Just wondering how many other moms had this happen

Ashley - posted on 06/02/2009 ( 223 moms have responded )

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So my friends cousin found out she was having a girl and i went through all of my baby clothes that dont fit my daughter anymore and gave them to her thinking that she would be grateful...I guess she went through the entire box and took out like 3 things and said everything else was too ugly. I was a little upset about it but was like whatever...Then i find out that the presents that my friend got her she wanted to return and was wondering if she had the receipt. I told my friend to ask for the present back and keep it for someone else who would appreciate it. Would anyone else be upset about this

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Yvonne - posted on 06/10/2009

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Please remember that a gift is supposed to be just that... a gift. Once you give it, it is no longer yours to decide what the person should do with it. I'm sure it is frustrating that she did not appreciate the gift/s as much as you would have liked her to. But who is this about, you or her.... Everyone is different and has different taste and style and ideals. She is who she is and how her environment and experiences have shaped her. At least she was honest with you... and well apparently she did not need all the clothes. Good luck giving freely in the future...

Katy - posted on 06/09/2009

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Typically I would say what nerve..........BUT you say she is only 17 @ that age she is still very immature unfortunately she is showing how immature she can be. as far as the clothing she said was ugly just remember she is 17 and doesn't know whats best. I was 15 when i got pregnant with my first & yes i was immature but I would have never even thought of being sooo rude. It just shows she's not thinking of the baby she is thinking of herself...with the other friend who she wanted to take the gift back have her ask what she would like and let the mature one take it back & get something else that way you know its going towards the baby and not getting cash to be irresponsible w it.

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Stifler's - posted on 03/19/2011

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p.s I hate people demanding that people buy nappies. It's your kid... buy your own!

Stifler's - posted on 03/19/2011

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Not really. People usually go overboard with buying cute crap when they find out they're pregnant then by the time they are really pregnant and people start giving them presents they don't need them. Hence why I don't give anyone clothes and stuff unless I've asked them what they need and they've said they don't have many clothes then I will pass on some of Logan's that my next baby won't use and people give me a lot of things and TBH I have heaps of brand new things I don't NEED a huge box of used things so I go through it and give the rest away or else I'd have enough clothes for octuplets the amount of people that have given me boxes and bags of stuff from their older kids.

Fathima - posted on 03/19/2011

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mine is a bit different..i was in 12th grade and got some new dresses .....within days had a cousin home due a disaster that befell her, who liked my dresses and asked my mom for them...mummy gives some of dem to her and unfortunately they are my favourite ones.....a month or so later i see those dresses worn at home as house dress by my cousins neighbour!!!!!!! think about it,my cousin was home in days of misery n mom gave it to her coz she felt sorry for her and this cousin of mine DONATES !!!!them to her neighbour to show off!!!! maan those dresses wer my fav. ones...i still nudge mum abt it n sometimes i know she feels guilty for prioritising dat cousin over me!!!!!!

Rachel - posted on 06/09/2009

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Quoting Martha:

Actually, I wouldn't. Hand-me-downs can be a real blessing, but for those who don't need the help, the clothes are just "used". I, having just had my first, can understand the impulse to want all new cute stuff for my son. That said, I would probably handle it a different way. Perhaps by suggesting that you give the clothes to someone that needs them more. In regards to wanting to return the gift, I see no problem with that. That's why there are baby registries :D If your original goal is to be helpful then it would only be so, if you got her something she would use.


I completely agree! If she doesnt want it she doesn't want it. You cant tell me you haven't ever received a gift that you were secretely like, "OMG what am I gonna do with this." Wouldn't it be nice to be able to return it for something you would actually use rather than just put in a box or throw away. At least it woulnd't be a waste for the person buying it if the person receiving it didnt like it and threw it away.





Stephanie - posted on 06/09/2009

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That would have bother'd me too. She could have taken them and what she did nto like or want just not used. That want I did. I got so many clothes and hand me downs with my little there was no way she could wear them all. I yard saled or Good Will them in the end. She should have at least been grateful.

