is it ok for me to need time out

Elaine - posted on 10/08/2010

You are not alone by any means, I, along with many other moms, are there with you. My son will be 7 in Jan and I have had many times where I just felt like I needed a break and when I say break I mean taking a day for a little shopping trip with a friend , sleeping in or just running to the store by myself. I got/get the same guilt trip but I have finally come to the decision that it's okay to feel like I need a break sometimes. I found that I have an appreciation for my son and he appreciates me too just because we have stepped back from each other for a few. I always give him lots of lovins when I get home. Sometimes we just need that little extra time to step back and take a breath. So take a break and don't worry about what anyone else thinks!!!!

Liz - posted on 10/08/2010

naaa...don't feel bad. It is the same thing as if you went on a trip with your best friend when you were a teen. By the end of the trip you wanted to be home and in your own space. We need our "down time" if it is tv in a quiet room or a trip to the grocery store. It seems awful to think this way but none of us like to become smothered by one another. kids seem to know how to do this.

Melanie - posted on 10/08/2010

Tracey,
Just wanted to add one more to the list of You aren't alone's! Lots of us need alone time. My husband and I went through a rough time and split up. The good thing I got out of it was that I needed time off! I looked forward to the weekends he would have the kids because then I got a break. Now we are back together and we make sure that I make time for me! It helps our children and it helps our marriage. I am a much happier mommy and wife and best of all I am a happy ME!

Miranda - posted on 10/08/2010

It is a normal reaction to need a time out from the kids or you just might loose it. When we work we take a vacation to get away from hustle and bustle of the everyday rush and frustrations of our jobs so it is kind of the same with the kids. And for all whom are trying to make you feel bad don't bother with them because don't have the mission you have, believe or not, time away from the kids every now and then, helps you to focus on a problem or situation you might have to face and appreciate having them even more. So plan a night go out or have a girls night with some other moms who need brake, rent a room, everyone brings a little snack, just chat, share ideas and have fun. Let dad or grandma babysit for a while.

Kristen - posted on 10/08/2010

no every parent needs time to their self and away time from the kids, that doesnt make you a bad parent at all.

Ginger - posted on 10/08/2010

Tracey, My daughter is 38 (with a 6 year old grandaughter and son 36 with a girlfriend the same age and even I (at age 57) need time away from the kids who know that I am there for them no matter what. When they were little my husband would take over parenting duties so I could get away for a whilte - even if it was to do something as simple as visit with a friend for an hour or two. No one knows what being a parent is until they are so tired of hearing "Mom, mom, mom" that they tell there kids there name "Is no longer Mom, I'll only answer to (fill in the blank)". Honestly, after all these years as a very involved parent who loved being with her kids as they grew up and valued the fact that I didn't have to work outside the home, I can say I've never met a mom who was being honest that didn't need time away to relax, regroup, or recharge. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for taking time for yourself. You CANNOT be a good parent if you are upset, disturbed, or tired, Time for yourself is the same as taking physical care of yourself. If you don't take care of "you", you won't be able to take care of them.

Penelope - posted on 10/08/2010

Absolutely it's okay! In fact it's better if you do, especially if you need it. Time away gives you a mental, physical and emotional break. This is good for EVERYONE. It helps you cope and keep your patience and stamina for times when you really need it. Anyone who is guilting you either doesn't have kids or hasn't had them in a long time. Moms are human, too...

Laura - posted on 10/08/2010

Hi Tracey. It is definately ok for you to take time out for yourself.You have probably heard it from all the responses you have got on your post,but I am a mother of an 11 yr old girl and I need time out from her and my husband. The only thing is they make me feel guilty about wanting time to myself.If I want an hour or so to read by myself in my room, they always come looking for me. I get the guilt trips from them when I want to go out with my girlfriends. If you dont take some time out for yourself, you will get stressed and burn out. Then what happens then? It can affect your health and mental frame of mind.That's just a worse case scenario. I would love to pack off my husband and daughter for a weekend, so I can have the whole house to myself and do what I want to do for that period of time.Its not that you want it, its a case of needing it. Dont you dare let anyone make you feel guilty abt that at all.I know you feel the kids come first, but who is the primary care giver? you! and if you get sick or stressed ,what happens then? Dont just think abt taking time out, take time out.You will feel better for it and the kids will benefit from it too.It will help them to be not so dependant on you.Hope this helps.

