Is it ok to let siblings sleep in the same bed?

Shannon - posted on 05/24/2011 ( 224 moms have responded )

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My son is seven and we have just managed to get him to sleep in his own bed. But through the night, he gets in to his sisters bed. We've spoken about it and his reasons are that he is scared. We've talked to him and soothed him as much as we can, but he still continues to do it. I don't know if I should continue to let this happen. Do you think it is it ok?

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Medic - posted on 05/24/2011

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My brother is 5 years older than me and the other one is a year younger than me and even when we were teens we would crash in the same bed just because we were watching movies or what not. I personally do not think it is a big deal as long as his sister doesn't care.

Kelly - posted on 05/25/2011

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Just talking to my mum then, she suggested putting them in the same room in their own beds. So that he's not alone. If your daughter doesnt mind. Incentive to do this could be having a whole new toy room. But it would mean he's not alone. And then later when he's ready you can swap them back and give them their own rooms again.

Michelle - posted on 05/24/2011

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My 6 y/o was doing the same thing. While i don't think it is wrong for them to bunk up i do know that it was effecting my 8 y/o type of sleep and also his behavior at school. The 6 y/o told me he would wake up because he was having nightmares and that is why he would get into his brother's bed. I took him to a naturopath who said to make sure he had no sugar in the late afternoon up to bed time and also put him on a calcium/magnesium tablet which helps to calm the mind. It's called "Be Calm". Since taking these tablets and cutting out the sugar he now sleeps through the night and wakes in his own bed. His brother is also doing better in school concentrating etc and even their teachers have commented on the change in both of them. Just a thought. Maybe your son is having nightmares but doesn't know what to call them. Hope this helps.

Lori - posted on 05/31/2011

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Sheryl!! REALLY? Putting a lock on the outside of the door so he can't get out? NO WAY! This is a major safety hazard. That is the number one exit in case of a fire for him. That is not showing the child any respect whatsoever! If the mom personally has an issue with the child in the same bed as the opposite sex sibling, then put a sleeping bag next to her bed for him. Have you thought of getting him a little dog as a friend? My daughter slept with us until she was 6. She has been in her own bed for over a year now...but having her doggy sleep in the bed with her has made the difference. She doesn't feel so alone. Bottom line, do what works for your family!

Maxine - posted on 05/31/2011

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Hi Shannon, I am a teacher, a grandmother, and a great grandmother. I was always afraid to sleep in the dark, yet my mom made me do it anyway. Well at this age I am just beginning to turn the light off at night. I think when children have fears they should be dealt with in the way that it comforts the child. maybe if mom or dad sat with him until he went to sleep it would help a lot. Please don't ignore his fears. Fear can be terrifying alone at night. I think it is perfectly normal for siblings to sleep together. He will get better if this is dealt with in the right way. He is going to grow up and he won't want to sleep with sister, trust me.

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Kari - posted on 06/01/2011

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I don't think it's that big of a deal. I would try to keep working on getting him to stay in his bed. I saw that a couple of the comments said to lock your daughters door, but I REALLY DISAGREE with that. I think that that is a fire hazard, and the issue is not that serious. As long as it doesn't bother your daughter, I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe for a while you can get a small air mattress so he can be in the same room with her if he is scared, and gradually move him back into his own room. Good luck!

Rachel - posted on 06/01/2011

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I wouldn't worry about it as long as it's not bothering your daughter. I came in and slept on the floor of my brother's room until I was like 10 yrs old. Didn't seem to scar me... that I know of ;)

Lorrie - posted on 06/01/2011

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You can try what we did lock your older daughters door bedroom then only in the morning your son can come in and sleep with her it been working for us my 11 yr old locks his door every night and in the am his brother crawls in the am he will 7 next month try it!

Tania - posted on 06/01/2011

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Would it be possible for you to check through him during night whilst he is still is in his bed so as to re assure you are around and once sure he is sleeping through fine may be you leave again. This way he might gradually gain confidence in his sleeping on his own
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Suzanne - posted on 06/01/2011

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I was reading some of the comments below, and thought maybe if you were able, bunk beds in the same room might help him get used to sleeping alone. Maybe just the fact that his sister is in the room with him and not nessasarily in the same bed, just a thought. But as everyone else said, as long as it is ok with both of your children, then it shouldn't be a problem. I have 2 female cousins that are 22 and 24 and they have shared beds every now and again for as long as i can remember and they are the closest sibling i know. Just make sure you ask your daughter how she feels about it :)

Anabel - posted on 06/01/2011

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Of course it is as long as his sister doesn't care, I remember doing the same thing at that age jumbing into my bro's bed who was 2yrs older I still remember those day's and we both laugh about it, just put urself in his situation 7yrs old and scare.

Donna - posted on 06/01/2011

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My twins are 11, and still like to sleep together so i just bought a double bed! There is still the other room set up and waiting for when they decide to separate again, but if they are sleeping, and feel safe, they will make the choice when they are ready. as will your kids. Just let it go, and when he is ready and comfortable he'll make his own mind up.

Alida - posted on 06/01/2011

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If it bothers the sister it is not okay. Wat dose she think about it. It will also be a good place for him to get selfconferdence to know that he can get unscared in his own bed.

Janet - posted on 06/01/2011

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As far as I can remember the law states that at age 7 mixed sex siblings can't share a room so I would say that sharing a bed would have to stop at an earlier age. It is perfectly fine if they were the same sex.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 06/01/2011

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ookay I want to know who'd be exposing under age children to porn. Seriously what kinds of parents would do that?

Barbara - posted on 06/01/2011

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Depends on whether ether of the kids have been exposed to pornography... I agree with all the posts that it is normal for kids to co-sleep.. but exposure to porn changes that... I have a step-grandson who has been exposede ... and there is NO WAY I will allow him to sleep with my granddaughter. Sorry all.... but it has to be addressed.

Itumeleng - posted on 06/01/2011

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He is a big boy now,how old is your daughter? Perhaps consider getting them bunk beds, then one sleeps on top and the other at the bottom should be fun for both of them.

Im also trying to get my Son to sleep with his sister, but they are still small, he is 3 and she is 5, so its not that bad.

Karen - posted on 05/31/2011

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I have very fond memories of the bonding that my sister and I shared as kids while sleeping in the same room. My youngest, now 6, always asks to sleep with her big sister. I don't think it works well on a school night when sleep is critical, but for something to look forward to on a weekend, as long as my older dtr. does not mind, I have no problem with them sleeping in the same room, as long as my youngest does not get attached to the idea and expect it all the time. In dealing with your child's fear issues, those definitely need to be addressed, so that the sibling is not used as the crutch. Explore what he is afraid of and get some good children's books that address that topic. Good luck.

Kat - posted on 05/31/2011

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When my younger daughter Kassidey was around this age group 5-9 yr's she had a difficult time in her room. We had a huge playroom/classroom that was attached to her room and her imagination ran wild. She would often sleep with her older sister Rose or outside her room on the landing when Rose became a teenager and asserted her independance. We tried all sorts of tricks to get her to sleep. We even redecorated with fresh paint that she picked out and bed linens. We lit her room and the classroom (with its door shut~) and did night time rituals of taking a bath, brushing ones teeth, and reading a story and it still took 45 minutes to get her into her bed. I always had this saying, "patience is a virtue that you can't live without."

Arleen - posted on 05/31/2011

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ahhhh......relax. It's fine, normal, and natural.....But, perhaps you could set some boundaries: Do your children have a "bed time"? Do you read to them separately or together before bed? (We did family "read-alouds" until my children were in high school)....Are both children getting sleep or are they playing? Does your son wake up in the middle of the night, frightened, and then go into his sister's room? How old is the sister and how does she respond? I fully support the concept of "family bed" -- but you must never forget that you are the parent, setting expectations, boundaries, responsibilities -- and demonstrating to your children that parents (whether straight, gay, or single) call the shots and that their "alone" and separate time is important too. And a child will develop his/her own sense of independence in an atmosphere of safety, respect, and in the awareness and confidence that love is an automatic given.

Tarysha - posted on 05/31/2011

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I don't think it's a huge deal. Our girls are 12 and 8 and there are some nights that, even though we've told them to be in their own beds, we check on them and find that they're in the same bed, cuddled up with each other. Honestly, I have found even my nieces do that with my daughter (they're 13 and 10). It's a kid thing and as long as they are both getting enough sleep and are alright with it, don't worry. They will eventually grow out of it. At this time, savor the closeness they have, because all too soon, they'll be at each other's throats. :)

Joy - posted on 05/31/2011

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I think it is ok for a while. My daughter is 11 and my son is 14 and my son for awhile after my daughter was born would climb in her crib to sleep with her because he was scared and now that they are older she gos in and sleeps on the floor or he lets her have the bed and he takes the floor when she is scared. It all depends on how you fill about it and how you handle it. You know what is best and you will figure it out on how to make it work. Good luck and God Bless.

Nancy - posted on 05/31/2011

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Yes. It's fine. In many places in the world, children sleep with either a sibling, a parent or a grandparent until they are 9 or 10.

