Is it ok to have another baby shower?

Valerie - posted on 10/18/2009 ( 80 moms have responded )

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Is it ok to have baby showers for each child that you have? I had one for my daughter 3 yrs ago and am now having my second child, a son, in January. My mom wants to throw another baby shower for him but I thought it was against "etiquette" to expect a gift again...what do you all think?

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Sharon - posted on 10/18/2009

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No, its greedy. It is against etiquette.



By all means celebrate another baby. Every baby deserves a celebration of its birth. But a baby shower is for gifts for a new mother. You aren't a new mother any more.



I'm so grossed out reading the replies of the grossly ignorant claiming you need all new stuff. Your crib should still be functional, highchair, changing tables, onesies, some of the bibs, etc.



It is against etiquette to expect a gift. But face it, the people who love you and are happy about the coming baby will bring gifts anyway. Have the celebration, just nix the gifts.



As for ignoring etiquette, jeezus - yeah lets throw all common decency out the window. More is better right? gimme gimme gimme.. gross.

Shay - posted on 10/18/2009

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No....you should celebrate every child, not just the first one!!!!!! Wow, who made that rule..those pics should be the start of the baby book!!!!!! Don't let your second child feel left out, they should both be celebrated by their family and even their siblings!!!!!!! Have another baby shower and Good Luck!!!!!

Hanna - posted on 10/22/2009

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Quoting Julie:

No. It is rude and everyone that is invited that came to your first one will feel the same way! You do not need all brand new stuff for each child. You can buy second hand stuff (crib, highchair, stroller) very cheap if you need them. If people want to buy you another gift, they will.


how is it rude? the had  a baby several years ago, not last year.  so what if she puts up a registry -- if you don't want to buy her anything major, you can buy clothes or a bath tub or a binkie or extra set of bottle nipples or diaper rash cream -- i'm sure $20 won't break your bank, but she'll need it. please don't tell me that you expected her to save unused diapers, wipes & lotions from her first baby too.



and just out of curiosity, and this goes for you and Sharon, do you ladies let your kids go to friends' birthday parties? because those happen every year  and guess what, every year u need to buy a present.... because by that reasoning, if you bought them a present last year, this year you don't need to. and how about a wedding anniversary, would you give your spouse another gift next year or it was a once in a lifetime thing that  because you celebrated last year, this year it's no longer necessary?



i really don't see what is so offensive about throwing a baby shower. a birth of a child costs on average about $12-15000 (that's just the doctor and hospital) and in this day and age when insurance doesn't cover half the stuff, some people end up being responsible for up to 45% of that amount (i know i spent over $3000 out of pocket). my son got a very limited amount of stuff when he was born, but the registry still amounted to $1100 (which is pretty good i think).  so if 30 people show up and give $20, that's a significant help ($600), meanwhile they would give what they spend on gas weekly. and last time i checked, i don't think she's putting a gun to anyone's head saying they need to buy something expensive. most registries i've seen usually have a disclaimer saying that these are suggestions, if you want to get something else, please feel free.



and i'm sure if some people feel offended, they can either not come or give her an envelope with $20-30 and she'll be very happy. so why people get so bent out of shape over this?

Valerie - posted on 10/18/2009

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WOW Hannah, you're weren't kidding about opening a can of worms. I'm new to this website so I didn't know this question was asked already. First, I want to say thank you to everyone who has responded. A lot of good points were brought up that I hadn't considered. My daughter's baby book DOES start from even before she was born; ie ultrasound pics and shower pics so it would be nice to continue that with my son.

We DID keep all the "big necessities" like the car seat, crib, highchair, strollers etc. We had even kept all of our favorite clothes, blankets and crib bedding in case our second child is a girl but alas...we do have to start over again in that area.

My mom is really wanting to do this for me so I think I will let her celebrate being a grandmother again...I wasn't "expecting" a gift to begin with (that was the wrong word for me to use) but I will definitely need your advice on wording the invite as a celebration only, and not include a registry maybe?

Thanks again!

Hanna - posted on 10/18/2009

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Hey, Valerie,

You have just opened a can of worms that last time someone asked, this thing turned into a huge debate with certain individuals getting all bent out of shape on how real women shouldn't get over on others and request more stuff...

all that aside, i think you should have a shower for each one of your babies -- a baby shower is a celebration, welcoming party for the baby, so why not have one? you don't need to go through outrageously huge & outrageously expensive registry every time, but you can have a party in your child's honor and there's nothing wrong with that. it's like a birthday party, just because you had one last year, doesn't mean you shouldn't celebrate this year.

and as far as gifts, i'm sure that this time around you either have stuff still left over or know people who can pass down some of the items to you the way you passed down your older child's items. so you can always request that people don't go crazy on gifts and buy stuff like clothes, diapers, wipes, bath necessities, lotions, grooming kit, sheets. basically all the miscellaneous stuff that you still need but won't break their bank. but by all means, have a party and screw the etiquette -- if we really follow it, then a man should always assist a woman with overcoat, chair, coming in and out of a car; always be below a woman on the stairs (in case he needs to catch her if she falls), never offer her a hand to shake (traditionally a man should kiss a woman's hand and if she wants a handshake,then she needs to offer her hand first) and etc. etc. but who follows all that these days?
have a blast at your baby shower! have a celebration in his honor! good luck!

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80 Comments

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Angela - posted on 10/30/2011

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what's wrong with people? to be offended and think it"s rude? thats pretty uptight lol are there not worse things in life to get upset or offended over? I think it is something fun to look forward to, to celebrate and show ur support and have a day of fun, if your offended, the dont go And miss out on some fun :)

Ineta - posted on 10/23/2009

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Of course, have it!!!!!! You have to celebrate every child... when he's gonna grow up and ask you about the pictures and celebration of his arrival like his sister's...what you gonna tell him...ooops, you were second and it's against "etiquette"???? WRONG!!! Don't even doubt - go for it, celebrate and enjoy it!!!!!!!!!! :)

Gina - posted on 10/23/2009

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I feel that if your mom wants to have a shower for you then let her its not like you are begging and pleading with people to have one for you. I have two children a boy 13 and a girl 3 my family had a shower for me both times. The gifts didn't matter i was happy that my friends and family got together to celebrate the birth of a new child. Why should people feel a second or third child doesnt deserve a celebration. So don't take away something special that your mom wants to do for you and your child it is her choice and if your friends are offended by being invited to another shower then maybe they aren't really true friends. If you don't want to register then don't if they want to bring a gift they will and if not that is fine too. get together with your friends and family celebrate the precious new life you have been blessed with this is a time of joy don't let it be ruined for you........have a shower enjoy yourself

Mandy - posted on 10/23/2009

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It's not about the gifts, If someone comes without a gift then thats their choice, The baby shower is for you and friends to get together the gifts are a bonus. Good luck

Hanna - posted on 10/22/2009

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Quoting Joanna:

from what I've heard, if you have different sexes, a son once and a daughter, a seperate shower for each sex is okay, not against etiquette.

I always figured if you wanted to have a get together with each child, that's fine. like a barbeque, just to celebrate the coming child. And guests can bring a small pack of diapers if they'd like, but no gifts. That's just my thinking though.


Exactly or any other small baby item that you need with a new baby like a grooming kit or a pacifier or bottles. or like i said before, give an envelope with $20 in it. won't break your bank, but will sure help with the costs of having a baby!



and someone said to go buy a used crib. that i wouldn't do unless you know for a fact that it's been in use within the previous 30 days. most cribs are made out of wood and if not stored properly, can have mold growing on them which sometimes starts inside rather than outside. so do you really want to take the chance? you can buy cribs that are new but cost $100-110 (still not cheap, but beats the usual 250).

Joanna - posted on 10/22/2009

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from what I've heard, if you have different sexes, a son once and a daughter, a seperate shower for each sex is okay, not against etiquette.

I always figured if you wanted to have a get together with each child, that's fine. like a barbeque, just to celebrate the coming child. And guests can bring a small pack of diapers if they'd like, but no gifts. That's just my thinking though.

Ann - posted on 10/22/2009

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I don,t see why having a baby shower for your second child is wrong,as every childs birth is a great celebration.....

Georgette - posted on 10/22/2009

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I've always been told you should always have one shower. For your first child (unless you have a huge age gap). But if someone is offering to give you a shower I think it would be rude to not accept the invitation. But that is only my opinion.

Juls - posted on 10/21/2009

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Wow! Not only did I have baby showers with each of my 5 children (3 girls then twin boys) with some I recieved more than one! Farther away extended family and co workers wanted to celebrate! It was never about the gifts but everyone always wants to give something. Who can resist the baby dept. We too had all the major baby stuff anyway, so diapers and new outfits paci's etc. I was taught also that it is bad etiquette if you don't bring a small token to the celbration anyway.