Lisa - posted on 10/08/2010

Everyone needs some 'me time' whether they are a mum or not!!! There's absolutely nothing wrong with it at all!!! I have a 2 and a half year old and a 19wk old baby and with both girls I've suffered post natal depression. With Eilidh I didn't even realise until she was about 18months but with Keira I picked it up at 8wks because I was looking for it this time. I'm happy to say that I've dealt with it already because I was ready for it and had a very supportive partner who allowed me lots of that 'me time' that I needed and still need now! I love my girls with every part of me and I'd lay down my life for them but we also live in the country and sometimes I need adult company! Eilidh is fun and very bright but c beebies, disney, playdough and painting aren't enough stimulation for me!!! I joined the gym when Keira was 8wks and was back on a horse when she was just 4wks. I'm a much better mother because I get 'me time'! It relieves my stress so I'm not grumpy mummy all the time, I have much more energy and much more patience with the girls because I get that time out too. Kids are hard work you just don't get paid for it like you do a regular job, so why shouldn't you still get that lunch hr even if it's at 8 o clock at night or a weekend off once in a while?! It's good for you and your partner too!!! Just because you have some time to yourself doesn't mean your kids aren't your world or your priority, it's just finding that balance xx

Kris - posted on 10/08/2010

I think you actually become a better mom when you take time for yourself! You know the safety speech on airplanes about putting your own mask before assisting others? Think of it like that - if you don't take care of yourself first - mentally and physically - you won't be much good to anyone else. I'm a big believer in "me time". Invest in a babysitter a couple of hours a week and go do something you love that is impossible to do with the kids. Enjoy!

Marie - posted on 10/08/2010

Absolutely! "If mama ain't happy, ain nobody happy."
But seriously, everyone needs time to revamp. People working outside of the home get to leave their job at the office and have sick days and holidays. Moms, especially SAHM don't get that automatically. Just a couple hours here and there let you unwind and head back to the demands of life. If your family lives far away, find other moms and trade for time.

Melanie - posted on 10/08/2010

I was feeling guilty when my children were that age (one was 2 the other was 1) about wanting some time away. Someone told me that being away for short periods of time is not only good for me, but it's good for my children. They need to know that when you leave you will come back. This will keep them from having separation anxiety when they go off to school. I chose to join the local YMCA. I was able to work out for half an hour and they were able to play and interact with other kids their age.
The fact that you are concerned about it shows that you are a good parent, so don't listen to what those nay-sayers say.
My kids are now 6 and 5 and I still tell them "Mommy needs a time out" and I will set the timer. They (usually) accept that and will leave me alone until the timer goes off. Of course you can't set it for an hour, but 15 minutes is a nice break!
Good luck and remember that YOU are a person too - not just a mom and/or wife.

Pamela - posted on 10/08/2010

It is absolutely a neccessity!! You will go crazy! I am in the same boat kid wise! When my husband gets home I tell him I need like 5 to 10 minutes!!

Ingrid - posted on 10/08/2010

Go for it !!! I use to feel guilty but i don't anymore.. I certainly take the time now. I'm a better mom because of it.After relaxing- going to the beach,the movies,the mall or going out with my girlfriends i relate better with the boys, i'm simply more attentive. I'm tranformed after taking time out !! Enjoy your time out, then be the best mom you can be to your children.

