just a question about kids and marriage

Roslyn - posted on 06/16/2010

I wouldn't have married my husband if he said he didn't want kids at all...we both desperately wanted children as soon as we got married...I fell pregnant 3 weeks after we were married! No regrets! We always wanted 3-4 children...and now we have 3! Thinking of having a fourth sometime in the future! Love kids and love the joys that children bring...for me...its the hardest but the best job in the world!!!!!!

Michelle - posted on 06/16/2010

To Becky Franklin, I just wanted to say my sister wants 3 and her husband wants 2, but she's had to give in to 2. However, she REALLY wants a girl and because her first is a boy and she is not guaranteed a girl next time, she wants to go through gender selection and have it locked in. This costs the same as an IVF treatment. He's not interested in doing this however and doesn't see the big deal in whether it's a boy or a girl. So he's not only saying no to 3, he's also saying no to a gender selection procedure, so no compromises. I feel sorry for her cos I too really wanted one of each and REALLY wanted a girl and my first is a girl and my second is a boy. I know it's not politically correct to be saying this but I don't see what the big deal is in wishing one of each. Raising boys is so different from raising girls, what's wrong with wanting to experience both in life. They always say as long as it's happy and healthy, well OBVIOUSLY you wish for them to be healthy and happy first but there's nothing wrong with also wishing one of each. Anyway,was just wanting to say that in case you didn't realise this, there are options for gender selection out there, just not every country does it.

Bianca - posted on 06/16/2010

We talked about it before we married and both wanted 3. This has changed over the 10 years we've been together. At the time I probably would have married him anyway if he had said none because having kids wasn't the be all and end all in my life. I hate how sooo many woman now trick their partners into kids or more kids. I honestly don't think it could be a very healthy relationship if things like that are going on.

Karin - posted on 06/16/2010

HEHE! Before we were married, I said I wanted 2 if I could have any at all - if I couldn't then we would adopt. He was good with that. A year after we were married, he said we should have 5. I think I laughed right in his face and said fine - I would have two, and he'd better prepare for a long adoption process of the other 3! Funny thing is, we have 4 now, and it was I who wanted our last two!

Definitely need to have this talk about this before marrying. I have seen marriages broken up over this very issue. One had said they would, just so they could tie the knot, but when the one spouse really wanted to have a child, the other said no way. I've seen at least 3 marriages break up over this. Very sad, because it didn't have to end up that way!

Ashley - posted on 06/16/2010

I honestly believe some people just change their minds. A couple that I know both didn't want kids and now after being married for a couple of years, she now wants kids. People are entitled to change their minds - it doesn't matter how long you've been together either. Maybe some people would agree on 4 kids, but after having 2, they change their minds and think that's enough. I don't think it's an easy decision to make and not one that you can assure is the one you are going to stick to for the rest of your life.

Shana - posted on 06/16/2010

We ahd lots of talks and funny thing is he said 4 but then after 2 thought we should be done, I had said 2 and am currantley prego with my 4th ...LOL ...things change! I have a daughter from a previous relationship and 2 boys with my husband and another baby on the way ...and we agree this is our last. So i guess neither of us stuck to what we "wanted" before we married. My point it that kids change life and us as individuals so all the best laid plans proir to knot tieing are well just negotiable. On that note i must say that before attempting ot conceive each child , my husband and I have sat down and had discussion about how we truely felt, about our family growing or remaining the same. But ultimately I would choose personallly to honor my husband and his wishes. He is the head of our house and I respect him. And I trust that he only wants what is best for our family, and he wants to honor God in the father and spouse that he is :)

Caroline - posted on 06/16/2010

we did...we ended up with three when our iud failed....and we acted quick and he got " fixed" we had desided on two because we thought that that was what would work the best...but when we had our third we relized that more than two was possible to still have a good family and parenting was possible...then we met other families with some haveing ten kids...and we were struck in aww....and relized that we want a bigger family...i think people should not limit them selves as we did because of what sociaty tells us....we talk long and hard about it...i was doing most of the pushing...i really felt that we needed to have more kids....and then at last my hubby agreed....but now we have to get him "unfixed"so we can have more.....if only we had met the friends and families we did after the fact before....we would have never have gone that root....

