Is it inappropriate for a shower for a second child?

Melissa - posted on 09/29/2009

I would not do it-- but that is me. I have seen it before but think it is a little too much especially with the older child only being 3

Deb - posted on 09/29/2009

I did because my son was 5 1/2 when we had our second (a girl). We had gotten rid of EVERYTHING thinking we were done. oops. so we had a shower for our daughter. it was a lot of fun. my friends had all changed and i had changed jobs so all new people got to meet our family and we had a lot of fun.

Brittany - posted on 09/29/2009

Definitely not! Each child deserves the gifts and special trinkets that come from the shower that are saved for them!

Tonya - posted on 09/29/2009

absolutely not !! this day and time everybody needs all the help they can get, besides its fun to gather with family and friends

Ronda - posted on 09/29/2009

I don't see a problem with a second or third shower, every baby needs to be celebrated!

So that in mind and knowing that the proper thing is to not give things the parents should still have (baby furniture, basic clothing, bottles, ect) set up a theme for the baby shower for those items a baby still needs. One thing I see alot for second babies is a diaper and wipes party, or the shower can be a party where family and friends come over to help set up and decorate the nursery and bring food.



A couple at my church had a "welcome baby" thrown for them (for baby #2) and it was just a get together of family and friends for a luncheon. But what they guests did was to sign up to bring the family dinner each night for the first week after they came home from the hospital, Others offered to take their daughter (who was 3 at the time) on special outings so she got some some fun time all about her so she didn't get jealous of all the fussing over the new baby, it was great.

Tiffany - posted on 09/29/2009

I really think it is up to your family. I feel like if someone wants to throw a shower for you let them. there are alternatives to the reg baby shower you could have a diaper shower and everyone get together for a brunch or lunch and everyone just bring a package of diapers with the receipt taped to the back that is what I am doing for my sister and it is her 3rd child. I think it is a nice way to let the mom to be know that you are thinking about her and the needs she will have and that all pregnancy is a blessing!!

Teresa - posted on 09/29/2009

Hi Kimberley, as we dont have baby showers in England and I wish we did I am not sure, but to me it sounds a great idea for mums to get together and talk about the new baby and spend time with family and friends, I dont know if its appropriate for the second child but you dont have to spend a huge amount on gifts but she probably would welcome having friends to support her, I gave a freind a card and the gift was what I wrote in there , I put after the birth I will buy you lunch and spend time at the spa with you tick the box when you have spent this gift, that was really nice because she had something to look forward to after she had the baby and it was not all about the baby but somethibng for her.

Verna - posted on 09/29/2009

I dont think it is inappropriate at all. Each baby is specail in hes/ her own right. I was given 3 baby showers for my second child. I was not expecting people to give as much as they did and was totally overwhelmed. I think it has much to do with the circle of peopl eyou are surrounding yourself with when yu expecting. Giving is better than receiving......

Shannan - posted on 09/29/2009

Kimberley,



Stuff what other people think! If you want a baby shower, have one. Kids are angels whose wings get shorter as they get older and we only have them on loan from heaven for such a short time. Celebrate this child just like your first and enjoy him/her as much as any other child. I have friends that have had baby showers for all thier kids and they have a few kids!

Cassino - posted on 09/28/2009

I dont think it is. Its good if you ask everyone not 2 go overboard. Maybe 1 small gift from every one is ok. Something that can be kept for baby eg... small teddy, ornaments, hanging things like chimes etc. But to want more of some thing she has from her first baby is too much to ask for really.

Beth - posted on 09/28/2009

no way. A shower is a celebration for a new baby. Its not all about the gifts. you could always get gift cards or money for the second shower. babies are expensive and mothers and fathers need all the help they can get. besides how will the second child feel if they know the first child got a shower and they didnt?

Debbie - posted on 09/28/2009

Don't see anything wrong with multiple showers.
Each child deserves his/her own little party to celebrate his/her arrival. In the end it is the guest's decision to buy a gift or not. Everyone can enjoy the party (men and women) but you don't have to buy something if you don't feel it is appropriate.

Pam - posted on 09/28/2009

Old school, which includes me at age 57, is that you have a baby shower for your first child because you normally did not know the sex. Later, once sex could be determined, baby showers were given for the first boy and first girl. However, since I'm not much into man made rules, other than laws of the land, I say if someone or somebodies wants to give a baby shower, go for it. I do not believe one should give herself a shower under any circumstance.

