Is it possible for my sons father to get full custody??

Melissa - posted on 07/10/2012 ( 136 moms have responded )

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I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years... Our son is turning 1 on August 5th. Since I refuse to get back with him, he is saying he is going to get a good lawyer and take me to court for full custody. I have a full time job. When I get off work, Im caring for my kids. (I have a daughter with someone else. Her father is not around, so she calls him Dad..) I dont have any criminal history. Im a good mom! I live for my little angels!! Him on the other hand, has a criminal history, including animal cruelty, aggrivated DUI, several traffic violations, and I think he has some charges for fighting in a bar. He doesnt beat on the kids or anything. But he does yell often, mostly to my daughter. But when my son was 2 and 3 months old he would scream at him in the middle of the night to "shut the F up"... He yells at me often also.. But when I go to court I know he will lie about it! I dont have any proof or evidence.... His family has money.. So Im wondering if it is possible for him to get full custody if he has a good lawyer? I dont really have any money... The money I do have goes to the kids. I went to the court house to file for custody but they gave me a website. I know NOTHING about the law!! I need help!!!!

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Katherine - posted on 07/24/2012

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Your child's last name has nothing to do with custody.

Do not take his calls anymore. If he calls, email him back.

Don't say anything negative to the kids about him. Don't try to coach them at all.

Do your parents live nearby? Could you stay with them?

Holly is right, keep all other men out of the picture for now, document like crazy and keep your nose clean.

Diana - posted on 07/24/2012

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I can almost guarantee you he will not win full custody of your child. He is a lot like my ex And my husband's ex. We both went through the same type of drama and my ex for my 9 year old I do have a criminal history of a felony drug charge but that was so many years like 9 years ago And have done nothing but positive things since then and my daughters dad has a violent criminal history because he likes to start fights. he sounds like the type of person to make empty threats don't let him intimidate you by telling you stuff like that because it is no way in hell true I have found that out so many different times. the only thing he will probably be getting is to pay you child support and have visitation rights to his kid but if you are not doing anything to harm your children you are fine.

Holly - posted on 07/24/2012

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You need to be very careful and document every conversation you have. Only use email or text so you have written record if he threatens you in anyway file a report immediately! Contact legal if you can get an attorney. If he had ever been abusive contact branches they are shelter but also can help you with paper work etc... Yes in WV he can get full custody. My three sons were taken away from me by parental alienation accusations from his attorney and I was labeled unfit with no evidence you need to be smart get a tape recorder and tape him if he says anything you can use against him. He shouldn't use threatening to take your kids away to make you stay. Good luck! If peace is possible it is always best try to get him to do the custody through a mediators and come up with a custody calendar you can both live with. Depending on the county the judge and what fancy attorney he can get you need to be careful. Him screaming at the kids isn't considered abusive but his criminal record will help your case don't move any boyfriend in or have any other man around your kids til it is over, don't give them any ammunition against you keep yourself squeky clean!!

Samantha - posted on 07/24/2012

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if the boy has your ex boyfriend last name yes he will go to his father and if he has your last name will he probly stay with you

Sharon - posted on 07/24/2012

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Judge is probably going to leave the kids where they have been presuming it has been a safe and positive environment. If the kids have a regular and healthy routine that would be disrupted if he had them, the judge usually leaves them in the place that they've known as home the longest. Again, presuming it's a safe and loving place.

Find the law school in your area that can work with you. Sometimes they can work with you on a sliding scale.

Mairet - posted on 07/23/2012

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HI there is alot of good advise here. I am in a similar spot. My second daughters father as it turns out has quit the record. We just broke up after living togehter for only 6mths I was alone with no support or help from him throughout the pregnancy and now he left us high and dry. SOme detectives came to my home looking for him and that is how I found out his history. He is a socialpath and process server in Miami Dade County a professional stocker with a liense to stock and has had several injuctions against him for stocking harrasement and domestic violence all of this aside he also uses his court crudentials to con people out of money promising legal workl which never gets done. He is being investigated for public corruption. He has been threatning me etc and with this history and current investigation he will be lucky to keep his current minor daughter let alone take our daughter as he is threatning.