Justyna - posted on 10/21/2009

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I had a girl 7 years ago...and as at that time I did not plan to have another baby I gave everything away......I just had another baby girl 3 weeks ago, and my family and friends had another baby shower for me....I think it was wonderful of them, and I really appreciated the gesture, as I did not have anything left from my first baby...So I think it is OK to have another baby shower, if there is a big age difference between your children, but if I was to have my babies one after another than no, I do not agree with it.

Susan - posted on 10/21/2009

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If you are having a boy this time then of course you should have another shower.

Sherry - posted on 10/21/2009

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I guess I'm in the minority here. I think you should only expect one for your 1st.

If friends & family want to give you a gift for the baby once its born, thats great, but to expect everyone to give over & over again is just rude.

Kelly - posted on 10/21/2009

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I think more than one baby shower is not appropriate on most occasions. I would not attend a second baby shower, but I would get a gift and go see the baby in the hospital or after the birth at the home. I agree that baby showers are for new mothers... and this "what about new fathers business..." If the men want to organize a shower then go ahead but WE all know the men don't count in a "shower" situation. haha

Deb - posted on 10/21/2009

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We have had a second shower for some members of our family, with IMMEDIATE family & best friend(s) ONLY invited. It was a diapers/wipes/detergent shower just to help out the mom get ready. It was not an all-out shower. If people want to give bigger gifts, they do so when the child is born - regardless of the sex of the existing or new children. Of course, every family & culture is different, and you need to do what you are comfortable with. Anyone not okay with it doesn't have to come - they can choose just to visit when the child is born.

Shameron - posted on 10/21/2009

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Perhaps suggest to your mother a baby party. We have decided that instead of the traditional baby shower we are just going to have a celebration with all of our friends (not just female). We also are letting people know that gifts are not needed, however if they are insistent, diapers are always acceptable.

As for the women claiming it's greedy to have another baby shower. Seriously? Do you only have one birthday party a year for all of your children? A baby shower isn't about getting things, it's about inviting your friends to celebrate another life.

Melissa - posted on 10/21/2009

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Yes let her did it. There is no point in worrying about it. After all we got told to respect our elders and if this makes her happy let her enjoy planning it,. For my first son I put on the invites that guys are welcome and that made a lot of my older family members very happy. Then with my third son I had a baby shower cuz I got rid of a lot of the clothes and wasn't expecting to have another one that soon. My son ages are 9, 4,and 3. Just remember after all is said and done "it is a celebration of life" and everyone wants to celebrate the one thing that is the most dearest to us. So have fun and enjoy!

Margaret - posted on 10/20/2009

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My dear let your mom feel and be proud of doing it for her grandson. I don't see the reason why you should refuse, she has offered herself.

Eleni - posted on 10/20/2009

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I believe, and this is just what I have grown up with, you usually only have one with your first child. With the rest of your children, friends and family will come to visit you and to see the new baby and usually bring the baby a gift. That is what we do.

Michelle - posted on 10/20/2009

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Etiquette has been to only have one. I think modern etiquette is for there to be one for each child (I'm guessing since most everyone I know has had one for every baby). I really didn't want a second shower when I had my daughter, but I decided to have a small lunch (invited a lot less people) and people brought gifts if they wanted to. I reused a lot of stuff even though my first was a boy. I just didn't need a lot of stuff. It turned out that it was a nice afternoon out for the girls (we made our spouses take the kids). It can go either way. It's up to you.

Stacee - posted on 10/20/2009

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I def. think it is okay to have a baby shower for each child....I just had my second child, a girl in May and my son, who is 4 had one as well...Why shouldn't you have one for each child? Thats what I don't understand....different kids, possibly different sex, ummm hello!!!!!!!! I say go for it...Hope that helps

[deleted account]

It's true that etiquette dictates that you only get one baby shower, but I have to tell you - I really wish we could have another one! My son is only 17mos, and we're expecting #2 in December - a girl. It's true that you need some different stuff for a different gender, but there are other things, too, when your babies are as close in age as ours will be. (Almost feels a little like having twins with only enough stuff for one of them.)
In any case, I agree that every child should have some sort of celebration. So, if you want to throw a "welcoming" party for your little one in a nice non-gift-expecting way, go for it!