Cassie - posted on 06/09/2009

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sounds like a spoiled brat to me, demading diapers and presents. I was 16 when I had my daugther and I was greatful for whatever I got.. my friends gave me everything I needed cause they were all older than me and had kids already, or their parents gave them to me. The only thing I had to buy was a crib mattress.

I'm expecting my second, a boy, and we have nothing. My huband's friends are giving us all his sons things that he is out growing. I'm greatful for everything that I can get cause we don't have that much money to buy much.

Christine - posted on 06/09/2009

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I get the same thing from family member and it just burns my bum when they do that... Actually just the other day i had given my sister-in-law a box of boys clothes that my son out grown and i decided to go for a ride with my 2 children and right in front of her door was the box that i had just given her the other day so it sat outside in the rain and the sad thing about it all the clothes came from gap,old navy,children place and so on i know its not about the names but to some people it is,but anyways i stopped a picked up the box and brought it home a re-washed them and gave them to someone that i know will use..... So ya i know where you are coming from this happens to me alll the time i guess they would rather buy brand new then take used even though they are not in it for long Take care and don't let it get to you. You are better than that take care Christine

Amy - posted on 06/09/2009

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she was rude and I would be upset by it.she will learn...quickly to appreciate what she is given. Babies are expensive(ask a single mom who works 2 jobs and just barely makes it by). I still take hand me down. I think I would politely decline the invite to the baby shower.

Amy - posted on 06/09/2009

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she was rude and I would be upset by it.she will learn...quickly to appreciate what she is given. Babies are expensive(ask a single mom who works 2 jobs and just barely makes it by). I still take hand me down. I think I would politely decline the invite to the baby shower.

[deleted account]

when some people found out they were having girls and I told them gowns and stuff like that dont really change for babies that I would give all my girls old clothes to them.They told me No your kids clothes are old and used my baby will only wear new clothes from the mall. So I know what you mean

Tammie - posted on 06/09/2009

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coming from a mom who has never had hand me downs I could only be so lucky, I think thats very rude but what can you do about it? nothing. but you will for sure no better than to let her have any next time.

Renee - posted on 06/09/2009

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Yes that would definitly both me too! I gave bins of clothes that my daughter out grow to a friend and she turned around and sold them all in her garage sale! I was pretty upset bc I would never have gave her those if I knew she would do that! It sinks but some people are just rude!

User - posted on 06/09/2009

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I was very thankful for the stuff I got from other people because that was money saved in my pocket to put towards other stuff that I needed for the baby..

Allicia - posted on 06/08/2009

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I'll tell ya what, I have 3 kids and I have people offer to give me clothes all the time. I LOVE it! I don't have a very good job and its so hard to find cheap clothes that I appreciate everything I get. And once my kids grow out of the clothes, I find other people who need them, and send them off. I think its great to pass down clothes to other people and I'm sorry for the young girl who didn't appreciate your help. Because when there comes a time she really does need something, noone will be there to help her because of her past rudeness!

Christina - posted on 06/08/2009

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I am a single mother and when I found out that I was having a girl, I had a friend that gave me like 5 boxes of girl clothes. I was so appreciative of the clothes, even though a lot of them were stained, I tried to get the stains out the best I could. I am really thankful for my friend for helping me out as much as she did.

Samantha - posted on 06/08/2009

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I think her age is a huge factor. She's still just a child herself. I would be upset too, but consider the source. Meaning her, not you. Kids want to be "in style". I doubt she's even grasped the reality of the situation yet.

Rachael - posted on 06/08/2009

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We have been given so many clothes that my daughter outgrew some of them before she could ever wear them. My bfs mother told me that if I don't like something that she buys at least take a picture of her in it and post it to the blog so she can see it. She knows that we like very modern, simple things and she has a tendency to go very girly. So that's what I do. She may only wear it for that day and I take tons of pictures everywhere we go so grandma can see but I do not turn my nose and say no thanks and ask for receipts. I have never returned any clothes that anyone has purchased for me, I have lots of friends who are just having babies or have babies around the same age so we share. Grandma will even take us shopping every couple of months and we pick out a couple hundred dollars worth of clothes for the next couple of months in various sizes that way we can go through and agree on what she wears and grandma gets a couple that she can't live without too. That girl will learn, give her some time to mature a little more. When that baby comes out she won't have a choice.

