Is it okay for my husband to go out while im pregnant ??

Leslie - posted on 03/24/2013

Hi.. Samantha how are you doing ? I know you had your baby already..but I just read your message, which sucks because I would of love to talk to you sooner when you where pregnant. I can relate to you! my husband is the father of my 10 month old now.. but I have a almost 4 year old daughter thats not his. with her dad dumbass! my pregnancy was horrible with him..he use to go out a lot too. He worked/works at the bar and usually he was suppose to get off 1am or 2am, but his dumbass thought he was so clever and use to come home at 5am saying he had to clean up real bad and that people left the bar at 3am..sometimes he use to lie to me saying he worked but he really didn't!! ass! omg Samantha can u believe I kept forgiving him! one day when I was 8 months pregnant he came home at 4am and I told him why is he drunk and coming in so late..he got mad and pulled me by my hair , he didn't hit me but its still violence . after I had my daughter things didn't get better, I had hope (dumb me).. one day my 5 month babygirl found a cell inside some speakers!! she probably seen him put it there ..lol ... so I went through it and there was nothing but females numbers..i called about 10 women and they all knew about me and they all hung out with him too, plus he use to pay for their drinks to.. while my ass was at home.. well finally one day when my daughter was 7 months he broke up with me (thank god) be cause I never had the balls to leave him.. Well Samantha guess what! my life felt like it was destroyed ..but it wasn't lol..it got better ! I went to school ,and i had to move in with my mom and sleep in the living room :(. but life goes on. so after 2 months my life got 10 times better , i didn't feel shit for my ex! i had so much hate for me. so i found my husband that i have today :) after being separated for 2 months. THANK YOU GOD!! there are guys out there worth your time and now i had higher standards , i would never let a dumb ass man think they could do me wrong or treat me like shit! oh no!!! so i thank god i met my baby daddy #1 because of all that bad stuff i went through it made me a better person and ALOT STRONGER.. GO ME!!! so my ex begged me back for aleast a year but i never took his retarded ass back.. for what?? do u really think he would change now..NO!! he did it for too long..men like that don't deserve women like us... SOrry it was long, but i want you too know that u don't deserve that.. be strong! I really hope your doing okay .. Please get back me.. So hows the new baby ?

Samantha - posted on 01/25/2013

You have it so much better then me.... mine is always scratching at the door... hes always at the bar, girls always hang on him and he says its fine cause hes not a cheater.. I don't like it when girls I don't know are tagging him on facebook it really bothers me. I'm 38 weeks pregnant and he goes out 3 or 4 times a week. He spends the night at our friends house Mitch and Meg 2 times a week.... He goes to the bar all the time!! I always get upset and cry he gets mad and says wicked mean things cause hes been drinking... He lied to me last night and said he was going with a friend for an hour or so to talk about work.. I had to go pick him up from the bar... He always expects me to pick him up too! Its not fair he never wants to be near me hes never affectionate.. I don't know what to do cause he insists that he loves me and is nice and convinces me he does then he goes back to this shit... my due date is in 12 days and he didn't come home from work hasn't called nothing hes usually home around 5pm its 8:51pm I am sick to death of this... he claims he went to his bosses house with a friend to pick up a pay check... I'm thinking hes at the bar... I talk to him I cry to him... a few months ago he was hanging out with this girl he pointed out when we were at the bar a few years ago one he slept with... a one night stand kinda deal a slut he took home from the bar... i saw pictures someone posted on fb of him his friends and this slut was in the pictures and i would never forget a face he pointed out like that... he admitted he was with a group of friends she was with... but why would he do that to me... he makes me feel like such a bitch for getting upset over theses things... he does it all the time and I'm so stressed out i cry all the time... i just can't take it anymore... to top it off i have no friends no one talks to me anymore cause I'm a lame pregnant girl. I'm completely miserable!!! Sorry about how crappy my punctuation is I'm just going off all upset. I just want to give up and go move in with my dad leave him behind and not look back. He just started helping me around the house with laundry and stuff... he has barely done anything nice or special for me... I wait on him hand and foot like his own personal maid... He never tells me I'm pretty... I hate my life and I'm so unhappy.... It's not fair.