Kristi - posted on 10/08/2010

Are you kidding me, i say you would be a bad parent if you didn't take time for yourself. Everyone needs downtime and just because we have kids doesn't mean we have to be on duty 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. If your married you have a spouse that can take over when needed or if your a single-parent like i am then you get creative. You trade off with other moms or you hire a friends teen to come and take your kids to the park or even just to come over and play with your kids., there are so many things that we can do and WE DESERVE IT. Don't ever feel guilty for needing time away from your kids its perfectly natural to want and need ME time. We never stop thinking about our kids or wonder what they might think if we aren't there but they survive and the world won't come to an end just because you want some alone time.I would go crazy if i had to be with my kids without a break.I have 3 kids, my oldest is now 21 and has my first grand-child who just turned 1, and my twins are 13, who by the way are the best aunt and uncle ever, they take Leland( grandson) all the time so my daughter can have a break but its a little selfish on our parts because we love to have him whenever we can. I have also volunteered to babysit my Leland when my daughter goes back to work, if needed. But let me tell you if i didn't have my family and awesome friends and wonderful neighbors my twins and i would have ended up in a looney-bin together. I think its perfectly natural to want time away from your kids , how else are we supposed to wind down from our day or how are our kids going to be well rounded and sociable with other people if they are constantly attached to our hips. I'm not saying you need to go away for days , i used to love going grocery shopping ALONE and i would be gone for 3 hrs or more, i would totally take advantage of my time away, it didn't take much to make me happy. Its called self preservation we all need it and that includes moms, my kids were much happier when i was happy. Like i said even if your a single-mom there are many different ways to get some me time and shame on those who think it makes us a bad parent, i know from my experience that things run much smoother when mom is rested and happy. Believe me my kids grew up totally normal and no worse for the wear. Adults tend to forget that even kids need a break sometimes too( even though they get daily naps and bathtime too) I believe that if more parents got downtime or me time then maybe there wouldn't be so much abuse and neglect in this world. Don't worry so much about what other people think or say if it feels right for you ( go with your gut feeling) then do it. Your kids will thank you in the long run. Kristi Furlong

Sherri - posted on 10/08/2010

It in not only OK, but it is healthy. Think of yourself as a bank account, if you only withdraw and never deposit, there will be nothing left! We used to schedule a date night and have a babysitter come over every Thursday. Do they nap at the same time? That was my break during the day. It is also good for your children to see you take time for yourself, and for you marriage (if you are married).
I also found that going to the gym and getting a good workout gave me a channel for the stress. I would come home a better mommy.

Jo - posted on 10/08/2010

A GREAT book it's called "Confessions of a Bad Mother", says all the stuff Mum's think but are too polite to say. I've got 3 kids under 3.5 yeears and I found this book fantastic it gave me the permission to feel normal - sometimes I want to quit being a mum and be totally self fish again but of course I have a break and I couldn't imgaine NOT being a Mum.

PS. I have Wednesdays without kids allows me to do the housework, shopping and recharge the batteries best thing I did as I often draw strength and patience from knowing that I've got a break coming up!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 10/08/2010

There is nothing wrong with needing a break! In order to be a good mother, you need to take time for yourself. Try to do something for yourself at least once a week, if you can. If you can afford it and have one available, try a drop in daycare and just go out and get your hair done, or walk around the mall, or go to the gym. Anything to get out and get away. Now that both my kids are in school all day, I try to have one day a week where I do something for myself. Sometimes, I watch an adult movie, or go o the library (or half price books) and get a new book to read or even try to get a lunch date with a friend. You are not a bad parent!!! You are human and have needs just like everyone else - if people do not understand, ask them to babysit for an hour or so and see what happens. I know when my Mom gives me crap about disciplinig my kids, I ask her to come stay with me for a week and show me how it is done. That usually gets them off your back. :)

Kristi - posted on 10/08/2010

I also have a 3 year old and a 10 month old...and feel I need time to myself sometime!!!! Everyone else gets that time!!! I think my husband thinks my "alone time" is when I'm at work. I don't even get my purse down and he's running out the door from having them for 45 minutes!!! I feel your pain and it makes me feel a little better knowing someone else feels like I do!!!! You're not a bad mom...you're human!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK :0)

Linda - posted on 10/08/2010

Absolutley....I am a much better mother to my son when I take time out. I still feel guilty, but you know, we spend so much of our lives making sure we do everything for everyone else, our kids, our husbands, our employers.....a little "ME TIME" is perfectly ok. Not sure how we deal with the guilt, I guess I just tell myself that I am a better person for everyone, especially my son if I have a little time out. You are far from a bad parent for taking time out, and if more parents took time out, in fact quite the opposite. Go for a coffee with your girlfriends or even by yourself and relax....(it helps deal with those really tough days with the little ones) Goodluck x

Ma - posted on 10/08/2010

You can't give to your kids if you don't recharge your batteries once in a while. I have a regular night out set up with friends. My son is school age right now but still need the just for me time.

Sharon - posted on 10/08/2010

I think every mom needs a break. If your family is too busy or giving you an attitude, then look to day care or a baby sitter. Don't listen to those who say you are bad parent. Even somebody would find fault in Joan Cleaver, Ms. Partridge or Mrs. Brady. They are all TV moms that Hollywood created as the model parent. It is not real, real life is you and your needs as a person. It is rough being a parent 24/7, it wears on you. Taking a break helps you regenerate. If your family won't help you, find somebody that will...another ball game. make sure they are OK. Sometimes it is bartering, taking care of there kids and taking care of yours. My kids are a year apart in age, it did help to split them up and that went on until they were both school age. To me people would say no because they have too much going on, just move on and find somebody that will help you. Sometimes the ones that say no are encouraging you to cope, find those ways too. Life is cumbersome or can we positively think our way through the situation as long as nobody gets hurt or is neglected.

Bridget - posted on 10/08/2010

Everyone needs a break. I work full time and then I go to my second job, raising my kids. Not many people can keep up those hours and not take a break every now and then. If you stay home then your 2 full time jobs are the same job and that is even harder, I think. It doesn't have to be a weekend but a manicure or pedicure can take 30 minutes and last 2 weeks but the silence and a good magazine can be revitalizing for weeks after! Cut yourself a break and have a coffee and a manicure:)

Leba - posted on 10/08/2010

it's absolutely VITAL to take a break once in awhile. even if it's just a 30 minute bath in peace & quiet! my children are almost 18 and 12, my husband's been deployed about 6 weeks. i work a full-time job, semi-irregular hours, and if i didn't just shut everything and everyone out for a bit, i think i'd go crazy! some of the other posts pointed out that you have to take care of yourself to take care of your children. they're right! if you don't, you'll hurt yourself as much as the children (not necessarily physically, but certainly emotionally). don't let anyone convince you otherwise: deep down, you know what's right for you!

Barbara - posted on 10/08/2010

Of Course you need YOU time we all do and it's nothing to feel guilty about . People forget how hard it is to look after other people all day long if you are a nurse or a teacher you get days off and holidays but if you are a Mum you don't so go for it you deserve it.

Carol - posted on 10/08/2010

As a matter of fact it is healthy to take a time out sometimes, You feel refreshed and can deal with a lot m ore that when you try to be a super mom.

Christine - posted on 10/08/2010

No way! You should not feel like a bad mommy! Time away every now and again only makes you a better mommy! You need time for yourself!

Sherri - posted on 10/08/2010

Hi Tracey:
My Husband and I have a 5 year old and a 13 year old and unless it is a wedding or funeral, we lost every babysitter after one visit, we found out our youngest daughter has A.D.H.D. , and a triple P program.. We are blessed with one super duper friend, whose husband loves our daughters, she loves olur daughters also. So the moral to this that I needed to get off of my chest is YES, IT IS PERFECTLY NORMAL TO NEED AND WANT TIME FROM OUR LOVELY CHILDREN, ENJOY...... i HOPE THIS HELPED

Kayelynn - posted on 10/08/2010

Everybody needs a time out.. I have 4 beautiful girls but there are times when I need a quiet time or just have coffee with a friend. Dont feel bad for wanting a little you time

Suzanne - posted on 10/08/2010

Its absoutely necessary to take time out for yourself! In fact a good mother has to take care of herself so she can be happy in herself and be happy with her kids, don`t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Kelea - posted on 10/08/2010

Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHP), Article 24 states: "Everyone has the right to rest and leisure, including reasonable limitation of working hours and periodic holidays with pay."

Barbara - posted on 10/08/2010

Not only is it ok, I think it is important! It's taken me 18mths, but I've finally been able to get out and do something for myself. I've started going to zumba twice a week. It's only an hour each time,but it's something purely for me! It gives my daughter exclusive time with her Dad which is great and I think we all need to remember that although we are mothers, that's not the only thing that we are, look after yourself too otherwise you can't properly look after your family.