Sharon - posted on 05/31/2011

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Hi,
I have an 8 year old daughter and a 5 year old son and they share the same bed. My daughter who shared a room in our old house however, since moving she had the opportunity for a room of her own and loved the idea of it but now insists on sleeping with him in his double bed. I do not have a problem with this and I think as they get older they will crave their own bed. Good luck

Sue - posted on 05/31/2011

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My kids do occasionally. They are 2 and 4 though but they are a boy and girl. I don't have a problem with it at this time in their lives, they keep each other company and as long as they don't wake each other up it isn't a problem in our house.

Debbie - posted on 05/31/2011

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I think it's ok, being from a family of 4 I can understand it. I would let him sleep with her if she doesn't mind. :)

Lil - posted on 05/31/2011

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How old is his sister If you think he is frightened do you allow him to have a light in his room Or a light in the passage with his door opened Before you go to bed peep in if he is in the wrong bed just put him in his own with out waking him up if possible
Have you asked him why he goes into his sisters bed as you say he most likely is scared has anyone said anything to frighten him to sleep alone have a quite word with him telling him there is nothing to be frightened of Mum and dad are down stairs. Lights are on in the passage and his door is open
Has he a favourite toy he likes to cuddle
Lil

Anne - posted on 05/31/2011

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I have 2 suggestions. 1. Help him create signs that state "no monsters or whatever he's afraid of...allowed". Put the signs up everywhere. 2. How does his sister feel about it? Try putting a pillow and blanket on the floor of her room near her bed. He's allowed there if he wakes up scared

Cindy - posted on 05/31/2011

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I don't see anything wrong with your son getting in bed with your daughter, right now. I would say if it continues for too much longer ( and you should set a time limit) maybe 6 mos to a year. Then if he is still getting into her bed, then I would worry that he needs to speak to someone outside the family, and it may be that he just wants to be close to his sister. He may just stop doing it by himself as he ages....

Rachel - posted on 05/31/2011

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I don't think it is a good idea. If he is scared, it would be much more comfortable for me if he came and snuggled with me where I know he would not cause of be the affect of an experience that would leave a permanent scar... A parent's responsibility is to protect... even if it were innocent now, it could build a bridge that curiousity down the road would lead to ill places when boundaries were not set early... Take it as an opportunity to teach such boundaries and tell him if he is that terrified to come snuggle with Mommy... My 2 cents... :)

Dora - posted on 05/31/2011

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I can't imagine that there is anything wrong for a seven year old boy to get into his sister's bed. He feels safer with his sister than he does when he's alone. When he gets used to sleeping in his own bed he will probably stay there. Does he need a stuffed toy or special blanket to help him make the transition to his own bed?

Keisha - posted on 05/31/2011

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Aww, of course it's okay! Actually, I think it's pretty sweet. :) My twins are 8 years old and a boy and girl, and I've seen them end up in the same bed plenty of times. There's nothing wrong with him getting some comfort.. Like someone else said, as long as they're both able to still get a good night's sleep, I see nothing wrong with it.

Anne - posted on 05/31/2011

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I think it's okay for another year, but then he needs to learn skills to calm himself and overcome his fears.

Wendy - posted on 05/31/2011

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Sometimes things that we are not especially fond of taper off when we don't make a big deal about it..... And, how nice that the kids like each other enough to seek each other out when they are afraid or just lonely. My boys 11 and 13 still seek each other out and crash in each other's rooms. My youngest experienced some stress with some inappropriate text messages and wound up sleeping in my oldest son's room for a month straight.... he slept on the floor for a while and then they moved a camping cot into the room.... they loved spending the time together and I enjoyed listening to them chatting as the drifted off to sleep! It is nice when our children can enjoy one another!

[deleted account]

Deal with what is causing him to be scared instead of the issue of him sleeping with his sister
- mom of 11

Cassandra - posted on 05/31/2011

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I think that he is having a problem dealing with his fear, and sleeping with his sister wont fix the problem. Tackle it together. Come up with solutions to make him feel better. If its not his sister, one day it will be something else. He needs to learn how to trust in himself and assert his own power to know he can make himself safe.

[deleted account]

I can't seem to read all the posts, but the ones I have seen seem to agree with my thoughts. I don't see a problem with it at all.

When we would go visit family in Japan, my cousins (both boys, one year older and one year younger) and I slept in the same bed. We even bathed together. I was between the ages of 6 and 12 during these visits.

Let the kids work it out themselves. If your daughter decides that it's a pain in the backside, she can talk to her brother about it. As long as they're both happy, there's nothing to worry about. I actually think it's great that they have a close relationship that your daughter is just naturally comforting her brother.

On another/yet similar note, I'm going to transition my boys (4 & 2) from our family bed soon. When I do, they will be going into their room into a double bed. A good friend of mine recently did this with her boys (similar age to mine) and it worked really well. Going into separate beds will be entirely their decision.