Michelle - posted on 06/16/2010

Of course it is discussed before hand but in some cases (like mine) someone changes their mind. My husband has 2 daughters from his first marriage. Before we were married I said if I had one boy I would be happy. Now that was a 24 year old mother of none speaking. I am now 31 and we have a 3 year old little boy. Whenever someone has a baby I get the fever. I would love another one but my husband goes back to the "but you said you only wanted one..." which isn't really fair because you can't really know how many children you want until you actually have one. Since we don't really have the room for another child I don't push the issue. As a compramise he agreed to have one more if we hit Powerball lol :)

LaShawnda - posted on 06/16/2010

This is why in my opinion most couples should seek out pre-marital counseling so that the HARD questions get asked.

Jennifer - posted on 06/16/2010

When we married we both agreed no kids. But then my dad died (young 55)and I saw that if my husband was gone I would be alone. Scary thought. So we talked and agreed two kids fit. We have two wonderful boys, on bad days I think what the heck have I done. But 99% of the time things are great and I don't regret our choice. I love them 100% good day or bad.

Lisa - posted on 06/16/2010

We only got married BECAUSE I wanted one baby. Would have just kept living together if we didnt choose to have a child together. I was in my mid 30's.....clock ticking (more like clanging!) I do have a grown child from before him. If he had not wanted a child also,.....not sure what I would have done.
After our son was born DH said maybe more?? but as soon as he found how much work one was he realized that was plenty. So thank goodness we have never had to deal with this situation.

Chrystal - posted on 06/16/2010

I wanted three and he wanted two. We settled on two but now he refuses to have more than one. Sometimes talking about it before marriage doesn't make any difference. Life is full of surprises, not all of them good. I feel sad that one day my daughter will be all alone.

Jen - posted on 06/16/2010

We totally discussed this before we got married. I could not have married a man that didn't want children, I would have regretted it the rest of my life. We had agreed that we would adopt if one of us couldn't have children. The thing is, we had agreed on two or three. We have two, I would love to have more, but finances are an issue. I don't want to be stressed about money, and I want to be able to put my kids in sports, music, and be able to help with college. We still may have more or adopt in the future, but we'll see.

Amy - posted on 06/16/2010

i had one child from a previous relationship (before i was saved). we talked about it and wanted more, we didn't decide on a number which was fine. we had another girl and after her i wanted to try one more time for a boy but he didn't want to and got fixed shortly after i had her. he said that if he knew for sure that we would have a boy he would, but he didn't want 3 girls. LOL. i didn't like it but i respected his decision. now i have my hands full with a feisty 2 year old and am glad we made that decision. LOL. 2 is enough for me and i am so glad we have 2 girls. but i do think you have to talk about it some before marriage to avoid big conflicts. i think compromise is great and i believe strongly in the man being the head of the household and submitting to your husband...my husband treats me well so it definitely was not a deal breaker! God brought us together for a reason. :)

Kate - posted on 06/16/2010

My husband already had two kids when we met. He told me he didn't want any more. I was heartbroken, since it was love at first sight for me, I didn't want to break up with him, but I knew I wanted a child. So, we fought about it for the next four years, got engaged, broke up, and got back together. I reconciled myself to the fact that I would not have any kids. The day he gave me our marriage certificate our daughter was conceived. He was unemployed at the time and miserable about it, but when she was born he fell in love with her. I would like to have another, but my husband is 41 and thinks that is too old to have more kids. I am 6 years younger than him, and I would like my daughter to have a sibling closer in age, since her brother is 20 and sis is 12, but I don't think it's gonna happen. I am just glad that I was able to have a child with my husband. Who knows, maybe we will have another since we do not use b/c other than the rhythm method...and we all know how that works. ;)

