Is my baby too young to cry it out?

[deleted account] ( 73 moms have responded )

We are trying to stop rocking my 10 week old daughter to sleep. We started to rock her for only 5 minutes only. The moment she senses she's going to go down for a nap, she starts to cry hysterically. We started to let her cry it out, patting her every 5-10 minutes. Sometimes, she will cry for over an hour and by that time it's already time for her next feeding and she misses a nap. She has colic and is very sensitive to noise. I refused to use a pacifier but I did today and she fell asleep immediately. I don't want her to get into the habit of using this. Suggestions? Is she too young for this method? Help!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

73 Comments

View replies by

Mallery-Clare - posted on 05/19/2010

13

33

0

Kylie - i wasn't sleep training my daughter, i was trying to get her to sleep - "sleep training" as such didn't happen til she was 6 months.

"Sometimes, she will cry for over an hour" is not saying she was left to cry for an hour, they would try and settle her yet again every 5-10 minutes...

The right choice is dependent on the child and the parent(s) just because a scientist said it doesn't make it the ultimate authority.

I am trying to say leaving a child for 2 mins isn't going to damage it, my daughter is fine.
Again, I say i never left her for hours in a dark room, i was always there. Just sometimes you can't stop them crying quickly no matter what you try and you just have to hold them and wait it out. Sometimes its 5 minutes, sometimes it two hours. Esp with a colicy child.

Re: Colic in particular - perhaps talk to a homeopath about natural remedies to assist with soothing this?

Teagan - posted on 05/19/2010

1

0

0

there is crying and then whingeing. i have taught my little girl to self settle from the first week she was born. a great book is save our sleep by tizzie hall. my daughter has slept 7 til 7 since 8 weeks with no pacifier at all. but dont let anyone tell you your doing something wrog. if you choose to let your baby self settle or you choose a dummy or rocking its your decision no on elses.

Staceyanne - posted on 05/19/2010

71

22

10

u used controlled crying from about 12 weeks(3months) and my son is now 10 months and fine he is a wonderful child to put to bed and he is all round happy and healthy, IMO its what whats for you and your child. There will be mums who agree and disagree with controlled crying altogether at any age.

Not one frame fit all =] and its a case of each to their own



As for pacifiers but son used his from birth til about 6 montsh to go to bed or nap now he doesnt i slowly got rid of that too but some kids will get attached to it, but again thats something you must decide

Kristin - posted on 05/19/2010

1,645

40

305

Wait until the colic has passed. Right now she needs you both and whatever soothing she gets from you. It's hard, frustrating, and just exhausting, but it does pass. When it does, start rocking her to mostly asleep and then lay her down. Also, there is nothing wrong with her using a pacifier. It's when she's trying to take it to school that it gets weird.

Mallery-Clare - posted on 05/19/2010

13

33

0

Loreen - my daughter is like any two year old - she has tantrums but she doesn't get beside herself every time she falls or hurts herself. She has a wee cry and moves on with her day.
She's very stable, independent child who has no issues with daycare or family changes (moving house or changing home carers).
I do not believe that letting my daughter cry at 10 weeks old was a bad thing and hasn't has a detrimental affect on her in any facet of her development. I never left her alone in a dark room to cry, I had a night light, soft music and would either sit beside her or carry her in my arms to try and settle her. Sometimes you have no say in the matter.
I am saying that 2 minutes crying will not harm the child, 10 minutes crying (not hysterical cries) does not hurt them. Its just the way it has to be for some children.

obviously my view is not shared by everyone, but for people to say " You MUST NEVER let your child cry, you must pick it up every time they cry and give it cuddles" its OTT. You might pick up the child moments before it falls asleep and wake it up, and possibly teaching it that if it cries it gets picked up and settled to sleep instead of learning to do it itself.

we all do it in our own way and if it worked, it worked, if not, well we try something else.
not all scientists are parents.

Terri-lynn - posted on 05/19/2010

24

89

4

using a soother right now helps.. i wasnt going to give my youngest one.. but i had too..just give it to her for bed and only allow it at that.. my 6 month old only wants it sucks on it maybe 5 minutes and then pops it out of her mouth and is asleep.

Dianne - posted on 05/19/2010

211

23

24

my baby is 10wks today and i used to have similar problems but last night i got 8hrs without feeding him (he woke briefly at 12 but had about 2min cry then went back to sleep) i suppose you could call it crying it out but i have used the advice of several books, silent nights by brian symon (most of it is on his website) was one of my fav and it isnt just ignoring everytime they cry all depends on type of cry and reason (and you ARE allowed to go and comfort your baby just not immediately and its flexible to your comfort level) .

my baby will not take a dummy but i would use one if i could, not going to force it on him though.

my baby is much happier getting a decent sleep and naps during the day and not to mention me too so good luck and you could be getting better rest for both of you :)

feel free to contact me if you want any other info

my baby had one day where he cried on off for an hr but it was worth it long term

Charlie - posted on 05/19/2010

11,203

111

401

Mallery , she isn't referring to a child's IQ but more about a child's emotional intelligence , HUGE difference .

Kate CP - posted on 05/19/2010

8,942

36

754

She's 10 weeks old...she's a newborn baby. She needs her mommy. DO NOT cry it out with a new born baby.

Charlie - posted on 05/19/2010

11,203

111

401

Even those professionals who support cry it out including Dr Ferber do not advise you do this until they are least 6 months of age .



If a dummy settles her and makes her feel calm and safe then let her have it , she is still very much a newborn and needs comfort .



Good luck :)

Mallery-Clare - posted on 05/19/2010

13

33

0

"it is detrimental to a young baby's growth and development..not to mention it's just plain cruel."

I'm sorry but this is bollocks. I had to let my 10 week old daughter cry (i couldn't work out how to soothe her, as she is my first and i was on my own) even when I was holding her, rocking her, singing to her, until she went to sleep. She is now over 2, can count to 11, counts odd and even numbers with her grandfather, she creates 6-10 word sentences and has learnt baby sign language, can count to 5 in maori and to 3 in spanish. My actions when she was an infant were in no way detrimental to her health.

Like in my previous post, there is a difference between letting a baby cry for hours on their own, and giving them 2-5 minutes to see if they will settle and grabbing a glass of water or going to the toilet before returning and singing/rocking/cuddling them again.

Its all relative in my opinion.

Kylie - posted on 05/19/2010

2,391

81

190

Absolutely too young!!! have you done any research into cry it out? there is a lot of scientific evidence that it is detrimental to a young baby's growth and development..not to mention it's just plain cruel. Shes 10 weeks out of the womb..cuddle her, respond quickly to her cries. Poor little baby:(

Nikki - posted on 05/19/2010

5,263

41

558

Too young, it is not recommended to attempt control crying before 6 months as it can have a detrimental effect. Do you swaddle? I had the same problem with my daughter, I started swaddling her, gave her a dummy, I would put her down to bed with some music playing and sit with her playing with her hair and gently patting her back. The first few times took me up to 2 hours to get her down, but eventually I got it down to 5 minutes, now at 6 months 90% of the time she will self settle. If she became upset I would just give her a cuddle and then put her back down. Good luck.

Marissa - posted on 05/19/2010

254

22

27

I don't think a baby is ever developmentally ready to cry it out, but that's just my opinion. If she's colicky and a pacifier helps, who cares. They are made to help soothe a baby if nothing else works. Babies have a natural instinct to suck. I don't understand why people are so against them. I've used one since my son was born (after breastfeeding was established of course) and he's now 10 months and he only gets it at naps, bedtime or if he's upset or sick. If you need to rock her, rock her, if she needs soothing, give her a pacifier. It will all get easier. Good luck with everything, I can only imagine how difficult it might be dealing with a colicky baby. If I were you I'd be doing anything I could to make it easier on her.

Mallery-Clare - posted on 05/19/2010

13

33

0

I used a pacifier for my daughter 3 times when she was past settling herself and was just crying, she would suck her fist and I would feed her - resulting in over feeding and reflux - so tried the pacifier and it worked.. but she never wanted it during the day.

I think if you use it only for settling her when she wont settle herself and not to shut her up during the day then you should be okay.



If she sucks her thumb instead of a pacifier, don't worry about breaking the habit - generally they stop that on their own when they get to daycare or kindy and realise none of the friends do it.



I think you should leave her for a few minutes at a time to try and settle herself, and if she doesn't after 8-10 mins give her the pacifier, as soon as she's sound asleep remove it :) There is nothing wrong with leaving her to cry for a few minutes - you're not walking away for an hour and leaving her in hysterics, its a few minutes to self-sooth =)

[deleted account]

we did it at 4 -5 mos worked just fine, i would say 10 weeks is too young a lot bc they def need to feed very often still and sleep schedule isnt really realistic right now

Shannon - posted on 05/19/2010

363

24

40

Yes she is to young to be left to cry it out. At this point she is still a newborn learning trust, being left to cry it out isn't showing her she can depend on you to care for her needs. If the pacifier worked why not give it to her? Pacifiers have been proven to help reduce the risk of SIDS in infants. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Jade - posted on 05/19/2010

1

9

0

I have 2 boys, one used a pacifier, one sucked his thumb. The pacifier is much easier to stop using when they are old enough.

[deleted account]

I guess I would have to say that it depends on your own personal feelings on the matter. I think she is too young because, at this age, a baby does not cry for no reason. There are also studies that have shown that an infant benefits from your contact.
As for the pacifier, does she breastfeed? If so, the pacifier may be too early, depending on how she latches (if she already latches well, no problem). My daughter was breastfed and we used a pacifier because I found that sometimes when she latched it was just for comfort. She hasn't become dependent on it, doesn't even really need it now. But every baby is different and so is every parent's methods.
I hope that helped... Good luck!

Shaunna - posted on 05/19/2010

15

102

1

Babies have a natural urge to suck, it soothes them. So if you dont want to use a pacificer, maybe try offering her, her own hand. I know for a fact, my 10 week old daughter won't sleep without a pacifier, or her hand in her mouth. It just calms them down in this hectic world...



Also, something I do is I got white noise (it works wonders!) The sound reminds them of being in the womb, and it calms my daughter down alot. Another thing, is that I got this cute little seahorse that lights up and plays music...that and her white noise always helps her to sleep...during the day and at night.



Hope this helps! Good luck!

Iridescent - posted on 05/19/2010

4,519

272

1080

Absolutely. They have no concept of crying to manipulate at that age, and no way of understanding the purpose of being ignored. They only cry for a NEED at 10 weeks. Recommended age is MINIMUM 4 months, most aren't developmentally ready at all until 6 months. You need to get up and attend to her needs at 10 weeks. Pacifiers are to self soothe; why would you refuse to allow her only way of soothing, then leaving her to cry? She does need more from you.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms