Is it rude to ask for money, gift card, savings band rather than a toys for a 1st birthday party?

Raminder - posted on 01/30/2011 ( 248 moms have responded )

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We are having a huge birthday party for our son and i wanted to know if it is rude to put on the invitation that we would perfer money, gift card, saving bond rather than a gift (toys), because my son has so many toys and cloths from Christmas. if so, how would i word it in the invitation?



Thank you,

Raminder

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Bronwyn - posted on 02/08/2011

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For Christmas I did this. My kids really want to take a trip to Disneylanf. So I composed a letter from them saying we alreadyy have so many toys and clothes. If you like to get us something pleade consider putting that money towards ou trip to Disneyland. You could do the same saying college education or whatever you want to save the money for. In doing this we recieved enough to fund our trip to Disneyland. Hope yhis helps. Good luck.

Barbara - posted on 02/08/2011

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I think it is in poor taste. If they ask your directly voice your preference. Otherwise be grateful for your many blessings and beautiful baby.

Elyse - posted on 02/08/2011

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I don't think you can really ask politely for certain gifts. People like to give what they want. However, if you watch tags closely, you can always return or exchange the gifts if you know where they were purchased.

Sharon - posted on 02/08/2011

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There is a great resource at www.echoage.com. Your guests can donate online. Half the $ goes to a charity you select from the website and half comes to you in a check that you are supposed to get one big meaningful gift for your child. I also think it's considered rude to ask for gifts on an invitation, but I also can't stand getting cheap, plastic toys that my kids don't even play with. Not being ungrateful- I just hate this stuff ending up in landfills.

Julie - posted on 02/08/2011

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Yes, it is rude. If you don't need toys then a donation to a local childrens charity would be a great alternative. In the past we have asked that gifts be either an unwraped toy to be donated to Ronald McDonald House / My Two Front teeth / Toys for Tots or your local childrens hospital. There are so many kids that are in need of toys books. Another alternative is a "book party" where everyone brings their favorite childhood book. It's gives your one year old something to open and a great memory.

Remember that the gift isn't always about the recipient it makes people feel good to bring a toy and watch the child light up when they see it. A gift card or check doesn't have the same reaction.

Tamara - posted on 02/08/2011

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It is not rude at all. If you don't ask, you don't get it. Most people get tons of toys, clothes and other things their kids don't need. They need to save for their future. What better way than having the people that love them help out? I think it's a great idea!

Tutu - posted on 02/08/2011

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It sounds ok if you're the host asking..and even if you're comfortable with receiving $5, $10 or more....I can tell you that for appearances sake often people will not put less than $25 in a card..and that may be a hardship for some folks. If you're comfortable with the group you invite and feel that they are at the status level where money would not necessarily be a hardship, then you could word it in such a way that would not be offensive...or perhaps, no offense would be taken.. there were some tips above on the structuring of the invitation. Good Luck!

Jessica - posted on 02/08/2011

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I wanted to add, for my daughters 6th birthday party one of the little girls made her a birthday card and got Breanna a fairly inexpensive present, but very thoughful. I thought it was super nice of her to begin with but then I found out that she had to work for her money doing chores at home and her mother does not buy anything unnecessary, the little girl had to buy all of her toys and extras herself. My daughters birthday gift fell into this category so she made her card and got her a present she could afford. You never know the situation of the people coming to your party, so its best to leave cash requests to really close family or friends.

Stacey - posted on 02/08/2011

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A gift is just that-- a gift. It is acceptable to ask for "no gifts" or set up an arrangement with a charity but to ask for money for your child or yourself implies that you are entitled to receive something which negates the purpose of gift giving.

Your guests should be allowed to give something that they choose--from their heart, not from their pocketbook.

[deleted account]

I don't think it is. My son is special needs and his dr periodically makes suggestions for certain items that would help his condition and he has sensory issues so many materials "annoy" him.