Leslie - posted on 09/12/2012

Hi Mike ... well I had my son already he is 3 months ... and I still don't go out at nights my husband goes out every other weekend ..and he can do whatever he wants..except strip. Clubs. Or regular clubs. Bars are fine with me... we are okay like that,i love staying at home with the kids and I'm really happy how things are going and don't care what my friends. Say anymore .

Jen - posted on 06/01/2012

I'm not pregnant, nor am I planning to be, but if you're not concerned about him cheating - then who cares? I personally go out without my guy and send him out without me. It's perfectly normal. If you don't want to go, and you're perfectly happy at home why should he be miserable and stuck at home when he would be happier out with the guys. As long as he's coming home to you who cares? Good night, you're married, not stuck at the hip.

Anna - posted on 05/27/2012

I think that only you can answer that question. If it bothers you, talk to him and compromise. If the arrangement works, don't fix what ain't broke.

Pamela - posted on 05/27/2012

If you are emotionally upset with him going out on his own, talk to him about it. There is no reason why you shouldn't go out to a club as long as you are only drinking water or carbonated water. Even sodas have too much sugar, so I'd advise against them.

If the reason you don't go to a club is because you are pregnant....why is that? There is nothing embarrassing about being pregnant and being out with your husband. When I was pregnant, my husband was a musician and I often went out with him to his gigs. I have always enjoyed listening to live music. I also enjoy dancing. I even taught dance classes with my last child right up into my 9th month.

One thing that perhaps you need to learn is to not take the advice of your friends unless YOU ASK FOR IT!!! Other people who give you advice without your asking are trying to control your life, which is not their right. Next time your 'friends(?)' start giving you advice say to them politely, "I don't recall asking for your advice, but thanks anyway." If they are true friends they will get the message and STOP giving UNSOLICITED advice.

Go out, enjoy yourself, because when the next baby comes it will probably be a few months before you will feel like doing that again. Listen to YOUR HEART first and then perhaps your friends when you ask for their opinions. As for UNSOLICITED ADVICE, turn a deaf ear.

Kristin - posted on 05/24/2012

I think it is fine if he goes out. Us girls always get together and have girl time with our friends so why would we not allow our husbands to have guy time? I think it is healthy for a wife and husband to be able to still have friends and go out with them from time to time.

Mavie - posted on 05/21/2012

Hi Leslie

There is nothing wrong for him to go out but not at this stage. What if you need him and he is not there, what if you go to labour and he is not there .Remember at this stage anything can happen so you rather be safe and if things were reversed you would have supported him no matter what.And after the baby is born he should not go out completely he is also a parent.You should go out you, him, the baby, and the daugther (as family).

Audrey - posted on 05/20/2012

It sounds like you have worked something out that you are okay with. If your friends question it and so on, it's not their place. You and the husband have to do what's best and works for the two of you.
I do think the others who have mentioned that he should severely curtail his drinking at this point, do happen to have a point. It sounds like he does everything to take care of you and the kids ( i am counting the kid to be soon too in this. =) taking care of you is taking care of that baby as well!) He takes on evening a week when you are sleeping (if i read correctly) to blow off steam....that doesn't sound too bad to me. I wish i could get rid of my husband one day a week besides work,

If it bothers you....for example you wish you could go with him....tell him....maybe you can work something out to soothe those feelings. or at least if you talk about them, you will feel better and maybe he can set aside time for just you and him.

Bonnie - posted on 05/20/2012

There is nothing wrong with it as long as you are okay with it and you know how to reach him if you need him.

