Is it wrong forhis children calling me moma Jenny?

Jenny - posted on 05/16/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )

30

0

0

I'm about to be a step-mom to 3 wonderful young children. They have come up with the name moma Jenny on there own and now there real mom is pitching a fit and threatening to take us to court. I know I'm not the mother nor do I try to be but when they are here I feed, play bathe and do everything that a mom would do. Can I get in trouble with a judge for this or better yet can there father?? Again we do not make them call me this they choose to do so.hat should we do??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Angie - posted on 05/16/2011

11

52

0

courts won't even acknowledge that claim or set a date based on her disapproval of what the kids call their step parent...its absurd. And YES as a mother I would have been slightly hurt (in the beginning) if my kids called someone else mom, but I would NOT put my feelings on my children. I would have to be the bigger person and get over it. If it ever happenned now, I think I am secure enough in my own role not to even say anything to my ex or otherwise.
As for Tina's post... I hear you and understand your point however You cannot control how your ex responds to you or even how your child is cared for in his home. Unfortunately, everyone else does not live by our individual standards. I realize you are hurt by the fact that your ex's wife makes all their household decisions but frankly, that is his business (even if your child lives there too). Thats been the hardest for me to except too so I feel your frustration. There is a whole lot that goes on in the ex's parents house that I would not allow but I can't change. My ex's mother is generally the one taking care of the kids and providing for them when they are there and she is not the most organized or observant person to be caring for 3 children. But I have to just let them learn how to adapt in both households. Great thing is that kids are soooooo sosoooo resilient and a lot more capable than we give thenm credit for. Ultimately, they will make their own judgements for themselves based on their own experiences :/

This conversation has been closed to further comments

23 Comments

View replies by

Stifler's - posted on 09/20/2011

15,141

154

597

She can't take you to court because his kids want to call you a name they made up. what a bloody idiot. You aren't forcing them to call you mum, they want to. Not even a magistrate would give a shit.

Carmen - posted on 09/20/2011

19

20

0

My daughter calls her step mom momma windy, though they try to make her call her momma, I have told her this hurts me and I am her only momma. I think the thing that you have to explain to your step children is like my step mom told my brother and I 20 or so years ago, she is not there to take our moms place, that calling her mom would hurt my mom, but that she would always love us. I think you will be ok, just make sure you explain to your step kids they dont have to choose and that their mom will always be their mom

Jenny - posted on 06/08/2011

30

0

0

Well I have a child and if her father would have something to do with her and she felt comfortable with her step mom and wanted (not made) to call her moma whatever I'm grown up enough to say it would be ok! If she is getting love from 4 parent instead of 2 good for her she is deserving of that!

Sarah - posted on 06/01/2011

48

28

0

How would you SMS feel if your husbands left and had new partners and your kids called them mum? Think about it!

Kate - posted on 05/19/2011

2

3

0

I don't see anything wrong with them calling you that. I'm in the same situation. My man has a 3 year old, who on occasion calls me Momma or Momma Kate. I don't ask him to, nor do I tell him not to. He can call me whatever he wants, within reason of course. His mother doesn't like this, but encouraged him to call her new husband Daddy. So he has two daddys, but can't have two mommas? I don't do more than his real mother does, nor do I do less. I can see how he would get into the habit of calling me Momma, since we have a new baby as well, and everyone else refers to me as Momma. The best thing is to just forget about names and try to focus on trying to "community parent." There are four of us parenting one child. Some kids don't have ANY parents! Your step-children's mother just doesn't realize what's most important, and that's that her children have more people loving them, caring for them, and parenting them than most kids. Explain to her how lucky her kids have it. Those kids out there with no parents would KILL to have what her children have. In my opinion, the more the merrier! Names are irrelivant. It's just a name.

Jenny - posted on 05/18/2011

30

0

0

Thank you to everyone and for your input on this very sensitive matter. I'm going to try really hard not to let the mom get to me about this anymore and just let the children do what come natural to them. I'm ok with Moma Jenny or Jenny. Again thanks so much!
Jenny

Christy - posted on 05/17/2011

275

14

42

You play the role of mother when they are with their dad. There is nothing wrong with them calling you moma Jenny, as long as it does not offend you. Just let their mother know it was their idea. It is actually a great compliment to you since they would not call you moma if they were not comfortable with you.

Christy
mother of 4!

