Is it okay to allow my son to cry it out to fall asleep at night for a little?

Katherine - posted on 03/11/2010

Amanda,

Since the problem is solved, and you did get a lot of responses, I am going to lock this thread. If you have a problem just PM me.

Thanks,

Katherine

Administrator

WtCoM

Brenda - posted on 03/11/2010

I know I'm late on this ladies, but I just couldn't help seeing what Alice Walker-Jones said about giving your baby his bedtime bottle in bed! Oh my gosh, what a great way to start his tiny little teeth that haven't appeared, rotting! That is the WORST thing to do, and any parent that does this is playing with fire. Not to mention the high chance of a baby lying prone to choke and suffocate on that milk! Please stop doing this Alice, PLEASE. For your poor baby!

Bonnie - posted on 12/29/2009

I think Mary B. Is on to something. You need to listen to the cry. Decipher if it is cranky or a need. I know my son (corrected age 6 1/2 months) cries out at times. We leave him. Sometimes Mike and I disagree about whether or not I should pick him up, I do any way. I know when he cries hard, loud and constant then he will not settle into a good sleep for the night. Sometimes he needs reassuring or a little snuggle time. Other nights he wants to stay up longer, play and maybe have another bottle. I never put him to bed with one for various personal reasons. We just went through this whole schedule change twice in the last three months. I do not have to wake him up in the morning to go out anymore, so he sleeps a little later some days, not always, then he decides he wants to stay up later especially on daddy's nights off. Your son may be going through some of his own routine changes and may be voicing that. You do need to teach him how to comfort himself and how to settle down, but listen to the type of cry and see if tweaking his schedule a little to see if it helps. He may need to go to bed a little earlier if he is over tired, or stay up a little longer as he is growing and may not sleep as much anymore. Each day may bring a different change as your baby grows. Enjoy him! Best of luck

Patricia - posted on 12/28/2009

When my son gets tired.... he rubs his eyes and gets cranky. He is 9 months old. There is no pleasing him. I try to give him a bottle, change his diaper, feed him, nothng works. I even hold him and rock him and that does not always work. I have to just put him in his crib and shut the door. He cries himself to sleep in about 10 minutes. Sleep is what he needs and his bed is where is he gest it.

Elaine - posted on 12/28/2009

yes, up to 10 minutes

Michelle - posted on 12/28/2009

All I'm saying is that at 6 months old, the infant needs his needs met. Whatever that need may be. Physical needs like clean butt and full tummy are important, but I'm not sure they're SO much more important than an emotional need, like having Mommy or Daddy hold him.

10 minutes doesn't seem long to US, having been alive so much longer, but it may seem an eternity to a baby. He's alone, possibly scared or cold, and he wants his mommy to hold him. Is that so unreasonable of a need to fulfil? In some years, you may be sad that you didn't hold your baby when they wanted it, once they've outgrown the cuddly stage.

Is it harder when you're tired? Yes. But I could never relax if my baby was crying anyway, so why not enjoy the cuddle time together?

Kimberly - posted on 12/28/2009

people are saying that your doing something so wrong by putting your baby down and not rocking them...well I feel like you cuddle while reading a book then...you should be able to just put them down and say good night..the only way to make that happen is if you put them down and let them cry.It's not like they cry forever, you give them a couple week of a bedtime routine and they won't even cry anymore. it's not mean it's having a rountine...we all know rountine is what babies and there parent need for there own sanity.

Nakia - posted on 12/27/2009

I agree... I have read that you should put your bub to bed awake so they don't wake up and wonder where they are. It is acceptable to let them cry for 20 mins to try and settle themselves. You know if the difference in your childs cry - if it is a winge then let them go, but if it is more than that, you should comfort them.

Donna - posted on 12/27/2009

If depends on your baby's cry...you should familiarize yourself to your child's cry there cry that sometimes he just wanted to be picked up or cry that there is something wrong like wet nappy,hungry, or aching tummy due to colic...

Kristen-Mone - posted on 12/27/2009

DON'T GIVE IN.......MY HUSBAND GIVES IN AND SPOILS HIM AT EVERY WHIMPER LOL -STAND YOUR GROUND WE ARGUE AS WELL......BUT U BOTH NEED TO AGREE

Hayley - posted on 12/27/2009

Interesting research. But would you say that 10 minutes of crying is "extreme stress"???

Hayley - posted on 12/27/2009

If all of his needs are met - clean bottom, not too hot or cold in the room, etc, then it is a separation anxiety that your baby is feeling and if you are not uptight about it, he will grow out of it. Babies pick up on the vibes. I have four children and like you, I had an overprotective baby, but as I had a lot of experience with little children growing up in a very large family, I convinced him to let them cry and before you know it they were settling themselves with no problem.

Michelle - posted on 12/27/2009

Sorry I have a follow-up link here: http://drmomma.blogspot.com/2009/12/dang...



I'm not trying to offend anyone here, but people keep saying "if you give in then he'll expect you to pick him up all the time". I mean, of COURSE he will! He's 6 months old! He loves the warmth of having mommy or daddy hold him! That's NORMAL.



Nature made that screaming crying infant noise irritating on purpose - it's to let mommy know that she's needed. Having a battle of wills with a 6-month-old seems crazy to me.



Now, a 2 year old, THAT'S an entirely different battle!

Phan - posted on 12/27/2009

Hopefully the husband is doing his fair to assist in all of this! It's easy to have an opinion, if others are doing the work. He might feel differently if he has to be on night duty constantly. Good luck and you should do what you think is right.



What I learned with my son was this: No matter what you do, as long as you're still greeted every morning with a smile that warms your heart and makes your child's eyes light up, then you're doing the best that you can.

Michelle - posted on 12/27/2009

We NEVER used CIO. 6 months seems a bit young for this method, even if you plan to use it later. Of course, we were still nursing at this age, so neither of my kids really slept all the way through the night until much older. We cuddled together, and yes, even shared a family bed - and when the kids were old enough and secure enough, they went to their own beds and slept. My kids are now 6 and 3, and they still love to jump into our bed - in the morning! They sleep fine now, as we all do, and I never had to listen to my kids crying alone. It was worth it for me to sit quietly with them rather than spend a whole bunch of time an emotional wreck listening to my kids scream. Which I would have been.

Linda - posted on 12/27/2009

When a baby is crying, they are looking for love and confort. Myself and all I know (which probably isn't much) is that your child is developing trust.Trust that you are there and will be there. Personally I don't think a baby should cry it out until they go to sleep. Develops attachment issues. There is nothing wrong with conforting your child even if it is to just be in the same room with them. I was told you can't spoil a baby. (I question that but ...... I wanted my children to develop trust.

Kendra - posted on 12/27/2009

noooooo i started out letting my little boy cry and it worked he got to were he cried for about 2 mins and would fall asleep then his dad gave in and started to go get him and it no longer works now it is a huge battle at bed time!!!!

Sue - posted on 12/27/2009

NO! You are doing the right thing. As long as you know his butt is dry and clean, his belly is full and he is safe, leading pediatricians say it is good for them to cry themselves to sleep, and soon, that won't even happen anymore. My husband was the same way tho...so I hear ya. But it will be so worth it when you get over the hump of him crying. My son is a year and he totally relaxes when we lay him down now. He just rolls over and goes to sleep. I don't put a bottle in there with him tho, I always fed him his bottle then laid him down. When you let them cry they self soothe which is very important for them.

Kim - posted on 12/27/2009

No don't give in..i have a 6 month old and he does that some nights too...they have to learn to put themselves to sleep. The advice my doctor gave to me was great...let him cry for 5 mins the first night, then go in and tell him it's night time he needs to sleep..calm him down a little, but try not to pick him up. Let him cry for a max of 20 mins then go in and calm him down...but letting him cry is the best thing. It's hard on the parents and sometimes all you want to do is cry along with them but it works. Wishing you the best!

Ruth - posted on 12/26/2009

Hmm, this didn't work for us, but if it works then keep it up. Crying for 10 mins never hurt anyone. If after 10 mins he is still really upset then go pick him up and just say "Shh shh, time for bed now" in a nice quiet voice and put him back in bed. Or if you really don't want to pick him up, then I used to go and rub my kids tummys for 20-30seconds saying the same thing.

It is really important that you both have the same parenting style with bedtime or the child will learn to play up with the other person.

Hope this helps.

Stefini - posted on 12/26/2009

No, it's nothing wrong with that. My son is 3 yrs.old. Your husband thinks 10 minutes is long..... I let him cry untill he falls asleep sometimes. And that's about probably 45 to an hour... Word of advice.... don't give in. You will regret it as he gets older trust me, that's why I'm still going through now, because I gave in. DON'T DO IT!!

Traci - posted on 12/26/2009

You are his mom and know him the best... If you are comfortable with letting him cry a little then it is okay, if your husband is not then you need to find out why. He may have a valid reason and the two of you as parents need to discuss how to handle the situation. Having a set routine at night can help calm some of the crying. My oldest child was a challenge and he cried until he was almost three. I would walk the halls putting him back to bed many times and reassuring him all was well. My daughter would ask to go to bed. She would sign sleep. My youngest son cries a couple of minutes when we lay him down if he is really tired and we are off routine. My husband and I try hard to take turns laying the two youngest down following the same rountine so they know what to expect. It is a personal choice of what you are comfortable with.

Terri - posted on 12/26/2009

No way! 10 minutes is nothing to. Wait until they're toddlers and they can get up all the time. I've spent an entire hour and a half putting my daughter back in bed. It gets exhausting and it does good to have someone there cheering you on. I also know men have a harder time listening to the noise of a child crying for an extended amount of time... so he might want to go for a drive or something while you put your son down. Eventually he will know when he is going to bed and that he has no choice and it will be routine. Hang in there. You've just begun.

Diane - posted on 12/26/2009

Quoting Amanda:

Is it okay to allow my son to cry it out to fall asleep at night for a ltitle?

My husband and I constantly argue over how I allow my 6 month old to cry it out. I give him his bottle in the living room and put him in his bed. He cries for about 10 minutes and I know he wants me to go get him and my husband constantly wants me to give in....Should I just give in?

You shouldnt give in!!  My son is 9 months old now & goes straight to sleep as soon as he is in bed. He has a bath, 7oz milk, I brush his teeth then put him in his cot while I read him a story. He is still awake when I leave his bedroom but doesnt cry & is usually asleep in no time. If he does cry, I leave him for 5 mins, then go in so he knows I'm about, put his cloth near his face as he sleeps with a thin muslin cloth & puts it over his entire face when tired. Then I leave the room again. leave him for ten mins if he hasnt settled & go & do the same thing with his cloth. I have never had to go in a third time luckily but if you go in straight away even a 6 month old is clever enough to know he has you where he wants you!!!  good luck xxx

Aleta - posted on 12/26/2009

nope, just check on him to make sure he is alright check that diaper and what not just don't give in

Rachel - posted on 12/26/2009

I personally do not believe in the CIO method. Below, you can read the actual scientific reasons this is not a good method. It is not opinion... it is fact:



Source: Multiple, see index at the bottom. Page taken from http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handou...







Science tells us that when babies cry alone and unattended, they experience panic and anxiety. Their bodies and brains are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol stress hormones. Science has also found that when developing brain tissue is exposed to these hormones for prolonged periods these nerves won’t form connections to other nerves and will degenerate. Is it therefore possible that infants who endure many nights or weeks of crying-it-out alone are actually suffering harmful neurologic effects that may have permanent implications on the development of sections of their brain? Here is how science answers this alarming question:

Chemical and hormonal imbalances in the brain

Research has shown that infants who are routinely separated from parents in a stressful way have abnormally high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, as well as lower growth hormone levels. These imbalances inhibit the development of nerve tissue in the brain, suppress growth, and depress the immune system. 5, 9, 11, 16

Researchers at Yale University and Harvard Medical School found that intense stress early in life can alter the brain’s neurotransmitter systems and cause structural and functional changes in regions of the brain similar to those seen in adults with depression. 17

One study showed infants who experienced persistent crying episodes were 10 times more likely to have ADHD as a child, along with poor school performance and antisocial behavior. The researchers concluded these findings may be due to the lack of responsive attitude of the parents toward their babies. 14.

Dr. Bruce Perry’s research at Baylor University may explain this finding. He found when chronic stress over-stimulates an infant’s brain stem (the part of the brain that controls adrenaline release), and the portions of the brain that thrive on physical and emotional input are neglected (such as when a baby is repeatedly left to cry alone), the child will grow up with an over-active adrenaline system. Such a child will display increased aggression, impulsivity, and violence later in life because the brainstem floods the body with adrenaline and other stress hormones at inappropriate and frequent times. 6

Dr. Allan Schore of the UCLA School of Medicine has demonstrated that the stress hormone cortisol (which floods the brain during intense crying and other stressful events) actually destroys nerve connections in critical portions of an infant’s developing brain. In addition, when the portions of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional control are not stimulated during infancy (as may occur when a baby is repeatedly neglected) these sections of the brain will not develop. The result – a violent, impulsive, emotionally unattached child. He concludes that the sensitivity and responsiveness of a parent stimulates and shapes the nerve connections in key sections of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional well-being. 7, 8

Decreased intellectual, emotional, and social development

Infant developmental specialist Dr. Michael Lewis presented research findings at an American Academy of Pediatrics meeting, concluding that “the single most important influence of a child’s intellectual development is the responsiveness of the mother to the cues of her baby.”

Researchers have found babies whose cries are usually ignored will not develop healthy intellectual and social skills. 19

Dr. Rao and colleagues at the National Institutes of Health showed that infants with prolonged crying (but not due to colic) in the first 3 months of life had an average IQ 9 points lower at 5 years of age. They also showed poor fine motor development. (2)

Researchers at Pennsylvania State and Arizona State Universities found that infants with excessive crying during the early months showed more difficulty controlling their emotions and became even fussier when parents tried to consol them at 10 months. 15

Other research has shown that these babies have a more annoying quality to their cry, are more clingy during the day, and take longer to become independent as children 1.

Harmful physiologic changes

Animal and human research has shown when separated from parents, infants and children show unstable temperatures, heart arrhythmias, and decreased REM sleep (the stage of sleep that promotes brain development). 10 12, 13

Dr. Brazy at Duke University and Ludington-Hoe and colleagues at Case Western University showed in 2 separate studies how prolonged crying in infants causes increased blood pressure in the brain, elevates stress hormones, obstructs blood from draining out of the brain, and decreases oxygenation to the brain. They concluded that caregivers should answer cries swiftly, consistently, and comprehensively. (3) and (4)

P. Heron, “Non-Reactive Cosleeping and Child Behavior: Getting a Good Night’s Sleep All Night, Every Night,” Master’s thesis, Department of Psychology, University of Bristol, 1994.

M R Rao, et al; Long Term Cognitive Development in Children with Prolonged Crying, National Institutes of Health, Archives of Disease in Childhood 2004; 89:989-992.

J pediatrics 1988 Brazy, J E. Mar 112 (3): 457-61. Duke University

Ludington-Hoe SM, Case Western U, Neonatal Network 2002 Mar; 21(2): 29-36

Butler, S R, et al. Maternal Behavior as a Regulator of Polyamine Biosynthesis in Brain and Heart of Developing Rat Pups. Science 1978, 199:445-447.

Perry, B. (1997), “Incubated in Terror: Neurodevelopmental Factors in the Cycle of Violence,” Children in a Violent Society, Guilford Press, New York.

Schore, A.N. (1996), “The Experience-Dependent Maturation of a Regulatory System in the Orbital Prefrontal Cortex and the Origen of Developmental Psychopathology,” Development and Psychopathology 8: 59 – 87.

Karr-Morse, R, Wiley, M. Interview With Dr. Allan Schore, Ghosts From the Nursery, 1997, pg 200.

Kuhn, C M, et al. Selective Depression of Serum Growth Hormone During Maternal Deprivation in Rat Pups. Science 1978, 201:1035-1036.

Hollenbeck, A R, et al. Children with Serious Illness: Behavioral Correlates of Separation and Solution. Child Psychiatry and Human Development 1980, 11:3-11.

Coe, C L, et al. Endocrine and Immune Responses to Separation and Maternal Loss in Non-Human Primates. The Psychology of Attachment and Separation, ed. M Reite and T Fields, 1985. Pg. 163-199. New York: Academic Press.

Rosenblum and Moltz, The Mother-Infant Interaction as a Regulator of Infant Physiology and Behavior. In Symbiosis in Parent-Offspring Interactions, New York: Plenum, 1983.

Hofer, M and H. Shair, Control of Sleep-Wake States in the Infant Rat by Features of the Mother-Infant Relationship. Developmental Psychobiology, 1982, 15:229-243.

Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, 2002; 109:1054-1060.

Stifter and Spinrad, The Effect of Excessive Crying on the Development of Emotion Regulation, Infancy, 2002; 3(2), 133-152.

Ahnert L, et al, Transition to Child Care: Associations with Infant-mother Attachment, Infant Negative Emotion, and Cortisol Elevations, Child Development, 2004, May-June; 75(3):649-650.

Kaufman J, Charney D. Effects of Early Stress on Brain Structure and Function: Implications for Understanding the Relationship Between Child Maltreatment and Depression, Developmental Psychopathology, 2001 Summer; 13(3):451-471.

Teicher MH et al, The Neurobiological Consequences of Early Stress and Childhood Maltreatment, Neuroscience Biobehavior Review 2003, Jan-Mar; 27(1-2):33-44.

Leiberman, A. F., & Zeanah, H., Disorders of Attachment in Infancy, Infant Psychiatry 1995, 4:571-587.

Shainaaz - posted on 12/26/2009

My son who is turning 5 in Jan gave me a very tough time, he would wake up every 1 1/2 and only drink 2 oz of milk. I then joined a moms support group and they introduced me to the book healthy sleep habits happy baby. I lived by that book with my daughter and now plan on doing it with my newborn once he is 3 months if he is the same. It only took me a week to sleep train my son, he would only wake up once after the training which was ok becuase at the time he was 5 months old.

Karen - posted on 12/25/2009

it is ok to let him cry. Sometimes going to get him when he cries out like that is training him to expect that and if anyone else is going to be involved in babysitting, they will not want to because he is "spoiled". you are doing the right thing by letting him cry out. He will be fine :) Good job MOM!

Jennifer - posted on 12/25/2009

absolutely not, i think if you give in that child will know that if he or she cries, they will have their way. i know it seems heartbreaking at times but it does teach them a good bedtime habit

Lauren - posted on 12/25/2009

This is such an interesting conversation. We've always parented using the Golden Rule. We treat our daughter the way we want her to treat us. For us, that meant she was in our room for longer than I think most babies are, we always helped her go to sleep if that was what she needed. We didn't want to her to think that her parents stopped being parents just because the lights went out. For Us, 12 or 18 months out of our lives getting up once or twice a night if she needed us wasn't a big deal. She's nearly 7 now, and has been a great sleeper for a long time now. BUT, what works for us, and our style of parenting isn't what works for other people. You are your baby's mama, and YOU are in charge of figuring out what is best for him. Hopefully you, and others with your question, will read all the responses (There are SO many!!) and glean a few ideas from them... maybe rethink your style of parenting (or not) and make the changes you think would make your parenting journey easier. It's not easy, and the hardest part is that once you think you've got it figured out, they change on you, and you have to figure it out all over again. peaceful parenting!!

Lola - posted on 12/25/2009

No. Otherwise you'll be doing that forever.

Kiersten - posted on 12/25/2009

No!!! This will eventually stop. This is how you teach your child to be on a schedule. Kids NEED schedules. If you constantly give in to tantrums and crying you will create a monster!! Crying is ok, crying never killed anyone! I know it is so so hard to hear your child upset but just stay strong!!

Mary E - posted on 12/25/2009

No, absolutely not! I gave in with my three year old and she is still in our bed in the middle of the night. My second daughter is nine months and i started letting her cry for fifteen mins a night at six months. This works great... she now knows when we put her in her crib that it's bedtime. (With the bottle). A peice of advice would be to put him in a different room so he can't see you and let him cry for ten to fifteen, then check on him. It worked for me so keep it up, I know its hard.

Ranita - posted on 12/25/2009

no dnt give in bcuz then ur son will always cry to gt his way bedtime is bedtime, i hv had my daughters on a bedtime schedule of 8:30 since they were 8ks old. They cried for a lil while and i wnted to run and pick them up but i didnt and it took a few days but they snapped right into the schedule, set a routine for him and follow that routine all the way through until he gets used to it and once he does trust me it will b easier....for example: my girls bedtime routine was bath, massage, book, prayer, thn i put her m her crib @ 8-815 by 830 she was sound asleep......

Kimberly - posted on 12/25/2009

no don't do it...he will eventually stop crying and just go strait to sleep. you know your child and his cry if it drag's on too long then maybe get him but if it's only 10 15 mins. then your doing the right thiung

Michelle - posted on 12/25/2009

no do not go pick him up if he screams for more then 10 or 20 minutes you should go in and and check on him but when ever i picked up my kids it back fired i would go in and rub there tummy or back until they were quiet again and then left

Stacey - posted on 12/25/2009

NO! Just make sure he is burped and a clean diaper and not still hungry. Then put the bugger to bed. He wants to sleep and you are teaching him to do it without you! When will you finally wean him of helping him go to sleep? When he is a Toddler...teenager?

You are doing the right thing. 6 Months old is another milestone where their sleep patterns change. If he wakes at night and is well fed then make sure he doesn't have a foot caught in the crib, then pat him on the back and leave the room. Or wait and see if he works it out before you go in. Sometimes they are not awake when they fuss at night. Good luck.

plus men tend to be less tolerant of crying. Mostly an annoyance thing. I find they will do anything to stop the crying to save their own ears. This is not always a good way to go.

Marlies - posted on 12/25/2009

You sound like very caring and thoughtful parents. Conflicts like yours exist in every marriage, and it would be good if you two communicate over the goals and parenting issues which will face you from now on. We all come from different backgrounds and bring different ideas into the relationship. When you both agree on the same thing then follow it in your parenting. It is important that you both see and implement it the same way consistently, because that is largely what your child will learn and eventuallly manipulate. I personally believe that letting him cry it out is o.k.. Kids will learn that self-soothing is part of living.

Maria - posted on 12/24/2009

I am a mother of 3 grown children, let me tell you, they all had different personallites, even as babies! One I could lay in the crib and he would go to sleep and stay asleep, my youngest was rocked to sleep, woke up several times at night, would sip a little, then fall back asleep. She was still waking up at 9 mo, but didn't want to eat,so I realized she wasn't waking up to be fed, just get attention. A friend of mine advised me to let her cry herself back to sleep. Best advice I ever got! She needed to learn to just go back to sleep on her own, it didn't take long.

Sharyn - posted on 12/24/2009

my daughter is one, and some nights she has her bottle in bed, (it soothes her to half sleep) and she decides she will scream and cry .... i leave her for about 15 mins, good for the lungs ... then i go in, lay her down again, and say good night i love you and leave .. she does the same thing again ... this time i am itching to go in and i hold myself back, she promptly lies down and goes to sleep cause she knows i wont go in .... i know it might seem like a bad mother ... but they know you will go in at the merest drop of a cry .... hold strong!!!! if he has a clean diaper, comfy clothes and is warm (in cold weather) and you know there is nothing that could possibly be bothering him, let him cry a bit, go in and soothe him and walk out .... trust me it works ...

all this reading books is pish posh .... trust your motherly instinct!!!

Sativa - posted on 12/24/2009

You should always make sure before you put him to bed that his diaper is clean and his clothes are appropriate, Also does he use a pacifier? Maybe it fell out or maybe he spit it out so he could cry. Basically just make sure that he doesn't need to be made more comfortable. After that then yes if he is only crying for 10 minutes or so let him cry it out. He will learn to self soothe and that is a very important lesson that will help him all his life. I read your question and my response to my husband for a father's perspective and he agrees with me.

Amanda - posted on 12/24/2009

Wow I did not know I started such a heated debate. I honestly believe that it does work to allow the baby to cry it out. If he is fed, changed, and in his crib safe from all harm, then there is nothing wrong with him crying it out. Babies are very smart if and when I pick him up he is suddenly quiet.

Leanne - posted on 12/24/2009

yes u should give in? i would never let my son cry himself to sleep? he may be teething or in pain? because he is so young,i think u should give in?

Crystal - posted on 12/24/2009

I don't like the "Cry It Out" method. I like the book, "The No Cry Sleep Solution"- it helped me a lot with getting my babies to go to sleep without them crying at all.

Donna - posted on 12/24/2009

Dont give in. When I had my daughter I put her to bed from day one not quite asleep so she would learn to fall asleep on her own. She slept through the night at 4 weeks old. My son was a month early and slept through at 7 weeks. If you give in then you are telling him its OK to cry because he will be rewarded for it. Some babies need to cry before falling asleep. If he is screaming and it a different cry he may be in pain but you will know the difference between that cry and Im tired and just winding down cry.

