Is this "circle of moms" or "war of the moms"?

Chantel - posted on 02/04/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Every time I go into a thread its like opinions gone mad! Bottle feeding vs breastfeeding, CIO vs no CIO, leashes vs no leashes, etc... I joined this to get help and support but everything turns into something personal. This persons better because she does this and this person is wrong because she does that and this person isn't making the best decision for her baby, who cares how she feels? Why do we do this to each other?? We're all moms and I assume we all joined this for help and support so why does it turn personal against each other??

I just needed to get that out...

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12 Comments

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Courtney - posted on 02/04/2009

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I am new to this site, but so far I haven't seen too much of differing opinions being shown in a bad light. Many people will have different opinions about those issues and probably many more, but we all do have to remember to stay neutral about our answers; because not everyone may feel the same way about bottlefeeding (for example) as you do, or as leashes, etc. I think it is a very good point to raise, but I am happy to say that so far I hadn't seen any kind of this "confrontational behavior" in the posts I've read...but then again, I'm new! :)

Vicky - posted on 02/04/2009

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When it comes to parenting everyone seems to have their own opinion. However, what I have learned from experience is to trust yourself, as you know your child best. Parenting is a learning process, we read books,magazines or take other people's advice, sometimes they work and sometimes we find other alternatives that fit us better. No one is perfect and there is no one right way to parent.

[deleted account]

This is why I started a new community. It's called "No Opinions Allowed". I, too, was sick of the fighting and I wanted to create a place that was "safe" from the negativity. Just do a search for the name and join. So far, I'm the only member - but obviously I'm not alone!

Jana - posted on 02/04/2009

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I have thought the same thing when I read some of the posts.  I try to be helpful and I hope none of my posts have been viewed as negative because you are right, we need all of the support we can get.  Every child is different and some methods don't work for every child.  I like reading about all of the different methods because who knows maybe when I have another child those methods might work.  I just kind of filter out the negative comments and move on.  There are great tips/hints/advice on here so like with all things I will take the good with the bad.

Miranda - posted on 02/04/2009

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I agree. I think there is a difference between sharing what has worked for you and telling someone what they should do. We are all mums and every child is different. I don't think we should be criticizing each other. Instead we should be encourage each other to be the best mums we can be. Thanks for reminding all of us of this Chantel

Crystal - posted on 02/04/2009

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Thank you!!! I have been thinking the exact same thing. There is enough negativity in the world, can't we all just respect each other's right to have and express an opinion, without saying that you're a bad mom if you do this or don't do that? We all go thru enough times where we wonder if we are good enough parents as it is.

Holly - posted on 02/04/2009

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I have found that when you get into a big group centered around a particular issue, you will always get a few "rabble rousers". No matter what the topic is. And when the topic is children, well THERE'S an opinionated group - LOL! I find it is important to remember that how you would say something is not necessarily how someone will read it. Voice/inflection/etc is totally lost when written. We are also coming from so many different backgrounds and experiences. One thing I learned over the years is to say "I feel that..." When you preface something like that or "it's my experience that..." then you are saying it is your opinion and not necessarily the sole fact on the matter.

Donna - posted on 02/04/2009

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It's nice to know that there's mums out there like you, perhaps someone should start a circle for "advice only ... no opinionated wars!" so we don't have to sift through the unhelpful putdowns but get straight to the support we're after.

Jenna - posted on 02/04/2009

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Its so true i went on one to talk and it was nasty msg after msg y r people doing this. i just want to help and be helped with anything that i can parenting isn't easy so y make it harder.

Sherree - posted on 02/04/2009

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I think your message is a good reminder to be supportive. Just because the trendy authors of today may advocate one method doesn't mean other methods are wrong. I think whatever works for you and your baby is always the best and should be supported.

Wendy - posted on 02/04/2009

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I think we just have to remember that everyone has their own personal opinions on what works best for them. The person asking the question will then have to decide what advice to take and what not to take. No one is right or wrong.......it's all personal experience.

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