Jenny - posted on 05/17/2011

30

0

0

threatening her is the last thing we want to do, we just want her to understand that I am apart of there life from here on out and no matter what I'm going no where!! spanking the child for what he chooses to call me is not fair to him. I really don't care what they call me as long as it makes them happy. My fiance and I where high school sweet hearts who got it wrong many of years ago and now know we have it right. I'm going no where and I am going to be apart of these childrens life. I just want this to be easier for them!! I am an adult and brush off the bs in life but they are kids and what we do to them now will stick with them forever. I hate to know that there choosing to be close to me would cause them harm from anyone.

Sneaky - posted on 05/17/2011

1,170

33

130

mostly I would be threatening to take bio mum to court for more custody because she spanks her children . . . you could easily argue that you should have full custody because she has physically abused them . . . . or maybe you could just tell her that and see if her attitude suddenly improves :o)

Lindsay - posted on 05/16/2011

1

6

0

NO NT AT ALL ITS SWEET AND BRINGS YOU ALL CLOSER, HIM THE CHILDREN AND YOU. IT CAN ONLY MAKE YOU STRONGER AS A COUPLE AND HOPFULLY A FAMILY ONE DAY, THOUGH THE WAY I SEE IT YOUR ALREADY A FAMILY! I ALSO SEE IT AS YOUVE MADE A REALLY GOOD CHOICE IN A MAN BECAUSE IF ANYONE KNOWS BEST ITS THE KIDS THEY SEE THREW ALL THE BULL AND ALWAYS SEEM TO TAKE TO THE GOOD PEOPLE AND ARE NEVER SHY ABOUT TELLING OTHERWISE... THATS HOE I KNEW MINE WAS A KEEPER! MY DAUGHTERS CALL MY BOYFRIEND PAPA CARLOS AND HHAVE SINCE NEARLY THE BEGINING 10 MONTHS AGO. RECENTLY THEYVE EVEN SAID DADDY CARLOS OR JUST DADDY DON'T KNOW IF ITS A SLIP OR WHAT BUT ITS NICE AND MY BOYFRIEND SAYS THEY CAN CALL THEM THAT IF IT MAKES THEM HAPPY ITS ALL THAT MATTERS. GOOD LUCK MOMMA JENNY AND THE REAL MOM NEEDS TO DEAL ITS THE KIDS CHOICE AND IF SHES ANY KIND OF A MOTHER SHE WOULD TRUST IN HER KIDS JUDGMENT THEY ARE THE MOST BOLDLY HONEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD & KNOW THAT HER KIDS/ ALL KIDS SEE THE GOOD IN PEOPLE AND THEYVE OBVUSLY FOUND SOMPTHING SPECIAL IN YOU OR THEY WOULDNT BE COMPFROTABLE AROUND YOU LET ALONE CALL YOU MOMMA JENNY SHES JUST INSECURE SHES GONNA BE REPLACED BY SOMEONE MUCH BETTER OR IT WOULDNT BE AN ISSUE! COURT CANT DO ANYTHIND REALLY YOU CAN HAVE UR NAME LEGALY CHANGED TO MOMMA JENNY IF SHE WANTS TO GO THERE... SHE CANT DO NE-THING IM GOING THREW A DIVORCE WELL IT JUST FINALIZED AND MY X THREW A HISSY FIT 2 AND LIKE U I NEVER ONCE TOLD MY DAUGHTERS TO CALL HIM PAPA CARLOS, THEY ACTUALLY ASKED. HE EVENTUALLY DROPED IT AND TOLD THE GIRLS IT WAS THERE CHOICE AND NOT TO BE FORCED IN TO IT BY NE-ONE... AGAIN SHOWS HER INSERCUITY JEALOUSY BITTERNESS AND VERRY POOR JUDGMENT AS IM SURE SHE ALSO PUTTING THIS ON THE KIDS SHOULDERS.. SO JENNY AND DAD JUST LET IT GO SHE CANT DO ANY THING LEGALY AND ESPECIALLY IF YOUR GETTING MARRIED! ITS THER CHOICE. AGAIN GOOD LUCK DONT WORRY ABOUT THERE SO CALLED MOM GOING TO COURT THERS NO GROUNDS FOR WHAT A CHIL OR ADULT SAYS UNLESS ITS SLANDER, AND SHE WOULD JUST BE WAISTING HER TIME AND MONEY AND BE LAUGHED OUT OF COURT IF NOT REPREMANDED FOR WASTING TAX DOLLARS AND JUST PLAIN PISSING OFF A JUDGE A LAWYER WOULD MOST LIKLEY LAUGH IN HER FACE AS WELL SO DONT WOORY BE HAPPY WITH YOUR NEW LIFE AND NEW CHILDREN CAUSE THEY ARE YOURS IN EVERY SENCE OF THE WORD! REMEMBER DONT SWEAT THE SMALL AND TOMARROWS ALWAYS A NEW DAY AND WITH EACH DAY THINGS WILL ONLY GET BETTER AND YOU GUYS AS A FAMILY WILL BE STRONGER AND THE KIDS AND ADULTS WILL ALL LEARN A VALUABLE LESSON... KIDS OPPINIONS DO MATTER AND THERE JUDGMENT IS Always DEAD ON... SO TRUST IT AND YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR YOUR NEW FOUND FAMILY. AGAIN CONGRATS MOMMA JENNY AND FAMILY
LINDSAY