Teyaka - posted on 06/08/2009

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I would be upset. I think that is being ungrateful. I can understand picking through clothes because they are stained or completely from way back when. But to call the rest ugly, you could of did a yard sale and made some change versus beign insulted. As for the returning of the gift, this girls sounds like it's her way or no way. I don't think she quite realizes how expensives things are and to get a gift is a godsend.

Teyaka - posted on 06/08/2009

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I would be upset. I think that is being ungrateful. I can understand picking through clothes because they are stained or completely from way back when. But to call the rest ugly, you could of did a yard sale and made some change versus beign insulted. As for the returning of the gift, this girls sounds like it's her way or no way. I don't think she quite realizes how expensives things are and to get a gift is a godsend.

Ashley - posted on 06/08/2009

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ya people are so ungrateful .... let me guess she probably dont have much either and she is still like that?

Cheryl - posted on 06/08/2009

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For that reason, I love gift cards. When you give something to someone else it is a gift. You cannot decide what they can do with it, or if they like it. You are only responsible for your attitude when you give the gift. If you cannot give something away without getting hurt feelings when they don't do with it what you think they should, then I suggest giving to an organization that gives things to people that don't have ANYTHING. I can promise you that a mommy to be that has nothing will be grateful for whatever you give her through an organization. This post in NO way is intended to make you fell bad for having hurt feelings. I just gave an option where you can keep from having them. Good luck with your children.

Kathy - posted on 06/08/2009

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Well I have a sister in law that was unappreciative. My mother went and bought hundreds of dollars worth of NICE stuff for her and my brother's little girl. Not just clothes either, I mean like, clothes, blankets, socks, baby book, picture books, comforter set for the crib, everything she needed my mom got. And my sister in law is from Germany so they came over here to go to the next location my brother had to go to and did not take any of what my mom bought. So yeh, I can say we have had our ordeal of ungrateful people too..but oh well, if they want to be like that they will one day need something and call upon you and you just may not have anything at all to offer.

Heather - posted on 06/08/2009

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That would most definately bother me! I have been on both ends of the baby clothes pass. I had clothes given and I gave for my daughter who is now three and am now doing the same with my one year old son. I didn't mind getting them and even if I didn't like the outfit, I would never have told the woman who gave them to me. In fact, those I didn't necessarily like, I saved and passed on to some one else. My friend and I might not have the same tastes in clothes, but that didn't mean that I couldn't use them I was greatly appreciative.

Teresa - posted on 06/08/2009

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everyone has thier own taste in clothes, even for thier babies. I can relate but have to admit that it was very rude of her to say they were ugly. that's not very classy. My kids have 8 male cousins and belive me the clothes get around. by the time I get to it i eaither don't want it cause it's 'not my style' or i've seen that particular outfit in many photos on several cousins and I don't want that for my son. I'd like identity and clothes are a direct reflection of it. (I believe) maybe this is the way she feel. she wants her baby to have it's own identity and not share soooo much of her firend's baby clothes.

Shyla - posted on 06/08/2009

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I had the same experience. I gave my little boys clothes to a lady that had 4 other kids and her pregnancy was unexpected. She gave every thing away. So I gave her baby things I had. It was boxes and boxes of stuff and play pins and swing and toys and other things. She kept the play pin and then i never seen her little boy ware any of the clothes that I gave her. I saw most of it at our local second hand store. That was only a couple of months after the baby was born. But I guess that someone else that shopped at the second hand store got some really nice clothes and so i was upset for a little while but then i thought about the person that shopped at the second hand store.