Heather - posted on 05/31/2011

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The best advice I have received, is do what is best for you, and your family. Everybody has an opinion, whether it's good or bad, but if it means your son is getting a good nights sleep he will eventually grow out of it and go back to his own bed

Sarah - posted on 05/31/2011

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I grew up sharing a bed with at least 1 sister if not 2 or 3. My kids have done so too, my boys prefer to sleep in the same bed. I think it helps bring them closer together and forge lasting relationships with one another.

Amber - posted on 05/31/2011

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for me it's not a problem! i agree with Jennifer Loft! It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal...

Bobbie - posted on 05/31/2011

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Well when my son were small I would get a night light for him to help him not to be scared comfort him a little and see if that works it worked for me when my son was getting in my bed in the middle of the night. For the same reason he was scared too... Well I wish you all the best in this isue. It will be ok children go through these stages I know cause my three sons are grown. God blessed you with a special gift our children. Give it to God ask for understanding let him lead you but the night light may be helpful. I will pray God works it all out for you...Bobbie

Amber - posted on 05/31/2011

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I have all boys and so they sleep in the same bed all the time. They also have a habit of climbing into my bed still. I don't see it as a big deal its just them scared and they feel safe with certain people. They do eventually grow out of it. I was like that too as a kid but by teen years I wanted my own bed in my own room. Does this bother the sister? if it does then there is a problem but if she is ok with it then you have time to work with him on staying in his own bed.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 05/31/2011

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I'm from the States and co-ed siblings sleeping together definitely is not illegal. My brother used to crawl into my bed constantly when we were younger (he's 3 years younger than me) or we'd sleep out in the hallway pretending to have camp outs and we're adopted from different families. We're both married now and he's expecting his first child.
According to my mom I used to crawl into her bed or my brother would do that until we were in middle school at least. My 6 year old climbs into my bed now- which does make some crowding issues. But it is normal.
Just make sure your daughter doesn't have an issue with it and it should go away on its own in a few years.

Ebony - posted on 05/31/2011

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I think as time goes on, he'll stay in his own bed through the nighht. The fact that he starts off in his own bed is a major plus! Just give him time to fuly adjustl

Debbie - posted on 05/31/2011

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As long as his sister is okay with it, then I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. It is so funny to me, that us married or coupled grownups find it a bit lonesome to sleep alone when our significant other is away, but we expect out little ones to be perfectly fine sleeping alone. Beds are for sleeping. Humans are not really wired to sleep away from their family. Our instincts tell us that it is safer and more secure together. Why and when did we in the western world make such a big deal about sleeping together in the same bed and somehow get that mixed up with shame and even sexuality. I am sure that your daughter and son will be just fine if not even sleep better in the same bed. If neither of them mind and both welcome it, for your son to sleep next to his sister when he is scared at night seems just normal and fine to me.

Terralyn - posted on 05/31/2011

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what type of bed does he have? I had the same issue with my son and i had a loft bed for him. one day his step dad asked him why he wouldnt' sleep in his bed and he said it was too high. they took the bed apart and took it into the shop and the 2 of them cut it down so that the bed was a normal height. Now his bed is low enough and he thinks its cool because he got to help his step dad work on it. Since they shortened he has slept in his own bed everynight without issues.

Meg - posted on 05/31/2011

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Our son is six. He is an only child. He winds up in our bed sometimes. Sometimes I sleep through it. Other times I set up my "bed" on the floor Yoga mat blankets and pillows, so I do not feel crowded.

Lacey - posted on 05/31/2011

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I dont see anything wrong as long as everybody fine with it but with my youngest we offer a small reward and make a real big deal if he sleeps by himself..that way he has something to work towards..like he can have whatever dinner he wants because he is a big boy or we do ice cream

Sheri - posted on 05/31/2011

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Your family, your business, your decision. If the kids are happy, I say let them be kids.

[deleted account]

Ofcourse it's ok! My kids do it too! Just think about how many kids in the world share a bed with a sibling because they HAVE to until they get married and leave the home! Eventually he will want a bed of his own, or will grow out of his fear. Not the worst thing in the world for him to share a bed:)

Ela - posted on 05/31/2011

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Let him follow his instincts. He WILL grow out of it! Don't stress. It's wonderful that he feels so comfortable and safe with his (big? little?) sister. Of course, if sister doesn't like it I'd just let him crawl into bed with you. Again, he WILL grow out of it. He's still learning that he can turn to his family for comfort and safety in "the storm" so to speak. It's a very good thing for siblings to rely on each other like that. If he were 12 or 13 it might be a different matter but it's way too early to worry about that. There is nothing inappropriate about his behavior.

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