Is my baby too young to cry it out?

[deleted account] ( 73 moms have responded )

We are trying to stop rocking my 10 week old daughter to sleep. We started to rock her for only 5 minutes only. The moment she senses she's going to go down for a nap, she starts to cry hysterically. We started to let her cry it out, patting her every 5-10 minutes. Sometimes, she will cry for over an hour and by that time it's already time for her next feeding and she misses a nap. She has colic and is very sensitive to noise. I refused to use a pacifier but I did today and she fell asleep immediately. I don't want her to get into the habit of using this. Suggestions? Is she too young for this method? Help!

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Rachael - posted on 09/20/2010

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If it takes an hour of crying she obviously isnt ready to go to sleep. no use trying to force her if its going to upset her. I my self dont practice CIO or believe it should be dont but they reccoment not untill min of 6months. a infant does not cry for no reason it is different as a behavioural cry in a toddler but stil then there is always a reason, we as adults dont cry for no reason there is always something wrong it could be the tiniest thing.
A few things from Attachment Parenting-
.The cry is not just a sound; it's a signal – designed for the survival of the baby and development of the parents. By not responding to the cry, babies and parents lose. Here's why. In the early months of life, babies cannot verbalize their needs. To fill in the gap until the child is able to "speak our language," babies have a unique language called "crying." Baby senses a need, such as hunger for food or the need to be comforted when upset, and this need triggers a sound we call a cry. Baby does not ponder in his little mind, "It's 3:00 a.m. and I think I'll wake up mommy for a little snack." No! That faulty reasoning is placing an adult interpretation on a tiny infant. Also, babies do not have the mental acuity to figure out why a parent would respond to their cries at three in the afternoon, but not at three in the morning. The newborn who cries is saying: "I need something; something is not right here. Please make it right."
View your baby's cries as a communication rather than a manipulation tool. Think of your baby's cries as a signal to be listened to and interpreted rather than click into a fear of spoiling or fear of being controlled mindset.

2. Better early than late. New parents may be led to believe that the more they delay their response to baby's cries, the less baby will cry. While this may be true of some easy, mellow babies (they become apathetic), infants with persistent personalities will only cry harder and in a more disturbing way. Learn to read your baby's pre-cry signals: anxious facial expressions, arms flailing, excited breathing, etc. Responding to these pick-me-up signals teaches baby that he doesn't have to cry to get attended to. Again, forget the fear of spoiling. Studies have shown that babies whose cries are promptly attended to actually learn to cry less as older infants and toddlers.
The cry is a marvelous design. Consider what might happen if the infant didn't cry. He's hungry, but doesn't awaken ("He sleeps through the night," brags the parent of a sleep-trained baby). He hurts, but doesn't let anyone know. The result of this lack of communication is known, ultimately, as "failure to thrive." "Thriving" means not only getting bigger, but growing to your full potential emotionally, physically, and intellectually.

good luck xx

Tanya - posted on 05/19/2010

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I was just wondering if as adults any of you are ever upset and want to talk to a friend before you fall asleep. Maybe you have had a really bad day at work and fall asleep in your boyfriends arms. If you baby is upset at this age it is b/c they need something. That something may be that they just need mommy. Even as an adult their are time I just want to hear my moms voice. Its hard being alive when you haven't figured anything out yet. Just something to think about

[deleted account]

10 weeks?! Absolutely too young for CIO. Falling asleep nursing, at the bottle, w/ a pacifier, or being rocked is totally ok at this age. Nothing wrong w/ trying to slowly teach her to settle on her own, but after a couple minutes (IF that) of whimpering (not full on crying) it is time to get that baby and hold her.....

Nikki - posted on 05/19/2010

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Amanda I agree with you 100% I have read so much research stating just that, and it`s common sense as well. I don`t understand why people are in such a rush to have their babies grow up. They are babies, not adults BABIES they need their mommy and daddy and that`s our job to soothe them thats what being a parent is. I love knowing that if my son is crying I can comfort him and make him feel safe, I love knowing just holding him in my arms eases his mind. Soon enough he will be all grown up and won`t need his mommy anymore, so why not enjoy every moment we can

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JuLeah - posted on 09/20/2010

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Why can't she use a pacifier? I am in my 40's and feel I am too young to cry it out :) Really, she is a new born .... she has spent 9 months with constent body contact, food, warmth, comfort, soothing voices ..... and now she deals with clothing, blankets, hunger, cold, distance from the heart beat that was her world ..... she needs you.