Leslie - posted on 05/20/2012

Thank you every one for your opinions/help. So i decided to tell my husband he cnt go out anymore, i have 2 weeks left and lately i been having bad pain on my hips. I talked to him about it and he was super okay with it :). He thank me for letting him out every saturday with his friends and he told me my family come first there is no problem with me staying home if i didnt feel comfortable staying home by myself anymore. I didnt think it was going to go that smooth lol. Well now im just super excited ! for my baby boy to be born :) .. THANKS EVERYONE

Terrie - posted on 05/18/2012

Well, If it were my husband I would not want him going out every Saturday night. I would feel that it is not fair, but then that is me. You however seem to feel it is okay. If you feel it is okay and you feel he is spending enough time with you and your daughter, then that is really up to you and him.

I guess the question would be do you feel lonely without him or do you enjoy the time alone when he is out with his guy friends. If the first is your answer then he is gone to much on the weekends and you need to have a talk, but if the answer is the later, then your relationship has a mutual understanding and really nobody else needs to be a part of the decision making.

Sally - posted on 05/18/2012

yes it is, as long as its not every night, why should he stay in just cos you don't want to go out. It would be different if you were not asked but if you are and choose not to then thats your choice. I will add again that not if its all the time

Alison - posted on 05/18/2012

Nope.

Anna - posted on 05/18/2012

It's okay if YOU say it's okay. If you're comfortable with him going out, it's no one's business but yours. When I was pregnant my husband used to go out with out me, I took it as a chance to get some extra sleep. The only provisions that I put on my husband, once I got close to my due date, was don't get drunk in case I go into labor while you're out, and make sure you're always reachable.

Karen - posted on 05/18/2012

Of course he should go out why not

Wanda - posted on 05/18/2012

If you are posting the above and questioning him going out then you couldn't be completely okay with it. Is he drinking and driving or catching a taxi home?, if he is driving himself home then that is a problem, if he didn't have responsibilities then go ahead and behave as you wish but he has you, a 3 year old and one on the way. I think it is fine for him to go out once in a while with his friends but every Saturday seems a bit over the top. I think you have to be careful that you don't feel left out and start resenting him. You both got pregnant, it took both of you to make it happen and make a decision together to have children, if your life has had to come to a bit of a stand still then his should to - it's a partnership. I also think that drinking every weekend at pubs is a problem and opens doors to what can be avoided under 'normal' circumstances. A few drinks at a friends house once in a while is great - he also needs to be able to enjoy himself but there is no harm in inviting you once in a while and then leave together, at least you can drive him home if he has been drinking. Remember to always approach him with love and respect and speak from your heart.

Susan - posted on 05/17/2012

Sure it's fine for him to go out with his friends if it's OK with you. However, it is not OK at this point for him to have more to drink than would put him over the legal limit to drive. I did drive myself to the hospital with my first son but there is no way I could have made it with my 2nd. The safe delivery of your baby has to come first. After your baby is born, the same should be true. One parent needs to be sober at all times in case of emergency. Other than that, it's really up to the 2 of you an your comfort level. I wish you an easy delivery and a healthy baby!

Susan - posted on 05/17/2012

Sure it's fine for him to go out with his friends if it's OK with you. However, it is not OK at this point for him to have more to drink than would put him over the legal limit to drive. I did drive myself to the hospital with my first son but there is no way I could have made it with my 2nd. The safe delivery of your baby has to come first. After your baby is born, the same should be true. One parent needs to be sober at all times in case of emergency. Other than that, it's really up to the 2 of you an your comfort level. I wish you an easy delivery and a healthy baby!

Caris - posted on 05/17/2012

Guys do need time out with their friends, and they don't need to feel like we are "stifling" them. At the same time, you also need time with your husband. It sounds like you're doing okay in balancing these needs; just be sure to keep communication open, and if there's a night when you feel like you would really like to be with him rather than have him go out, let him know. Hopefully he will be sensitive to your needs also.