[deleted account]

Seasoned mothers know that hand me downs are great. But new mommies usually want everything to be new because they have their own ideas and fantasies about how they wish their motherhood to be. We have all been there, its just that the mom's with multiple kids have a little bit more maturity about their motherhood. I think that your guesture of giving her your babies clothes was great. However, people will have preferences about how they want to dress their kids. Dont let it bother you too much. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about how they think their kids should be dressed.



As far as your cusin wanting to return presents that your friend got her...I think that anything a friend buys should be considered a very thoughtful and cherished gift, even if it isnt wanted. (provided that it is appropriate) My father always tells me if he keeps the receipt to something that he doesnt know if I will approve of for my kids or not. I think that is wonderful. But if my dad doesnt tell me he kept a receipt for something in case I want to return it, I dont ask him for one. I think that your suggestion to keep the gift and give it to someone who would appreciate it more was a good one.



Future suggestion...when it comes to kids with picky moms...only buy things that will definetly be used. Such as diapers, wipes, teething rings. A mother with a new baby will always have reason to accept these gifts. If you have a child that is old enough to talk, discuss it with the parent personally to figure out what is thrice wanted, approved, and appropriate. If you wish to buy toys or clothes, always ask the parent what is needed. And if you are worried that you wont get something that they will keep, either take them along with you for some personal shared shopping of a gift, or make sure you tell them you have kept the receipt.



You can also always NOT buy them a gift for the party. Let them know that you wanted to get them what they needed or wanted but didnt get. Then have them tell you specifically what was on their mind and go get it. You can also always either take them out somewhere. Ice cream is on you at the Baskin Robins! Or you could always take the kids for a sleep over. Or figure out something that is either an activity you can do, or a service you can provide. Trips to the swimming pool or zoo, and babysitting or cleaning up after a party so that the parents can unwind after a party with tons of kids...those are great things that you can do.

Stephanie - posted on 06/08/2009

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How Rude!!! I was a teenage mother; my daughter was born when I was 17. I was given a baby shower by all my cousins where I received lots of new stuff, but was also blessed to receive lots more hand-me-downs. I was so thankful not to have to buy baby furniture – I was lent a crib and given a dresser. Along the way I have also been given so many more clothes than I can count. Currently, I have a spare closet at least half full of clothes waiting for my now 8 year daughter to grow into. Thank God for my Aunt and her two daughters!! I have also been given many, many toys. A few times the toys were in such new condition I would gift them to my daughter at Christmas time because I wouldn’t have been able to afford to buy them new. She never knew the difference. Now that she is older she thinks it is neat that she gets to wear some of her older cousin’s clothes. Reality will set in with this young mom all too soon and hopefully someone else will benefit from your generosity. Someone who is truly appreciative.

Christine - posted on 06/08/2009

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Your cousin should have been grateful for whatever was given her.

With todays economy in a state of incertainty, Everything should be accepted with a smile. If she didn't like what you gave her, she should have simply smile, thanked you and giventhe rest of the articles to someone else or donated them. Besides, Babies don't care what they are wearing. You could put them in a cloth sack(as long as it is soft on their skin) and they will just smile at you. Don't be too upset. You are not giving anything to her. You are giving something for the baby. That baby is more important than anyone's pride or sense of fashion.

Augusta - posted on 06/08/2009

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I have had 6 kids 1 boy and 5 girls almost each a yr apart and believe me i was very grateful every time some one gave me some thing and as my children got older i told them that they where new old clothes because they where ""new"" to them and it helped for so many years i was able to make ends meet because of every ones kindness, all i had to do for years was buy undies and socks so shame on your cousin lets hope that one day she dosen't need to have help and no one is there.

Augusta - posted on 06/08/2009

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I have had 6 kids 1 boy and 5 girls almost each a yr apart and believe me i was very grateful every time some one gave me some thing and as my children got older i told them that they where new old clothes because they where ""new"" to them and it helped for so many years i was able to make ends meet because of every ones kindness, all i had to do for years was buy undies and socks so shame on your cousin lets hope that one day she dosen't need to have help and no one is there.

Anna - posted on 06/08/2009

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Wow. I will admit there were a few things that I didn't use that had been given to use for my son but I couldn't imagine saying they were too ugly. I woud be a little upset about this as well. If she is that picky the poor child is going to go naked.

Kathryn - posted on 06/08/2009

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Quoting Ashley:

I think some of you misunterstood why i was upset...I wasnt upset that she didnt want the clothes i understand that some of it might not be her style or taste i was upset that she told her cousin (my friend) that the clothes were just to ugly...Although she is only 17 that is no excuse for her to be unappreciative...I did get the clothes back and i let her just keep the ones she picked out because my daughter is to big for them so i dont need them... I was also upset that i took the time to go through everything and make sure it wasnt stained or worn out just for the sole purpose of knowing some people dont like putting their kids in clothes like that...me i could care less either way. As for the gift she wanted to return it was a boppy pillow used for breastfeeding which she is going to be doing.


She's probably gonna regret returning the pillow - I got a Breast Friend and have found it invaluable - what were her reasons for that?

Ashley - posted on 06/08/2009

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Usually when you find out you're pregnant, the thought of having to buy so many things is so overwhelming that any help is appreciated. I love getting clothes and toys from other people from my boys because thats one less thing that comes out of my bank account.

Jaqueline - posted on 06/08/2009

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I would be very upset too! When I had my daughter is started getting close to when she was due n I didn't have a single thing for her! My friend Renae knew this girl that lived in my apartment building n she gave me a whole garbage bag full of clothes. I was so grateful. I ended up going into labor 4 days before my baby shower so I was real upset cuz I was planning on getting things there! My daughter was like 2 1/2 wks early but I still had my shower n everything worked out real well.

Emmylou - posted on 06/08/2009

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yup...thats juz not right....very rude....at least, now u know who to keep in ur gift list.

but u did the right thing....

Victoria - posted on 06/08/2009

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Well you're right about the fact that she should be grateful. But just keep in mind that some people just really don't like to get used things. Next time you want to help someone in that way, offer them first. If they say "oh yes! please! thank you!" then you know they honestly want it. If they say "um, sure" or something like that with a non-cheerful voice, then you know they don't really want it.

On the returning issue. She should not have told your friend she wanted to return it. Thats just not nice. However, at the end of the day if she wants to return it its her prerogative. It sucks but not everyone knows how to behave appropriately in those instances. Don't take it to heart.

Jennifer - posted on 06/08/2009

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Thats is terrible! I would be upset too. The only reason that it would be acceptablet to ask for a receipt is if you had the same thing or alot of 1 size.... I would be upset to. As far as the borrowing her your old baby clothes...she didn't have to be rude. She shouldv'e just picked out what she like and said that she took out what she need and said thank you.

Jennifer - posted on 06/08/2009

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ok she shouldn't have made the comment about the clothes being ugly just b/c she has a different taste if she didn't like them or thought she wouldn't use them she should have just given them back, no need for the remarks, and as far as the baby shower gifts, I HAD to take some of mine back to get what i really needed! With my first daughter i had 3 showers and i ended up getting about 3 or 4 sets of the same things so i had to take some back and get what i really needed, i was not being ungrateful everything i took back got put towards something else for the baby. I do this often, at christmas and birthdays b/c some ppl dont ask or don't listen when u tell them what u really need and u end up getting a ton of stuff u don't need. sorry if i sound ungrateful but i'd rather my daughter have something she can use than a pile of toys thats as tall as her. I don't know about her and her situation but i do agree that she is young with her first baby and she will grow up soon, some things wont seem so "ugly" anymore.

