Is this punishment fair for my teen son not brushing his teeth in the morning?

Elaine - posted on 05/16/2012

When my son wanted braces, I told him that when I see him brush his teeth at least twice a day, we would go to the expense of braces but the brushing with braces is very important so the teeth dont rot under the braces. He took his time getting the message and still had his teeth for his Sr. pix but the dentist commended him on the care he took of his teeth during that time as there were NO marks of any kind on his teeth. POINT: When THEY are ready to listen, they will!! One dentist said that if you only brush once a day (bedtime) and do a GOOD job, you should still be okay if you eat a well balanced diet.

Jenny - posted on 05/16/2012

I think you are doing just fine! How else are you going to get the point across that you are not going to compromise about dental hygiene? There is nothing harsh or "crazy" as one person said about being strict about teeth brushing.

Tessa - posted on 05/16/2012

I think that taking away his x-box and iphone is perhaps a little bit harsh for just brushing his teeth, as mentioned above, what are you going to do when he does something bad? (sneak out to go to a party, wag school or something?) Try taking him to the dentist and getting him to pay for a full scale and clean!

Tessa - posted on 05/16/2012

I think that taking away his x-box and iphone is perhaps a little bit harsh for just brushing his teeth, as mentioned above, what are you going to do when he does something bad? (sneak out to go to a party, wag school or something?) Try taking him to the dentist and getting him to pay for a full scale and clean!

Kristi - posted on 05/16/2012

I agree. Sometimes you have to hit em where it hurts, so to speak. He's losing a privilege, not a right. Today parents have to be creative sometimes when trying to get our kids to alter their behavior/habits. It's really not so different from a person coaxing themselves into doing housework. For example, if I get the vacuuming & the dusting done I can watch my favorite show or read my book, etc. When we're talking about our kids, it is our responsibility to make sure they have proper hygiene & at least know how to maintain it so when they do care they have the skills.

Dale - posted on 05/16/2012

I had a dentist tell me that brushing in the morning isn't as important as brushing before bed so while encouraging him to brush in the morning (because it's kinda gross not to) just make sure he does an especially good job brushing them before bed. I don't think punishing him is fair as having dirty teeth all day should be punishment enough

Jennifer - posted on 05/16/2012

I would take the xbox away period. And that's not really tough loveits a lite punishment

Judi - posted on 05/16/2012

A little harsh I'd say. What are you going to take away when the issues get really serious? Better idea is to take him to the dentist and let the hygienist have a chat with him. Plus, as soon as he figures out that girls don't like stinky breath, he'll solve the problem himself.

Suzanne - posted on 05/16/2012

if it works no it is not to harsh, what about making him pay for one of his cleanings? they are less expensive than fillings but it may get your piont across

Julie - posted on 05/16/2012

I have 2 girls 12 n 14, n if i had a pound for everytime i told them to brush their teeth, i'd be a millionaire! I wouldn't worry about it, as long as he brushes them on a night. He'll soon get into brushing them on a morn when he's got a girl to impress! I honestly don't think taking away priveleges will do any good tbh, theres far worse things he could be doing!

Kirsten - posted on 05/16/2012

why does everyone assume the parent is at fault? Teenagers are a pain to get up, and I do not think it is fair that you assume the parent is too lazy to get up. For crying out loud, how about the teen taking some responsibility, especially at 14. Both of my kids and my grands got/get themselves up, shower, brush teeth, and get breakfast. No wonder kids these days are so spoiled and unable to care for anything.

Kirsten - posted on 05/16/2012

You are correct I believe. You take care of his medical care and make sure he is healthy, correct? You make sure he bathes, eats, etc. Why wouldn't you try to keep his teeth healthy, too? I think you are a very good parent for caring about his teeth, too, although I wouldn't worry about the cost, just his overall health.

Kirsten - posted on 05/16/2012

I think you are being to harsh. It is perfectly sensible to take away his important priviledges to get him to brush his teeth. You wouldn't let your child not shower or bathe for a week or so, would you? The teeth thing is as important as feeding him. How sad you think he should be able to not brush his teeth without consequences, what kind of parent are you?