The detectives tolod me to ignore him that he is bullying me and to keep all texts etc. I suspect your ex is doing the same thing. Dont let it get to you but make sure to go get legal help. I have been unemployed for 2 yrs now and I went to my local legal aid office for help. I have cut and paste the FL Statue for children born out of wedloc I hope my story helps.

Keep your chin up

The 2012 Florida Statutes

Title XLIII
DOMESTIC RELATIONS
Chapter 744
GUARDIANSHIP
View Entire Chapter



 744.301Natural guardians.—

 (1)The parents jointly are the Natural guardians of their own children and of their adopted children, during minority. If one parent dies, the surviving parent remains the sole Natural guardian even if he or she remarries. If the marriage between the parents is dissolved, the Natural guardianship belongs to the parent to whom sole parental responsibility has been granted, or if the parents have been granted shared parental responsibility, both continue as Natural guardians. If the marriage is dissolved and neither parent is given parental responsibility for the child, neither may act as Natural guardian of the child. The mother of a child born out of wedlock is the Natural guardian of the child and is entitled to primary residential care and custody of the child unless the court enters an order stating otherwise.

 (2)Except as otherwise provided in this chapter, on behalf of any of their minor children, and without appointment, authority, or bond if the amounts received in the aggregate do not exceed $15,000, Natural guardians may:

 (a)Settle and consummate a settlement of any claim or cause of action accruing to any of their minor children for damages to the person or property of any minor children;

 (b)Collect, receive, manage, and dispose of the proceeds of any settlement;

 (c)Collect, receive, manage, and dispose of any real or personal property distributed from an estate or trust;

 (d)Collect, receive, manage, and dispose of and make elections regarding the proceeds from a life insurance policy or annuity contract payable to, or otherwise accruing to the benefit of, the child; and

 (e)Collect, receive, manage, dispose of, and make elections regarding the proceeds of any benefit plan as defined in s. 710.102, of which the minor is a beneficiary, participant, or owner.

 (3)In addition to the authority granted in subsection (2), Natural guardians are authorized, on behalf of any of their minor children, to waive and release, in advance, any claim or cause of action against a commercial activity provider, or its owners, affiliates, employees, or agents, which would accrue to a minor child for personal injury, including death, and property damage resulting from an inherent risk in the activity.

 (a)As used in this subsection, the term “inherent risk” means those dangers or conditions, known or unknown, which are characteristic of, intrinsic to, or an integral part of the activity and which are not eliminated even if the activity provider acts with due care in a reasonably prudent manner. The term includes, but is not limited to:

 1.The failure by the activity provider to warn the Natural guardian or minor child of an inherent risk; and

 2.The risk that the minor child or another participant in the activity may act in a negligent or intentional manner and contribute to the injury or death of the minor child. A participant does not include the activity provider or its owners, affiliates, employees, or agents.

 (b)To be enforceable, a waiver or release executed under this subsection must, at a minimum, include the following statement in uppercase type that is at least 5 points larger than, and clearly distinguishable from, the rest of the text of the waiver or release:

NOTICE TO THE MINOR CHILD’S Natural GUARDIAN

READ THIS FORM COMPLETELY AND CAREFULLY. YOU ARE AGREEING TO LET YOUR MINOR CHILD ENGAGE IN A POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS ACTIVITY. YOU ARE AGREEING THAT, EVEN IF ( name of released party or parties ) USES REASONABLE CARE IN PROVIDING THIS ACTIVITY, THERE IS A CHANCE YOUR CHILD MAY BE SERIOUSLY INJURED OR KILLED BY PARTICIPATING IN THIS ACTIVITY BECAUSE THERE ARE CERTAIN DANGERS INHERENT IN THE ACTIVITY WHICH CANNOT BE AVOIDED OR ELIMINATED. BY SIGNING THIS FORM YOU ARE GIVING UP YOUR CHILD’S RIGHT AND YOUR RIGHT TO RECOVER FROM ( name of released party or parties ) IN A LAWSUIT FOR ANY PERSONAL INJURY, INCLUDING DEATH, TO YOUR CHILD OR ANY PROPERTY DAMAGE THAT RESULTS FROM THE RISKS THAT ARE A Natural PART OF THE ACTIVITY. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE TO SIGN THIS FORM, AND ( name of released party or parties ) HAS THE RIGHT TO REFUSE TO LET YOUR CHILD PARTICIPATE IF YOU DO NOT SIGN THIS FORM.