Jenny - posted on 05/16/2011

30

0

0

I'm far from the over taking person. They're father does everything with them and is the decision maker always. I am here for support and love to him and the kids. Thanks for your insite

Tina - posted on 05/16/2011

61

1

11

Hi, This is coming from a Mom who had to deal with a step-mom. My biggest thing was that when she came into the picture My ex. stopped making the choices for my son when he was there. She became Like a live in Babysitter in my mind. He even referred to her as the Alfa female in a court document.which to me said she made all the choices, My son and everyone else. Including my son to call her mom. All I real wanted in the end was for her to step back and let me and My ex make the choices about our son. I did not want to hear her opinions, I wanted my Ex to be a father not her be a replacement or a live in babysitter. Does that make sense? I don't think I would have cared about my son calling someone else mom or step mom as long as it was not forced, and as long as that is what my son wanted. I think for you maybe you could have your BF talk to her about how the kids feel and not how you feel. when he does talk to her make sure he does not mention you it may ease the tension. Oh yeah and No Neither one of you can get in trouble for the kids calling you MOM. Maybe to help her realize that her taking the both of you to court will only set her back in money and she will be sending some lawyers kids to college and not her own. Also if it comes to that be very prepared. document everything and I do mean EVERYTHING. But make sure that it is facts not opinions. Good luck.

Jenny - posted on 05/16/2011

30

0

0

Thank you so much for the reply and incite. I will always continue to do whats best for the kids regardless of what she thinks or says. I love all these children as I would my own and am glad to get to be apart of there wonderful lives. Thanks again!!

Angie - posted on 05/16/2011

11

52

0

She is just trying to assert her power and demean your role. She is insecure if she feels threatened that her kids call you moma jenny. I had 3 kids (15 months, 4, 7) with my ex husband and when I remarried 3 yrs ago, my now husband had 3 boys from his previous relationships (2 1/2, 4, 11). When we were dating, his kids called me Miss Angie and my kids called him Mr. Rich. When we got married, we had a conversation with the kids (after their initiation of the topic) and we, as a family, agreed that in our home I am Mom and my husband is Dad. We didn't force them, we discussed it and put our options on the table. We do what works for OUR FAMILY, IN OUR HOME! We acknowledge that they have other parents and we do not try to diminish or disrespect their roles in any way, but they are seem to think so. Not only do they have a problem with our kids calling us mom and dad, they constantly reprimand the children or correct them when they refer to us as such. This is so wrong on their part to make the children feel bad for hurting their feelings...they are supposed to be the bigger person. Kids don't need to feel guilty for having step parents who love them and take care of them just as a biological parent would. I thought the more people to love a child, the better. They dont have a problem with the kids calling extended step family by their titles (ex: grandmom, aunt, uncle, cousin....etc). so why do they have a problem with sharing the "mom" or "dad" title? I say she should be secure in her role and worry less about what relationships others have, as long as they are positive relationships. By the way, my step sons have learned not to refer to me as mom when speaking directly to their mother or else she will definately remind them. They are now 7 and 6. She also threatened court, but like others have said, there is nothing legally she can do about it. She can however, make it miserable for the children in order to feel better herself. So selfish but many parents do it unfortunately. :(
Just know yourself that you are doing your part in lovingly raising these children and if you treat your step kids like a mom, you have the right to be called one! Ignore her threats! good luck

[deleted account]

