did read about children doing this.. and they were Autistic. Has he been diagnosed? They say that some Autistic children do not smell the odor of stool. Just a thought.Also you say your partner.. does the child have an issue with this? Trying to break the two of you up? I wish you all well.

Jo - posted on 06/11/2011

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How big and bold does this cry for help have to be? This child will be going to senior school in a year. He needs help now! Let their be trouble in raising it. Your doctor will need to refer him and this will be to help him. You may need to go for councelling as a family unit and this will help you all, tough at first but it helps. Please dont ignore his cry!

Jen - posted on 06/11/2011

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I'm not an alarmist but rather an analytical parent. It would be important to inquire about abuse (sexual). Start w/ some casual conversations.

Claire - posted on 06/10/2011

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It's definitely not normal behaviour, my 5 year old & 2 year old know that you don't play with faeces. This child is clearly unhappy about something please get them some help, even if your partner doesn't want you to, ignoring the problem won't make it go away.

Kasie - posted on 06/10/2011

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We had a similar issue with our eight year old daughter (my partners daughter who lives with us full time no visits anywhere) She was using the restroom in her bedroom. We went to the ped. for a check up and consult this and a few other concerning behaviors and she is now seeing a psychologist and counselor. This can be a sign of a lot bigger issue and while we didnt take our daughter in right away it took a few more actions to take her worse can come after it. Not trying to scare you just warn you. Just get him in for a check up and mention any and all behaviors you find strange. Dont leave anything out cause they can get you the help you just have to be honest. Your partner may be embarrassed by the behavior or think it may go away if you ignore it. Mine thought the same thing till stuff got worse.

Sal - posted on 06/10/2011

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no it isn;t normal, and even if it is going to cause a issue with youe partner you as an adult responsible for this little boy you have to do something, even if you claim a tummy bug and get him to the dr and ask about it, god luck (i don;t promote lying to your husband but the child needs to be put first on this one and if you have to fib to do it then you do what you have to do)

Sal - posted on 06/10/2011

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no it isn;t normal, and even if it is going to cause a issue with youe partner you as an adult responsible for this little boy you have to do something, even if you claim a tummy bug and get him to the dr and ask about it, god luck (i don;t promote lying to your husband but the child needs to be put first on this one and if you have to fib to do it then you do what you have to do)

Sal - posted on 06/10/2011

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no it isn;t normal, and even if it is going to cause a issue with youe partner you as an adult responsible for this little boy you have to do something, even if you claim a tummy bug and get him to the dr and ask about it, god luck (i don;t promote lying to your husband but the child needs to be put first on this one and if you have to fib to do it then you do what you have to do)

Sal - posted on 06/10/2011

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no it isn;t normal, and even if it is going to cause a issue with youe partner you as an adult responsible for this little boy you have to do something, even if you claim a tummy bug and get him to the dr and ask about it, god luck (i don;t promote lying to your husband but the child needs to be put first on this one and if you have to fib to do it then you do what you have to do)

Lenora - posted on 06/10/2011

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It's not normal for a 10 year old to do this, however it may be different if this child already has behavioral issues. If no other issues are involved then the child is lashing out about something and his parent needs to get to the bottom of it before it develops into something bigger.

Raynae - posted on 06/10/2011

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It seems abnormal to me.. are there other things he does that you would question his behavior?

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