Ashley - posted on 05/16/2012

It really sounds like maybe Jodi just likes to argue. Probably not the best person to seek advice from.

Kathy - posted on 05/16/2012

I think thats perfectly acceptable your doing a fine job..

Cassandra - posted on 05/16/2012

Ashley,
I have a school aged child (about to be 6)... I work crazy hours at work, and sometimes I get home 2 hours before he even has to be on the bus, so I know what it feels like to not want to get up with your child before school... I HAVE to get up because he is in kindergarten and they require someone there when they pick him up and drop him off...
Everyone remember all these kids that are being bullied and hurting themselves because of it... Kids are MEAN! If you have 1 day anymore that you forget to brush your teeth and for the rest of your school aged life, you are labeled something and teased SOOOO bad for it!
Also, I used to work overnights and my mom would watch him when he was really little, and about a year ago, he had to have 12 teeth capped and the rest of his teeth needed fillings because my mother wasn't either helping him brush his teeth nor was she reminding him to do so... his dental bill was about $3,500.00................
I don't think you are being to harsh, AT ALL!! And if ANYONE has a problem that you sleep in while he gets himself ready and on the bus, so what? Its not their business and its your family... This is not the Brady Bunch, with the perfect family, and the stay at home moms, or even the moms who only work 9-5... Sometimes we have to do what works for us ALL.
I know you just wanted to see opinions to see how people felt, and some of the disrespect is unbelievable. We are all mothers here to support and uplift each other, not upset and discourage each other... People have the right to state their opinions, but there is a way to do if if you don't agree, without being rude.
I do agree that maybe making a checklist or putting sticky notes places will be a great reminder and might help so he CAN remember everyday to do it... But if you do the sticky notes, try and do some encouraging ones too, like telling him that you are proud of him for his grades or that you love him, or whatever is comfortable for you.
Kids need consiquences (sp?) for their actions and whatever grabs their attention and makes it feel like a punishment to them, then thats what works and it will help.
Good luck Ashley!!
I think you are doing a fabulous job, keep it up!

Louise - posted on 05/16/2012

I dont think thats harsh AT ALL!! I showed my daughter books, online pictures etc on rotten teeth and how ugly bad teeth make you look in the future. Its worked although she needs reminding before the school run sometimes as gets sidetracked very easily! If they dont brush there teeth I think they should clean/brush the bathroom!!!

Pamela - posted on 05/16/2012

Maybe the real problem is that to a 14 year old, the xbox and phone ARE logic. And parents seem completely illogical.

So, moms, what illogical punishment did you receive for offending a personal hygiene code? You may have seen mine. As an adult, I see how my not washing my hair could have, in my mother's eyes, reflected on her parenting skills and how she wanted me to take pride in my appearance. As a kid I had more important things on my mind. But if she had let me go with filthy, stringing hair I may have ended up ostracized at school or with lice or something. How long could I have gone nasty headed? Probably til about 15 since I was both oblivious and obtuse prior to that.

I spent the entire summer grounded for not washing my hair. You?

Krizia - posted on 05/16/2012

U ARE DEFINITELY ON THE RIGHT TRACK!!!!!!! I have a 12 yr old who I have faced similar issues with. And I have taken things away from him for those reasons. Some may find it petty but sometimes we have to do what we have to do 2 get our point across!!!! I am now going to start that same practice with my younger son.

Mia - posted on 05/16/2012

Have you tried positive reinforcement or leaving notes on his mirror? I usually remind my sons each morning, but inevitably, it is the one thing they forget. If taking his phone doesn't work, try other strategies such as buying him a new game if he brushes his teeth for a full month without forgetting.

Dove - posted on 05/16/2012

How long after eating breakfast is he brushing his teeth? You do know that brushing within a half an hour after eating can actually be worse for your teeth that not brushing at all, right? The acids in the food we eat can weaken the enamel on the teeth and brushing them can start brushing that enamel right off.