Rose May Ellis - posted on 06/16/2010

i am a grandmother of 2 but if there was a chance of themk not having childrenb would have been really upsetting although i am conernedwith my grandson as his partner is interested but not him, so i will just have to leave them to agree a descision byebfor now wwwww

Jennifer - posted on 06/16/2010

People change over time, so even if you have talked about it before you get married and think you have it all sorted, it may need to be reconsidered at a later date. If you do start to feel differently later on about when or how many kids to have, be honest with your partner / husband. My husband and i have 2 children, but we both haven't ruled out having more, we don't yet know what the future may hold for us.

Nicole - posted on 06/15/2010

Friends of mine were married young (20yo), she always wanted kids, but he said he didn't. She thought as he got older, he'd come around. They were married for 10 years before she left him because he never changed his mind. She is now remarried to another guy and trying for kids.

Kelly - posted on 06/15/2010

Definitely talked about kids before marriage and though he originally wanted 2, maybe 3 (and I wanted 4, depending on coping/finances/individual chn, etc) we have agreed on 3, probably 4 if it's appropriate (he knew that I am destined to be a mum). I can't ever have imagined picking a life-partner who wouldn't have wanted kids.

Carol - posted on 06/15/2010

I think Dr Phil said today that 3/4 of the American population today is under the care of a psychiatrist and most all of them have children. Speaking as a veteran parent of three happy healthy well adjusted boys, I can tell you that children were always in the plan for my husband and I, but dealing with life's curves for each one of them was the bigger dilemma! Being a strong couple far outweighs the pro's and cons that life will hand you after children. What happens if theres a sudden 4th child or 5th child or one more than you were expecting? How about twenty years after the last? Will you as a couple handle that gracefully? I dont think any of you can answer that unless you are actually faced with the situation after 20 years of marriage. If you can't handle kids, you better not try marriage! Its a crap shoot at best! Only the strong will survive!

Kelley - posted on 06/15/2010

My Partner and I discussed it. We are lesbians so having kids wasnt somthing that would be an accidnet/suprise. (at least i hope not..lol) I just gave birth to our third child 6 weeks ago. If she didnt want a family I would have never had a relationship with her. Our beatiful children are what makes us a family. We are already discussing another :)

Donna - posted on 06/15/2010

I hadn't thought about this in years! When we were dating we talked about it. On our first date he said he was thinking about having a vasectomy because he had two already and was divorced. I told him not to do it because he might meet the "right person" and want to have more. I didn't know I was that "person". Later when we talked about it, I let him know that I didn't want any AT ALL! He agreed. We married 3 years after we met. When we had been married for 4 years (together for 7), we both decided that we DID want a baby. We had our daughter after 3 years of trying. We had our son 3 1/2 years later! We have been together for almost 21 years now and our kids are almost 11 and just-turned-7. So, yes, it is important to discuss this in the beginning, but it can change down the line.

It can also be a lie from the beginning. My sister's ex told her he wanted kids, until AFTER they tied the knot. Then he kept saying "let's wait, let's wait" for a couple of years. Next he said he didn't want any at all. They divorced when he got someone else pregnant with twins.

However, if one spouse wants more and the other doesn't, I don't know what to advise because both parents' feelings are important. If they disagree and have another, then the one against it will feel taken advantage of and ignored. If it goes the other way, then the one for another baby feels that their feelings are not important.

