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is it normal to feel like a single mother

Sharon - posted on 05/14/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Is it normal to feel like a single mother? I don't remember this with my first child. Maybe this is just a rant or i judt need to know that its not just me. i have a wonderful husband but i just can't do it all instead of 2 children i feel i have three. My mom told me to think of this like being a 50's mom soing everything from the cooking to the cleaning and the raising of the child while my husband works. But i don't want to feel like this. i shouldn't have to clean up his dishes that are lying around the house or even putting them beside the sink just put them in the sink. We have a 2 month daughtert that has to take medication 5 times a day and a 2 year old that craves attention all the time. i haven't slept in 2 weeks since she finally came home from the hospital. My dr. recommeded that i find an outlet like a mothers group but the only thing local is for single mother ar teen moms. nothing for married moms. i don't have any local friends they all live an hour away so getting out isn't easy and between my daughter and my son i have to go dr.s appointments once to twice a week.

My husband does absolutley nothing around the house. when he is home he's not really home. he's completly engrossed into the tv or his books or the computer and when our son wants attention from him he throws down toys and walks away. so i have to try and feed my daughter and play with my son at the same time. Last week he spilled something sticky in the hal,l didn't clean it up then we ended up with a ant infestation when i mentioned the ant he told me he spilled his drink. So i said i guess i'll wash the floors and his response was while your doing that can you clean some of alecks outside toys too, they're bringing dirt into the house. I was fuming to say the least. but this is what i'm dealing with. when did they stop caring or helping? is it just plain harder when you have 2 kids i just don't remember it being this hard. Anybody else feel like this?

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2 Comments

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Lissa - posted on 05/14/2011

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lol if the talk doesn't work, I would do what JuLeah suggest and also tell him to *(insert as many bad words as you wish)* off *(insert more bad words). Then let him live in his own filth until he realises how fabulous you are.

JuLeah - posted on 05/14/2011

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You need to cut back on what you do. you can't cut back on what you or the chidlren need, so cut back on what he needs. Cook dinner for yourself, not him. Wash your clothes, not his. Pick up after yourself, not him. Do your dishes, not his.
If he won't act like a husband, don't treat him like one. If he won't act like an adult, don't treat him like one. You are not his maid.
Partners don't act like this, no. He is not your partner right now, just a rude roommate. He is not acting like a father, cause father's take care of the house and kids. Fathers' work in partnership with Mothers' .... sorry you have such a dud

Lissa - posted on 05/14/2011

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You need to sit him down and talk to him about this. Maybe he doesn't realise everything you do, maybe he thinks you are just hanging around all day drinking coffee and relaxing, maybe he is just being an ass. Whatever it is you need to talk asap. Although my husband did plenty he did admit that he thought I spent a fair amount of the day sitting reading a book, t.v and drinking tea. Then my husband stayed at home while I went to work, after a week he was like OMG how do you do this, he just didn't realise how hard it was.
So my advice is figure how what it is you want and expect from him then sit him down, explain how much you do, how hard it is and that he needs to pull his wieght. Talk to him about how your children need him to spend time with them.
Have suggestions on how this could work for both of you. In my case whoever was at work took over childcare (feed, play, bath, bed) while the other cleaned up. That way when they are asleep you can both have me time or couple time. If your husband has 2 days off a week have a morning for all the little jobs that need done, afternoon family time the his other day split into a few hours for him to do his thing and a few hours for you do to your own thing.
Once you have talked with him (make sure he realises you aren't making demands you are trying to find solutions) ask him to think about how he thinks it could work then come back to it in two days and make a plan together.

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