I forget what article I read that information from or I'd link to it. It makes perfect sense though.

Carrie - posted on 05/16/2012

Lots of interesting opinions on this one, lol :)

Just a FYI, technically brushing and flossing your teeth once a day is really all that's necessary and that one time is recommended before bed to get all the days crap out of your mouth so as not to sit overnight and form cavities and what not.

I understand the need to instill responsibility, but I don't think that taking away his electronics for this particular situation is the way to go. I believe there were a couple of ladies that suggested making a list or putting a post it note to remind him. I've actually done this for myself because I'm not a religious flosser and the note is helping me to form that habit, I'm 34. Being forgetful is not always a reason for punishment.

I'm not saying that you are wrong, or that you're a bad parent. I'm saying that I disagree with the way you are choosing to handle this particular situation, and that maybe there is a different way to approach it. After all you did choose to post and ask for opinions.

Whatever happens, I hope that you are able to have a teenage boy with nice teeth and a good sense of responsibility.

Tulip - posted on 05/16/2012

No, it isn't too harsh! You should have drilled it into him younger. If you let him carry on imagine what he'll be like when he's a student!!!!

Casey - posted on 05/16/2012

I feel your punishment is a VERY good punishment...He'll learn and if that doesn't work then go further with it. I believe in teaching my kids to do the very best they can and to be as "INDEPENDENT" as they can. My kids have been doing chores for years. I have an 11 year old that started doing his own laundry at the age of 6 maybe 7 (with assistance from us, but now on his own) and all other chores in the household; along with a 4 year old daughter that has been helping with dishes and laundry, picking up, dusting etc (as said other household chores). since she was 2, she loves it and my almost 2 year old helps with all of the chores as well. We make it a family thing, so that we get it all done and can do family stuff together or they can go play with there friends. If they don't help their are consequences and they know this, ie: timeouts, loosing out on playing with their friends, if they have a temper tantrum that doesn't stop, even after a few timeouts I consider that they must be tired, so then it's nap time or bed time, they loose toys or games/Wii or Xbox, not being able to go to hockey practice (which the older one loves) etc. Parents that do not expect their children to do anything in life are only raising them to have/need assistance when they get older and are not teaching them the respect and appreciation the kids deserve to have in life.
- My kids at times do not like me or my husband, but they do respect us and they do know getting away with something probably isn't going to happen and if it does slip threw the cracks at one point, then it probably won't again.
- As well our kids do not get paid allowances, but they do get extra's if they've done well, we'll go out for ice cream or when at the store, they might get something small that they want, we do a lot of amping, so we'll go to a waterpark campground a couple times a year, which the kids love, and this is part of the extra's the kids know will happen. It's their home too, so this is just part of life and that is chores/household work/ADL's (activities of daily living...personal hygiene).
- So with this, as said I feel your discipline is a good discipline for your son, you need to get him with items he likes to do in life over things that don't matter to him. He will Respect you much more in the future : )

Ashley - posted on 05/16/2012

My dentist told me with my 2 yr old as long as they brush at least once a day they're fine! and if it is only once then before bed is ideal!

Keisha - posted on 05/16/2012

I don't think the punishment is harsh AT ALL. If he can't follow the rules (especially a rule put in place to benefit him...his HYGIENE), then priviledges should be taken away. I find it funny how parents think there shouldn't be consequences for a child not being OBEDIENT...then wonder why their children at brats that don't listen at home or at school.

Trust me, he'll start doing what he's told to do when he doesn't get to do what he wants to do. Punishment is effective when done reasonably and with love. You aren't punishing to be mean, you're punishing to teach a lesson which will ultimately benefit him in life. Cause guess what...if he isn't taught to do what he's required to at home, when he gets a job and doesn't feel the need to do what he's required to, he will be fired...(a consequence to HIS action..well, inaction). So, the lesson will benefit him in life.