Marie - posted on 10/08/2010

A time out???? woman you need an entire day to yourself and do not feel guilty....shame on you if you do

Kim - posted on 10/08/2010

The way I see it is that people who work 9-5 get 2-15 minute breaks and an hour lunch, that is time away from work!! So why shouldn't moms?!?! Everyone is different, but I firmly believe A happy Mom makes happy kids!!!

Kerry - posted on 10/08/2010

Yes, it is def okay to have some time to yourself away from your kids! I think all mothers need that time doing whatever makes them feel better. A hot bath, excercising, walking, reading, watching a movie. Once you have that time, then you feel better and can be a better mother, wife, and person!

Jamye - posted on 10/08/2010

You need the time to yourself to regroup. I you don't take it, people will be saying worse about you than she took a fifteen minute break. LOL. I take about a half hour everyday to sit in my room and read. I have three four- year-olds. I take the time I need or I go insane. Just sayin'. Now does my husband agree, no but he gets a break at work so why shouldn't I?

Kathie - posted on 10/08/2010

Nothing wrong with you taking a time out. One thing that I used to do when the kids were little was go take a bath. The kids were banging on the door the whole time so I knew where they were. As they got older a would go to my room, to keep from saying something that I would regret or just needed to cry. Sometimes just a trip to the grocery store and having a friend, etc, watch them helps. Or just go to a park and walk around alone. Parenting can be overwhelming so don't let anyone make you feel bad, they are not in your shoes. If more people would take a time out, there wouldn't be a much child abuse. Also when they were babies and safe in their cribs, I would just walk outside to get away from the crying, or course not for long, but after listening to a baby cry and trying to do everything possible and nothing works, just quiet helped me.

Katrina - posted on 10/08/2010

Take it, with out guilt. The happiness of the family is reflected in the happiness of the mother. We all need time to recharge our energy reserves. I can't express enough that choose activities that really serve you when you do so. Don't waste that time on shopping or distracting activities. Take time to breathe, write, make art, exercise, meditate....Something that nurtures your giving spirit. They will see how important it is when you come back clear, happy and full of the love they want to tap into.

Marj - posted on 10/08/2010

Absolutely. I think some women make martyrs of themselves devoting every minute to their family. This is so self-destructive. If we can't take care of ourselves with time out, whatever that means to you, than we can't take care of our families. Mothers who take care of themselves, as well as their families, show their children and husbands that they are individuals worthy of respect

Marj - posted on 10/08/2010

Absolutely being a martyr accomplishes no good. We women must take care of ourselves, physically, mentally and spiritually. Our families will respect us more when we show them that we are individuals with our own needs. People who work outside the home get breaks and lunch breaks every day. Finding a little time for ourselves each day shouldn't be impossible. Having a supportive, involved father makes a big difference. Setting boundries is essential, don't let the kids run the household. Establishing early bedtimes enables you to have some time with your husband and some time for yourself.

Lori - posted on 10/08/2010

YES! It took me a long time to get over the guilt of asking my husband to give me a 'min weekend' vacation by myself. I have a VERY supportive husband who completely agrees that being a stay-at-home mom is 24/7 and we need time to relax and recoup just like anyone working out of the house. Those who make you feel like a bad parent....they just wish they could have time alone too.

Patty - posted on 10/08/2010

Absolutely, it's okay. We all need time to ourselves to recharge our batteries and remember who we are. It is crucial for us to have this time in order for our kids to see what it takes to be a well rounded adult. You have a beautiful family and that takes work. Keep up the good work and always remember to take time for you. You DESERVE it, and your family does too!

Isis - posted on 10/08/2010

I think a happy mom makes a better mom, and we all need breaks every now and then, whether you want to be by yourself and have a quiet cup of coffee or go out with friends and have a goos laugh. Otherwise, your energy is all drained out and it´s more difficult to cope with everything, you feel tired, thus more impatient and this can have a very negative effect on your kids. We all moms DESERVE some time out, don´t let anyone make you feel guilty about it. If you don´t have a friend or relative that you can leave your kids with, or are afraid they will start giving you a guilt trip, hire someone, you'll see it is well worth the money, when you come back home happy and refreshed and looking forward to spending time with your children again. Good luck!