Sarah - posted on 05/17/2012

This is my take on it: If you say he can't go out, he might resent you. If you're okay with him going out, then why say no?

I had a VERY tough PPartum period and my DH had to stay home pretty much all the time - it was so difficult for him - and me. We had no means of de-stressing in anyway. Now DH goes out a few times a month and he feels much better and spends more quality time with me. I would be concerned if he was going out with women, or going somewhere like a club where the thought is it's okay to pick up - but my DH just goes out with his buddies (doesn't even drink). So I don't see any reason why he shouldn't go. Though I do say he has to tell me in advance - in a sense ask permission. But that's mostly so we know what the plan is for the months o we don't double book or anything. And also so I know to have things planned for just the girls and I when he's busy.

He does go out during the day - and comes home for bedtime. It's very important for us that he's home for bedtime as much as possible - since he works so much it's a great time to be with his littles.

Lisa - posted on 05/17/2012

"Amanda Gonzales: Megan Rizzo I think your post is mean why would you introduce that idea to her????"

Amanda, I think maybe Megan is just trolling. Ignore.

Amanda - posted on 05/17/2012

Megan Rizzo I think your post is mean why would you introduce that idea to her????

Stephanie - posted on 05/17/2012

My advice below is great once the baby comes, but it still works now. Still take some time for yourself, let him take time for him. I do agree that he should lay off the alcohol though, in case you have to call him at the bar/friends house/restaurant/etc...

Stephanie - posted on 05/17/2012

I think it's okay that he goes out and I applaud you for understand that he, too, needs a break. My advice is don't forget about yourself or your marriage. This is what worked for us:

My husband had Wednesday nights with his buddy. He'd always be home by 11pm.
I had Sunday afternoons with my friends. No kids, no responsibility. Just me
Friday night was date night - no talking about the kids! :)
Saturday was family day. No one was allowed to make other plans that didn't include the family.

It brought my husband and I closer together, but also gave us freedom to relax away from home. You'll have to find your own groove, but as long as both of your are respectful of each others time and are flexible with your schedule - it'll all work out.

Amy - posted on 05/17/2012

Yes, as others have said, I think perhaps he should stay home a bit more from now on, if you feel you need him to. I'm in a similar situation, 38 weeks pregnant. Having said that, my husband went out tonight, while I took our 3yo to dinner at the church around the block then did her night-time routine solo (he usually plays a significant role in that, but all was OK). However, my husband, a huge AFL (football) fan, has turned down a birthday present of tickets for Saturday's game, because of the potential they could go to waste if I go into labour, and he'd be over an hour's travel away without access to a car. It has to be a case-by-case basis, I think. When you or he are talking about plans for the coming days / weeks, ask questions like what if baby comes in the intervening days? What if I went into labour while he / I were out? And if applicable, what if bub's overdue, and you're feeling even more encumbered and 'over it' than you do now?

The other thing - my husband doesn't drink, so I haven't addressed the issue of alcohol directly - but yes, what if he had just had quite a few drinks and then had to get back to you or the hospital for the baby's birth? Wouldn't *he* regret having diminished capacity to be part of the event as much as he night otherwise? You need to be talking to each other about these questions, and then ignoring what others say, who don't know what you're feeling or talking about between yourselves.

Lisa - posted on 05/17/2012

Husbands do need guy time. It does keep them sane and easier to live with! However, with you being so close to delivery, I'm not sure it's a good idea. I would at least say not to risk the drinking in case you go into labor and need him to take you to the hospital. The guy time after baby arrives that's twice a month sounds reasonable if he takes the kids and let's you have a girls night on occasion when you're ready. Fair trade? :)

Mazy - posted on 05/17/2012

I agree with a previous poster that he should stay home now or at least not drink since you are so close to delivering. You could go into labor while he's out drinking & he may not be able to make it to the birth safely! Otherwise, if you are ok with it, then there's no problem. And there is also no problem with you going with him as well. When I was pregnant with my first my Hubs & I went out every weekend to go dancing. He drank very moderately & I didn't drink at all. I think he enjoyed it because I was a guaranteed DD :P Now, when I was pregnant with #2, I didn't go out because I didn't have a sitter for #1 & I did get jealous when he went out. But he was often too tired & didn't too it much (once a month MAYBE). We had some awesome neighbors at that time, so Fri & Sat nights were often spent in front of the fire pit with them after #1 fell asleep. Just do what you are comfortable with & don't worry about what your friends say....they are probably just insecure!

