is this ok like really?

Ashley - posted on 06/05/2011 ( 97 moms have responded )

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we live in a townhouse complex and we have open backyards.. so basically anyone can walk through them .. and my neighbour is always Allowing her 3 yr old son outside by himself ... I think its just plain wrong my oldest is 3.5yrs old and I would NEVER allow her outside with out an adult watching her... what do you think am I just being over protective ? or are they just being plain lazy! she also allows him to go out side and swim with no one out there

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Vicky - posted on 06/07/2011

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I have read most of the post and here is what I think about it. I wouldn't allow my 3 year to "roam" around in a ungated area, nor would I let them go "swimming", but that is what I would do. You don't know her exact situation so before you make a judgement about her either being lazy or stupid try talking to her. Explain that you don't feel comfortable with the situation and see if you could help. When I first had my kids (ages 10 and 7 now) I was like "oh how can a mom let their kid do such and such" but I have learned that we don't all parent the same way and what works for you may not work for everyone. People have different upbringings and they commonly do what they have been taught, so do be so critical, try and be helpful.

Take the "you" out of the situation and try to see it from her perspective...maybe she just needs a little help and doesn't know how to ask for it.

Good Luck

Sam - posted on 06/07/2011

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unfortunatley their are mom's that backslide on parenting, they counting on your good nature to look after thier siblings ,while they entertain themselves with exicting things. To fix the problem,everytime you see the child gently take him/her back to mom.She'll soon get the idea

Jane - posted on 06/06/2011

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Does she want you to help her watch him? Did you suggest she should lock or barricade the door when she feeds so he can't get out? Does she even realize the risk he faces with the pool out there? She isn't coping well and whether she knows it or not, she needs help.

Elfrieda - posted on 06/05/2011

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With no swimming pool or just a little wader, I think it's fine. It's healthy to let kids play on their own. Probably she's peeking out of the window all the time to make sure he's okay. If it's a full-sized swimming pool, I think it's a terrible idea!

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Ashley - posted on 08/01/2011

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well the update is is now i don't see much from them because the girls boyfriend wont let her talk to me since i didnt agree that it was fair to put a 3 yr old on time out for getting mud on the boyfriends shoes .... sooo

Corlissa - posted on 07/31/2011

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I would say 13 but not by themselves with a friend. Also that depends on where you live and how mature you child is because if you live in a rough street then you would not want your child out by themselves. I would asso tell them that they could only stay at the park near the house and dont cross any streets.

Ashton - posted on 07/14/2011

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That is so wrong someone should saysomething to them that baby could drown or be naped by someone. Some people just dont know what they have you know i have 4 step children and a 1 1/2 yearold doughter. We had a little girl in january of this year and we lost her 2 month later crib death. Some people just dont know what they have till they loos them . im so sorry you have to watch what is going on. If you can say something to them. try to or talk to the land lord.

Ashley - posted on 07/12/2011

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I know what you mean by not wanting how the other kids are raised effect your kids ... when ever they are over the little guy asks to go out side or across the street to the park and she says sure of course so my oldest asks if she can go to .. shes the same age as the little guy and I say no so both kids get mad

Kathryn - posted on 07/12/2011

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I do not think it's okay. My 5 year old is allowed to play in our backyard without an adult outside, but I'm constantly peeking at him and listening through the open windows. My 2.5 year old is not allowed outside without an adult. We have neighbors who allow their 4 children who range in age from 7 to 2 outside alone (including in the street). Other than losing the littlest one once, nothing tragic has happened - yet. Different parents have different parenting styles, and different ideas of what's acceptable. I just hope the not so acceptable ideas don't affect my kids too strongly!

Bree - posted on 07/12/2011

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It can actually be seen as neglect a child that age can easily get hurt run into the street it drown most parents don't realize it takes one inch of water too drown. I am from the school of what can happen will if we don't watch out for them who will. If child services gets wind of it they could actually take the child away. You could just say you know that is considered against the law, they could just not be thinking ahead of consequences and then again they might not care. If you don't want a possible confrontation tell the apartment management company it is something they would talk to a tenant about because if anything happened the person would want to sue them when they are actually at fault. So no you are not overreacting you are just concerned.