 (c)If a waiver or release complies with paragraph (b) and waives no more than allowed under this subsection, there is a rebuttable presumption that the waiver or release is valid and that any injury or damage to the minor child arose from the inherent risk involved in the activity.

 1.To rebut the presumption that the waiver or release is valid, a claimant must demonstrate by a preponderance of the evidence that the waiver or release does not comply with this subsection.

 2.To rebut the presumption that the injury or damage to the minor child arose from an inherent risk involved in the activity, a claimant must demonstrate by clear and convincing evidence that the conduct, condition, or other cause resulting in the injury or damage was not an inherent risk of the activity.

 3.If a presumption under this paragraph is rebutted, liability and compensatory damages must be established by a preponderance of the evidence.

 (d)Nothing in this subsection limits the ability of Natural guardians, on behalf of any of their minor children, to waive and release, in advance, any claim or cause of action against a noncommercial activity provider, or its owners, affiliates, employees, or agents, to the extent authorized by common law.

 (4)All instruments executed by a Natural guardian for the benefit of the ward under the powers specified in this section are binding on the ward. The Natural guardian may not, without a court order, use the property of the ward for the guardian’s benefit or to satisfy the guardian’s support obligation to the ward.

History.—s. 1, ch. 74-106; s. 8, ch. 75-166; s. 7, ch. 75-222; s. 1, ch. 77-190; s. 3, ch. 79-221; s. 17, ch. 89-96; s. 22, ch. 92-200; s. 66, ch. 95-211; s. 73, ch. 97-170; s. 11, ch. 2002-195; s. 8, ch. 2005-101; s. 3, ch. 2006-178; s. 2, ch. 2010-27; s. 1, ch. 2012-48.

Note.—Created from former s. 744.13.




You will be in my prayers.

Crystal - posted on 07/19/2012

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He would have to prove you unfit, first. If you have been the one who mostly cared for the child such as medical, daycare, etc.. then most likely you would get custody and he would receive visitation. This is what my daughter's dad did to me and I was awarded everything. He was shocked when they put him on child support, and the only thing he has is visitation. If you are worried about the way he would care for your child then he record would be brought into play.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/19/2012

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Since you already have physical custody they will rule with you. He has to prove you an unfit mother to get custody. Go to the website and do what you need to do. If he threatens it again tell him your gonna charge him with extortion and you don't need a lawyer for that. You just go to your local police station or sherrif's office depending on where you live and file the charges. You need to also go to child support recovery. If he wants to make that kinda remarks. Put him in for child support through the government. Some of this may cost but not much. Good luck.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 07/18/2012

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Thanks, I don't know how it's going now. Everything started a month ago and from what my friend said her brother's ex has done this before so all we need is for the judge to go after her and give the brother/father sole custody. She's a drug addict and alcoholic and doesn't do anything to support her daughter anyway. My friend's brother was just too trusting.

Natalie - posted on 07/18/2012

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I'm so sorry I will pray for all of you! I just don't understand hurting each other by using the kids!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 07/18/2012

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Natalie, my friend's brother never had an actual custody order in place, he just had his daughter living with him full time and allowed visits. Then his ex just up and took the baby from AB to BC and he's fighting it.

Natalie - posted on 07/18/2012

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Megan and Tracy my son has custody of his son for various reasons. His mom is very young in the mind and has a lot of growing to do. Visitation is supervised. After almost two years of drama its a good thing for my son and grand baby. Sad it had to come to something like this.
Maybe one day she will get it right. Until then we are here to help them that's what families do.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 07/18/2012

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Traci, my friend's brother is trying to get custody of his daughter over in Alberta for about the same reason. She took their daughter from AB to BC and is now refusing to give her back and they never had a custody order.

Traci - posted on 07/18/2012

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I work at a school and and have a male cousin who has custody of his son due to the mother not having stability in her life. Most of the time courts won't remove a child unless there is evidence that the child is not in a safe enviroment and are clean and have food and shelter. I work at a school there is a family who has children that need to be taken away. They are still in the home because there are no signs of abuse, but they have lice and are dirty all the time. I hope this works out in your favor. I don't know of you pray, but if you do ask God to have favor in your life.

Lacey - posted on 07/17/2012

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i dont know how your state works but i have gone through this very same situation myself the courts here like to put the child with who already has them and can provide for them as long as you have a stable home a job and there is no possible way he could prove you to be unfit you will get custody its VERY hard for a father to get custody but i will tell you that you need to file custody papers with the court before he does good luck it will be ok

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 07/17/2012

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Every state is different. In WA now (we get a lot of WA stations here in BC) there's a lawyer advertising his services to help men not be weekend parents anymore. I believe that there would be a law guardian appointed for the child- I had one even when my daughter was 2 and couldn't talk yet.

Natalie - posted on 07/17/2012

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Megan I understand totally. It sucks that these children become pawns in a grown ups game. Being in Colorado things are a bit different and to be honest very gender bias. I wonder if a guardian ad Liam would help in this case to make sure the child's best interest is represented

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 07/17/2012

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Natalie it's true that family court is drawn out. However from my experiance and reading about how joint custody works (especially in NY) if the two parents don't get along joint custody is more of a way for one parent to keep sway over the other one. My ex tried to use that and said if I gave him joint I wouldn't have any issues moving to BC from NY (he's in GA) I told him I'd think on it (I have always had sole custody and it irks him that he didn't get his own way) and after I read that joint basically means that both parents communicate on everything and have to agree on everything I decided against it because my ex never returns phone calls or emails and just wanted to have more sway over my life.

I also didn't need his permission to move, just the court's.

Natalie - posted on 07/17/2012

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To get full custody he would have to prove you unfit lawyer or no lawyer. Family court is a long drawn process but it has to be in the best interest of the child. Since you have no criminal background and are providing for you child in every way he honestly doesn't have a case. The courts will most likely have the two of come up with a joint custody agreement.

Wanda - posted on 07/17/2012

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Hardly ever will a judge take children away from their mother's unless it is in the best interest for the child to be with the father full time. I don't see you having anything to worry about. The judge needs to see that you care for the best interest of your son. He or she needs to know that you don't intent to keep your son away from his father and that you want him in his life but you feel that it is best to have your child with you full time. I got divorced from my first husband 12 years ago and we had one child together. We went to court and I got full custody and was told to make suitable arrangements for my son to spend time with his father. I let him go there every other weekend and some holidays.I had and attorney and he didn't. My sister just went through the same thing two weeks ago. Her estranged husband had and attorney and she didn't. She was granted full custody and her now ex husband gets her every other weekend and some holidays. My sister had a lot going against her as well as prescription drug abuse and she still got custody.I know that it is scary whenever your children are involved but sounds like your ex boyfriend is trying to hit you where it hurts and he knows that threatening to take full custody will hurt you. Try not to argue and fight with him and make sure that you let the courts know you want your son to have visitation and you may also want to let them know that supervised visitation would be best for the first year or so because of his past and his temper. Good Luck to you but I don't see you having anything to worry about.

Susan - posted on 07/15/2012

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If grandma pays his way, get on her good side and ask her not to pay for a lawyer for him. tell her the truth and what it would do to the kids. However the courts are not going to take your child away from you without good reason. He'll get visitation and with his record you may be able to get that supervised visits only- also I would have it that he was not permitted to drive with your son in the car do to his dui.