Kristi - posted on 10/20/2009

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Hey Sharon, have you heard the saying " if you can't say something nice, keep your mouth shut!" Having baby showers is for the baby not just the mommy. It helps the entire family welcome the new baby and makes things easier for them. I have 3 kids and had a baby shower for each one. Thank God for the friends and family who love a mommy enough to help them out. Valerie, I hope you have a really great shower and a beautiful baby boy!

Katie - posted on 10/20/2009

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A lot of people I'vetalked to said it was disrepectful and rude to have 2 or more babyshowers. But I think if they are different genders then it is completely alright because each gender has different things & each baby will need something different. My aunt had 2 boys & a girl. For her first boy & girl she had a separate babyshower. But for her 2nd boy she had a necessities only babyshower, which she only registered for things she knew she needed.

Nicole - posted on 10/20/2009

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I think it is ok. I have an 8 year old and am pregnant with my second child. My mom, sisters, and both mother in laws are planning one for me. Since my kids will be so far apart in age, I don't have anything, so I am desperate for some help!!! I will be getting a lot of hand me downs, too.

Mollie - posted on 10/20/2009

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I think it's fine. My son is 18 months old and my next one is due in seven weeks and my babyshower is scheduled. My friends keep telling me to make sure they get an invitation. A new child is something to celebrate. You get presents for every birthday right, so why not every child. There aren't that many momentous occasions in life, so go ahead and celebrate.

A friend of mine just had her fourth son and she had a few babyshowers this time.

Joan - posted on 10/20/2009

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We just held a baby shower for my friends 4th child, her first girl. We had a blast and I didn't hear any negatives from any of the guests.

Sami - posted on 10/20/2009

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i think its ok to have another one. I didnt have another one between my kids because both my babies were girls and my 1st girl was stillborn so I didn't use any of my stuff. But I think it's prefectly fine because you're going to need new stuff for this baby that you didn't already have.

Jessica - posted on 10/19/2009

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I think that is u want to have another baby shower so do it, i had to baby showers for my son one was from my family and one was from my fiances family, all becuz they all live in different states, and i feel that every baby deserves a shower weather it is ur first, forth, or even tenth child!

Julie - posted on 10/19/2009

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You can and should celebrate each child. You invite people to your house to play games, eat and chat, but don't call it a baby shower.

Sheri - posted on 10/19/2009

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As long as you have someone to throw the shower and people to come have fun and bring gifts, then YES! Go for it!

Tammy - posted on 10/19/2009

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definitely, have one. Its one way friends and family members can get together to celebrate the gift you have been given

Jennifer - posted on 10/19/2009

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I don't think that it is rude at all. Celebrate each child. I didn't really expect gifts at my first shower....but, viewed it as a time to get together with friends and family to play games, eat, and chat about the upcoming arrival of my little one. I would love to have another one for my 2nd...but, it is not really in the cards right now. We are getting too close to the due date. Haha. Good luck, and have fun!

Julie - posted on 10/19/2009

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No. It is rude and everyone that is invited that came to your first one will feel the same way! You do not need all brand new stuff for each child. You can buy second hand stuff (crib, highchair, stroller) very cheap if you need them. If people want to buy you another gift, they will.

~Jennifer - posted on 10/19/2009

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Quoting Erin:

so sharon, just curious why you took your other post down???????



I took them down. (Several posts from multiple members, actually.)



 



We're not here to call people names and argue with each other. 



 

Hanna - posted on 10/19/2009

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Quoting Sharon:

No, its greedy. It is against etiquette.

By all means celebrate another baby. Every baby deserves a celebration of its birth. But a baby shower is for gifts for a new mother. You aren't a new mother any more.

I'm so grossed out reading the replies of the grossly ignorant claiming you need all new stuff. Your crib should still be functional, highchair, changing tables, onesies, some of the bibs, etc.

It is against etiquette to expect a gift. But face it, the people who love you and are happy about the coming baby will bring gifts anyway. Have the celebration, just nix the gifts.

As for ignoring etiquette, jeezus - yeah lets throw all common decency out the window. More is better right? gimme gimme gimme.. gross.


Sharon, you are either extremely rich or your family left you an enormous house with a ton of storage space, or your house resembles a storage facility. Growing up in NYC, we didn't have space for anything that wasn't currently in use, especially not stuff like cribs, high chairs, car seats? you barely get enough space to put your clothes & the stroller stands either outside or somewhere in the closet & as soon as your baby grows out of it, you either pass it down to a friend of yours who is having a baby or u sell it or u just take it downstairs and put it near the garbage containers with a note "please take" because there is literally no room for that stuff.