Alison - posted on 06/15/2010

Before I married I was with a man who didn't want children and I wanted children badly. I knew that I couldn't be happy giving up that so I broke it off. A couple weeks later I met my husband who already had a son and knew that he wanted more. We never discussed a specific number, just knew that we would know when our family was complete and ended up having four together so we have a total of 5 and I can't imagine not having any of them:)

Tarina - posted on 06/15/2010

i think people graze over the topic sometimes. You find that one person who you really love and cant imagine life without and then spend time trying to be sure that they will be around. Kids come or they dont, but as you can read from teh above posts... you can have a plan and that doesnt mean it will happen that way, good or bad. My husband wanted a very very large family (im talking 10, 11??!) , I already had 1 child before we met and was having a very rough time handling even that, so I wasnt sure I wanted more... but we decided that having each other meant more either way and obviously one or both of us would have to compromise in the end, but it would be worth it. We had OUR first (my 2nd) 18 months ago, and I was all finished, ready to call it a day, he wanted 1 more, in a year or two... now we are pregnant with twins and BOTH overwhelmed! So its all well and good to discuss it, but everyone involved needs to be open from the get-go to any changes or kinks God/Life/Universe/Fate has in store for you ♥

Phaedra - posted on 06/15/2010

My husband and I were together in high school and talked about it then. We wanted 2 girls and a boy and had names picked out. Then we spilt up for awhile but stayed very close friends. I married someone else for while, got pregnant and lost that one and it about killed both me and my husband now. It did lead to my ex-husband becoming my ex because he did the agree to have kids to make me happy but didn't really want them and was relieved when I lost my first one. We got back together briefly and I got pregnant again. That completely ended that marriage. My current husband and I got back together when my son was 6 months old and that lovely combo of birth control and antibiotics got us our youngest son sooner than planned. One of the things we talked about when we got back together was if we wanted more kids since I already had one. Now we have 3 total, 2 boys and 1 girl and we didn't use any of the names we picked out in high school! If our youngest had been a boy, we were going to try again for a girl. I teased my husband that we'd keep having kids til I got my girl. But to answer the question, yes you should talk about it, and yes we did and one husband lied to me and the other one had the same thoughts I did.

Edited to finish answering the question:

Yes my other half not wanting kids would have been a deal breaker. I have always wanted kids and was willing to have them by myself if need be. Now that I have 3, I am REALLY glad I am not doing it alone!

Chrisjenn - posted on 06/15/2010

My husband and I definitely talked, but after having two, my desires changed. I wanted lots more and he was content to stop. I tried nagging for a while, but God finally taught me to step back, submit to my husband, and trust God to have a perfect plan for my family. Within a month of this lesson, my husband was asking for more children.

I knew I desperately wanted kids before we married. I don't think I could have gone through with it if he insisted otherwise beforehand. I think some gals hold out hope that they can change his mind.

Grandma - posted on 06/15/2010

My husband and I definitely talked about children before we got married. We both wanted 2 children. After our first one, it was like pulling teeth to get him to try for the second one. He kept wanting everything to be "perfect" the second time around, because our first child had been a "surprise" that came 18 months after our marriage. We had planned to wait longer before starting a family. But you know what they say, we make plans and God laughs. Anyway, because of waiting for things to be "perfect," my children are 4 years apart, which didn't work out so well for a boy and a girl. The had nothing in common and were so far apart in age that it was difficult to plan family activities. Then I got the mommy bug and I desparately wanted another child. I wanted one for abut 10 years. He said no. In these cases, sadly, the one who says no has all the power. I would never stoop to stopping birth control without telling him or something like that. I would never want to conceive a child in deceit. Anyway, our first child, a daughter, had a baby 2 1/2 years ago, making us grandparents. :) Our baby, our son, just graduated from high school last week. We have talked several times over the last year about how we wish we had one more. Hubby REALLY wishes we had another one. So it's really hard to say what you'll feel like in the future, but if you tell you hubby this story, it might make him think about what he will want way down the road when your existing kids are almost gone. Will he want an empty nest at that time? We're both in our 40's and we're not ready to have no kids. Thank God for our granddaughter, who lives with us along with her parents, or I don't know what we'd do. We're not ready for that empty nest! So please consider this very carefully while you are still fertile. It is one of the most important decisions yuou can make in life.