From personal experience, it depends on the judge and how extravagant the other parent can make the situation into. It comes to the child’s wellbeing and it the child is being harmed psychologically. Technically, you are the step parent and they are not calling you mom or mommy, it’s a title and your name, very much like calling someone your aunt, cousin or sister that has no blood relationship. Technically! This is a sensitive issue when you look at both sides. Often the other parent feels like they will be replaced and there is a sense of entitlement to the title of mom. I’d be upset if my daughter called my ex’s new wife mom, maybe because the girl is closer to my daughters age. LOL! But if my daughter was close to her and felt it was the right title, then who am I to take that away? My fiancé’s ex tried to tell their mediator that she felt replaced when I came into the picture. They had to reassure her that she was not being replaced and that I respect that she is the mom. My 12 year old daughter wants to call my fiancé dad because he is more of a dad than her biological father. I have told her no. This is because she has a dad and honestly I don’t want to deal with his BS insecurities (because he is a horrible father). However, when she introduces him to friend, school sports and everything else, she introduces him as her dad and I haven’t said anything about it. She came up with it on her own and I just don’t have the heart to take that away. I’m up for the court battle if it ever happened. But the fact is, it’s not worth the fee, filling out and filling court papers, attorneys, and mediation just because of a title. If it makes them happy then defend it, but I’d let their mother know (in person, no paper trail) that you are not here to replace her and it’s the kids that came up with the name, that you are here for their best interest just like she is, so if she wants to give them the bad news, put it on her.

Jenny - posted on 05/16/2011

30

0

0

Well it's really good they have a positive influence in there lives. I try so hard to be a good person and love these kids as I would my own. I grew up with no mom and remember how hard it was, never the less my dad never said one bad word about my mom but instead let me find out for myself. I just want to go on with my life and live and be happy and grow as a family together without worring about every little detail of what she thinks. I've been a step-mom before and my step-daughter is now 19 and we still have a wonderful relationship but her mother wasn't evil like this. I never knew anyone could be this mean to never take in consideration whats best for the kids instead of themselves!!

Tristan - posted on 05/16/2011

37

55

4

i ask myself this alot mind u my children do not go to there dads house anymore because i cant trust him with the children anymore cus of him having parties at his house now that him and his gf broke up the mom is overreacting to this .my ex did at first but when he asked my 5 year old why he called keith daddy keith he told my ex cus he loves me and takes care of me daddy . and from then on i think my ex just let it go cus he know my husband loves his kids no matter what

Jenny - posted on 05/16/2011

30

0

0

I just feel bad that a name causes so much trouble. I told him not to call me moma Jenny to his mom so he doesn't get in trouble but then I feel I'm teaching him it's okay to keep secrets and I don't want that either. This woman has caused so much crap in the past year it's not even fair. I feel for the children and my fiance for everything she does to prevent his growth with his children. Why do some women block the dads from being dads when they are willing and trying to do all good??

Tristan - posted on 05/16/2011

37

55

4

if u are not pushing the name then i see no problem my children call my husband there step father daddy keith there dad gets mad but my husband is always there for them . i think its sad that the mom is spanking the child cus of this its not right for her to do this i would maybe talk to someone about this and maybe change some things cus if this little thing is setting her off what else could . my children were forced to call there dads girlfriend mommy jamie but it didnt last long cus my children just wouldnt do it and it didnt bother me as i like the girl but i would deff write all of these things down for court if u go

Schyla - posted on 05/16/2011

644

68

104

She's spanking her child over a name? I'd worry what else she might be doing but No you cannot get in trouble for the name the kids choose for you and neither can their dad. Personally I'd keep records of everything that happens with this women and maybe it's time for a new parenting plan

Jenny - posted on 05/16/2011

30

0

0

The only thing that upsets me the most about this is she is spanking the 5 year old for calling me this.

Jenny - posted on 05/16/2011

30

0

0

I would love to be able to talk to her woman to woman but she won't allow that. I'm the bad guy even though she was the one who cheated and chose not to be apart of this life anymore. We see the kids 3nights a week and I help take them to and from school. Thanks for your advise and I pray for the kids sake things calm down.

Emilie - posted on 05/16/2011

916

35

139

My kids have a stepmom, and to be honest I get a little upset when they call her mommy. But she makes them call her mommy, and now my 4 year old is getting confussed I think because she asks me questions like "was I in your belly?" Or " I have 2 moms." And it makes me upset, because I am there mommy and they only see her twice a month I know she doesn't love them as much as I do. But each family has there own ways and rules and limits. But she cannot get you in trouble for the kids calling you moma Jenny, and there father can't get in trouble either for that. If she takes you to court over that they will laugh her out of there, unless there is another reason she has to take you to court I wouldn't worry, you should just have a nice talk with her woman to woman.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms