is it okay to have a baby shower for your second child?

Trish - posted on 07/29/2009 ( 279 moms have responded )

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for my first pregnancy of my daughter i did not have a baby shower or anything like that. I'm now pregnant with my second child, which is a boy, and was told that it would be wrong for me to have a baby shower for this child. I don't know what to do and i would really like one since i haven't had one... please help

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Crystal - posted on 08/01/2009

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Do what you want to do. Don't let other people's opinions dictate what you should or shouldn't do. If you're okay with it then who has the right to tell you that you shouldn't do it. If it offends someone then they shouldn't come anyway. What really matters is celebrating the new little life. However you choose to do that.

Tandi - posted on 07/30/2009

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sharon you are not being helpful to the mother who originally asked a question

also so you really think you are coming off as well educated, and high clas here? I mean seriously you have been sittiing on this post for a while now just itching to get a reaction, and when you finally got one, you try to make your self sound all high and mighty and oh so very educated, when really all that I see coming through in all your post is just stubborn pigheadedness and the absolute need to be "right"

well guess what, this question was not about you, you are not more right than anyone here, and you are what is wrong with circle of moms.

This is a site about sharing advice, and now I suggest you take my advice I gave to you earlier and just GO AWAY!

Tiffany - posted on 07/30/2009

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Sue me Webster's security guard. Why are there always 2 or 3 opinion "warriors" that post to a thread and keep coming back to beat their opinion into everyone else?? I've read your other posts on here and some of them are rather "classless", "tacky", etc. etc. You gave your opinion, I gave mine, they gave theirs...no need to state it 4 or 5 or more times.



If someone is married more than once, yes they get a bridal shower if they want it.

If someone moves and they want to throw a housewarming party they can, if they want to.



It's all up to the guest if they want to bring a gift, join in celebration or just stay home.

Julia - posted on 07/29/2009

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Having the opinion that that someone shouldn't have a shower for the second baby has nothing to do with saying that the second child is any less special than the first. It is about the fact that if you did have a first shower than YOU were given things by friends and family to use for your children. Especially big ticket items like cribs, swings, strollers and such. And by having a second shower you are asking them to by YOU more baby gear. So if you want to celebrate the second child then have a baby party and specify that you don't want items. But don't make your friends and family feel obligated to spend more money just for the sake of having a shower. That beind said, I think you should absolutely have a shower for your second child beng that you didn't have one for your first. You're not in any way asking people to rebuy things they've already bought you just for the sake of having a new one for the new baby. Besides you don't even have to have a traditional shower. I had a coed shower which my husband really appriciated becase he got to enjoy opening the gifts and just having fun with everyone that showed up. And the only "game" that we played was a betting pool, where everyone bet on which day our daughter would be born and the winner got half of the money and the other half went in our daughter's piggy bank. But however you do it enjoy yourself and let your fiends and family contribute to your family even if it is a little late.

Nikki - posted on 08/22/2009

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I was always told that you only get a shower for your first child, and you were supposed to save everything you could if you decided to have more children. I have also heard of people have 3-4 showers while they were pregnant for their first. So why would it matter if you had a shower for every child? I have gone to Diaper Parties. They are parties for woman that are expecting their second child. I have also been told that it is bad etiquette for a family member to host a shower. Who made these rules up anyway? If someone really wants to give you and your second child a gift there are no rules saying they can’t. So what would it matter if you set one afternoon aside for people to do so. Party on ladies!!!

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Megan - posted on 11/27/2011

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I think that you deserve one since you did not get one for the first child. Some people are so focused on how things used to be done and are big old sticks in the mood about this issue. I think that you deserve this and just don't invite anybody who is going to make you feel sad about this. This is a boy and will need different things so go right ahead and enjoy a party for this baby boy! Many blessings to you!

Sarah - posted on 08/23/2009

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Hi, I had a baby shower, they are fun, if but nothing else it is a great excuse to see your friends and have some fun. I say go for it, you will have a lot less free time once you have your baby

Tammy - posted on 08/23/2009

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you should have a baby shower 4 your baby as there is nothing wrong with that i have 3 girls & had baby showers 4 all of them not that i got 2 make it 2 my 3rd daughters baby shower though as i had a emerg c-section the night be 4 it & she was 5 weeks early i reackon every baby diserves it own baby shower

Kimberly - posted on 08/23/2009

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A baby shower is a celebration welcoming your child, it doesn't matter whether it's your 1st, 2nd or 5th

Vickie - posted on 08/22/2009

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The old "rule" was a baby shower was given for the first baby only. I think that's way out-dated. I gave a baby shower for my oldest step-daughter when she adopted her 2nd baby. Giving a baby shower is for those who care about the mother-to-be, no matter how many babies she has.