Grandma - posted on 06/15/2010

Luckily, pre-eclampsia is much more common in first pregnancies than in subsequent ones. Though that isn't always true; I had it with both. But if your baby was born healthy and full-term, you can get through it if you have a good doctor. This message ws supposed to be in response to a post from someone who had preeclampsia during her first pregnancy and was fearful about developing it again. I can't find that message now. But without it, my response looks really out of the blue.

Claire - posted on 06/15/2010

Hi - I think your question is a fair one :-). Yes I did talk to my husband (15 years ago before we got married) about children, but we were not lucky enough to have a baby until 2008. I now would like another but my husband is really not sure as he is 47 this year and is not sure that he wants more children now. I suppose things change and as you said life doesn't always go as planned. I would have loved 3 or more children but I know this will not happen with my husband however I am hopeful that we will have another, I will not push the issue if he decides for certain that he does not want more. I would not have married him if he had said that he didn't want children before we married, even though I love him. Circumstances have changed but I would not leave him over the issue.

Marisa - posted on 06/15/2010

We got married 8 months after we met. My husband and I definitely wanted kids and we both agreed on two before we got married. Unfortunately, we lost our first son, but we went on to have a son and a daughter (Just like I always wanted). The child thing was definitely a deal breaker for me. My sister and her husband agreed on no children prior to marriage. Then when she suffered a miscarriage, they agreed on one child. Now they have a beautiful daughter. I also don't agree one partner should pressure the other to change their mind. This topic should be discussed and agreed upon before bringing any children into an unhappy environment.

Tammy - posted on 06/15/2010

I adore my sil. When my bro and her married she knew he was not ever going to be the perfect dad and had/has little interest in the daily going on with kids. He is great when he is with kids he likes but others annoy him. She on the other hand would of had a lot of kids if he would. They do have a daughter and he adores her but if it is not when and what he wants to be doing he goes on with his life and it is her baby. She knew this and accepted this from day one because she loves him and he loves her. I would never want to be in her situation because she wants more and he refuses. She knew this from day one so she needs to deal with it. I feel for her as a sahm of 5 I could never immagine only having one....

Tracy - posted on 06/15/2010

I think you bring up a good point Morgan. Couples should definitely talk of children prior to marriage, just as they do finances, where to live, religion, etc...that's not to say the best laid plans can't be changed or modified! I was in a relationship for several years with someone who did not want to get married (he had a failed marriage in his past) or have any other children (he already had a daughter). I loved him deeply and thought that would be enough...NOPE! One day I just realized I needed to do what was right for me. I found a wonderful man, he wanted marriage, kids (amount undetermined) all the same things I did. I had 2 kids from a previous relationship, so the amount of children I wanted was "up in the air"...we are expecting a child in 4 weeks. We have been married for just over a year after a year of dating and TALKING. My husband wants one more child, I on the other hand am not sure. this has been a rough pregnancy with many complications...so that is something we will have to discuss after this child is born. But you are right - I think couples get caught up in the lust and excitement of a new relationship and forget that there is a future - and there has to be communication, compromise and commitment.

Janell - posted on 06/15/2010

We absolutely talked about children. I chose not to have children, mainly because I tend to have lousy taste in men. I wanted to make sure I had children with a good man. I had pretty much decided the "right" man wasn't ever going to come along. I was already in my mid 30s when I met my husband. He had always wanted a family, and because I felt he would be a good father, and a good husband, I decided it was the right decision. We, together, would like more, but because I am pushing 40, this might not be a reality. Having one child is a blessing for us. I am happy about my decision from years past... because now I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful daughter. I do know that if I had not wanted to have any children at all, my husband and I might not have gotten married. I also know if I had children previously, we wouldn't be married now either.

Anyway, my point is this... if you plan on marrying someone, the decision to have children should be discussed in length before making that commitment.