Sam - posted on 12/24/2009

Quoting Hannah:

I think leaving a baby to cry is really not the right thing to do. Babies cry because that is how they communicate, they need or want something and at this point their wants are still their needs. I have a 5 and half month old and she has been sleeping well for a while because I do the same exact thing every night. I know routine is something that works for the majority, ours is play, nurse, bed. Others do bath, story, feed, bed... etc.

To get on my soapbox for a moment, I feel like letting them cry it out is like letting them cry themselves to sleep which most of us know isn't much fun. 2 hours is entirely too long IMO and by that time they are probably hungry/wet again. Good luck to you and keep in mind this won't last forever.

:)

Be careful with that soap box! Our daughter slept through the night from the time she was 8 weeks old ... we were so proud and well rested, and then all of a sudden at 8 months she started getting up 1 - 3 times every single night, which has been going on for the past 3 months now  ... we have a great bedtime routine ... she has no problems falling asleep, but still keeps getting up every night. If she needs to be fed or needs a diaper change ... no problem, but some of her wake-ups are just her wanting us to get her out of bed to play with her. She can cry a little and learn that night-time is for sleeping - not playing! No crying is not fun, but I have to respectfully disagree with your point that needs and wants are the same thing at this point ... if it's the latter - a few tears is not the end of the world. If she 'needs' something Mom and Dad are right there, but giving into ridiculas requests (like playing in the middle of the night) are going to lead to much bigger issues later.

To answer your question Amanda, I wouldn't worry too much if he's crying for a couple of minutes. Many people have great suggestions about bedtime routines - usually if they know what's coming next, they're pretty accepting, but you know your son best. I personally feel like when my husband or I gives into my daughter's crying when we KNOW she doesn't need anything, we've undone the work we just did. If she's crying (when she doesn't need anything), we just go and check on her every 10 - 15 - we lay her down, give her the soother, rub her chest and shoosh her a bit to sooth her, say "It's time to sleep" and gently walk away. I'm not sure if we should even be doing that since she's still getting up during the night, but it at least works and gets her back to sleep! It sounds like your son doesn't even cry for that long, so it sounds like you're doing pretty good!

Crystal - posted on 12/24/2009

I did the same thing with my son when he was that age and no, i never gave in. This is how i think of it: if you give in then your child will know that you will always give in when he/she crys. so they will cry all the time for what they want... my son is so well behaved and he will be 2 in feb. He goes right to down for naps and bed time. sometimes he will get out of his bed and cry a little but never longer than 2 or 3 min. For the most part he asks to go to bed early! Letting your child cry at that age i dont feel like its a big deal... but thats just my opinion, im sure other mothers feel its never ok to let them cry, but sometimes its what you have to do to keep your self sane.

Sam - posted on 12/24/2009

Quoting Hannah:

I think leaving a baby to cry is really not the right thing to do. Babies cry because that is how they communicate, they need or want something and at this point their wants are still their needs. I have a 5 and half month old and she has been sleeping well for a while because I do the same exact thing every night. I know routine is something that works for the majority, ours is play, nurse, bed. Others do bath, story, feed, bed... etc.

To get on my soapbox for a moment, I feel like letting them cry it out is like letting them cry themselves to sleep which most of us know isn't much fun. 2 hours is entirely too long IMO and by that time they are probably hungry/wet again. Good luck to you and keep in mind this won't last forever.

:)

Gail - posted on 12/24/2009

yes. and it's not giving in. he needs to be comforted. your sweetie is only 6 months old! every child is different. some cry. some don't. some want to sleep with you. some want to be alone. listen to your child. our daughter was very sensitive and we ended up letting her sleep in our bed for a few years like they do in Japan and parts of Europe. and we cuddled her when she cried. we tried that let her cry it out thing and it just freaked everyone out. she's now 20 and well-adjusted and happy. and she TRUSTS us. please, please listen to your husband. his instincts are right.

Tessa - posted on 12/24/2009

I just want to let you know that studies have shown that letting a child cry alone releases stress hormones that cause brain damage. This brain damage can impeded growth to certain areas of the brain. I don't know what age letting them cry alone doesn't do this anymore. Perhaps it's around the same age that a child understands that you're not gone forever when you step out of the room. At 6 months, your son is crying because he thinks he's lost his loved one forever (he has not concept of time) and he stops crying because he gives up hope that you will every return. Sorry to put such a sad spin on it but, no matter what people say about their success with this method, it's a very sad picture in the long run.