Corlissa - posted on 07/12/2011

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you are not wrong I think that he is to young to be outside by himself any thing could happen while she is in the house some one could come and kidnapp him in todays world you have to be carefull and you can never be to over protected when it comes to a little baby to me that is bad parenting letting a three year old play by himself outside when he can barley talk I could see maybe an 8 year old. He could fall and hurt himself and put things in his mouth that he shouldn't and he gets hurt bad and someone reports it she will be in big trouble. that lady is lazy she should either take him outside herself or dont let him go outside to play that just not good parenting. Maybe you should talk to her about the situation if you speak to her tell her your concerns

Corlissa - posted on 07/12/2011

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you are not wrong I think that he is to young to be outside by himself any thing could happen while she is in the house some one could come and kidnapp him in todays world you have to be carefull and you can never be to over protected when it comes to a little baby to me that is bad parenting letting a three year old play by himself outside when he can barley talk I could see maybe an 8 year old. He could fall and hurt himself and put things in his mouth that he shouldn't and he gets hurt bad and someone reports it she will be in big trouble. that lady is lazy she should either take him outside herself or dont let him go outside to play that just not good parenting. Maybe you should talk to her about the situation if you speak to her tell her your concerns

Jennifer - posted on 06/15/2011

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Wow. My kids are 2 and 1 and we live in a condo complex with open backyards, as well. I would NEVER allow my kids to play outside without adult supervision. I think that maybe 7 or 8 might be ok, if they stay by the house. 3 is way to young to be outside alone.

Ashley - posted on 06/15/2011

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she really doesnt believe in letting the youngest outside i think because i have told her to do that a few times

Stifler's - posted on 06/14/2011

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I feed one and watch the other. I make a bottle and sit outside and watch him play while feeding her.

Brendanconstable1 - posted on 06/14/2011

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It is possible to stop feeding your baby to attend other children, I have heard this comment before and it's a cop out. Let one cry for the safety of the other.
The statistics of young children being molested by friends, relatives and neighbours is higher than that of complete strangers and the risk of drowning in your own back yard is far worse....it's hard to tell people how to raise their own kids but a conversation pointing out your concerns of the complex has to help.

Carolyn - posted on 06/14/2011

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Plain LAZY children need to be supervised by adults. I dont even leave my eight nearly nine year old alone!

TRACY - posted on 06/14/2011

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no that is very scary...there's way to many kids drowing these days..and kidknappings...

Noelle - posted on 06/14/2011

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aw, Ashley that's a tough situation! But no it is not okay for that mother to let her 3 year old out to play let alone swim like that!

Louise - posted on 06/14/2011

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Its wrong to leave a 3yr old out to play by their selves anyway but to live somewhere that is as open as you say then they should be with the child at all times

Ashley - posted on 06/14/2011

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theres no point of calling children's aid because she is already involved with them ,... we are "friends" so I do have the little guy ALOT anyways ... but his bad habits are now starting to show in my oldest isnt it starting to annoy me even tho I know its not all his fault for how he acts.... and as for her well she was raised by a mother who didnt give a damn about her and shes pretty much raising her kids the same way its sad I know but I don'ty think she knows any better

Noelle - posted on 06/13/2011

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CPS won't really be able to do anything for that situation unfortunately. Unless that mother was to leave the house, to run an errand and left her child there playing outside, or in the house, and CPS caught her in the act. Unfortunate, but true. Instead I would offer some help, she may be struggling with some PPD, in which case both of those children may be in more danger than you even realize! Maybe let her know that you wouldn't mind watching her son while she feeds the baby if she would give you a heads up call and let you know he's headed outside...or something like that.... It sucks because it's not really your obligation as a neighbor to be a full time babysitter, but someone needs to watch that poor little boy before something serious happens.

Christy - posted on 06/13/2011

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Do you talk to your neighbors? We have a really great neighborhood, everyone is so friendly. I guess I would talk to your neighbor, see what the situation is before you call CPS. Maybe she is having problems that you could help with. And if she was raised that way, maybe she doesn't even think of the dangers.

Stifler's - posted on 06/13/2011

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I didn't even know about that until our friends' kid broke his arm adn the ambos came to get him and told us to empty it and they won't report it. I was like WTF it's not even a permanent pool.

Johnny - posted on 06/13/2011

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That's just good old common sense. I would not mind in the slightest if we had laws about pools of any size here. Too many kids drown. Its senseless. But there are no laws except that a pool has to be in a fenced yard (but it can be open to the rest of the yard).

Stifler's - posted on 06/13/2011

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It's illegal in Australia to have a WADING pool not even 30cm deep filled up sitting in your backyard without you sitting out there. You're supposed to empty it when you're finished with it.

Johnny - posted on 06/13/2011

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That sort of thing depends on where you live Mazy. It is not illegal at all here to have a pool not separately fenced in. It's not even something you can call CPS for.