Gemma - posted on 02/08/2011

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Yes I do, It appears snobby even though Im sure thats not your aim if theres close relatives or friends that knw you well maybe suggest to them that idea, but if your inviting ppl to a party, you dnt want to make them feel uncomfortable and asking sometimes for something can be offesive especially when it comes to money.. if ppl are kind enough to go out and spend there money for a gift and come to your party then let it rest right there... Celebrating a childs birth is the occasion most of us forget its not about what can we get out of our guest...best wishes to you and your family..

Elizabeth - posted on 02/08/2011

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At the school my children attend, for Kindergarten and 1st grade, every child gets a paper to draw and/or write their birthday wish for the birthday child. I did this at my youngest son's 3rd birthday party, which was a 'no presents allowed big playdate with cake'. If your son has too many 'things' at this point, perhaps you could consider this or another way to build lasting memories?

Mikayla - posted on 02/08/2011

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Yes its extremely rude!! As parents we supply out kids needs and everything else its extra. It also makes the invitees feel they can't attend with out a gift. I am at the point where I almost refuse to go to events sponsored by these type of people.

Elisha - posted on 02/08/2011

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I'm having much the same problem with Morgan's upcoming birthday - after christmas and because the family spoils her, not only does she have everything she could want or need, my living space is starting to become crowded - any space we set aside for her clothing and toys has long since been surpassed. I got around the issue by registering with two charities and asking for donations to be made in her name. I know it doesn't help you buy diapers, food, or save for their education, but on the other hand there's no polite way to say "write out a cheque please". Nobody's going to look down on me for suggesting they donate to charity, and she'll still get a few things from those who couldn't resist picking up something cute. Everybody (and I mean everybody) wins!

Tereza - posted on 02/08/2011

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i dont think it is rude but as others have siaid you will then know how much they spent when it was my sons he got loads and as it was christmas a month later were bogged down with toys we asked some fmily members to give us clothes for him that he will grow into as you can never have too many clothes! xxx

Kellie - posted on 02/08/2011

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I agree with what everyone else is saying.

Last year, for my daughter's 7th bday party, we asked for donations to be made in her name to the local pet shelter. We still did receive a few gifts, which we either regifted or donated. Over the last few Christmases and birthdays, we've only kept a few items and the rest were sent out to my little sister (she lives on other side of the US), who has two daughters and not a lot of money. No, I don't tell her where it comes from; and she doesn't ask.

We also ask family members to give experiences, rather than items. For example, I don't remember any gifts I ever received as a kid (except a bike!) but I do remember every vacation and the crazy things that happened. So now family members take my daughter to the zoo, aquarium, amusement park, water park, etc for a fun-filled day of whatever she wants! You should hear her talk about EVERYTHING she did... I never hear her explain in full detail about a toy. For my son's first birthday and Christmas, we asked for gift cards to places where we buy his shoes and clothes.

Family is easier to ask of non-traditional things. But maybe you could say: Your presence is (child's name)'s present. However, if you feel obligated to bring something, a gift card to buy diapers & supplies or ways to help (child's name)'s college fund are appreciated.

Good luck!

Cheryl - posted on 02/08/2011

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no I do not think it is rude at all. I would just put . (Due to the overabudance of toys wea re asking if you would like to give a gift to our child for a savings bond, gift card, or money so we may save it for their future or spend it on something that they really need. Thank you and then sign it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to put monry or bonds aside for your childs future and anyone that has children should understand that.

Alona - posted on 02/08/2011

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I don't think so...as a mom, I would totally understand, because w/cash, gift cards, etc. you can control what you're getting and get the things that you need as opposed to tons of toys that will end up cluttering the floor and breaking

Jessica - posted on 02/08/2011

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Maybe you can set your son up a savings account and say you'd rather a small donation towards his future. Then people may not think you are just asking for money, but that they are helping secure his future and education. Just a thought.

Molly - posted on 02/08/2011

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I have gotten a few invitations that asked for money or gift cards and I it just sounded rude. It probably depends on how well you know the guests. I would say it's acceptable to ask family members (grandparents) for money, gift cards or savings bonds. I would not put that request on the invitation.

Danielle - posted on 02/08/2011

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I read about a family who were in the same position as you were. She designed an invitaion (flowers for her daughter) which you could attach coins onto and had a small paddling pool for guests to drop them in. On the invite she stated they had plenty of toys but would love to start a college fund / saving for their child. No one knew how much others put in and it was all being put together in the end. I was thinking of making lilly pads for people to attach coins to for my sons birthday.

Tasha - posted on 02/08/2011

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No. We have asked family members directly to either chip in to help for an extra curricular activity ie: gymnastics, karate, softball, swimming. Most of these places you can even get gift cards too . We would rather pay for something someone will use than have it be a waste of our money.

Liz - posted on 02/08/2011

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really I personally think that you should be grateful for whatever is bought for your child as it could embarrass some people who might only be able to afford a cheap present and may feel they have to give more if they have to give money but that's just my view, I was always brought up to be grateful whatever you get from someone, but then again when I got married I refused to have a wedding present list as I think they are rude.

Danielle - posted on 02/08/2011

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Dont ask for money. You can try to find where it came from so you can return it or hold onto it for a "re-gift" to someone else. Asking for money is very tacky.

Becky - posted on 02/08/2011

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The question is: would it be rude??
I haven't read the other posts, but my opinion is this: ABSOLUTELY. A birthday party is just that - a party, a celebration, a joyous time with family and friends. People will bring gifts even if requested not to. But these gifts come from THEIR generosity and their hearts not at your request. I can think of a lot of terms to use but I doubt this site would allow it to post -- that is just about the tackiest and most insulting thing I have heard of.

Barbara Gunter - posted on 02/08/2011

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I was appalled to have my newest grandaughter-in-law write on our invitation "Money is prefered for gift." OMG How Tacky.

Kathy - posted on 02/08/2011

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Proper etiquette dictates you do not write your preference on the card, but can let people know as they ask what he wants/needs as a gift.
You know you're group of people best, and know if they'll scrunch their nose to your request. You really can't tell people what to give. That's their choice.
Good luck.

Heather - posted on 02/08/2011

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I don't think that it is wrong to ask for giftcards or bonds in lue of gifts... You can word it like this... In lue of the great gifts you may buy please think of maybe a bond he can use to help with his future college dreams..

Cindi - posted on 02/08/2011

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It beyond rude and extremely tacky to request specific gifts on your invitation. It is not for you to decide what kind of gift that your guests will bring for your children - the event is about celebrating another year of life, not a dictate on how mom can increase her son's material worth according to what she decides her guests should bring. It is insulting to your guests as though they don't have enough common sense to pick out a gift of value. If you receive a gift your son doesn't need then donate it later. Now, some people will call and ask you for ideas. This is the one - and only time - it is appropriate to give specifics, but again you must still remember your manners and not ask for cash. Remember the reason for the party and get yourself out of the materialism.

Cindie - posted on 02/08/2011

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Don't. It would be rude, tacky and vulgar. I would rather not even go to a party like that. *sorry*

Jo - posted on 02/08/2011

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when we throw b-day parties I let people know that the kids don't need anything and I stress this point... People don't understand that sometimes gifts are the worst things because they just end up getting trown out or wasted, unless it's something usefull. We are over loaded with toys and cloths(except our 7 year old girl) They don't need b-day cards either you could just write their name on a piece of paper or have your own kids make a card from scratch....
But if you do feel obligated to get something the kids could always use $$ we try to save up for 1 vacation a year or a season pass to lake compounce and the kids love to have their own $ to spend..I also let people know if they really want to buy a gift I could find out some ideas on what the kids want or need and to give me a call. One example of this is Last year my daughter wanted silly bands and webkins accesories. I let people know this and where they were on sale for cheap. The bracelets were on sale for $1 each and buy 2 get 2 free and the webkins things were 50% off at job lot. She ended up with ALot for cheep lol. She was thrilled. We have one friend that always gives a few $$$ our son got $3 and he couldn't have been happier. He was saving up to go to the beach lol...