Letitia - posted on 05/17/2012

As far as I know if you trust your husband and he trusts you there is absolutely no harm. He comes home to you and pays the bills doesn't he.

Eileen - posted on 05/17/2012

I wonder why you young girls do not go with your partners there is nothing wrong with going out and not drinking alcohol. I have come across this so much lately, but the men need some time with their friends as often they feel left out when their partners are pregnant and the ladies get all the attention. So they probably need some me time too, the worst thing that I observe is girls being very demanding and stifle their men and want their attention all the time. (not you) That is not good it sounds to me as if you have a well balanced relationship and you enjoy your time with your little ones they are so special and believe me it flies over.

Clarita - posted on 05/16/2012

It is okay for your husband to go out with his guy friends. Just thank your friends for their opinions, which you probably never asked for and don't create problem where there is none. If your husband do not feel free to go out with his friends, he will become frustrated and when he's not happy, you won't be happy either. So make sure he knows you appreciate all the things you mentioned he's doing for you and give him the freedom to go out and have fun with his friends.

Una - posted on 05/16/2012

I personally think he should stay at home as off now, as you are almost on your last. anything can happen from now on. He offered to stay home till baby is 2 months and then he will go out. You are gonna need a lot more help from him with the 3yr old around, still a little demanding I would assume and now the small baby that needs 2/7 attention. I have a 22 month old boy and I am 27 wks pregnant. We both bring money in to the house, my husband always cleans and cooks when I'm pregnant, I only do small things when I have the energy to do so.
I do not allow him to go out every weekend, but once a month and he must be back by 12.
I think it also depends on the relationship you two share. I always do what best suits us, but I do take tips and advise from other woman.

Pasty - posted on 05/16/2012

First, if you trust your husband then there is no problem. Just because someone else doesn't understand the relationship you have doesn't mean that it's wrong. I'm sure that if you wanted to go out with the girls he'd let you go and give you a break too. It's good that you notice he needs to unwind sometimes from work, and it is nice he has developed some friendships. Just keep your communication open and you'll be fine.

Holly - posted on 05/16/2012

I would think since you are asking what others think you are not secure in your own answer to him going out with his friends. Also I agree with one of the other moms alcohol is bad news and causes problems sometimes. I believe you need to really think about how you feel and tell your hubby. He loves you and should be willing to accomdate so both of you are comfortable with the situation. Also you said he was not going to go out with his friends for two months after the baby comes. Huh???? If you guys go out after the baby then that would be good right? You said you are not going out now because you are pregnant, and cannot drink well after the baby comes you can go out with him (maybe not clubbing, but what married people go clubbing?) I wish you the best and hope all works out for you guys.

Leslie - posted on 05/16/2012

Hi Oana, just here answering your questions yes we do live together and what i mean by he stills cleans the house is he works a lot and goes to school/college and still helps around the house so i do think thats a bonus , and by that i mean he is a very good to me. I really dnt know a lot of men who do that for their wifes, i stay home all day so for him to come and clean the house is very nice of him ,knowing he had a long day at work plus school/college, there is days he has lots of homework and stays up late . So i see it as he has lots to do already. By the way im nervous about the labour already lol, but ready !!

Megan - posted on 05/16/2012

Sounds like your friends no something you don't.