Tricia - posted on 07/14/2012

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Also one more thing they as in the courts are not going to run a backround check on him that is not their job. Just remember to always stick to the facts and never under any circumstance give your opinion, unless asked by the judge and then keep it about the child and concern for babys welfare and making sure that the baby will be safe while in his custody during his visitation. Remember the courts like the parents that are willing to share the child as long as the conditions are safe because the child needs a mother and a father. If you remember nothing else remember that and you should do ok. They will only know what you tell them. But don't bad mouth him in court just take physical evidence such as copies of court docs on his criminal history, and most importantly ask that he be drug tested and have a social study ordered on him. The other side to that is anything you request he have to do you have to be willing to do yourself, because a lot of times if they order it for one side they will do it for both, be willing to prove that you have nothing to hide. And if you have an attorney they will handle all of that for you but you need to let them know you want them to. If not you will need to do some research to find out how to request this at the court you have to file in. Always ask that he have to pay for these services and for your fees, attorney fees etc. Most states and county's have a Bar association you can call and get names of atty. from there and some will have lower fees and that is the purpose of those list most of the time, just depends on where you are. In Texas you can go to the www.texasbar.com or www.dallasbar.org or the number for Texas Bar is (214)220-7444. Then there is the National Family solutions, their web address is www.nationalfamilysolutions.com and although you are not the father you can also use The Fathers Rights Organization, and no they do not just help fathers. God bless and God speed to the point where you can all start the recovery process. This could be painful and ugly but just remember it will end and things will get better.

Tricia - posted on 07/14/2012

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Melissa.

All of this overwhelming advice is great and all. What it all comes down to though is where you are located. Historical outcome from the court you will have to file in is not always a good example of how it will turn out in your situation, but it will be what lawyers and others base their predictions of your outcome on. Keep in mind Judges change some are voted in and the rest are there previously or brought on by the Judge holding the political seat. I was told it would not go all one way or the other but would land somewhere in the middle. That was as far from the truth as it could have gotten. I was told they never move a child from their school during temporary orders. Well that was even further from the truth. So just take what everyone tells you with not a grain, but a pound of salt. The first thing I would do if I were you is go buy a digital voice recorder and when ever you have a conversation with him record it you do not have to tell him. On the phone just use speaker phone and if in person turn it on and keep it in your pocket. Keep every conversation to a minimum and always keep it about the baby never about the two of you. This way you are covering you own you know what and you will have evidence of any threats or violent behavior from him. Keep your head up always remain calm and kill'em with kindness. It will look good for you in court. Good luck for all of you. I hope you do well.

Maria Cleofe - posted on 07/14/2012

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Try to read everything you can about family law in your state. You don't need to prove about his reckless behavior since they can do a background check on him. Then go to your family court and file fot custody and support! Keep on reading at websites. The TRUTH is what matters and it will show no matter what. God bless and good luck!

Heather - posted on 07/14/2012

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If he has a criminal background the judge will take that into consideration. They should have given you information for the Family Law Facilitator who will help you fill out papers and give advice but won't be able to represent you in court. Good luck!

Katherine - posted on 07/14/2012

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Do go to Legal Aide. And call the folks from the local Domestic Violence Program. What he's done is verbally abusive. You might download the Safe Children and Adoptions Act. It is the Federal Guidelines for placements. One of the key Terms is "Sibling Integrity", it means that brothers and sisters should be kept together.
You can also ask for his Criminal Record which he can't lie about in Court.
Do seek Legal Services and Domestic Biolence assistance. DV may have advocates and have a referral list of competent but kind attorneys to go see.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 07/14/2012

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I only know how New York works from personal experiance. I know how BC and AB work from second hand experiance

User - posted on 07/14/2012

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If you cannot afford an attorney, definitely go to legal aide! My daughter is dealing with a similar situation. She has two children. The father spent time in jail for 'accidentally' shooting someone. Fortunately, this kid was not seriously hurt. He had threatened to take their daughter from my daughter. He does not claim his son. In Arizona, they will not give sole custody to the father unless he can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the mother is not capable. With is criminal history, it is unlikely that he would get sole custody. With legal aide, you have to fill out all of the paperwork and do all of the leg work, but you do have the opportunity to sit down with an attorney. He will look over your paperwork to make sure everything is filled out properly and will answer any questions you may have. If you are low income, you should be able to get any fees waived. You probably have to go to the website to print out the custody papers. That is what my daughter had to do.