Carolyn - posted on 09/28/2009

Shower's are given for celebration of the child not the parent. My 3 sister's and I all had shower's we each had 2 kids, one sister had 3 boys. Born in different season's so none of the sizes matched to the season or size. I think it's a great way to bring the family and friends together. I'm from the south so almost anything is a reason to party, especially a child. Good Luck!

Deborah - posted on 09/28/2009

I can see why it would be a little strange if she were having a second boy, or a second girl. If your friend had a girl the first time and is now expecting a boy, or vice versa, a second baby shower is perfectly acceptable.

Lenore - posted on 09/28/2009

I think it is always appropriate for friends to get together and celebrate the coming of a new life and addition to the family. If you have a friend that wants to host a baby shower for you the gracious thing to do is allow it. Each baby can use a new little something, a box of diapers or some clothes and blankets. It's not like women get pregnant just for the gifts...it's a celebration of new life and each baby deserves to be celebrated.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/28/2009

Wow these responces are CRAZY!!! I am preggers with Baby boy #2, with my 1st son i had a BIG baby shower and I even had MOST BIG items given to me from my sister, but since I was BLESSED with baby items with my 1st son I gave most big items and clothes to mother's who were single mom's or was having it rough.. so I DONT FEEL it's A BAD Thing to have another baby shower!!!i didn't keep ANY clothes from my son, however I did keep the Car seat/stroller combo... I still need a nother 4-in-1 crib, high chair etc.. I WILL be having another baby shower and ask for clothes and diapers to help out and there's nothing wrong with that in my eyes!

Trina - posted on 09/28/2009

I do n ot think it is inappropriate at all. It seems that the people you really are close to would want to celebrat3e your second miracle with you.

September - posted on 09/28/2009

I think it's ok to have a baby shower for each child that you have. Every pregnancy is one to celebrate! If you already have everything you need then maybe just a party with good company and food. Some people like new things for their new baby reguardless of how many kids they already have.

Kristen - posted on 09/28/2009

My neighbor had a baby shower for all 3 of her boys. Lets just say all of her pregnancies were a surprise so she had not kept any of the stuff from the previous child. Also one of my best friends is pregnant(not her first child) and i'm throwing her a shower.She had twins the first time around and her and her husband were living in an apartment at the time so they needed all the space they could get so as the twins out grew things they got rid of them. And another good reason to have a second baby shower is that safety regulations are always changing so maybe the car-seat you used on your first child maybe out dated.

Lynda - posted on 09/28/2009

My daughters were born 11 YEARS apart so I had two baby showers!



Some people don't "believe" in second baby showers,etc. If you aren't comfortable with it, then you shouldn't attend....



I personally don't see anything wrong with multiple baby showers. Of course for the second and third etc. I wouldn't buy anything more than essential baby items-diapers, wipes,baby wash, maybe even clothing....no BIG items though....(unless of course the babies are several years apart) ;-)

Angela - posted on 09/28/2009

Depends... is the mother to be having the same sex as the first child.... if so - might want to think twice about it... but if she had a girl and now a boy - or vice versa - Go For It! Very little is unisex that the babies can share - focus on clothes, blankets, etc. If babies are more than 5 years apart chances are the mom to be may have gotten rid of everything before - so she really may need a shower. Use your best judgement - but I can tell you - that people don't really get all that excited over #2, #3, etc. If it is a must - keep the invites to family and extremely close friends!

Holly - posted on 09/28/2009

I think it's weird if the children are close together, like if your first one is one or almost 2, but I had a five year old and got pregnant again and had nothing because He wasn't planned,even on the pill, he was a suprise wasn't having anymore. So like I said I had nothing so everyone gave me another shower,Thank God. I hope this helps.

Eva - posted on 09/28/2009

Not at all! I have 3 kids and had 3 baby showers! in fact with the last 2 ones people asked me which stuff I already had so they would give me something else!

Besides my mother says that it is not really fair that the first baby gets to have all sorts of new stuff and the others only get to wear hand me downs :)

Cindy - posted on 09/27/2009

I also say it is a celebration. I always purchase a gift for a new baby anyways, so being able to receive the perks of a party: visiting, playing games and eating good food, is a plus.

Kathy - posted on 09/27/2009

I can't see why it would be inappropriate, yes a mom having the second, or third child won't need the stuff that a mom having her first will, but still will need some things. As well as far as I'm concerned its more to celebrate the new baby than anything else. I'm hoping someone throws me one now that baby is here so it can be more to show her off!