I have faced similar issues with my 14 YEAR OLD BOY and have gotten the desired results by disciplining my child. Which is what a GOOD parent does.

Vicky - posted on 05/16/2012

I think you are right on track. I just hope he really brushes his teeth not just wetting toothbrush lol. I used to make my teenagers brush when they got home from school and before bed to make sure they brushed at least twice a day as reccommended by our dentisted.

Amy - posted on 05/16/2012

I would tell him that if he doesn't want to brush his teeth that's fine it's his choice, but girls don't want to kiss boys with gross teeth. And also I would let him know that if he chooses to not brush then he has to pick up the co-pay for the cavities and let him know how much that will be. This stopped my son from complaining about brushing, but then again he is only 6 :)

Ann - posted on 05/16/2012

All I can say is CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES...and being so naggy about something so trite, may push him to be more rebellious and 14 is a very bad age to start that :)

Angela - posted on 05/16/2012

Sounds reasonable to me but don't make your method of detection obvious or he'll just moisten the brush!

Buy him a new one and sniff it - that's a good way!

Kate - posted on 05/16/2012

I had the same problem with my young teen. I made a checklist spreadsheet that was like a todo calendar for the entire month. It included brushing teeth, making bed, simple things that teens forget to do. Their minds are still developing at a great rate at this age, there is nothing wrong with them having a checklist to help them to remember to do things like this. Besides, it's a good habit to teach them because even adults need checklists as reminders sometimes. Hope this helps :).

Patricia - posted on 05/16/2012

couldn't have said it better myself Janet

Janet - posted on 05/16/2012

Your doing a good job! Kids are so lazy these days, all that are important to them are electronics. Just tell him that with good oral hygiene, comes good healthy, because bad breath and decaying teeth can lead to other health issues.

Patricia - posted on 05/16/2012

what a great idea i have used this with my kids and a ewards thing as well

Lyana - posted on 05/16/2012

just take your personal incentive to make him remember to brush his teeth. remember, we try to revolve around ppl behaviour not the other way around, if he's forgetful. try to put a reminder to brush his teeth as soon as he gets up he can see the reminder, for instance, at alarm clock or infront of bathroom door write with big fonts " DONT FORGET TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH" or inside the bathroom u just stick the note anywhere..maybe he never brush it becoz he does not remember it..

but after doing this, still occurs than u can start punish him for neglect it.

Patricia - posted on 05/16/2012

i think every child is different my 10 year old son has to be pushed to do anything for himself some things it's just just ridicolous but his nine six and 5 year old sisters are much more independent and will do alot more so i think you have to choose how tough you have to be with each child and why

Jennifer - posted on 05/15/2012

Wow. I have to say I agree with stickers mom, Jodi, and Janice. Not to be mean but you did ask our opinions and than got snappy when we all didn't agree. It seems as though you really didn't want our take on the situation you had already made up your mind. Janice is right don't sweat the small stuff. He is doing what you ask by getting himself ready and getting to school on time. To me that seems like something that should be praised but yet it seems no matter what he will forget something or not do it to your picky liking and still find himself in trouble. My 6 year old gets herself ready everyday and makes it to the bus on time. As long as she is safe and made it to school I am a happy momma. If she forgets to brush in the morning I just make sure it definitely gets done before bed.

Nicole - posted on 05/15/2012

It is not the principle of brushing teeth, it is responsibility. You know what you need to do to get yourself together from day to day...just do it. This is something he forgets repeatedly...most days. Yes, you do pick your battles...but he is old enough to know better!

Patricia - posted on 05/15/2012

i understand that when they turn into teenagers they thik they know everything and are the boss different kids need diferent insenties at the moment tough love is the only thing working since my nine month old was born

Dove - posted on 05/15/2012

My kids have never brushed their teeth in the morning and all but one of them have never had a single cavity so far.... In fact, the dentist thinks they have excellent teeth. Not brushing your teeth in the morning does not automatically mean you are irresponsible, hopeless, spoiled, or whatever else has been said here.