Vivian - posted on 06/08/2009

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Quoting Ashley:

Just wondering how many other moms had this happen

So my friends cousin found out she was having a girl and i went through all of my baby clothes that dont fit my daughter anymore and gave them to her thinking that she would be grateful...I guess she went through the entire box and took out like 3 things and said everything else was too ugly. I was a little upset about it but was like whatever...Then i find out that the presents that my friend got her she wanted to return and was wondering if she had the receipt. I told my friend to ask for the present back and keep it for someone else who would appreciate it. Would anyone else be upset about this


I too would have been upset, but let it go if she is a first time mom think back to your first. If she is not a first time mom blame it on pride.



 

Alyce - posted on 06/08/2009

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I think I would be seriously bothered by this to be honest. I mean you went to the trouble of offering her the stuff, and your friend went to the trouble of buying a present she had selected and then she rejected it rudely.

If she didnt want to use the stuff she didnt have to do so, but there are nicer ways to go about something like that.

Alyce - posted on 06/08/2009

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I think I would be seriously bothered by this to be honest. I mean you went to the trouble of offering her the stuff, and your friend went to the trouble of buying a present she had selected and then she rejected it rudely.

If she didnt want to use the stuff she didnt have to do so, but there are nicer ways to go about something like that.

Kimberly - posted on 06/08/2009

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Yeh that would bother me aswell...She should be grateful, there are alot of people in this world that dont have anything...She should be lucky you are kind and thoughtful...

Kimberly - posted on 06/08/2009

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Yeh that would bother me aswell...She should be grateful, there are alot of people in this world that dont have anything...She should be lucky you are kind and thoughtful...

Reinette - posted on 06/08/2009

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This happened to me too. Some of the gifts given to a colleague for her kitchen tea she just gave to the office cleaner ! She requested a lingerie party and we all bought the nicest stuff. I guess you just get people like this.....

[deleted account]

i would ov been abit hurt!! especialy with the ugly coment but oh well shes obviously just a ungratful cow!! i wouldnt worry too much in future dont bother x

Grace - posted on 06/08/2009

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I would be furious!! I have been givin a few things I didnt like but I neva threw them out! I used them for the giver to feel appreciated. I think she needs a good talking to. A gift is a gift, not a choice. Im sorry, but this does make me angry. So many people are so kind, but a few dont understand that. But dont worry about her, simply dont give her any more. Or else, because you want to giv bub something nice get her a baby gift card or go shopping with her. Next time I think saint vinnies would love the clothes more.

Amanda - posted on 06/08/2009

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You have every right to be upset. Clothes are expensive. I had a boy and now I am having a girl. My sister-in-law had a little boy three months after I had my son so up until they cough up in size I gave her everything. She gave it back to me and then I passed the stuff down to another friend who had a little boy 9 months after I had my son. Everyone in the sharing was very grateful and kept everything very clean. She will realize how expensive things are and regret not keeping those clothes.

Ashley - posted on 06/07/2009

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I think some of you misunterstood why i was upset...I wasnt upset that she didnt want the clothes i understand that some of it might not be her style or taste i was upset that she told her cousin (my friend) that the clothes were just to ugly...Although she is only 17 that is no excuse for her to be unappreciative...I did get the clothes back and i let her just keep the ones she picked out because my daughter is to big for them so i dont need them... I was also upset that i took the time to go through everything and make sure it wasnt stained or worn out just for the sole purpose of knowing some people dont like putting their kids in clothes like that...me i could care less either way. As for the gift she wanted to return it was a boppy pillow used for breastfeeding which she is going to be doing.

[deleted account]

Quoting Ashley:

I dont know and you would think that but i guess for her baby shower she demanded everyone to bring diapers and a present so i am assuming that she didnt want gift cards also she is only 17 which makes me even more upset because you should be appreciating whatever you get in that situation. I have decided now that she will get nothing else from me because it wont be appreciated



sorry to any other 17 year old reading this who might be more mature , but I would say that is your answer right there..........her age!



 

Belinda - posted on 06/07/2009

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I would be really upset if I gave some of my old children's clothes. If you don't have alot of money and getting hand me downs would be great for me. My sister is the same .... if it hasn't got a name brand on it or doesn't look cute she would get the shits. I am fine with anything to be honest. I love all baby stuff.

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