Tricia - posted on 07/14/2012

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I am writing this back to you as I have been a victim of the system for the last six months. He who has the most expensive lawyer and money to do what ever he wants will likely get custody of the kids. Unless you protect yourself in advance. Do not take his threat lightly go file yourself first. That is the best way to protect yourself. If you wait for him to come thru on his threat you will very likely loose the baby. Call legal aid and ask to apply they will walk you thru the steps and then send you a letter letting you know what the result of your application is. If they have lawyers available, one will be assigned to you. You need to start reading up on family law in your state. Do not listen to people that tell you typically this won't or that doesn't happen because I was told all of that as well and all the things that typically happen or do not DID and now I am l fighting an up hill battle with no lawyer while he makes my kids miserable. And his lawyer has made over $45,000.00 . Yes it is about money and not the children anymore, what a sad sorry system we have.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 07/14/2012

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Kethy, I'm from New York and past actions were important along with what he was doing now. My ex's actions of canceling visitation with his daughter, throwing a tantrum in front of the cops during the time we were going into court for custody and visitation and being verbally abusive were indicators that he wouldn't be a good father. Plus when the judge asked my ex why he and his wife wanted sole custody of our daughter he said it was because he could give her more stuff. There was no mention of loving our daughter or wanting a relationship with our daughter, he was only concerned with material things and not having to pay child support.

Also pardon me for saying so, but aggrivated DUI and yelling shut the fuck up at a child is definitely something a family court judge would be interested in when concerning custody and visitation for a child.

My ex's personality came out again when I went to court in 2010 to apply for moving from NY to BC with my new husband and my then unborn child. He refused to come up from GA even though he could get the time off and sent off emails about how everyone was against him and that the judge overseeing the move (the same one from our first case) needed to grow some balls and had sent that to the judge.

Kathy - posted on 07/14/2012

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Megan, I was just drawing on our experience of what happened last year. The court told us that what happened between the two of them didn't matter, all that mattered was the welfare of the child and since none of the abuse; severe verbal, emotional, and physical towards her wasn't any indication that he wasn't a good father. He also has a criminal record and is a job hopper. But since he filed with the court first, is a good liar, and dresses well he won... :( I was told that it does depend on the state you live in... :(

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 07/14/2012

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Document everything and keep your lawyer apprised of what he does.



Also dragging up things like a criminal background and evidence of abuse isn't considered 'slinging mud' in court. It's considered revealing facts that are important in deciding in who gets custody and what type of visitation is needed.



My lawyer mentioned when my ex nearly got himself arrested outside my house when he was causing a scene and refusing to leave. She also mentioned the times he didn't come down to get our daughter and his verbal and emotional abuse towards me. I have full custody and am the custodial parent for my now 7 year old daughter and have had it since October 2007. My ex has visitation, but he never excersizes it.



I don't know where you ladies get mud slinging from unless your husbands are the ones who didn't get custody of their children because of court cases and it was due to facts like that.

Kathy - posted on 07/14/2012

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Nicole Penner is right about dragging up all of the bad stuff about the ex because it shows the judge you are more concerned with mud slinging than the child. As you two weren't married, you can file for support from him and he will need to submit to a paternity test. Once it's established he is the father support will be ordered and visitation awarded. The young age of your son puts a limit on the time he's allowed to spend with him, usually supervised. I recommend you look up the Parenting Guidelines online for your state. There is a lot of good information, do's and don'ts, these are laws to protect the welfare of your son. Keeping a journal does help the legal-aide or lawyer you end up with because it shows a dated and timed order of his attempts to actually go out of his way to see his son, or refusal to see him. Write down everything!!! Hang in there and good luck!!!

Marissa - posted on 07/13/2012

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Record on a calendar if he says anything or treats the kids in any way that he shows anger. Keep it at your work so no one that comes into your home sees it. And if you have text messages keep them forward them to a sibling or your parent to keep for u as well. All that can be used as evidence so he won't get full custody. Be defensive for yourself cause he sounds like a selfish person. You will be fine and definitely seek out some legal help like others have mentioned before.