Tara - posted on 06/15/2010

My husband and I did talk about it and we decided we didn't want any kids. Then some drinks and a New Years party later we were expecting. Once we had our son I was so overjoyed at mommyhood that I wanted more. Now we're expecting our second. Things can change once you go through it once or twice. People do change their mind about what they want once they've had the experience.

Sandra - posted on 06/15/2010

We talked at length about kids before and after marriage. My husband was not sure he wanted kids but knew it was a deal breaker for me. By the time we got married we had agreed that 2 would be a good number but he knew I really wanted 3. After our 2nd was born and life began to settle in to normal I started talking about having a 3rd. Depending on the day he was all in or totally against so it was a very confusing time for me. Eventually we had it out and he clearly said that he did not want a 3rd. I explained that I would rather have a happy marriage with two wonderful, healthy, happy children then be a divorced mother of 3. That said I did slip in to a depression and missed out on a summer with my two wonderful children. This of course seemed strange since my depression was about missing out on a 3rd child. But hey, depression never is straight forward. After a couple of counselling sessions I was much better. I'll still always feel like someone is missing in our family but I will also always appreciate, love and enjoy the husband and children that I have.

Leslie - posted on 06/15/2010

My husband and I talked about it before marriage and we agreed that we would have two but now he has changed his mind and we only have one precious girl. I would love to give her a brother or sister because I am an only child and I do not want that for my little angel.

Rebecca - posted on 06/15/2010

What will be the meaning of marriage without children.

Johnny - posted on 06/14/2010

My husband and I discussed it at length. But honestly, we never came to a solid agreement. Before we had our daughter, I wanted just 1 and he wanted 2. I had been an only child and he'd grown up with siblings. We agreed just to see how it went and try to reach and agreement based on how we felt at the time. Now that my daughter is here, I am willing and actually want a second. I love being a mother. But financially, it is not possible at this time, so we are waiting and still hoping that it will work out. But if it doesn't, we will both be happy with the wonderful child we have been graced with. It is really all about open and honest communication.

Christina - posted on 06/14/2010

Well, people change. I didn't want kids when I met my future husband. He did, and we got married anyway. We finally decided that we wanted JUST ONE after we waited until I was almost 40. Now that our baby turned one, we have decided we want more. Honestly, though, if my husband changed his mind, I would just stick with the one. I married him for better or worse and for good, and I take those vows seriously.

Alicia - posted on 06/14/2010

My husband and I talked about having kids before marriage, but never discused how many. Neither one of us has set a number limit, and we are on #3. After this baby is born we will decide if we want more we just keep it out in the open.

I don't know how I would have felt if he said he never wanted kids. I honestly don't know any males that say they never want kids.

Janell - posted on 06/14/2010

We definitely discussed it before we married. I knew and I let him know that I wanted children, he wasn't sure at first. I waited 6 years to marry him, until he decided that he indeed want to be a father. Now, he is one of the best daddys in the world. We sadly were only able to have one, but she has been the joy of our life.

Diane - posted on 06/14/2010

My husband and I talked about all of those important questions right away but when we took our premarital class at the church with 5 other couples we realized that the class was required because lots of people don't talk about those things at all. We were together for a couple weeks when we talked about how many kids where to attend church, how to raise and educated our kids etc.... but the out of the other 5 couples in our class (who had been together for multiple years) only one had talked about number of kids and even they hadn't talked about any of the other important stuff. If my husband didn't want a family I definitly wouldn't have been able to marry him because that's too big a deal to brush under the rug until later.

Erin - posted on 06/14/2010

I do think that it is something that should be talked about. I think the number isn't the question but if it is something that you both want. My husband and i have been together for 9 years (just married in may) We talked about it early in our relationship and we both wanted kids. If he had told me later on that he didn't want kids I would have been devastated. The whole reason that I stayed with him and really liked him was that we had the same life goals, views, interests and beliefs (kind of a turn on in a way). It was actually his idea that we start trying when we did even though we weren't married. Our son is 8 months old and we are trying for # 2.