Christine - posted on 05/16/2012

I let my boyfriend go out until 1 month before labour in case I needed him. Sometimes it ended in fights because he would bring drunk people home would still wanted to party when I was sleeping. But he told me he would slow down on drinking during that and after baby came... didn't happen.

This is all up to you. If you're ok with it and its no harm whats the point in fighting it??? But remember.... its not cool if hes drunk when your in labour, so many make a limit so your not alone.

Cheri - posted on 05/16/2012

If you are comfortable with that arrangement - then it should be fine. Every couple is different in the way they live. If in the marriage there is mutual trust and love it is healthy for you both to have some 'me' time. After all you both deserve it right?

Donna - posted on 05/16/2012

If you are OK with it then that's all that matters. Personally I wouldn't want my hubby out drinking when I was pregnant. He never did that and I am thankful for that. He worked and spent almost all the time with me and the kids. He would go golfing a couple times a year with his dad. I think alcohol causes a lot of trouble in marriages. JMHO

Carrie - posted on 05/16/2012

The only opinions that matter in your relationship with your husband is yours and his. If you are fine with things they way they are and no one is getting hurt then your "friends" need to get over it and support you. If you do take issue with it, then you need to talk to him about it, even if you think it just may be the hormones of pregnancy. When ever I think I'm being to much of a "girl" with my guy, I'll preface the conversation I want to have with "Maybe I'm being to much of a girl BUT, blah blah blah, and that's how I feel right now", luckily for me my guy understands that and will do his best to accommodate me and my hormones.

September - posted on 05/16/2012

If you're ok with him going out then really that's all that matters. My husband still went out with his friends when I was pregnant, not every weekend but he still went out. I didn't expect him to stop enjoying himself just because I was pregnant. It's great to have a little time to yourself every now and then.

Samantha - posted on 05/16/2012

It sounds like he's not being sneaky about it at all, and since he's just going to hang out at a friend's house, not bars, it's probably just fine. You seem to have a very rational and positive perspective of it where other wives might have a hard time not feeling jealous or upset. I agree with the other posters that if it's not bothering you or hurting your relationship, don't let others tell you to be upset about it. Creating conflict between you won't help! I'm sure he appreciates that you are understanding and let him go out, and you appreciate that he's open and honest and reasonable about it. As long as you nurture that two-way understanding between the two of you, things will continue to be good!

Leslie - posted on 05/16/2012

Thank you every one for putting your opinons out there it really helps, and yes now that im 2 1/2 weeks away from my due date i think he shouldnt be drinking when he goes out, you never know i might go into labour any momment now :)

Dove - posted on 05/15/2012

If you are ok with it then I don't see a problem except that maybe until the baby is born he not have more than a drink or two while out in case you go into labor during the night.

Vicki - posted on 05/15/2012

If you're fine with it then not a problem. Perhaps you could have a few nights out in the next few weeks before the birth. See a movie, meal with friends etc since that'll be more complicated after the birth.

Firebird - posted on 05/15/2012

It doesn't matter what anyone else says. You said you're ok with him going out, so it's ok. This is your marriage, not your friend's marriage.

Sherri - posted on 05/15/2012

Exactly what everyone else has said as long as you are both fine with it then why not.

Stifler's - posted on 05/15/2012

If you're ok with it then why not. I go out and my husband "babysits" a lot and he doesn't care.

Amanda - posted on 05/15/2012

If it's working for you and you are happy with it, it's no one elses business but yours.

The only thing I would be asking would be that he layed off the drinking in case you do go into labour while he was out.

Louise - posted on 05/15/2012

You are a better woman than I am Leslie I would be imagining all sorts of senarios! I really would not be happy with my partner having a whale of a time whilst I am sat at home babysitting. Once in a blue moon is fine on a regular basis no. I would like to go out with him and get a baby sitter or we would not go out at all.

Why should he lead a single life when you have all the responsibility at home. You are supposed to be a team. Let him know if you are not happy with this arrangement because in time it will grate on you and things snowball.