Pamela - posted on 07/13/2012

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Did you go to the website and try to maneuver your way around it? Sometimes those websites are easier than you think. They do set them up for the general public to be able to understand. I do not know your level of education but don't be frightened of the website simply because you are unfamiliar with the law.



Secondly, there is no guarantee in courts these days....especially if your husband's family has money. They are a bit more cautious about this than they used to be.



Here is a suggestion. get one of those small hand held tape recorders from Best Buy or other discount place that has a VOICE ACTIVATED system. When he comes over turn it on and leave it in a place where it can pick up his voice, but not be seen...Like behind a framed picture. Make sure it has a tape inside when you turn it on. It will only engage when it picks up voices. Otherwise the tape stops so you don't waste tape Then you will have proof of his abusive language. It may take you several visits to get it....or not....depending on whether or not this is ALWAYS his behavior when he comes to visit.



Any abusive language picked up that he uses against you or the children will be there for proof. This can then be used in a court of law.



Get the phone number of the local office of the State Bar Association and ask if they have any idea if there are any volunteer legal offices in your area. If so contact them for assistance. If not go to any state agency that deals with child advocacy issues and speak to a counselor there.



Catholic Charities is a large organization that has offices in most major cities. Their services are free and varied. Find the number for your local branch and call and explain your problem. See if they have some free legal services. BTW, you DO NOT have to be a Catholic or attend their church for their services and they do not try to get you to go to their church either when you ask for assistance.



Hopefully my suggestions will be helpful. You may also want to do some free online classes dealing with relationship issues to help you get a bit more clear on what you want in a mate. Right now there is a free service that has 3 seminars a day which might help you center in on finding a mate that works for and with you.

Go to: http://evolvingwisdom.com/attractyoursou...



The highest and best to you and your children.

If you cannot find such an agency go to a local church and ask help of the minister. Even if you are not a member of a church or a regular

Rebecca - posted on 07/13/2012

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I am in the same situation, my kids dad was even arrested for child abuse and charged but not convicted, yet CPS says the father is in no way any danger to our girls. WTH. Really. Anyways they said the same thing if anything it would be 50/50 custody or with his record you may try asking for supervised visits and anger management or parenting classes or co parenting too to show you are trying to work on raising them the right way. IT isnt easy especially when the father is manipultive liar. It's emotionally tiring. I tried to get free legal aid, but make too much money yet had to move in with my girlfriend and her kids with our girls to make it. ITs crazy and the fees are high to file so my first case was thrown out because I couldnt pay in time. Good luck. Just know you are a good mother and do the best you can for your children.

Lakota - posted on 07/13/2012

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No, he can't take them away for full custody. You must get an attorney though.

Brenda - posted on 07/13/2012

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Your Ex-boyfriend sounds like a control freak among other things...He won't get custody unless he can prove you as an unfit mother and I don't see that happening at all...Good luck...

Jodi - posted on 07/13/2012

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He's probably just threatening you because he thinks if he threatens you with taking the child you won't sue him for support! He should be wrong in his assumption.

Go to the legal aid clinic in your area and file for custody and support....period! Get it reduced to judgment and then you don't have to be under the "worry" that he is going to sue you. When you take the scary monsters out of the dark they just look like fools in clown's clothing. Turn on the lights and face your situation head on.

Good luck!

Sarah - posted on 07/13/2012

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he wont get custody hun unless he can discredit you for example he would need to prove that you were miss treating or bassically not being a good mum which i hav no doubt that you are a great mum so he wont get custody he may get visitation but u can request that it be supervised by social services at one of their local offices not ideal i know but you wont need to see him that way i hope that helps a little good luck . ps apply for legal aid thru a family solicitor .