Christie - posted on 06/13/2010

Definitely talked about it before marriage and in fact is a suggested topic in marriage counseling. I don't think I would have married my husband if he didn't want kids because I knew I did.

Our view on the number of kids has changed since we have been married and had kids--one with disabilites.

Desiree - posted on 06/12/2010

We talked about kids and having a family before we go married, the subject actually came up when we were only going out for a couple of months at the time (freaky - he was the one and i didnt know it yet). We wanted at least 2 or 3 kids. We now have 2 goreougs kids and are very happy and content with that, everynow and then i think it would be nice to have another but i wouldnt be able to cope with 3 or more. I actuall got pregnant before we go married but my hubby didnt mind, we got married when i was 8 months preggers and just under 12 months later out 2nd baby was born.
He had always thought he would have a famiy so it was never really an issue, i always wanted a couple of kids to. if it was meant that we werent able to have kids we would still be together we would just be filling our time into other things we love doing together like travelling.

Martha - posted on 06/12/2010

What happened to the old romantic idea of getting married FIRST and then letting God bless you with a full quiver as He sees is well and good?

Mamohau - posted on 06/12/2010

Wow!Me n my partner spoke about this.He said he wntd 4 kids n I said No!Two will be fine. Funny now that I fink of it that I have only one, I actually need atleast 3kids instead. He refuses and says we can da last one n thatz it. I really hope he changes his mind. Or else we gonna have to adopt then.

Jade - posted on 06/12/2010

My husband and I talked about our future and children very early on in our relationship and continually talked about it throughout. I've always wanted 2 children, and he agreed with me. After our first son was born, my husband kind of suffered from post natal depression and has told me since then that he doesn't want anymore kids. I was devastated but eventually found peace with it. Then just before easter this year, my boys spent about a week together, just them. My husband came back a new man and is now asking for another child.
What i'm trying to say is yes, most people probably talk about it and until they've gone through the pregnancy and birth of one child, you never know what's going to happen, or the reality of having children. Sometimes I think men just tell us what they want to hear...

Tanya - posted on 06/12/2010

No i asked my hubby cuz he had 2 young sons when we got together!He said yes of course but told him I wouldnt have married him if hesaid no!

Cynthia - posted on 06/12/2010

Insecurities eh?



Everyone has their reasons for why, when and how they have children whether those reasons are concious or unconcious. Mine were concious.

I have a great sympathy for those who are gifted with hardships in life whether that be handicapped children gifted children, no children, average children all come into this world to teach and to learn.



whatever gifts you are given, spiritual, emotional, physical, using them to the best of ones abilities is the responsibility we all bear to nourish, and grow those gifts.

We all also have our burdens to bear and it is this aspect in which one should never judge another. The fact that I have five children does not tell you that I am careless, neglectful or reproducing will ye nil ye. Just as your having a smaller amount of children does not tell me whether you are selfish or generous.



Making sweeping statements in regards to population control and "breeding" when you have the burdens that you do and then coming back with "insecurities" as a implication of my response?! What mirror have you been looking in lately?



Forgive yourself your own insecurities and lacks. You obviously are an excellent person if foster those children whose parents for whaterver reason, cannot look after them themselves. The ability to do so without predjudice is a true gift of God.



It is because of my own insecurities and lack that I cannot do the same, and I have forgiven myself for those, so I can be a better parent to my own. I choose to express my concern for the planet in other ways of which I am more capable of affecting change.



It took many different people many different ways of doing damage to our planet an eco systems. It will take many different people many different ways to repair and replenish the planet and our eco systems.



Being Good Parents and doing our best to act with forethought is but one way in which to do so. Ps I happen to think the genes of adventures, engineers, and hardworkers are worth propagating. I'm sorry you don't see as broadly.



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