Mazy - posted on 06/13/2011

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Isn't it illegal to have a swimming pool that isn't fenced in? Even if it is in a backyard, it still has to be fenced & gated...and if a road leads right to it, then it seems to me that perhaps your apartment complex has some legal issues besides your neighbor. Does she actually let him swim or go inside the pool's gate, or is there simply a pool near the area that he plays? Obviously we all know it's not right to let children go unattended, and now you are saying that she's been doing this before the new baby & just to play computer games...so why are you on here asking us & not dialing the local authorities?

Johnny - posted on 06/13/2011

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Our yard is gated and I allow my nearly 3 year old out in it alone. Mind you, I'm standing or sitting right there watching her the whole time. And it backs on to a greenway, no where near a street. I think it is positive for them to slowly learn how to be independent and play alone. Unsupervised is not for another few years, but hovering is no longer necessary. Swimming though, no way!

Tiffiny - posted on 06/13/2011

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that neighbor is just plain lazy my oldest will be 7 and i still don't allow my kids outside w/o an adult

Summer - posted on 06/13/2011

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I would not let him swim alone! However, I let my almost 3 year old daughter go outside by herself if I'm able to watch her through a window. We live in a private area away from the road though, so it's a little different from your situation. Trust your mommy instincts. Don't worry about what other moms are doing; do what you feel is right for your child.

Melissa - posted on 06/13/2011

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swimming? No way!! We live in a similar community. I will let my 3 1/2 year old in the "back yard" if I am in the kitchen with the sliding glass door to that area. I just remind her to stay in the area right behind the house where i can see her. she sits out there and blows bubbles or tosses sticks/rocks into the pond, or practices her casting with her fishing rod. Also there are a bunch of older kids (6-10 years old) in the neighborhood that she plays with. They are really good at watching out for her. So I feel comfortable leaving her with them while I carry in groceries or run inside to the bathroom or whatever. But I would NEVER leave her out there unattended where I couldn't at least keep an eye on her for an extended period of time. I once tried to let her sit on our patio area between our building and the next to blow bubbles alone, but thought better of it and made her come around back where I could see her.

Beverly - posted on 06/13/2011

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I have a 3.5 year old. We have a fenced-in back yard with a gate that she can't open. I allow her to play in the sandbox or with chalk on the porch unsupervised ALL THE TIME. But, I would never leave her unsupervised in an area where there is a pool, or where she could wander away. That is irresponsible.

Spring - posted on 06/13/2011

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No, she should be actively keeping an eye on her child and this could constitute neglect.

Becky - posted on 06/12/2011

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I guess I am over protective of my kids. We live in an apartment complex for almost 2 years. I specifically moved into the building next to the play ground. My son is 6 and this was the first summer I let go to the playground with a friend of the same age. And then I was out the door hollering for him to respond every 30 mins.

Cindy - posted on 06/12/2011

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HE** NO and yes they are... THey are being totally irresponsible, lazy doesn't even begin to cover it. ANd the swimming thing, how scary I don't care how well he "can" swim.... You don't sat how big the town is that you live in is, not that it makes a big difference, but the more populated the area, the bigger the danger. I truly truly truly belive that 99% of the world is safe and noone would hurt you or your child, b ut unfortunately today we have to worry and think about the 1% that would hurt/harm you/your child. ANd just the ramifications of what can happen just as they ar playing like running out into the street, getting hit, falling from something (tree, balcony, etc.). My dauhgter had a child run out into the street and into the side of her car. Thankfully the child "only" ended up with a broken leg. My daughter was an emotional wreck and in no way was it her fault. My 4 yr old granddaughter is noever allowed outside by herself and they and we have a fenced yard. i have 5 beautiful grands age 9, 4, 3, 2 and 2 and only the 9 yr old is out by herself and even then we are checking on her. I would consider this abuse and neglect and possibly should be reported before anything horrible happens. Consider it.....PLEASE for the sake of the child and yourself as you will have to deal with your emotions if something does happen and you could have prevented it.

Constance - posted on 06/12/2011

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Irresponsible period. Allowing a child at that age without adult supervision and allowing them to go swimming alone. Jesus it OMFG it only takes a second for something to go wrong.
I know it isn't your responsibility but at least this little one does have someone who does try to keep an eye. You could try talking to her but in this case maybe making a call to CPS will do the trick. I am not one for someone to cal CPS but this is a situation were the child is in danger.

Sherri - posted on 06/12/2011

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Nope would never heck my 14 & 12 yr old are never without adult supervision never mind a 3yr old. Not on your life!!!