Julia - posted on 02/08/2011

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I have an eight year old, and every birthday, his family on dad's side asks, what does he need, or what should I get him?
Sometimes we don't know what to say, sometimes we tell them if he has any wishes. He has enough books and toys, but children don't think like us, that's why they always appreciate something new now and again.
They love buying him clothes and I was never disappointed with the choices and size. I never ask for clothing, but it saves us alot of money. He may even receive one envelope with a 5 or 10 bucks (Euros), since we live in Europe. An educational toy is always among the rest. At the end of the day, it's some books, a few new toys, clothing and maybe a bit of cash. He always ends up happy. We later let him buy what he wishes, and we sometimes chip in the rest, if he passes his amount.
We're quite happy with the way things turns out, and I try teaching my children, "it's not how much you receive, but being grateful for what you received". Believe me, you can start telling them from the age of four.

Robbie - posted on 02/08/2011

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I agree with a lot of the previous posters - either say 'no gift' or get your son excited about the idea of donating gifts or pick a charity to give to. The only time cash was asked for at a bday party in our circle it was optional and was going to be given to a certain charity. I really appreciated that and thought it was a nice gesture. One time a parent asked for gift cards to toys r us because the child was saving for a big toy but I was put off because I avoid toys r us like the plague as it's extremely inconvenient for me to get there.

I will say that gift cards and cash are given commonly to us now - so many kids have so much these days that parents are going that route on their own since they don't know what other kids have and don't have already.

Good luck!

Dianne - posted on 02/08/2011

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I have an idea. Don't ask for presents. Or ask for presents to donate to a children hospital or some other cause. If he already has plenty try sharing.

Van - posted on 02/08/2011

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I think it's a tacky to ask for it on the invite. I would just say no gifts on the invite and since most people would want to get something anyway, they'll ask and you can just say a gift card.

Lesly - posted on 02/08/2011

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If you get toys and clothes you don't want, ask them for gift reiepts so you can returm them yourself without hurting their feelings.

Angela - posted on 02/08/2011

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The request all depends on the WHO will be on the receiving end of the request. If it is close friends, you can be honest...as all friends should be.
If it is not a close friend birthday party, just put on the invite that their presence is his present. I have been doing this for years. When they ask for sure, can't they give something, that is when I ask for some money toward a museum membership that we are trying to get. Most people love to go with the educational, saving for the future bit. You will have some friends who want the kids to have fluff, and that is ok...
My boys, who are 10, 8 and 5 now never expect presents on their birthdays....they will tell people that they would rather the people put some money into a charity that they know about and feel strongly for. My eldest a couple of years ago, when asked at Christmas time what he wanted replied, " You know...I am really good...there is nothing I need, and I would rather send a gift to a child that does not even have books for school." The person who did the asking was just blown away....but they DID it! And then they got their children involved in it! It is an amazing thing, especially when the kids learn to not be selfish and choose to share....

just my thoughts on it.

Christy - posted on 02/08/2011

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We just had my sons 1st b-day party and i asked for diapers and clothes no toys cause he has to many already. I just said he has to many toys please send diapers and wipes and clothes, these are the things he needs.

Jessica - posted on 02/08/2011

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I personally think it is extremely rude and I would not attend if somebody asked me that. For one, the party or Christmas is for the kids. If they have too many toys then give some to Goodwill before Christmas. How fun would Christmas or a birthday be for a kid to get a bunch of savings bonds or cash. Personally I love going to kids birthday parties to see how excited they are to get thier gifts. And I love Christmas shopping because I love finding the perfect gift for all the people in my family. Most of the time when my kids have a party, I tell the guests that no gift is necessary anyways. I dont like people to feel obligated to buy my kids a bunch of stuff and my kids are more than happy to just spend time with thier friends and family. We get them plenty so there is no need for extra.

Sally - posted on 02/08/2011

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Yes it is very rude to tell people what to buy you on a party invitation. Would you want someone saying "Come celebrate with me (but only if you bring this)"?.
If anyone asks what you want though, feel free to be honest.

[deleted account]

We struggled with this same thing 3 years ago when our oldest turned 1 We have a tiny house and didn't want it filled with tons of toys and for the first 5 birthdays we wanted to put money into our kids college funds.. We went back and forth trying to word it so it didn't sound rude or like we were being greedy. Finally came up with something and I ran it by a few people to see what their reactions were going to be. It has worked GREAT!!! For our son's 1st AND 2nd birthday, we were able to put almost $400 into his college fund and our youngest son just turned 1 and we were able to put almost $400 also. Some people still give gifts, some people give a small gift and also add $, and some people just give money (what they would have spent on a gift). Here is what we came up with......
No gifts necessary but if you choose to give a gift, we ask you consider money to put into ________’s college fund that was set up for him right after he was born. We thought for the first few years it would be best to request money for his fund instead of filling out small house with a bunch of toys. =) It worked well last year and we were able to put a huge chunk of $$ into his account! Thank you!!.
I type it up and tape it to the invitations. I have not heard anyone talk bad about what we have done. I have actually had a couple people tell me they really thought that was a good idea and asked if they could borrow it =)
Hope this helps and good luck!!

[deleted account]

No, I don't think it is rude, but I don't think anyone should freak if someone did bring a toy. Just be grateful that someone cares enough about your child to bring something at all.

Eileen - posted on 02/08/2011

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yes- it is rude if you don't want gifts just write , no gifts are necessary, your presence is gift enough....but a gift is just what it says it is...a gift..NOT something you ask for. You can ask your close friends and family to spread it around that you would prefer non boxed gifts, but you cannot ask directly for cash value gifts.

Reeva - posted on 02/08/2011

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I think you should make it optional between toys and money. Suggest you would prefer to save towards a goal or store credit for him and supply his bank account number or store card request, make it no set amount just a donation.

Terra - posted on 02/08/2011

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I honestly wouldn't put it on the invitation. Most people will ask what they need and then you can tell them. Granted there will be some that will bring toys because it is fun and I know when I was a little kid I didn't want a savings bond. I consider it rude to put on the invitation but when people ask you can definately tell them what your child needs instead of what they want. It isn't like I wouldn't go to the party but I would be put of by it. Think of it like this... We had about 60 people at my sons first birthday party and while he got toys he also got about $200 in gift cards and clothes. Most people who are planning on buying clothes will ask what size you need and believe me when I say there is always a need for those whether it is for when he grows into the next size or two sizes up. I found that more helpful than the gift cards to be completely honest. Say there is a $20 gift card we would take it and put the $20 that we would have spent in cash in my sons savings account and that way it was a win win since he didn't need anything. Maybe this is not the way that you want to go but it worked out great for us

[deleted account]

We have always created a Wishlist using Amazon since they let you add stuff from any website (including gift cards/savings bonds) & in the invitation state that gifts aren't necessary, but if anyone wants ideas of what to get the link is ... and we also include the next clothing size & a list of favorite tv shows from Nick Jr. For my daughter's second birthday she got clothing from almost everyone in the next size up so when she outgrew the size she was in we had a whole new wardrobe & didn't have to spend much out of pocket. Right now, we have a whole bunch of DVD's on the list & comment that new or used are welcome. That way if some of our guests already have a Dora or Spongebob dvd that they aren't using because their kids are too old, they can gift that without having to spend a dime. This also gives an opportunity to list things that are accessories for toys that we already have that cost under five dollars and larger outdoor toys that those who want to go bananas spending money can get as well. I've always found that no matter what, a wishlist is a great tool for guests & allows them to pick the amount they want to spend. I also find that many of our guests are embarassed to put money in cards, but feel better about it when they see on the list that savings bonds are welcome gifts.

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