Queenie - posted on 10/08/2010

It is ok to have wine with the girls and talk about life ...you should never feel bad to take some time out for you. If you don't , you may began to dislike your kids because you feel like it is to much. I would like to tell all parents that we can tell kids the right thing to do, that does not mean they are going to do it. Keep your head up never feel bad on taken SOME time for you.

Milli - posted on 10/08/2010

you DEFINATELY need a break! when my son was 2 I told my husband I needed a break and I went and spent the night at my sister's house. My son is 11 now and twice a year I leave for girls week at my friends house, no kids no husbands! Twice a month my friends and I have craft night at her church. Make sure it is a scheduled date on the calendar and dont break the date even if you just go to a coffee shop or the library or the nature center for a couple hours by yourself! When mom is refreshed everyone is happier! It is important for ou to have time away from the children especially when you find yourself humming the Barney song to yourself! LOL! Dont let anyone make you feel guilty about it!

Angela - posted on 10/08/2010

Ok? It's essential to your sanity.

Is it necessary for me to say that I love my kids? For some it may be - but am I an earth mother? No. Do I really want to speak to no adults all day? No. Do I want to spend hours in the tub like Marge Simpson at Rancho relaxo (but with Sambucca not Tequilla)? You bet!!
I know what you mean, my mother is the worst, you see, she is old fashioned and very earth mother! She believes that once you have made your bed (I.e, had kids) you give your lives to them and she has the divorce to prove it. Despite this divorce she STILL thinks I should not want a break, nights sleep or to be an adult who is not covered in fingerprints or drool once in a while!
Now, call me crazy, but I may love her, yet I believe her to be entirely insane! So, forgive me if I will palm my kids off to my mum in laws instead, who, like me believes that time away from kids is not only desired but essential and sit back and enjoy the peace and tranquility - next weekend is our next "rancho relaxo" moment!!

Tiffany - posted on 10/08/2010

I need a time out several times during every evening! Shame on anyone for making you feel that way. You are an adult and need adult time just to veg. I work full time and the evenings are so crazy! If you don't take time outs, you might get too frustrated with them...so I think its a must!



Just yesterday, we all got home from work/school (my kids are 4 and 2)...and the kids were just so rambunksious (sp?)....we were all out in the backyard for a while and then I realized this "I'm outside trying to enjoy the quite nature and all I can hear is robots and toys and screaming...fun screaming"...so I cleaned up all the toys and politely asked my two kids to go in the house for mommy to have a few minutes by herself...and you know what....they happily said "okay" and went inside....and I finally got to BREATHE! ; ) just me, myself and I! and I could hear my hummingbirds again, not the TOYS! By the way, the back of my house has windows all across, so I can hear & see most anything going on in the house that would be alarming if I needed to check on them, I didn't ask them go away, I just asked them to step aside for a few minutes...lol - I think I will try this again one day!

Samantha - posted on 10/08/2010

Absolutely.... it is vital to being a good parent. If you aren't looking after yourself and your needs, you can't give 100% to anyone else, including your children. My kids are 16,12, and 10, when they were little, I always made time for "me" time. They are all healthy, independent, creative children I have a very good bond with. So take a bath, go for Girl's Night Out, let your spouse take care of them for a bit, or if you're not with anyone, trade babysitting, or hire the neighbour :)

Kate - posted on 10/08/2010

I completely agree with all of the comments that have already been posted. To be the best mother that you can be you MUST take time for yourself. Being a full time college student again at 40 and the mother of a homeschooled 8 year old, I have found that taking time for myself is now moer important than ever. Make taking time for yourself a priority, you will be a better mother for it.

Leah - posted on 10/08/2010

You are a normal mother. It's a 24/7 job and you need to take time to recharge your batteries and patience. The best analogy I've heard is that we give of ourselves out of a bucket, always spooning out to others. If you don't take time to refill the bucket it gets empty. And then everyone loses.