Pacifiers are great, they comfort babies that need comfort.



No one ever takes their pacifer to college with them; she will give it up when she is ready, but she is a new born, a tiny baby. Let her be little as long as poss. they grow so fast.



But, if she is denied the comfort; doesn't learn the lessons of trust and safety she needs to be learning at this stage, it will impact her for the rest of her life.

Firebird - posted on 09/20/2010

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Waaay too young for CIO! Give her a soother, it will only take 2-3 days to break her from it when she's older. It's easier than you think it is, I swear.

Geralyn - posted on 09/20/2010

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Rachael, thank you for your post. You could not have said it better.

Rhonda - posted on 05/23/2010

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Don't let her cry it out - she's too little. Needs and wants are the same thing to her right now. The love and reassurance she gets from you now will make your relationship stronger.

Sarah - posted on 05/22/2010

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colic babies need to be soothed because they need the comfort. i would wait till the colic pasts and then after it has try the sooth self method. yes babies need attention but dont have to drop and run can wait a few moments theres nothing wrong with letting newborns cry it helps to make there lungs stronger. do what you think is best and be a mom to your baby and enjoy every minute you have with them they are a great blessing :)

April - posted on 05/22/2010

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i am glad you asked for help. you must have sensed that maybe letting her cry it out was a bit much for her age. it shows how much you love her! (it is not recommended to use cry it out on a child younger than 6 months old)

are you a breastfeeding mom? you could try nursing to sleep...that always works with my son!

you could also try a baby swing. some moms i know will bounce their babies on an exercise ball. hold her close and bounce up and down.

you could try wearing her in a sling.

you can try soft music.

you can try pushing her in the stroller.

Krista - posted on 05/22/2010

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I haven't read the other responses, but if a pacifier works well for her, then there's no harm in letting her have a paci in bed. It actually helps reduce the chances of SIDS.



And I can understand wanting to stop rocking her to sleep, as you don't want her to become dependent on a rocking motion to fall (or stay) asleep. Why not try a slow wean? Instead of rocking her for the full length that you used to, why not cut the time short, but then just hold her for the remaining time that's left? Eventually, you can rock her less and less, and she won't be as dependent on motion.



Also, like Jenny said, have you tried swaddling her? My son used to be like your daughter. He'd be almost asleep in my arms, I'd put him in his crib, and BING! The eyes would fly open and he'd start to cry. Swaddling him (I used the Kiddopotamus swaddler) helped enormously, because he couldn't flail his arms and wake himself up, and also because after holding him, the swaddler would retain some of my heat and scent.



So instead of going from mommy's warm, cozy arms to a big, cold crib, he'd continue to keep that snug, warm, enclosed feeling, and would drop off to sleep quite nicely. I honestly cannot recommend swaddling highly enough. We had tried it with a blanket, but it kept falling off. But after we got that swaddler, and were able to wrap him up nice and snugly, he slept through the night the very first night we did that. It was a complete 180 from his prior sleep habits.

Geralyn - posted on 05/22/2010

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I cannot fathom sleep training or controlled crying or CIO at 6 weeks or 10 weeks of age. I do not believe in any of those methods, but I did read an interview with Dr. Ferber where he responded to how parents misuse his system. While some moms may not care about the recommendations from people who have letters after their names, who in fact "created" these methods, they are very careful to not recommend these methods on infants.

I totally agree with Hannah and Nikki and the other moms who stress that meeting your baby's needs, comforting and nurturing, and bonding with your baby is absolutely critical. Babies need their mommies...