I do not think that banning a kid from the Xbox is barbaric because my kids won't ever even OWN an Xbox unless they choose to buy it themselves in the mid teen age range. ;) I just think that punishing a 14 year old in any manner for not brushing his teeth is stupid and not something I would ever consider doing.

Patricia - posted on 05/15/2012

no not at all

Karen - posted on 05/15/2012

You have to pick your battles and that is not one I would pick. When he gets interested in girls believe me you'll wish you had another bathroom or two.

Nicole - posted on 05/15/2012

Are you freaking kidding me!!!! Heck yeah you should punish him. HE IS FOURTEEN YEARS OLD!! He should know better!! And when those high medical bills come in guess who would not pay for it!! Come on, that is why these teens are hopeless now, we do EVERYTHING for them. If he has a phone, he is responsible enough to take care of himself. My ten year old is better than that!!

Sherri - posted on 05/15/2012

I simply would make him brush them before bed and when he gets home from school then there never has to be an argument about it. Well that is what I would do if he were my son.

Kesandra - posted on 05/15/2012

Jodi- she was, in a way, looking for praise and agreement because she has at some point probably thought it may not be the best way. I agree with you more than Ashley but I see how she might feel "attacked" by the way you expressed yourself. You seem to have a more aggressive and straight forward personality and some people take that as being crass or pushy or rude. Though I probably would have done it the same. Let's not fight ladies, we are too classy :)

Jodi - posted on 05/15/2012

"I'm honestly shocked at the number of you who think a break in electronic use is barbaric."

I'm not sure anyone thought it was barbaric. Just unnecessary and pointless. I'm honestly shocked that you read these posts and thought it meant that a break in electronic us is barbaric. No-one said they don't use that. But only when it is suitable. In this instance, many people just don't see it as the right consequence. But if you want to read that this way, then go for it. Amusing, to say the least. Are you also one of those people who thing people who don't spank their kids have kids who lack discipline?

Andrea - posted on 05/15/2012

In my opinion, the punishment doesn't really fit the crime. Children connect the dots better when the punishments actually make sense considering the crime they have committed. In this case I would think something like gently informing your son that you only pay for good dental checkups and if he gets a poor report at the dentist, he will be responsible for coming up with the payment for the dentist. He is plenty old enough to be able to earn money and having to actually pay a bill for something might teach him to be more responsible. The hard part of this comes in when you actually have to say I'm so sad for you son, you got a poor report from this dentist and here is your bill, how would you like to pay for this? If he has a hard time coming with ideas, ask him if he'd like to hear some suggestions: tell him he could sell something that he owns, or help a neighbor around the house to earn some money...the lesson is only learned if you don't lecture and actually follow through! :) good luck

Rosie - posted on 05/15/2012

i honestly think if you are that worried about it you should get up with him to make sure it gets done. as for the punishment, it will need to fit the crime. if he's not brushing his teeth, NATURAL consequences come in when he starts getting made fun of at school by peers or girlfriend. if that doesn't work, and his teeth get bad, he can work to pay you back. him not getting the xbox isn't going to drive home the point that hygience and your money are important.

Stacey - posted on 05/15/2012

To Julie Bay....I believe the question was if her punishment on her son is ok or too harsh, not how much time she spends with her son..... If you feel the need to answer any of these conversations with harsh statements and insults then dont waste your precious time answering. We dont want to read it.

Stacey - posted on 05/15/2012

Wow... that Julie is a harsh one isnt she??? GoodLord! LOL My suggestion to you would be to hold the xbox til he is brushing his teeth every morning. Pick a time limit that is right for you. Say to him, he can have his xbox back once he is brushing his teeth every morning for ex: 2wks, without fail! Then next time he fails to brush, take it away longer. Most teenage kids dont like this and will comply to get back what is precious to them. I do not feel that you need to get up with him, he is a big boy and you are allowing him a sense of responsibility to get himself ready and off to school on his own. Good luck to ya!!