Marta - posted on 07/13/2012

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Get a lawyer! Preferably the meanest, most successful one in town. some lawyers will even do some pro-bono work. Also make sure you go on record about the yelling at the kids & if you think he might be dangerous to them, try to get supervised visitation. Many situations like yours have ended up with shaken baby or other injury because nobody was around to take care of the child. for instance-what might he have done other than scream at your son in the middle of the night if you hadn't been there to take care of him? He doesn't sound like someone I would leave a child alone with! See if you can get a child advocate for the kids, to represent their best interest in court. The advocates talk to the children and get their take on the parent's behavior & they can help convince the judge if your ex is going to be a bad caretaker, or if the kids are scared of him.
Good Luck!

Ashley - posted on 07/13/2012

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Check for legal aid in your area. That needs to be your first step. If you were never married, I would recommend filing for custody even if he doesnt get a lawyer on his own. Document how often he sees his child; document any outbursts, anger, violence, etc as it happens; keep a daily diary that you document any interactions (good or bad) that he has with you and your child (i.e. in person visits, phone calls, etc). By keeping track of this daily that will be your proof, especially if you have phone records, etc that can back it up. This way the judge knows you are honest in what you documented.
He most likely will not be granted full custody with the criminal charges you mentioned. With the animal cruelty, agrravated DUI and fighting in a bar, this shows he has violent tendencies. Even with a good lawyer, these things can't be swept under the rug. A judge may grant joint custody and if they do you would want to make sure to get sole physical custody of the child.
You having a full time job will show that you are responsible and supporting your children, this should help not hurt your chances of getting custody.
I wish you the best of luck. I highly recommend that you make the first move and get legal aid and file for custody with him having visitation...

Jennifer - posted on 07/13/2012

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i dont think he has much of a chance. sounds kinda like what im going through. my daughter is 3. i left her daddy about 5 months ago. he hasnt seen her in a little over 2 moths hes only called me 1 time and it was to tell me he was taking me 2 court over her. at first i was worried cause thats my baby girl. but i relized he doesnt have a job and he has a drug charge he did some pretty bad things 2 me when i was pregnant with my daughter all the way up till i left him and kinda like u i cant prove any of it and i know if we go 2 court he will lie about it. i also work full time and all my extra money goes 2 my baby. so i dont have any money 2 fight with him in court. but bottom line i dont think he has a chance. full custody no way. visitation maybe

Naomi - posted on 07/13/2012

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You need an attorney and it also depends a lot on what state you live in. All states appear to have very different divorce laws. Document whatever you can.. keep text messages and emails, etc...

Good luck.. battling my own case here in FL!

Nikki - posted on 07/13/2012

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Every state is different. You need to contact an attorney that knows the laws in your state. There are programs for people who can not afford attorneys, Depending on the state you live in the things you mentioned may or may not be used against him, GET AN ATTORNEY and follow his advice.

Virginia - posted on 07/13/2012

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Tell the courts that you are affaird for your sons well being. They will do something about it. My husband is going through the same with his older 2 kids that arent mine.

Stella - posted on 07/13/2012

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He can't take your kids away if your not unfit
He on the other hand can get whomever
He wants the facts stand he is a criminal.
Which judge in his right frame of mind will
Reward him the kids? Every state has a legal
Aide office, call information for a number
Make you an apt. There you will have a free
Attorney. To teach you all that you need to
Know and do to protect your kids.
Make the other dad pay while you are at
It. You won't struggle that bad.
Get passed the fear. Stand for yourself make
The call.

Stella - posted on 07/13/2012

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He can't take your kids away if your not unfit
He on the other hand can get whomever
He wants the facts stand he is a criminal.
Which judge in his right frame of mind will
Reward him the kids? Every state has a legal
Aide office, call information for a number
Make you an apt. There you will have a free
Attorney. To teach you all that you need to
Know and do to protect your kids.
Make the other dad pay while you are at
It. You won't struggle that bad.
Get passed the fear. Stand for yourself make
The call.

Jayde - posted on 07/13/2012

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Hiya, I'm not certain but I think as a single munn you can get help with lawyer costs not sure how it works but worth looking into. But with his criminal convictions I would say 99% sure he wouldn't get full custody its very rare for dads without convictions to get custody, he's probably just trying to hurt you and whind you up, just say ok see you in court :-) x

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