Lindsay - posted on 09/27/2009

I think it depends on the situation. If there is an opposite sex child born, or your children are far apart and you have no baby stuff. I had a shower for my second, but it wasn't my idea and I felt weird about it b/c I just had my first girl 2 years earlier and my second one is also a girl.

Misty - posted on 09/27/2009

Well IDK. I had a girl the first time and I had a shower but the second time I had a boy but since I have heard it was not appropriate to have a second shower I didnt. My children were born only 10 months apart so some big things like the crib and playpen or stroller - had to be doubled and it probably would have been a great deal of help to have a second shower to get some things that we desperately needed (it was like having twins- still is) i didnt want to be looked down on or anything like that for having a second shower.

Brandy - posted on 09/27/2009

In my family, the shower is more about everybody coming together to celebrate the new life and about meeting the baby. So in our case, yes! Of course there are always people who bring gifts but that is entirely up to them and if people do bring gifts for second or third time showers they are usually things like gift cards to grocery stores or a pack of diapers because they know how expensive babies can be.

Laurie - posted on 09/27/2009

A mother shouldn't plan a shower, but if someone offers to have one for them, they should really only think of things that you really need...try thinking about the older child as well, what sorts of things will they need while mom is busy with the baby!

Ashley - posted on 09/27/2009

I don't think in any way shape or form that it's innapropriate. I had a shower for my 2nd baby, but this wasn't even my choice! It was a surprise. Just because someone already has a baby doesn't mean the new baby doesn't need new stuff too from friends and family! It also avoids the hospital room getting over crowded and over populated with toys, clothes, nick knacks...etc! New baby.. new stuff. Not every mother thinks it's appropriate that absolutely everything needs to be a hand-me-down...

Jenn - posted on 09/27/2009

Well, seeing as it is bad etiquette to host your own shower in the first place, as long as your friends and family want to throw a shower for you I say let them! Most people will buy a gift for the new baby anyway. I only had a shower for my first (2 showers actually - 1 that my work had and 1 that my friends and family had) and did not for my twins. But family still gave gifts after their birth.

Sara - posted on 09/27/2009

It is ok,"Babyshowers" are welcome parties for the babies. Each baby deserves one.

Caitelyn - posted on 09/27/2009

My friend had a second baby shower. BUT it was AFTER the baby was born, so it was more of a "welcome" shower!

TYTYGFVFJ - posted on 09/27/2009

I THINK NOT IT'S A NEW CELEBRATION FIR A NEW BABY IF DA SAME SEX MAYBE NOT AS BIG.

Kirsten - posted on 09/27/2009

Maybe the term "Baby Shower" is really the problem with second and third babies. A shower implies that gifts are to be given and will be opened and oohed and awed over so people feel like they have to bring something. Maybe it would be better to hold a baby welcoming party or a baby celebration or better yet a mom party. I definitely think that each child should be celebrated in some way but it's not appropriate to expect people to keep bringing gifts.

On another note many people have said that only if you're kids are really far apart should you expect people to buy you the big stuff but I would think that if your kids were very close together too. I'm pregnant with my second child who will be born when my son is only 17 months old and we will definitely need to double up on some things (i.e. crib, car seat, possibly a high chair) and being that they will be so close I think that we might need the help more than some people who have a big gap between their kids. I can't even imagine what it would be like for someone who had their kids less than a year apart, they would need to double up on everything. I don't plan on asking for anything but I know that the grandparents and other close relatives will ask what they can do and hopefully we will get what we need from them and get the rest of the stuff at second hand stores.

Connie - posted on 09/27/2009

I would think that would be ok. My sister in law had several. I only had one and I have 4 kids. My younger ones are 10 yeras younger and so I had to start all over again, but did not get a shower. But, heck yea each child is spieacla . It may not be as big, but still to celebrate. You could even ask for just diapers and wipes .

Frankie - posted on 09/27/2009

I always thought the whole idea behind a baby shower was to celebrate having a baby. I mean the gifts are nice to welcome the baby but it shouldn't be just about the gifts. And having multiple showers regardless of how many children you have is ok so long as its not all about getting the gifts. Now if it's multiple showers for the same expected child...then that's just getting greedy.

Bernadette - posted on 09/27/2009

I agree that multiple showers for one baby is rude. If different parties want to honor the same baby, they should make an effort to combine the events.



I think that in this era of babies and showers, people tend to stray away from the original intent of baby showers. Sadly, it makes parents seem shallow and greedy.



What I am hearing a lot is that all babies, whether first, second or last need things. That is true, but parents should not expect their baby's needs to be met by having baby showers. It has always been the parents' responsibility to provide for the needs of their children. If parents cannot afford to take care of their baby's needs... Enough said.