 



we now live in NC but still, i passed on most of my son's small clothes to our friends who had kids younger than Maxi. it's good clothes, he got to wear them a few times so they're in good condition so why not help another mom and save her some money? and when i have my next baby, i'm hoping that some clothes would be passed on to me as well, if not, i'll go back to marshalls & jc penny & macy's 1 day sales and buy some more carter's oncies & jump suits for a reasonable amount of money. and i would definitely have another shower & another registry for my new baby. now the amount of stuff on this registry might be less, but i would still have one because i know people will want to buy stuff for my baby anyway and i'd rather they bought something that i could actually use rather than 17 baby baskets that all contain the same crap half of which you don't really need.  and just for your information, me and my mom bought all the major items for my son. most of them were part of the registry, but not to show people what i wanted, but because it was a good way to organize and determine exactly how much money i needed for to buy all the necessities. so the most expensive thing on the registry that i actually left for people to buy was $25. the rest was $10-20 and the most appreciated gift was the grooming kit & thermometer, both of which were under $12.



so stop with your complaining & don't ruin Valerie's celebration! She's about to be a mom, you should be happy for her!

Michelle - posted on 10/19/2009

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I have a 2 year old(girl) and a 9month old(boy)....I had a baby shower for each...The first one I had 2 baby showers lol ....Good Luck

Tasha - posted on 10/19/2009

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I had 3 girls and a baby shower for all of them. So if someone wants to give you one then except it. Every baby needs new stuff.

Erin - posted on 10/19/2009

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Why does this have to be such a debate?? It's about a baby shower, not child abuse or neglet. I personally am throwing a baby shower for my sister in law in a couple of weeks, she is having a boy, she has 2 girls ages 7 and 6. Why would people( i mean Sharon) think that she kept all of her things, crib, high chair, swing, etc...for 6 years? most of the things she is borrowing from me, but anyway, I feel that if someone else whats to do something to help you by all means GO FOR IT!! She can always put in the invite something like "gently or used items" or have a diaper party.

And Sharon it's pretty sad that you think that you are all high and mighty and have to dog people on welfare....sometimes people need help, I'm one of them, I get food stamps and the medical card for my son, does that mean that I'm not a fit parent or I deserve not to have him?????? Just know that my husband seriosly hurt himself at work and I'm going to school full time 6 days a week to become an RN.

sorry Valerie for getting off track but whatever you decide good luck to you !! :))

Sharon - posted on 10/19/2009

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::: gasp!!! ::: the horrors!! another woman with morals and decency... I may faint....



I think I had my first attack of the vapors....

Sara - posted on 10/19/2009

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Personally, I think having another baby shower where you expect gifts is a little tacky. If I had just gone to a shower for you three years ago and bought you something, I'd be offended if I received another invitation that didn't specifically say "No gifts please". If people want to buy you stuff, they will. As others have said, it's fine to have a celebration of the new life you are welcoming into the world, but the bottom line is that people will tend to see it as a probing for gifts unless you specify otherwise...congratulations on your new baby!

Jessica - posted on 10/19/2009

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yes it is needed i think you are celebrating a birth one is not more significant than the next. I think they are fun and if for nothing else they bring people together

Mrs. - posted on 10/19/2009

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I know this may sound greedy, but a baby shower is supposed to provide the parents with things that they will need for their new little one. If you have more then one baby then I think that you sould absolutly have another baby shower, you really need more stuff. My husband threw me a baby shower for our second daughter (6 years apart) and almost no one brought a gift becuase a lot of our friends are having money problems. I knew this would happen and I didnt want the shower because of this. I like the idea of celebrating the baby, but parties cost money to host, and we dont have a lot of it. I think that anyone who can afford to host a baby shower for someone should and anyone attending a baby shower should remember that they parents are in need of baby items. Even small inexpensive items help.

Robyn - posted on 10/19/2009

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lol screw etiquette! it's a great way to cut costs on buying items for the little one and with 2 kids you're probably going to need it.besides people love to go baby shopping and its just the excuse they need :) I didnt get to have my first baby shower because my daughter came early so it was cancelled so i am definately having one with my second when that time comes.

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