Jenny - posted on 05/22/2010

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O.k. I thought of a more helpful suggestion than my last one I think... Have you tried swaddling her? Infants love to be swaddled tight. They love motion, so a swing may help to give you a break as well. Have you read the happiest baby on the block? If not and you don't have time to read it, you can check it out at the library and watch the video. I hope this helps. :)

Jenny - posted on 05/22/2010

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Yes! I'm a believer in doing whatever you can to make your infant feel safe and happy, within reason of course. If you have the energy to hold her until she falls asleep, then do it! Why would you want her to cry herself to sleep. I know it is hard not getting a break and not sleeping through the night but soothing her when she needs it will teach her that you are her comforter, protector, the one she can turn to when she is frightened with the new world she is trying to adjust to. Wait til she is older to teach her to comfort herself to sleep or use a sleep aid. What's wrong with a pacifier?? If it helps her cope, use it. You are her mother and you will know how and when to wean her to be more independent, but if she is crying hysterically for over an hour that sounds harsh. You may be expecting too much from your little one.

Sarah - posted on 05/21/2010

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Babywise has been implicated in Failure to Thrive in many cases. I'd steer clear!

Kelly - posted on 05/21/2010

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i had a rocking chair in my sons room and used it everynight but only in the middle of the night when i was night feeding him...

I use to put him down in his own bed from about 2months onwards awake and let him self settle... nothign wrong with letting your baby cry it out if you know nothing is wrong and you can handle it... many a times i had to pick my son up as i couldnt handle it but they say you child tests you.

My son also had a dummie as he had reflux so needed it... we got rid of them at 2yrs without a porblem... but i understand if you dont wanna use them but if they start thumb sucking remember a dummie is better on there teeth in the long run.



Goodluck with your problem and maybe you just need to rock her for a bit longer till shes a little older - all kids are different so if something works for you now go with it as you can change when she is older.

Nikki - posted on 05/20/2010

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When my husband and I talked about having children and when I got pregnant , everyone was like your life is over now, no more sleep, no more going out, no more relaxing blah blah blah. Having my son was the best thing that ever happened to us and I dont believe I gave up anything instead I got everything. He is my absolute world and I will move the world if I have to for him. His needs will always exceed mine and I will always be there to make sure those needs are met. Raising a child is the most rewarding experience. A baby is so innocent and curious to the new world around them what more better then to be the one to show them that they dont need to be fearful at such a young age because we love them and they can trust and rely on us to be there supporting them every step of the way. My baby boy turns a year next month and i feel like the last year was a blink, it goes wayyyyy to fast I want to cherish every moment and enjoy it and be there for him bc soon enough the last thing he is going to want is his mommy and I will long for the days I could rock him in my arms to sleep. Why not let your child have that sense of safety and security and let them enjoy the little bits of innocence while they can, they are babies remember, babies who need there moms

Tanya - posted on 05/20/2010

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Yeah but why have a baby if you need it to fit in your schedule. They are people who will go to sleep when they are tired and feel like it. I think that if you have a baby you should be willing to give up some of your sleep and time if the baby needs you to. I feel like it is my job as a mom to soothe my child if he needs me. I don't need to train him. He will figure things out in his own time. I have never let him cry it out. i will let him fuss but it more like he is talking to his teddy bear! It kinda cute but if he starts actually crying I get him and hold him. Then I try again. At four month he is doing really well putting himself to sleep

Jade - posted on 05/20/2010

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LMFAO!!!!! There is Toilet training though...maybe...trying to sort out a sleeping pattern sound better??? lol

Jade - posted on 05/20/2010

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i thought colic only lasted for about 3-4 months too...having a baby with colic till they are 10 months!!! OMG!!! Poor you when you were a baby and your poor mother!!! lol

Nikki - posted on 05/20/2010

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quoting 10 weeks is too old for colic.....
That`s completely untrue babies can be colic for months on end. I was colic til 10 months and my husband til he was 8 months old. Colic normally lasts 3-4 months

Jade - posted on 05/20/2010

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If she has colic make sure she is not crying because you have stopped rocking her...i know when my daughter had colic she would start screaming when we stopped rocking her...best thing i ever invested in was a cradle swing...rocks them to sleep, keeps them calm and you can get ones that vibrate to help witj colic...you can buy a second hand one for $ 150 off ebay...

Karen - posted on 05/20/2010

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Not mich you can do for her if she has colic. As for the passy there is nothing wrong with giving it to calm her. Around one yrs old start to wein her off of it. Goodluck.