Tricia - posted on 09/27/2009

I don't think it is, but that is just my opinion. Cake is never a bad thing LOL

Bernadette - posted on 09/27/2009

As a rule, I do not attend second or subsequent showers. I do, however, take a gift for the new Mom after the baby is born.

Amanda - posted on 09/27/2009

If both babies are the same sex, and it is within 5 years, it is considered to most to be rude to have a second shower. If the new baby is a different sex then normally its ok to have a second shower, but everyone only buys clothes for the child.



I never had a shower for my second child even though he was a different sex then his sister who was a year and 1/2 older. I also didnt have a shower for my youngest who is 11 years younger then my oldest.



But than I also consider it rude to have more then one shower for one child. I know of some woman who have upwards of 4 showers for one child. They claim they did this cause both sides of the family, friends, and then both sex shower (hubbys and wives).

Kelly - posted on 09/27/2009

We've had this discussion on here before. It must be different in the south (southern U.S), because we love to throw a shower! I had showers with all four of my kids (of course I never asked anyone to give one, that would be rude, people just do it because they want to). They were given by different people, the first two at work (different departments), and the second two at church. So if someone offers, are you supposed to say no? Often times you have all the big things after #1, but you can always use diapers, baby shampoo, etc., and each baby deserves a few new clothes, as they do get stained.

Manda - posted on 09/27/2009

To each his own. If you feel it's inappropriate, don't attend. Some people felt this way about my 2nd one. I didn't want to have a 2nd one but others wanted to throw it so I said ok. Plus, there were things that I had gotten rid of that were needed with the new one so it helped out a lot.

Mimi - posted on 09/27/2009

I'm having a second shower, but my son is almost 6 and I donated all his baby things long ago to the pregnant womens shelter. We've moved 3 times also since my son was a baby. I have bought all the big things for myself I just registered for clothes and small things.

Bernadette - posted on 09/27/2009

I am a bit old fashioned, yes, I believe that it is inappropriate to have second and subsequent baby showers. It seems these days there is more of an expectation for others, rather than the parents to supply all of the baby's needs. One should never expect gifts, regardless of the occasion. Some expectant parents do not shop for their babies until after the baby shower. Baby's needs are the responsibility of the parents. If family and friends want to give gifts, they are more than welcome, but should not feel obligated to do so.

Jasmin - posted on 09/27/2009

I think it depends on the situation; if there's a big gap between the LOs, I can see wanting to have another shower if you no longer have the baby gear from baby #1 or if you didn't have a shower for the first one...now if they're gonna be close in age, i think a baby SPRINKLE would be more appropriate...you'd still get to celebrate the upcoming arrival of your lil bundle and replenish your stock of baby gear

Bridget - posted on 09/27/2009

I believe that every child should have a shower in their honor. Why is the first born child any more important than any that follow? I think too many "old fashioned" people think that women just want to keep pumping them for gifts when in reality women just want to celebrate their upcoming baby's arrival. Technically, the new rules of ettiquete for baby showers is that you should have one with every baby, but it's still taboo for some people. People always need new things like clothes, pacifiers, diapers etc... & sometimes even same sex babies are born in a different season than the first child. I'm having a baby shower for my new baby & the "old fashioned" people in my family that don't like it are not invited.

Zakeana - posted on 09/27/2009

Quoting Stina:

I think every baby is a reason to celebrate. If they have a boy alrady and are having a girl, it's more comfortable perhaps.

I have three children and they all had a shower- with my third though, when I was approached by the ladies who wanted to host a party, I asked them to make a note to bring/make donations to the local pregnancy care clinic. That way we could still celebrate- but I wasn't getting a bunch of baby things that I didn't need.

All babies need some things renewed- diapers, bath supplies, bottle nipples... and I like to bring something to pamper Mom with. Especially at showers for second/third babies. I usually get diapers, something small for the baby and then a nice set of candles and bath soaps.

A casserole to put in her freezer for after the baby is born along with some diapers would also be a nice gesture for a second baby.

If you don't like the idea of a second shower, you don't have to go.

I love this idea of a donation to those who may need more than you!!  What a great theme for a second/third shower!!

Melanie - posted on 09/27/2009

I always thought a baby shower was all about celebrating the impending birth of a baby, the presents were a secondary thing. I don't have a problem with celebrating the impending birth of all baby. If you don't want presents you say so. You are not being greedy for holding more than one baby shower. Any subsequent showers can be smaller and more intimate than the first.