Kay heres another one, I have lots so be perpared lol. Anyway how can I get my daughter to start being nice!!!! She is a little meanie to me her brothers and just about everyone, she doesnt listen and punishment just doesnt work, and when it comes down to it I am scared to punish her as she is so mean I dont know what she is gonna do

Kara - posted on 11/27/2008

Is she on any allergy medication? I know that's a strange question, but Singulair and Zyrtec seem to cause aggressive and physical behavior in some children..... If not, my advice is to just be consistent with her. You are the mother and you don't want her to be the one in control. Be clear about your expectation for her behavior and if she does not behave appropriately, give her whatever consequence you have in place EVERY TIME, even if it happens all day long. If you use timeouts, place her there, without alot of talking. Tell her why she is there and walk away. If she gets out, place her back without talking to her. This may have to happen repeatedly, but eventually she will get the fact that you are not backing down. No child wants to spend her entire day in and out of timeout. If she realizes that you are not going to miss any of her misbehavior and she is not going to get away with anything, she might get tired of doing it. For your own sanity, try to take your own emotion out of it and think about it like a job....if she sees that you are not getting upset by her behavior, it may not be worth it to her anymore. Good luck! I've got a three year old and some days are really difficult! You are not alone.

Gisele - posted on 11/27/2008

This might sound really really out of the ordinary because I do believe in consequences. But here goes, try ignoring her. If she bites or screams or hits, separate her from the group without talking or reacting, or move whoever is being affected, explain to the others you are trying something new so they don't get upset. Don't talk to her until she has calmed. She might be acting like this because she wants attention and she doesn't care what kind of attention she gets. Or she may be doing it to get a reaction too. Either way if you completely ignore her it won't be fun anymore. But the key is not to lose your cool, if she sees a reaction it won't work, go about business as usual after. Once she's cooled off everything goes back to the way it was before the incident. Don't know if it will work for her, but it worked for my son. Now when he misbehaves and we threaten to separate with from everyone else he freaks cause he doesn't want to miss the fun. It took us a while to get there but consequences work now that he knows it will only affect him. Good luck.

Helena - posted on 11/27/2008

I do, I say something when she is nice, when she shares I am like wow that wasnt so hard or something nice to her to let her see that being nice does pay off but yeah that doesnt work, she will be nice and in the next breath she is down the hall kicking and bitting and pinchin her other brother. And she gets the positive reinforcement all the time when she is being Nice and Good but it doesnt work in the end cause she is right back to being mean

Haylie - posted on 11/27/2008

A lot depends on age, but I know the best thing to do is to make a big deal when she is NICE and does GOOD things and not make a huge deal when she's doing anything mean or bad. I mean you do need to stop the bad behavior too, but that comes down to giving examples of how she should behave and letting her know she's doing right when she is. Seems most kids need the positive reinforcement. Good luck. I'm sure it will come in spurts at different ages and need a different plan, but mostly it should work.