To me, the only time being invited to a baby shower is wrong is when the person that the shower is being given for is someone you've never met (even if it is a family member) & the only times you receive invitations for an event for that person is when they are very obviously looking for gifts/money & you never hear from them again.



Besides, some people may need certain things for a new baby & may not be able to afford very much. So giving a baby shower is a huge help to them.

Amanda - posted on 08/18/2009

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Who cares what people think. If you want a shower then have one. I have 5 kids and I didn't have one with the first 3. I was given a surprise shower for my 4th and 5th by people who love me, my friends and my family.

Amanda - posted on 08/18/2009

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Who cares what people think. If you want a shower then have one. I have 5 kids and I didn't have one with the first 3. I was given a surprise shower for my 4th and 5th by people who love me, my friends and my family.

[deleted account]

And on another note, have you not noticed that in most European countries, no one has even ever heard of "rules" for showers? There's another shower thread on the Welcome page and if you read through, you'll see many people from Europe, Australia, Canada...who think it's perfectly normal to have a shower for each baby. Us Americans have too many dang hangups if you ask me.

[deleted account]

Quoting Ann:

A shower for your first born is what that is all about!
You can have as many kids as you want after that. Some people don't know when to quit...give me, give me.
Do you have a wedding shower for your first anniversary as well? Come on guys.



Really?  You're gonna compare having a CHILD to a wedding anniversary?  Wow. Have you not read any of the other posts and do you not see that the general "modern" concensus about baby showers is that they are about celebrating life?  Just because YOU think that if a woman has a shower for more than one baby means she is greedy, doesn't mean she is.  If you scroll up and read, you'll see that the majority of people are talking about the gift of life....not about getting gift after gift after gift.  So your "give me, give me" comment, I personally find insulting.  You can call it a shower, you can call it a celebration of life party, you can call it honkey dorrie time for all I care.  It's semantics, pure and simple.  Each new baby deserves to be celebrated.  And if good friends and family WANT to bring gifts, why not?  What the heck is the big deal with people attacking others on the simplest of topics lately?  You don't approve of what someone else does so you feel like you have the right to attack?  Or to try and make someone feel bad?  If you don't "approve" of someone having a shower for more than one baby, then you know what?  Don't go.  Simple as that.  Jeez.  As for me?  I had one for my son.  If and when I have any other babies, regardless of if I have another boy or not....I can guarantee you that I'll have a shower for each one.  Because no one who loves me would want ANY of my babies to think they weren't as appreciated as the first. 

Jennifer - posted on 08/17/2009

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The best thing anyone did for me was to throw me a shower for each of my children. The catch was for the gift to be diapers and/or wipes! I didn't buy diapers for about 6months after one such baby shower.

Hanna - posted on 08/15/2009

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Quoting Ann:

A shower for your first born is what that is all about!
You can have as many kids as you want after that. Some people don't know when to quit...give me, give me.
Do you have a wedding shower for your first anniversary as well? Come on guys.


 



No, but i buy my husband a gift and i he buys me one too. a wedding anniversary is something to be celebrated by a couple. however, if a person re-marries, yes, by all means they need a new wedding shower -- i don't know about you, but i wouldn't want my new husband/wife to sleep on the same mattress and sheets as my previous one. yes, you probably won't need the whole house worth of gifts, but you do deserve a bridal shower or a wedding party -- you celebrate the new union.



 



as far as baby showers -- you celebrate a new life and just because you already have a baby, doesn't make the next one any less special and it's a great opportunity to have a party. and there's nothing wrong with planning it yourself if you dont' have the support of your family/friends -- just like with your b-day party, you can throw a party if you want to celebrate the fact that your baby is coming. and as far as registry -- well, judging by what you're saying -- it's better to have one, that way you only put items you need, which are usually less the second/third time around. i bought all my big-ticket items myself (well my mom gave me some of the money because it was her first grandson and she wanted him to have certain things that i wouldn't have been able to afford). but smaller items, i put on my registry. and to this day, the best gifts were -- grooming kit, thermometer, oncies and baby wash as well as diaper coupons. all these items cost less than $20. so why not?

Hanna - posted on 08/15/2009

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Why does it need to get so rude and argumentative? It was just a simple question and if you don't agree with the fact that every child should have their own shower, then DO DIFFERENTLY WITH YOUR OWN PREGNANCIES, there's no need to get into a bashing contests with those who do.



And for everyone who believes that it's wrong to have your friends and loved ones helping you out with second, third child, let me remind you of the following:



1. an average baby registry costs about $2000 (when includes all the baby needs like clothes, diapers, etc.)



2. an average child birth costs about $10-12000 between OB fees & hospital bills and even when we do have insurance, lately it doesn't cover all of it, so you still end up paying at least 1000 out of pocket



3. most people having kids do tend to either pass on or sell smaller baby items when no longer in use (to help a friend or to make a little bit of extra cash to be able to buy bigger stuff) or alternatively, they're forced to give/sell it because a lot of us live in apartments and storage is a major issue. not to mention the fact that storing baby items for a long time in dark spaces (like storage) may create dust, mold, bacteria build-up which are not the safest thing for the baby.



4. over the years, people do change cars, houses/apartments and some stuff gets damaged, lost, etc. not to mention the fact that each car seat needs to be individually adjusted to every car (and what fits great in one car, may not fit correctly in another -- presenting a major safety issue for the baby)



5. lately, with the state of the economy, a lot of people have lost their jobs, lost their hours, lost or received a cut in their salaries, benefits, insurance coverage, etc.



so what is so wrong about asking your friends and loved ones to spend $10-$100 (again, whatever they can and are willing to spend on a gift) which after a shower will make a huge difference in your budget (because all those gifts would add up to quite a bit)? how better to give birth to a child and get yourself into a major debt than to have others help you out a little bit at a time?



and for all those siting Miss Etiquette: it's improper to call someone's house after 8pm, yet how many of us are doing it? it's proper for a man to help you with a coat, open/close car door for you, help you in and out of public transportation, has be below you when walking up/down the stairs, now do we all follow all these 100% of the time? i'm sure not. oh yeah, it's also improper for a woman to sit fully on the chair, she has to sit on the edge and have bottom of her legs crossed at all times -- do we always do that?



some of these "older" etiquette rules are a bit outdated, others have changed over the years and while it may have been inappropriate 20-30-50 years ago, it's perfectly acceptable now. so personally, i really don't see the point of arguing about the second baby shower because last time i checked, people are not forced to come to one if it's against their personal beliefs.



Trish, good luck to you!

Hanna - posted on 08/15/2009

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why would it be wrong? times have changed, circumstances have changed so if you have an opportunity to have one, definitely! besides, who really saves all the items from one child to the next unless they're a year apart? yeah you keep bigger items like crib, stroller, car seat, but not little ones like clothes, toys, diapers, sheets (you are allowed to like a different bedding pattern for your next child), etc. and even with cribs and car seats they don't recommend to use them if they're older than 4-5 years because safety regulations change.



another thing is, who said that you only have one baby shower? you have as many as you want -- hey you can have several for the same child with different groups of people (e.g. work colleagues, friends, family). so do what works best for you! and if someone doesn't like it or thinks it's wrong, then they're more than welcome to either not attend the shower and/or not throw one for their own second child.



Congratulations to you! Plan a wonderful shower, have a blast and don't worry about what everyone else is thinking/saying -- you can't please everyone even if you try.

User - posted on 08/15/2009

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Are their shower rules.. Never heard of them.. Hmmm.. you learn something new every day... Oh, I say... have as many showers as you want and as you need to. How about just having a Im-A-Mom Shower! or a I-Need-A-Break Shower! or and this is my fave... A-Vacation-Trip-to-Some-Paradise-Beach to Relax-Shower!!! LOL.. Be blessed all you beloved moms.. YOU deserve all of the above and so much more!!

User - posted on 08/15/2009

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You absolutely should have a baby shower. its fun for you, gifts for your baby and you and loads of fun, connection and laughter for you and your family and friends. Its one of those perks of being a new mom.. Take advantage of it and have fun! Be blessed beloved of God. You and your babies!

Jodie - posted on 08/13/2009

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i think it's perfectly fine to have a shower for each of your children, even if you don't need much or even if you do, why tell that child because you were the second, we didn't give you a shower... it's about celebrating having a baby, not the gifts.

i'm about to have my second, and my girlfriend is throwing a mommy and me shower...just an idea :)

Jennifer - posted on 08/13/2009

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I think you should go ahead and have the shower. Dont worry about what other people say about it. do your thing girl. CELEBRATE the gift of GOD which is your child. If you are worried about what people think about you doing this then dont invite them to the shower.