Dawn - posted on 05/20/2010

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I didn't use CIO until my son was about 6 months old and only when he would wakeup in the night and refuse to go back to sleep. I rocked/feed him to sleep at night and for naps until he was 10 months, then slowing began to transition him to self-soothe (used CIO a few times). He is now 15 months and goes down awake for nap and bedtime without a fight. Like others have said: enjoy those cuddles when you can because they will be over way too soon!!! :)

Cindy - posted on 05/20/2010

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I think she is to old for colic. Sounds like you might be one of those parents who put your child to sleep in complete silence, bad idea! All you can do is play with her until she is really tired and then don't give into her demands. Training a baby that age to your schedule is alot easier then you think.

Sarah - posted on 05/20/2010

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I never wanted to use a pacifier either but the fact is that it soothes the baby.if it help let her use it, just break the habit befor she starts talking around it! lol

Monica - posted on 05/20/2010

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My son has reflux which causes similar behaviors to colic, so I completely understand where you are coming from. It is so hard. We did not want him to expect to get rocked to sleep for every nap and at night. instead we used our bouncy seat and the swing. it worked wonders for us. i do have to admit he is a paci baby, but it helps him self soothe. Around 4-5 months we started letting him cry it out, it took a few days and it was SO worth it. It took us a while to figure out when he was ready, we would try it every so often, if he cryed for more than 20 minutes, we waited another week or 2. and then eventually 1 time it took under 10 minutes, and we knew he was ready to put himself to sleep. He is now almost 13 months and prefers to put himself to sleep and has since he was 6 months. it did take him a while to get used to it, all he fusses is a minute or 2. as far as the paci - its understandable that you dont want your daughter to have it, but its soothing for her and its better than her learning to suck her thumb. with a paci you can take it away with a thumb you cannot. and remember sleep equals peace of mind. good luck to you!

[deleted account]

We found the controlled crying method was a life saver (I spent hours rocking my son up to this point - he often took an hour to go to sleep before) - we started it when our son was 6 weeks old along with a bedtime routine (after speaking to my health visitor who onfirmed that 6 weeks is OK to start this). Our bedtime routine for our son consists of: bath, massage with oil, change into his sleepsuit and sleeping bag, milk, read a bedtime story (when he was little I sang him a lullaby) and then put him to bed - we played his moblie and lullaby teddy (he has 2 a sea horse and a winnie the pooh) and left him for up to 10 mins (if after 10 mins he was still crying we soothed him and then placed him back down to start again) - we found that after 5 days within 5 mins he was asleep. This worked for our son as he does not like to be fussed with, he is now 7 months old and is a very contented happy little boy and does not have abandonment issues as many of the posts suggest - he knows that if I am not in the room with him I have not left him - I do not just leave him to cry if he is in distress, I know the diffence in all his cries. I would say with the sleeping try and put your daughter down awake so she does not startle when she wakes up (and wonders where she is).

As for using a paci this is up to you - we chose not to give one to our son because I have seen the difficulty my sister in laws had with their little ones and their paci's. My son occasionally sucks his fingers now but he does not need anything to get him to sleep (and so does not wake in the night cos his paci has fallen out).

Good luck with whatever method you choose to use - the key is consistancy if you start it continue it and it will work. I would maybe speak to your doctor if she contiues to be colicky (gripe water is supposed to be great to help colicky babies) as they may be able to help you with it. Listen to your gut you know what will work for you and your family good luck again.

Keri - posted on 05/20/2010

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10 weeks is way to young for cry it out. She is a baby enjoy her and cuddle her. You can try waiting a bit longer before laying her down. I found that my baby had to be sound asleep before I could lay her down. Use the pacifier. It won't hurt her and if she sleeps longer and better then it is a win win for both of you.

[deleted account]

First of all, my love and thoughts go out to you! We had major sleep issues with our second son. Girl, you MUST buy the book that saved us, 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.' The author goes through all the different age groups and what their sleep should look like with a plan on how to get them there, and also goes into great detail about how and why babies and children sleep (or don't) the way they do. Our son now sleeps through the night and takes naps without a protest most of the time. IT'S SO WORTH IT to know that he doesn't have to go through a huge tramatizing ordeal every time it's time for sleep.

PLEASE don't buy into the "Baby Wise" books or methods. I believe they are mis-guided, and cause more pain for mom and baby than necessary. I know this is a big source of controversy for moms, but whatever your heart tells you, do it. If your intuition wants your sweet baby next to you all night, do it. You will never have the opportunity to go back and enjoy this time with her again. When it all comes down, your goal is to meet both of your needs as mother and baby. (My 3 year old co-slept with us and sleeps through the night every night in his own bed. It was just what we all needed at the time.) You will not ruin her forever by nurturing her and being there to give her that one-on-one closeness while she is little, the opportunity for this passes all too quickly!

I feel for you and you need to know this is the toughest time; it gets so much easier! But honestly, I believe if the pacifier is a TOOL that will help her learn to put herself to sleep, by all means let her have it! Especially at such a young age. The comfort of knowing she knows how to comfort herself far outweighs any concerns about having trouble taking it away later.

All my love, feel free to contact me and vent or chat!!

Anita - posted on 05/20/2010

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My baby had reflux and appeared very colicky and would cry for hours at a time at night. After a few weeks I took her to a chiropractor and it was like he flicked a switch! She still had reflux but was so much more settled and would go straight to sleep. We didn't know what to do with ourselves at night not having to rock our baby anymore like you are. 3 osteopath visits produced no results, but 1 chiropractor visit did. Might be worth a try as many babies necks and spines can be misaligned during birth and it is their distress is often blamed on colic.

Sheryl - posted on 05/20/2010

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my little one suffered colic and I found that cutting out dairy helped her a little, you could see if it reduces your little one's colic. The other thing to remember is that colic bubbies don't tend to like lying down (makes it worse!) so perhaps you could try putting your little one to sleep propped up a bit. Or try getting her to sleep in the pram slightly inclined. Another good thing is see if a friend has a sling, the mai tai style is best for this kind of thing (prolonged carrying) and a big hip belt to put weight there (I used the Ergo, which has a newborn insert for little ones) I also co-slept, and I really haven't had many night time sleep problems, perhaps put bub's cot right beside your bed so you can hug bub through the slats. I really don't believe in CIO esp for one so young, but some situations you don't always have very workable options. If you do decide to go that way I would suggest to go very slowly, don't try to get bub into a routine in three days, aim for baby steps gradually.
Best of luck! and make sure you get some sleeps in as well!

Staceyanne - posted on 05/20/2010

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People on here can be quite nasty, so much for a support network hey. And why ahve we all gone on the attack of Mallery-clare. She has an opiniona dn every right to voice it, as do you. She respects your opinion maybe how be we all start doing the same.

POSTER, go by your gut, you know your child, consult your GP. Honestly every mum here can tell you they agree, disagree, think its wrong , love that method, it worked for them , it didnt work for them. In the end it coems down to you and your baby.

That all from me folks =] happy posting!

Tammison - posted on 05/20/2010

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Well you have plenty of advise, don't know that you realy need my comment :o) My son is 22 months and still has his dummy. He has chewed through 3 dummys this week and that's it, no more, he'll have to suck it like that, with a big hole in it! I must say the dummy really saved my sanity. He was colicy and difficult from the start, at 6 months I was still waiting for it to get better... it does :o) I'm not too bothered about him having it because it wont be forever! By the way the 6 month mark is right, Supper Nanny, Jo Frost, is a very good book and she says too that babies cannot be spoilt or manipulate you, they cry for a reason even if it's because they just want to be with you... Don't worry, your sleepless nights and random feeding pattern will come right at some point, just try to go with the flow X

Sarah - posted on 05/20/2010

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I've no problem with CIO BUT 10 weeks is too young.
I would let her use the pacifier, if it helps her get some much needed sleep, then it's all good!
Maybe just use it for naps?
I weaned my youngest off her dummy (pacifier) at about 5 months at night time, and then she just used it for naps. By the time she 1 and a bit, she stopped using it altogether.

CIO is a good technique when used properly, but at 10 weeks old, it's not really going to have the desired effect. They're too young to benefit from it. :)

Firebird - posted on 05/19/2010

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Mallery, I would hardly consider 2-5 mins while you get a drink or go to the washroom as CIO. I used CIO with my daughter.... when she was 15 months old, after she decided that she was going to fuss about bedtime. 10 weeks is insanely young I think. CIO shouldn't be used on a baby younger than 6 months of age. They're only babies for such a short time. Enjoy it while it lasts. Go with the soother, it's a lot easier to get rid of later than some people make it out to be. I threw my daughter's away when she turned 2 and after 3 days she completely forgot it existed.

Mallery-Clare - posted on 05/19/2010

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Why is everyone assuming i am suggesting leaving a 10 week old to cry for hours at a time with no human contact? Cos that's is what it sounds like.



Did I not mention more than once in all my posts that I would leave my daughter for 2-5 minutes at a time when trying to get her to sleep at night (this is after spending the entire day in a rocking chair with her sleeping on me between feeds). After this short period I would return to her bed (generally I would sit beside her bed and be quiet) and comfort her so she calmed down before leaving her for another 2-5 minutes depending on her cry. I knew she didn't need feeding, or changing, she was just upset. I would repeat this process 3 or 4 times and if she was still upset, i would take her out of her room and calm her again, returning to the process.

This is after spending weeks walking the floor with her crying every night because she wouldn't go to sleep.



I NEVER said the poster should leave her child to its own devices and let it cry for hours. NEVER. I said, it is okay to leave a child for a few minutes to cry before going to it or picking it up.

Yes I despite studies that claim that letting a child cry is detrimental to its mental/emotional health. Sometimes a child will just cry for a minute before it falls asleep, my daughter used to before she was in her cot (after she learnt that i wasn't abandoning her when i put her to bed at night, again after walking the floor everynight for weeks settling her to sleep). I solved this problem with a night light and lullabies played softly under her bed.



When my daughter cries, I comfort her if she wants me to. Sometimes, she doesn't, but normally she does. The way I have parented my daughter has meant I have a very independent, well adjusted child who isn't scared all the time and doesn't feel the need to hold on to me wherever we go, who doesn't care about falling over and grazing her knee (unless it means she can't go back to playing).



We all parent differently and I chose my methods after observing friends and family and their techniques - the way we all do.



What I was trying to say early on was this:

1 - it is okay to let the baby cry for a couple of minutes (or however long you are comfortable with this), but obviously not if its because they need a nappy change, they need a feed, they have a sore tummy, or are uncomfortable in their bed.

2 - Pacifiers are a good idea though I don't condone them for anything other than settling a child to sleep.

3 - Just because a scientist with letters after his/her name said it doesn't make it right for every single family/child. (whether it be sleeping, feeding, TV or vaccines) Make up your mind and don't do it just cos DR So and So told you to.



If anyone wants to further discuss/debate this or any topic with me. You can contact me through my profile.

Rachel - posted on 05/19/2010

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Only you know what your baby is really ready for. Do not feel pressured to let her cry it out just because you think that that is what she should do. At that young, she doesnt have much of a concept of soothing herself to sleep. A lot of doctors recommend the pacifier also for the first 4 months, then you can cut it out. my daughter would never take a pacifier, so that wasnt a problem. but she got into the habit of being walked around in our arms until she fell asleep. the day she turned 4 months we read her a book before nap, rocked her for a few minutes, gave her snuggles, then put her in the crib. she cried for 40 minutes before falling asleep. next nap 10 minutes of crying, the next few days, all naps or sleep she never cried more than 5 minutes. we were consistent, then by the end of a week, and then still to this day at 8 months, we give her kisses, put her down totally awake, and she puts herself right to sleep. you will knoe what you are comfortable with.

Nikki - posted on 05/19/2010

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ABSOLUTELY!!!! I am not one for the CIO method. I just don`t believe in it. Our babies are only young once we should not try to rush them to become independant so fast. 10 weeks is a newborn and they NEED their mommy to soothe them and take care of them and develop trust. I understand it`s frustrating at times when she won`t sleep, but she is a baby and their needs over exceed ours. By letting her CIO she is learning that you wont be there when she needs you to be, studies show that babies who were comforted versing let to CIO are much more independant later on bc they feel comfortable knowing that their parents will be there for them. I understand people use this method, but anywhere under 6 months does not show them anything but fear. It will get easier and she will sleep, but she will sleep alot better knowing that you will take care of her and make her feel safe. Babies at that age cry for specific reasons they don`t understand how to manipulate you for attention.

Francine - posted on 05/19/2010

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I think she is a little young. We use a dummy (pacifier) and that works well with our daughter (although I nursed or rocked her to sleep until she was 4 months). Our daughter has her dummy at sleep time ONLY. We don't like her to have it when she is out of her cot, so we just don't give it to her. The motion of sucking is very soothing to a small one, it is associated with Mum and cuddles which is why it works so well.

Tanya - posted on 05/19/2010

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The only reason a bay this young stops crying is b/c they have given up hope that anyone is ever coming. I couldn't do that to a baby.
http://www.businessballs.com/erik_erikso...'s_basic_virtues
Eric Erikson say that a baby this age is trying to find hope in their world by find trust in their mothers.

Amanda - posted on 05/19/2010

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Mallery-Clare Henderson you couldnt be more wrong!! Many studies have shown that when a baby is comforted EVERYTIME they cry, they are a more emontionally adjusted adult, they are also a more productive adult, and actually do have higher IQs (despite what you think about your daugther you can not tell a childs IQ at age 2). They become more independant toddlers and children, they are more willing to take risks (ie learning new things) because they have more confidence, and reassurance that someone will be there for them if they fail. Responding to every cry is much more benfical then "training" your child to self soothe. Babies whos needs are met as babies actually end up better self soothers then children who are froced to self soothe.

Sara - posted on 05/19/2010

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My daughter had colic and my husband was gone for the first 2 months. So I understand that you'd love some time to yourself during her nap. However, these ladies are right. 10 weeks is too early, because they are learning that they can trust you to take care of them. I know it's rough. I finally gave in after a few DAYS and let my daughter sleep with me because I was so tired. None of the "tricks" worked with her either. The white noise, sitting her in one of those vibrating chairs, nothing. The only thing that helped was her binky and I wasn't bound to take it from her and have her cry more. And as I tell my husband, you can always take binkies away, you can't take thumbs away if they start sucking those. :) If you really want to use the cry it out method, which is tough to handle for everyone involved, than you should wait AT LEAST until she's over colic. Hope this helps. Best of luck

Misty - posted on 05/19/2010

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why do you not want to use a pacifier? they reduce the risks of SIDS and it helps them with their sucking reflex! I used a paci with my first, and took it away at 13 months! pretty easy for me! My now 3 month old.. doesn't much like the paci. but I still offer it when I can tell she wants it!

Mallery-Clare - posted on 05/19/2010

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Kylie - i wasn't sleep training my daughter, i was trying to get her to sleep - "sleep training" as such didn't happen til she was 6 months.

"Sometimes, she will cry for over an hour" is not saying she was left to cry for an hour, they would try and settle her yet again every 5-10 minutes...

The right choice is dependent on the child and the parent(s) just because a scientist said it doesn't make it the ultimate authority.

I am trying to say leaving a child for 2 mins isn't going to damage it, my daughter is fine.
Again, I say i never left her for hours in a dark room, i was always there. Just sometimes you can't stop them crying quickly no matter what you try and you just have to hold them and wait it out. Sometimes its 5 minutes, sometimes it two hours. Esp with a colicy child.

Re: Colic in particular - perhaps talk to a homeopath about natural remedies to assist with soothing this?

Teagan - posted on 05/19/2010

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there is crying and then whingeing. i have taught my little girl to self settle from the first week she was born. a great book is save our sleep by tizzie hall. my daughter has slept 7 til 7 since 8 weeks with no pacifier at all. but dont let anyone tell you your doing something wrog. if you choose to let your baby self settle or you choose a dummy or rocking its your decision no on elses.

Staceyanne - posted on 05/19/2010

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u used controlled crying from about 12 weeks(3months) and my son is now 10 months and fine he is a wonderful child to put to bed and he is all round happy and healthy, IMO its what whats for you and your child. There will be mums who agree and disagree with controlled crying altogether at any age.

Not one frame fit all =] and its a case of each to their own



As for pacifiers but son used his from birth til about 6 montsh to go to bed or nap now he doesnt i slowly got rid of that too but some kids will get attached to it, but again thats something you must decide

Kristin - posted on 05/19/2010

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Wait until the colic has passed. Right now she needs you both and whatever soothing she gets from you. It's hard, frustrating, and just exhausting, but it does pass. When it does, start rocking her to mostly asleep and then lay her down. Also, there is nothing wrong with her using a pacifier. It's when she's trying to take it to school that it gets weird.

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