Vanessa - posted on 06/12/2011

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I have to agree with you, I wouldn't let my son who is almost 3 yrs old to play outside by himself without watching him. Our yard is not fenced in as well and near roads so I think it would be irresponsible of me to just let him roam out there without watching. You don't have to hover over them to the point where you are 2 steps behind him but should be there watching.I'm all for giving kids their independence and letting them explore but swimming alone at 3 years old seems a bit much.

Ashley - posted on 06/10/2011

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Pamela - I don't have to assume I know that NO one is watching her child because she tells me so she says oh hes fine I can hear him.. and I usaully always have this child because she can't "deal" with him because he's into stuff.. my children are ALWAYS being watched there isnt a moment in the day that my children are not attended to by an adult ... .. and to some earlier post about not understanding the backyards... mine leads right to a road... where my neighbour that i am speaking of lives across the parking lot from me so her backyard just leads to other backyards or the complex behind her which leads to a very busy road.. .. I have told her she shouldnt let him out while shes feeding because he needs someone watching him near that pool but her answer is i can't stop him... but its not just the feeding there are times I have been talking to her and she says hes outside and shes playing a game on the computer or t.v . I do help her ALOT I have him most of the time even before she had the new baby this was going on .. mind you there was no pool then because it was winter but still... sorry for venting :)

Gwalu Mahlet - posted on 06/10/2011

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Personally you are not overprotective .even I have 9 yrs daughter and 8 yrs boy I always watch them while they are swimming.

Barbie - posted on 06/09/2011

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with no fence i would never ever let a child out alone ever. and with a pool my sister in laws daughter died because my sister turned her back for just a few seconds when they were at the pool. so it is my oppinion that your neighbour is being plian stupid and lazy. that is not even touching the whole child snatching aspect.
now if it were a fenced in yard and the windows were open i could see there being no problem.... well take the pool out of the picture and we are trackin but in any case i agree with you 3 years old is too young to be outside alone when there is no fence and a pool in the mix.

User - posted on 06/09/2011

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I think someone should be watching their child at ALL times, simply because of the horror stories you read of children being taken off their own property. I would never leave my daughter alone without supervision. I don't see anything wrong with allowing a child to play in a closed in backyard, however I personally think allowing them outside where anyone can walk up to them is just unsettling. I don't think you are being to over protective with a child at that age, it's just to wrong.

Pamela - posted on 06/09/2011

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It does take a "village to rear a child", so to speak, but how do you know that she isn't watching her child from inside the house? Perhaps YOU are making ASSUMPTIONS. And we all know what 'assume' means. If you don't know, look at the word it self and break it down in between the letter "s" and "u", and then again between "u" and "me". You might then understand what assume means.

It is okay to be concerned with others children, but it is not okay to assume that someone else isn't taking care of business in their own way. If the child is not left there crying, or hurt and unattended, DO NOT assume that the child is not being watched.
By the way, when you are watching her child who is watching yours?

Penny - posted on 06/09/2011

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I have to agree the children of that age need adult supervision at all times. Especially if they are going to be in a pool! I have had 4 children ranging from 21 - 29 and now have grandchildren and I would not allow any of them to be unattended when outside. I have called SRS when a toddler was wandering on the street from a couple of doors down. He ended up on my front porch. And I felt that it was very dangerous for this child to be out by himself. So go with your instincts if you feel like you should take further action.

Rachel - posted on 06/09/2011

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Young children are very impulsive and unpredictable. I would imagine that everyone has a road nearby. all it takes is a toy, another child, or a bug to distract a child and they may go running off. And they will not remember the way back. Even if you can trust your neighbors, you cant trust your small child ALL the time. They are children. They are not capable of responsible decision making at this time. They are very accident prone, and if they really get hurt,they will not be able to come in to get help, even in a fenced in yard. With or without a pool or a fence, JUST WATCH YOUR KIDS, or ask for help!

Steph - posted on 06/08/2011

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There is no way I would let my child out alone. You can't trust everyone you see or meet. My oldest is going to be 6 and she can not even be outside by herself. Call me overprotective or crazy but they mean the world to me and anything can happen in the matter of seconds.

Jasmine - posted on 06/08/2011

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Wow... anything could happen in a matter of SECONDS.... that is VERY foolish of your neighbor to do this. It makes me CRINGE at irresponsible parents like this!!! My ex used to leave his 4yr old son home alone... (this was after our breakup, because otherwise I would have NEVER allowed that!!) All it takes is a tragedy (knocks on wood for this child) to have the parent realize they SHOULD HAVE supervised their child in the first place.. I mean accidents and mishaps happen ALL the time if you are not aware or careful.. :(

Ashley - posted on 06/07/2011

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i live in the same idea my backyard is wide open. My son will be 3 in aug and i would never let him play out back by him self! NO WAY!

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