Nancy - posted on 08/13/2009

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Who says 'celebrating' the birth of your child by having a baby shower and getting gifts is right. I do not go to these things because it makes me upset. No where else in society except weddings and baby showers do they expect other people to give them gifts. When you receive a gift it is from the heart, when you receive a shower gift it is a demand. You, your spouse and family members celebrate the birth of your child. Do not expect everyone else to carry your load. If you could not afford to buy the items yourself then you will not be able to afford the baby. My child has a cold party to be medicene. How about a shoe and clothes party? OR have you ever heard of a funeral party to help pay for the expense of a death. Grow up world no one owes you a thing, get married, have babies and die without costing everyone else.

Sera - posted on 08/12/2009

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The second baby is just as special as the first and should be celebrated just as much!!! And should be given just as many toys and presents :) If people complain..remind them of this :)

Carlisa - posted on 08/12/2009

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girl no please have a baby shower for the second baby and don't you feel gulity ethier sometime things happen to prevent us from having those type of things.but that don't mean that you love one child more then the other it just means that you had to get you business together and thats the best sign for a damn good mom.your kids can say that my mom is the greatest and she makes sure we have what we need.

Emily - posted on 08/11/2009

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Go ahead and indulge yourself. Where I live, it doesn't matter how many kids you have, how many marriages you've been in, a baby is something to be celebrated. Shoot, even the men in my family go to the baby showers of friends wives, and the gals in the family. There is too much emphasis on etiquette and tradition. Kind of like don't wear white after labor day. Honey, I'm a nurse, I had to give up on doing what the older generation said a long time ago. Get together with the girls and have a blast, besides, kids are sooooo expensive. I don't care if you have money when you start out, babies and kids always find a way to drain the wallet. Let others help out when they can.

Kathy - posted on 08/10/2009

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i think u should i have 4 kids and i had 3 bb showers the last 2 i did myself. its ok have fun go all out.

Jessica - posted on 08/10/2009

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My sister had a baby shower for her second and third baby but not the first I think its absolutely fine to have a baby shower for the second one especially since you didn't get to have one the first time

Brenda - posted on 08/10/2009

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I feel that every life should be celebrated! Society is to complicated to follow old traditions of our mothers and grandmothers generation.Every ones situation is different. If some people do not agree they can choose to stay home

Jocelyn - posted on 08/10/2009

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If you didn't have one for the first go ahead. Who cares what others say. I had one for my first but not my second. When I found out my last pregnancy was twins my church decided to give me a diaper party. That way nobody could say anything about have another baby shower. It was great. Try that. Everyone that was invited either brought diapers or a gift. You can't go wrong if everyone brings diapers.

Ann - posted on 08/10/2009

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A shower for your first born is what that is all about!

You can have as many kids as you want after that. Some people don't know when to quit...give me, give me.

Do you have a wedding shower for your first anniversary as well? Come on guys.

Monica - posted on 08/10/2009

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Well i feel that it is this is my third and im having one today. This helps you out alot. You might want to also consider throwing a pamper and wipe party so that you can be good in that area as well.

Debbie - posted on 08/10/2009

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It really isn't up to you anyway since someone else should host it. If someone want to do that, great! They're lots of fun...

Mary-Jo - posted on 08/09/2009

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You can have as many showers as you want! If you have what you need, just inform your guests that it is just food, fellowship and laughter instead of gifts, but if you don't have what you need then you need to be registered so people know that. It is best to have a friend or family member in charge to send out specific info to your guests so they know your situation and what is or is not needed. Just have fun! Every person is different in their etiquette so just go with the flow.

[deleted account]

I'm having another shower, my first was born 6 years ago. I got rid of everything because I was never going to have a second child. Opps, never say never. In your situation you had a girl now a little boy, so do they plan on him wearing pink onesies? It is such an old tradition one baby shower period. If you didn't have one, go for it. If people don't want you to have one. I say don't invite them and enjoy your day. I hope you get all the items you will need for your new bundle of joy. Have fun & congrats!

Carla - posted on 08/08/2009

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yes, it ok any baby is special i have had 3 and all boys and my family has celebrated evey one of them like if they were my first. my parents only have gran boys no girls and i cant tell the diffrence they love them all the same.

Claire - posted on 08/08/2009

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I gave my sister a "Mommy shower" as she had all she needed for baby but i thought it would be good to get her things to pamper her self with..............

Cassandra - posted on 08/08/2009

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I think it's your choice or the person giving it to you. I think every child is special, so why do for one and not for the other.

Nafeesah - posted on 08/08/2009

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Quoting Trish:

is it okay to have a baby shower for your second child?

for my first pregnancy of my daughter i did not have a baby shower or anything like that. I'm now pregnant with my second child, which is a boy, and was told that it would be wrong for me to have a baby shower for this child. I don't know what to do and i would really like one since i haven't had one... please help



Yes absolutly, you can have as many as you want.  Especially when someone else is giving you one (smile).

Teri-Lyn - posted on 08/08/2009

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each baby deserves to be celebrated, i don't automatically think gifts when i think baby shower, i due usually bring one but that's because babies are exciting and i'm pretty sure most people would've grown up hating having to use everything hand-me-down. enjoy your pregnancy, celebrate your baby n forget all the high n mighty people who want to deprive their second n third or so on babies of having their own special time.

Annick - posted on 08/08/2009

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Hello Trish no where does it say you cant have a baby shower for the second child. I had two for my first child but had them after baby was born, had a prem. Second child i also had a baby shower, very early because i was worried that i would go into labour. So you go a head and have your baby shower its important and it gets you mentally and emotionally ready. Enjoy xxx

Martha - posted on 08/08/2009

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Though people are doing it for each baby, the shower is for the first child. Supposedly it is a way of helping the new mom and dad cover some of the expenses of getting prepared for the first child. However this was the notion many years ago and many people support the idea that it is simply a celebration and welcoming of the new baby. Truthfully, friends and family brings gifts even when there is no formal shower planned.

Brooke - posted on 08/08/2009

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well you dont have anything for a boy so yeah you should have another baby shower a baby shower is to help you prepare for your baby and celabrate this new baby , i had one for my first too i had a boy then a girl and they dont wear the same clothes soo it totally makes sense, congrtulations by the way

Gaby - posted on 08/08/2009

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You should definitely have one. Don't listen to this type of stupid advice. If you feel bad about not having a babyshower for your first child have one for both at the same time. This is America it's a free country dear.

Amber - posted on 08/08/2009

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I think it is just fine to have a shower for your second child. I did not have one for my first one and 7yrs later am pregnant with my second and I have nothing for this one so my best friend has thrown me a shower. traditions have changed over the years. I believe that every baby is special and deserves nothing but the best.

Ariana - posted on 08/08/2009

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Yes, I had 4, one for each child. The first was huge, and the others were small. Mine were all less than 2 years apart. We have a big family, and any kind of party is a plus. Each child deserves to have pics of a baby shower in their baby book and gifts that you can give to them later- 1st blanket, etc. Each child had different needs. Don't invite those that are questioning...see how they feel when they are left out. =)

Veronica - posted on 08/08/2009

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You have never has a shower and I think it would be alright for you to have a shower for your baby! Enjoy and have fun (it is a special time in your life).

Jody - posted on 08/08/2009

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It is one persons thought that you should not have a baby shower for every child born, who said that one person is right. I have never heard that you should only have one shower for the 1st baby. Lets just make up our own rule - you should have a baby shower for all babies born!! its a bit like who determined what a swear word is??

Billie - posted on 08/07/2009

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I have know young kids today don't go by equitite(spelling) I have bee invite to many second showers but If you didn't have one the first time I see nothing wrong with having one. I come from the school too since I'm a grandmother of 8

Tamara - posted on 08/07/2009

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Whether you have a shower or not, (My family lives all across the U.S., so I missed that ritual) You could still register, because people will often want to buy for a new baby anyway. Without a shower i still received many items for my son, just missed the celebration...

Sheith - posted on 08/07/2009

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I have three children and family and friends have given me a shower for each child. Each child is special in his or her own way and deserves this special time. With my second daughter, I had many hand-me-downs from my first so I received lots of diapers, wipes and gift cards along with several "special" outfits "just for the new baby"....all of which were greatly appreciated and used. I think you should tell your very close friends and family how you feel and I think they would be more than willing to give you a baby shower. Good luck!

Samantha - posted on 08/07/2009

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I just hosted a shower for my friend who is due with her second child. And my sister is already planning one for me, and this is my third, although she is calling it a "Baby Sprinkle" and only inviting my other sisters and a few close friends. I think if someone wants to throw you a shower, then by all means go for it. I had 4 with my first, one with my second, and by the way it seems another for this pregnancy.

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